“I’m not speakin’ to you at all ever again,” Stevie Rae told her.
“Good. Now, on to the important stuff. You two aren’t gonna like either of the things I have to say, but you need to listen up—unless you want to be like my mom.”
“We’re listening,” I said.
Stevie Rae kept her lips pressed together, but nodded.
“First, bumpkin, I know you’ve gone all goo-goo-eyed about Kalona since he dropped water on your birdboy and resurrected him—”
“He cried immortal tears on his son and magickally brought him back from near death. Jeeze Louise, you were there! You saw it,” Stevie Rae said.
“You’re not speaking to me, remember? But you just made my point for me. Up until a few hours ago we believed Kalona was as batshit crazy and dangerous as Neferet. Now he’s Death’s Warrior. The school’s gonna slobber all over him, just like they did after he broke out of the ground. We’re going to show more sense. Or, at least I’m going to show more sense. It’d be nice if you two joined me.”
“I’ll never trust him.” I spoke quietly, saying words that came from deep in my heart.
“Z, he gave Thanatos his oath,” Stevie Rae said.
I met her gaze. “He killed Heath. He killed Stark. He only brought Stark back because Nyx forced him to pay a life debt for Heath. Stevie Rae, I was in the Otherworld with him. Kalona asked when Nyx would forgive him. She told him he could only ask when he was worthy of her forgiveness.”
“Maybe that’s what he’s working toward,” she said.
“And maybe he’s a manipulative, lying, rapist and murderer,” Aphrodite countered. “If Zoey and I are wrong, then great. You can say ‘told ya so’ and we’ll all smile and throw an effing party. If we’re right we will not have been caught off guard when a fallen god goes on another rampage.”
Stevie Rae sighed. “I know—I know. You’re makin’ sense. I’m not gonna trust him one hundred percent.”
“Fine. But keep an eye on your birdboy, too. He trusts his dad one hundred percent, which means Kalona can use him. Again.”
Stevie Rae’s expression tightened, but she nodded. “Yeah, I will.”
“Second”—Aphrodite shifted the bulk of her attention to me— “explain the weird shit that went through your mind when you called that fucking bull by Heath’s name last night.”
“What?” Stevie Rae blurted. “That’s not true. Is it, Z?”
Okay, lying would be easy. I could just say that Aphrodite had obviously lost her mind and had been hearing things. I mean, there had been a crapload of Crazy happening all at once last night—not to mention all of the elements manifesting so powerfully that nothing was totally clear except my mom’s murder by Neferet and the fact that she was the Consort of Darkness.
And I almost did lie.
Then I remembered what lying to my friends had cost me before—not just their trust for a while, but it had cost me respect for myself. I didn’t feel good when I lied. I felt out of sync with the Goddess and the path I believe she wanted me to walk.
So, I drew a deep breath and told the truth in one burst of words: “I looked through the Seer Stone at Aurox and I saw Heath and it freaked me out and I called his name and Aurox turned and looked at me before he started changing back into that bull thing and that’s why when he charged me I just stood there and told him he wouldn’t hurt me. The end.”
“You have lost your fucking mind. Shit, and I think I threw away my mom’s shrink’s number too soon. You need to medicate and evaluate.”
“Well, I’m gonna be nicer than Aphrodite, but it just doesn’t make any sense, Z. How could Heath be around Aurox?”
“I don’t know! And he wasn’t around him. It was like Heath glowed on Aurox. Or at least shadowed him with a moonstone shine.” I wanted to scream my frustration at not being able to describe what I’d glimpsed.
“Was it like a ghost?” Stevie Rae asked.
“That might make a little bit of sense,” Aphrodite said, nodding to Stevie Rae, as if the two of them were figuring through it. “We were in the middle of a ritual evoking Death. Heath’s dead. Maybe we snagged his ghost.”
“I don’t think so,” I said.
“But you don’t know for sure, right?” Stevie Rae said.
