Some things, like their love, was always meant to be.
The kiss, lingering and tender, soothed the jagged edge of her nerves and drugged her mind, lulling her senses into a quiet place where only the music, the soft fragrance of vanilla, and his solid, anchoring presence existed. She was so relaxed by the time he broke the kiss that it took conscious effort to turn onto her stomach as he asked.
A fleece blanket draped over her lower body. Massage oil, warmed by his hands, spread over her back. Deep, firm strokes stretched the taut muscles in her shoulders and back, and kneaded the tightness out of them. Her body relaxed beneath the assault of gentleness. Enveloped in safety and love she had not felt since the day she married Raphael, Lily breathed out a soft sigh. The knot of hate and fear in her chest loosened. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips moments before she gave herself up to love.
The room was dark when Lily woke. The music still played, a seamless blend of harp and flute that evoked impressions of a waterfall. Pinpricks of light from the votive candle on the dresser cast a tiny golden glow through the deep shadows in the room.
Michael’s scent surrounded her. The length of his body pressed against her back and his arm slung over her waist.
He, too, stirred. “Lily?”
“Hmm?” She had absolutely no desire to move from the bed, or away from the warmth of his body.
He reached up and stroked her hair. “How are you?”
She didn’t flinch. She didn’t even feel the need to flinch. Lily smiled. “Relaxed. Good.” Closer to perfect than I’ve been in a long while.
“Wonderful.” His deep baritone rumbled in his chest. He twisted slightly to look at the clock on his bedside table. “It’s almost eight. Do you need to get back to Miki?”
“Eight? Oh my God—”
“Don’t worry. I called Nancy after you fell asleep. Told her you were resting. She said not to wake you.”
Lily sat upright and tugged the blanket up to cover her chest and her scars even though she told herself it was ridiculous to be shy. “I should get back.”
He nodded.
In the dim light of the room, his chiseled features concealed partially in shadow, Michael looked like the archangel he had been named after. Her warrior. Her protector. She saw desire in his eyes, but more than that, she saw love, the kind that was willing to break through every barrier—even the ones she had raised—to reach her.
She opened her mouth. As if cut loose, the words rushed out. “I need to tell you…”
He nodded and spread his arms. “Let me hold you.”
With tears stinging her eyes, she crept into his arms. They wrapped around her, anchoring her. Safe in his embrace, she whispered, “Thank you.”
He nodded and kissed her hair, but said nothing, apparently content to wait until she was ready.
Slowly, she began speaking. “After we were married, Raphael attacked me, twice. The first time was about a year after Miki was born. I didn’t want…to have sex, but he threatened to hurt Miki unless…” Her voice trailed into silence while she fought to keep her voice even.
Michael said nothing but his suddenly harsh breathing confirmed he was listening.
“Unless I did what he told me to.” She shuddered, bracing against the memories of stripping down to lace stockings and three-inch heels. She had stared at Raphael, who sat naked across from her, stroking his erection. She had tasted bile in her throat. Her stomach churned with nausea.
“Go on,” Raphael had said. “You know what I want to hear. Say it.”
She stared down at the carpet. “I want you to fuck me.” The words were scarcely a whisper.
Raphael tilted his head. “What was that now? Afraid to wake the brat?” He leaned forward, his smile glittering with malice. “You’ll shout it and mean it, or I’ll bring the kid in here and make her watch me fuck you till you bleed.”
“I want you to fuck me!”
“Better.” He strode over to her, shoved her to her knees, and rammed into her unprepared, unwilling body. His hand fisted in her hair and he yanked her head up, baring her throat. “What would Michael say if he saw you now? You little slut.”
Tears leaked out from between her closed eyelids.
He pulled out and drove into her again, tearing a whimper of pain from her. “He won’t want you now that you’re my whore.”
“He was wrong.” Michael’s voice drew Lily away from her memories and back into the embrace of his arms. “I have always wanted and still want you.” He inhaled deeply. His biceps corded, and barely controlled anger rippled in his voice. “How could he do that to you?”
“I wasn’t the only one.”
“Katie Ludlow.”
Lily nodded. “And others. I was just the last.”
“You had the strength to walk away.”
“I didn’t…not that time. I thought he was just angry, and that after he worked out his anger, everything would be all right.”
“Was it?”
“For six months after that first…incident, he left me alone, but the second time, he woke Miki and dragged her into the bedroom.”
Michael tensed. “He what?”
“He raped me in front of my daughter.” She exhaled, her body shuddering. “The next day, I called my parents, and they called the cops and a lawyer.”
Michael’s arms tightened around her. “Why did you wait for so long?”
“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “The first time came as a shock. The second time was different.”
“Because of Miki.”
She nodded. “She huddled in a corner of the room, sobbing into her teddy bear. I knew I had to get out, for her, for myself.”
“I’m so sorry,” Michael whispered. His voice shook. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that.”
“It’s done now. It’s in the past.”
“Thank God.” He pressed another kiss to her hair.
“And now you know.”
He nodded. “It’ll take time, but you’ll get better. We’ll never go as far or as fast as you decide. You control your life, Lily, every part of it.”
She twisted around in his arms to look up at him. “How did you know what I needed?”
Guilt squirmed into his eyes. “I spoke to Katie five days ago.”
Her eyes widened. “You what?”
“I didn’t know how else to reach you.”
“So you went to Katie?”
“It was talk to Katie or pay a visit to my brother in prison and run the risk of getting arrested.”
“For what?”
“For beating him up for what he did to you.” He stared at his clenched fists. “After Katie described what he did to her, my imagination went wild.”
Lily swallowed hard. “You weren’t far off.”
“No, and it kills me that I didn’t know this about Raphael before you married him. I would have stopped you.” Michael sighed. “Anyway, I spent the last four days at the pool, trying to spend down my anger so that I could think clearly enough to move forward with you without freaking you out.”
Her breath caught. “Move forward?” Her whisper was so tremulous, the voice couldn’t possibly be her own. The impossible dream she had wanted wasn’t just possible; it was here.
“I love you, Lily. You know that, right?” Michael continued. His voice was rough with emotion. “I know we can’t just pick up where we left off, but I’m okay with that, as long as we pick up.”
She trembled on the cusp of happiness, but fear clasped her like a safety harness. “Will you come back to the house with me? There’s much more I need to tell you.”
“In your own time, whenever you’re ready. And yes, I’ll come with you.”
Chapter 11
Miki was already asleep when Lily and Michael arrived back at her home. The little girl sprawled across the king-sized bed in the master bedroom, the covers tangled at her feet. Lily straightened the covers and drew them up to Miki’s neck. The child scarcely twitched.<
br />
She glanced over her shoulder to see Michael gazing at Miki with a fiercely protective expression on his face. Her heart thumped loudly. He loved Miki too. He was ready, wasn’t he, for the truth?
Apparently sensing her gaze on him, he looked up. “I can sleep in the guestroom.”
Lily shook her head. “We’ll both sleep in my old bedroom. We’ll leave the doors open though. Sometimes, Miki wakes up with nightmares.”
Lily chewed on her lower lip as he followed her into her former bedroom. It made no sense that she would feel shy around him—after all, he had seen her scars and heard what Raphael had done to her—but she was.
As if he had sensed her uneasiness, Michael flicked the switch to turn off the lights. Sound rustled as he stripped off his shirt and climbed into the bed. He said nothing, merely waited.
Lily didn’t know whether to be grateful or worried. He was being so careful around her, as if treading around broken glass. At that moment, more emotionally raw than she had been in a long time, she was grateful for the care, but she did not want to be treated like an invalid forever.
She changed into a comfortable nightshirt and crawled under the covers. For a silent moment, they lay side by side, and then Michael rolled over, reaching for her. She reached back and curled into his embrace.
He kissed her forehead and then her hair. His hands did not wander. She knew it was his way of telling her that it was all right; the sex could wait. The easy physical intimacy of a cuddle was far more important at that moment. “I love you,” he murmured.
Lily inhaled deeply of his familiar scent and exhaled with a soft, happy sigh. “I know.”
His strong arms surrounded and protected her. She fell asleep listening to the steady beat of his heart.
A sharp motion jostled Lily out of sound sleep. Disoriented, she sat up at and stared at Michael’s back as he raced out of the bedroom.
Moments later, she heard Miki’s wail.
He had woken before she had.
He had responded even before she had woken.
She flung the covers aside and scrambled after Michael. She burst into the master bedroom and froze at the doorway. Miki’s small arms wrapped around Michael’s neck, and she clung to him with fierce desperation. She screamed into his ear, but he did not flinch from the shattering volume. Instead, he stroked her back, his touch gentle, yet firm.
“No Daddy!” Miki sobbed. Her grip tightened around his neck. “Don’t want Daddy!”
“I know, baby.” Michael’s voice was steady, but Lily heard the faint tremble of raw emotion beneath it. “It’s just me. Daddy’s not here. He won’t come near you or your mommy anymore.”
“No Daddy!” Miki hiccupped a sob into the side of Michael’s neck.
“No Daddy, sweetheart,” Michael repeated. “It’s just me, and I won’t leave you.”
Tears stung Lily’s eyes, and she pressed her fingers to her lips to hold back the sob. She inched out of the room but remained outside the door, listening and watching as Miki’s screams faded into whines before hushing into soft whimpers.
Only then did Lily enter Miki’s bedroom.
Miki was fast asleep, cuddled in Michael’s arms. He gave Lily a rueful smile as he slowly eased Miki out of his embrace and tugged the covers over the sleeping child. Miki frowned in her sleep and shifted closer to his warmth, apparently unwilling to give him up.
He rose from the bed, reached for Lily’s hand, and tugged her gently from the room. “Does she have nightmares often?”