“No, I don’t know anything for sure except that the Seer Stone is old magick, and old magick is strong and unpredictable. Hell, it’s not even supposed to be anywhere except the Isle of Skye, so I don’t know what’s going on with me seeing stuff through it here.” I threw up my hands. “Maybe I imagined it. Maybe I didn’t. This is weird, even for me. I thought I saw Heath, and then Aurox changed completely into that bull thing and ran off.”
“Things were happenin’ real fast,” Stevie Rae said.
“Next time you see Aurox you need to look through that damn stone at him, that’s for sure,” Aphrodite said. “And don’t be alone with him.”
“I’m not planning on it! I don’t even know where he is.”
“Probably back with Neferet,” Aphrodite said.
I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but I heard myself speak up. “He said he’d chosen differently.”
“Yeah, right after he killed Dragon and almost killed Rephaim,” Aphrodite said.
I sighed.
“What did Stark say about it?” Aphrodite asked. When I didn’t answer she raised a blond brow. “Oh, I get it. You haven’t told him, right?”
“Right.”
“Well, I can’t blame you for that, Z,” Stevie Rae spoke gently.
“He’s her Warrior—her Guardian,” Aphrodite insisted. “However annoying and arrogant he can be, he needs to know that Zoey has a thing for Aurox.”
“I do not!”
“Okay, not Aurox, but Heath and you think Heath might be Aurox.” Aphrodite shook her head. “Do you see how Crazy Town that sounds?”
“My life is Crazy Town,” I said.
“Stark needs to know that you might be vulnerable to Aurox,” Aphrodite said firmly.
“I am not vulnerable to him!”
“Tell her, bumpkin.”
Stevie Rae wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Stevie Rae?”
She sighed and finally looked at me. “If you think there’s even a little chance that Heath is haunting Aurox or whatever, that means you’re not gonna think clear ’bout him. I know. If I lost Rephaim and then thought I saw him around some other guy, even if it seemed crazy, that guy would be able to get to me. Here.” She pointed to her heart. “And most of the time that overrules here.” She pointed to her head.
“So tell Bow Boy what you think you saw,” Aphrodite said.
I really hated it, but I knew they were right. “Fine. It’s gonna suck, but fine. I’ll tell him.”
“And I’m telling Darius,” said Aphrodite.
“Well, I’m tellin’ Rephaim,” Stevie Rae added.
“Why!” I wanted to explode.
“Because the Warriors around you need to know,” Aphrodite said.
“Fine,” I repeated through gritted teeth. “But that’s it. I’m sick of people talking about me and my boy issues.”
“Well, Z, you do got you some boy issues,” Stevie Rae said lightly, hooking her arm through mine.
“We need to tell Thanatos, also,” Aphrodite said as the three of us started to walk toward her classroom. “Her affinity is Death. It makes sense that she understands ghosts or whatever.”
“Why don’t we just put it in the Tulsa World and have Neferet write a damn Q and A about it?” I said.
“That’s almost a cuss word. Watch yourself. Damn is an entry word. Next thing you know, fuck will be flying out of your mouth,” Aphrodite said.
“Flying fuck? That just sounds wrong,” Stevie Rae told her, shaking her head.
I picked up the pace, practically dragging Stevie Rae along with me and making Aphrodite jog to catch up with us. I didn’t listen to them as they argued about cuss words. Instead I worried.
I worried about our school.
I worried about the Aurox/Heath issue.
I worried about telling Stark about the Aurox/Heath issue.
And I worried about my clenching stomach and the possibility of my IBS acting up in the middle of everything. Again.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Shaunee
“Damien, I think I should stay way away from the stables. Lenobia has had a massive overdose of fire lately.” Shaunee looked from Damien to Erin. The three of them had moved off with each other when Z had told them to scatter, but instead of actually scattering they hung together, trying to figure out where each of them, with their elements, would do the most good.
“That is a good point,” Damien agreed. “It makes more sense for you to go over by Dragon’s pyre. You’ll be needed there soon.”
Shaunee’s shoulders slumped. “Yeah, I know, but it’s not something I’m looking forward to.”
“Just get into your element and it’ll be easy,” Erin spoke up.
Shaunee blinked at her, not just surprised that she’d spoken—Erin had definitely been avoiding speaking to her since they’d un-Twined—but surprised at her off-handed tone. She was talking about burning Dragon’s body as if it were no more than lighting a match. “Nothing about Dragon’s funeral will be easy, Erin. With or without my element.”
“I didn’t mean easy easy.” Erin looked annoyed. Shaunee thought that it seemed these days Erin always looked annoyed. “I just meant that when you really get into your element other things don’t bother you so much. But maybe you’re just not that into your element.”
“That’s bullshit.” Shaunee felt the heat of building anger. “My affinity for fire isn’t any less than yours for water.”
Erin shrugged. “Whatever. I was just trying to help you out. From now on I’ll quit trying.” She turned to Damien, who was looking from one to the other of them as if he wasn’t sure whether he should jump in between them or run in the opposite direction. “I’m gonna go to the stables. Lenobia will be glad to see water, and I don’t have an issue with using my element.” Without another word, Erin walked away.
“Has she always been like that?” Shaunee heard herself asking Damien the question that had been circling around in her mind for days.
“You’ll have to define that.”
“Heartless.”
“Honestly?”
“Yeah. Has Erin always been so heartless?”
“That’s really difficult for me to answer, Shaunee.” Damien was speaking softly, as if he thought he needed to be careful his words didn’t bruise her.
“Just tell me the truth, even if it is hard,” she said.
“Well, then, honestly until the two of you broke up it was mostly impossible to tell what each of you was like individually. I’d never known one of you without the other. You two finished each other’s sentences. It was like you were two halves of a whole.”
“But not now?” Shaunee prodded when he hesitated.
“No, now it’s different. Now you’re individuals with your own personalities.” He smiled at her. “The nicest way I can put this is that it’s pretty obvious to most of us that your personality is the one with the heart.”
Shaunee stared after Erin. “I knew it before, and it bugged me. You know, the way she could be so sarcastic and gossipy and mean. But she could also be so funny and cool to hang out with.”
“Funny usually at other people’s expense,” Damien said. “Cool because she excluded others to make herself seem better than everyone else.”
Shaunee met his gaze. “I know. I see it now. Back then all I could see was that we were best friends, and I needed a best friend.”
“What about now?” he asked.
“Now I need to be able to like myself, and I can’t do that if I’m only one half of a whole person. I’m also tired of always having to say something sarcastic or witty or just downright hateful.” She shook her head, feeling sad and really old. “That doesn’t mean I think Erin’s awful. Actually, I want her to be as cool and funny and great as I used to believe she was. I guess I’ve just come to realize that she has to either be, or not be, those things on her own. It doesn’t have anything to do with me.”
“You’re smarter than I thought you were,” Damien admitted.
“I’m still crap at school.”
He smiled. “There are other kinds of smart.”
“That’s good news for me.”
“Hey, don’t underestimate yourself. You might actually be good at school if you tried a little.”
“I know that sounds like a good thing to you, but I’m fine with the ‘other kinds of smart’ part.” Damien laughed, and Shaunee added, “I’m gonna head to the pyre. Maybe hanging around there will help.”
“Help you or the Warriors?”
“Either. Both. I don’t know,” Shaunee said with a sigh.
“I’m going to believe that it’ll help both,” he said. “I’m going to move around—like air. I’ll try to blow away some of the Darkness that’s clinging to this place.”
“You feel it, too?”
He nodded. “I can feel that the energy here is bad. Too much negative has happened in too short a time.” Damien cocked his head, studying Shaunee. “Now that I’ve considered it more, I don’t think you should stay away from the stables. Fire isn’t bad. You’re not bad. Lenobia knows that. Remember how you made the horses’ hooves heat up so that we could ride them through the ice storm?”
“I remember.” Shaunee did, and the memory made her feel lighter.
“Then go to the pyre—help there—but go to the stables, as well. Remind everyone that fire can do a lot more than destroy. It’s how it’s wielded that’s important.”
“I’m guessing you mean something like it’s how fire is used that’s important?”
Damien’s grin widened. “See, I told you that you might be good at school. Wield is an excellent vocab word: to have or be able to use, as in power or influence.”
“You’re making my head hurt,” Shaunee said, but she also laughed.
“So, I’ll see you at the stables later?”
“Yeah, you will.”
Damien started to walk away and then turned back to her, giving Shaunee a quick, tight hug. “I’m glad you became your own person. And if you need a friend, I’m here for you,” he told her, and then he hurried off in the general direction of the stables.
Shaunee blinked back tears and smiled, watching his fluffy brown hair bounce around in his own little breeze. “Fire,” she whispered, “send a little spark with Damien. He deserves to find a hot guy to make him happy, especially because he always tries so hard to make others happy.”
Feeling better than she had in weeks, Shaunee walked in a different direction. Her steps were slower, more deliberate than Damien’s, but she wasn’t dreading where she was going anymore. She wasn’t looking forward to the pyre and the burning—she wasn’t Erin. She couldn’t just shut out sadness and pain by freezing her feelings. And you know what? I wouldn’t want to be cold and frozen inside, even if it meant I didn’t hurt as much, she decided silently.
Shaunee was centering herself and drawing strength from the steady warmth of her element. Thank you, Nyx. I’ll try to wield it well, was what she was thinking when the immortal’s voice intruded.
“I have not thanked you.”
Shaunee looked up to see Kalona standing near the big statue of Nyx that stood before the school’s Temple. He was wearing jeans and a leather vest, one that looked a lot like what Dragon used to wear. Only this vest was bigger and it had slits through which Kalona’s black wings emerged and then tucked against his back. This vest also didn’t bear the insignia of the Goddess on it, but that was hard to think about when he was staring at her like that with his otherworldly amber eyes.
He really is absolutely, inhumanly gorgeous. Shaunee shook the thought from her mind and focused instead on what he’d said. “Thank me? What for?”
“For giving me your cell phone. Without it Stevie
Rae would not have been able to call me. Rephaim might be dead were it not for you.”
Shaunee’s face was warm. She shrugged, not sure why she suddenly felt so nervous. “You’re the one who came when she called. You could’ve just not answered and kept being a shitty dad.” Shaunee realized what she’d said after she blurted it and pressed her lips together, telling herself stop speaking!
There was a long, uncomfortable silence, and then Kalona said, “What you say is the truth. I have not been a good father to my sons. I am still not being a good father to all of my sons.”
Shaunee looked at him, wondering exactly what he meant. His voice sounded weird. She would have expected him to be sad or serious or even pissed. Instead he just seemed surprised and a little awkward, as if the thoughts he was thinking were just now occurring to him. She wished she could see his expression, but his face was turned away from her. He was gazing at Nyx’s statue.
“Well,” she began, not really having a clue what to say to him. “You’re fixing your relationship with Rephaim. Maybe it’s not too late to fix your relationship with your other sons, too. I know if my dad showed up and wanted to have something to do with me, I’d let him. I’d at least give him a chance.” The immortal’s head turned and he stared at her. Shaunee felt jittery, like those amber eyes could see too much of her. “What I mean is, I don’t think it’s ever too late to do the right thing.”
“You believe that, honestly?”
“Yeah. Lately I’ve believed it more and more.” She wished he’d look away from her. “So, how many kids do you have?”
He shrugged. His massive wings lifted slightly before settling again. “I have lost count.”
“Seems like knowing how many kids you have is a good place to start in the whole I’d-like-to-be-a-good-dad thing.”
“Knowing a thing and acting on a thing are distinctly different,” he said.
“Yeah, totally. But I said it’s a good place to start.” Shaunee jerked her head toward Nyx’s statue. “That’s also a good place to start.”
“At the Goddess’s statue?”
She frowned at him, feeling a little easier under his gaze. “There’s more to it than just hanging out at her statue. Try asking for her—”
Hidden (House of Night Novels) Page 9