“It used to be every night. It’s better now—perhaps once or twice a week.”
A muscle twitched in Michael’s cheek. He closed his eyes as if to refocus himself. “Damn him,” he muttered. His eyes opened, and he dragged his fingers through his hair. “How could Raphael do that to his daughter?”
Lily drew in a deep breath. Her heart pounded so fast in her chest it left her lightheaded. “Michael, Miki’s not his daughter.”
Chapter 12
Michael stared at Lily.
He had to have misheard her. Surely he misunderstood.
Her steady gaze told him he did not.
He glanced back at the bedroom where his traumatized niece had screamed and sobbed in his arms. “No Daddy!”
But he was her daddy.
Michael shook his head. “No.”
Lily clasped her trembling hands in front of her. “I’m sorry. I know I should have—”
“Miki’s my daughter?” He seized Lily’s upper arms. His mind choked and spluttered on the flurry of questions. One clawed through the confusion. “Why? Why?” How could she stand there and stare at him with such innocence in her eyes? “Why did you leave me? Why did you take my daughter away from me?”
“Michael, I—”
Disbelief was like a flood of water rushing over his head. Fury was like a weight attached to his legs, dragging him down, keeping him under.
He was drowning.
He had to get away.
Michael flung his arm out and pushed past Lily. Stumbling to the stairs, he raced down, falling the last few steps, and then ran out of the house.
“Michael!” Lily’s voice chased him to the car, but it vanished in the roar of his car engine as he slammed down on the accelerator and sped off into the night.
Chapter 13
Lily pulled her Mercedes into the athletic center parking lot, right next to Michael’s car. After Michael stormed out of her house, she had changed into a T-shirt and denim jeans, and hurriedly woken Nancy with a terse explanation, before rushing after Michael. She had lost sight of his car by then, but she knew where to find him.
The swimming pool.
The athletic center was locked at 2 a.m. Michael had entered the building with a swipe of his access card, but she had no way of reaching him. Fists clenched, she paced in front of the entrance of the building. She could call campus security. Perhaps, if she explained the situation, they would let her—
“Lily?”
She spun around at the familiar voice.
Hakon stepped out of his car and into the light of the covered entryway.
She blinked at the grizzled man. His neatly trimmed beard was streaked with grey. “Coach? What are you doing here?”
“Same reason you’re here, I suppose.” He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. “Michael’s in there, swimming his heart out.”
“But how did you know?”
“Security sends an automated text message to me every time Michael uses his access card after hours. Figured if he was out here at 2 a.m., it had to be bad.”
“But why would you come out?” she asked.
He held his access card over the security panel. The lock clicked back. Hakon reached for the door and held it open as he ushered Lily through. “Michael needs someone to keep an eye on him when he’s swimming hard.” He led the way down the corridors toward the pool complex and pushed open a door.
The smell of chlorine hit Lily like a physical smack to the face.
Hakon stared at the lone figure cutting swiftly through the water and then nodded his head toward the bleachers. “This shouldn’t take long.”
“How can you tell?” Lily asked as she took a seat beside Hakon.
“He’s pushing too hard. He’s not swimming to think. He’s swimming to stay ahead of thoughts he doesn’t want to think.” He expelled his breath in a sigh. “You see, Michael’s a born athlete. Like a thoroughbred horse, he’ll run and run until his heart bursts. He doesn’t know when to stop, in sports or in real life. He sets his sight on what he wants and off he goes. You can’t get in his way.”
“I didn’t,” Lily whispered.
“I know.”
She jerked her gaze up to him.
Hakon was looking at Michael and not at her. “I know what you did three years ago.”
“You do?”
“You need to tell him.”
“I did.”
“All of it?”
She shook her head. �
��No. He left before I could finish.”
Hakon nodded. “It’s hard news to take, especially when he might think it was for nothing.”
“What do you mean?”
“Did Michael ever tell you why he didn’t make the Olympic team?”
“He said he didn’t qualify.”
“He lied. He swam like a demon after you married Raphael and left Portsmouth. He qualified, all right.”
“Then what happened?”
“Routine medical exam disqualified him. He has a heart problem, did you know? Some kind of irregularity; no one knew until that exam. Sometimes, it stops beating for a few moments when he pushes too hard.”
Lily’s jaw dropped. “What?” She shot to her feet. “Get him out of the water now.”
Hakon shook his head. “Michael needs to swim. He needs it like most people need air to breathe. He did stop swimming for a while after the medical exam; guess he needed time to deal with the shock and the loss, but he started up again soon after. He knows not to push too hard, most of the time.”
She stared at him. “That’s why you’re here. You’re keeping an eye on him when lifeguards aren’t on duty.”
“Everyone in Portsmouth knows to look out for Michael when he’s in the pool, but at 2 a.m.” Hakon shrugged and slouched in his chair. “Better to be safe than sorry, you know?”
Lily’s shoulders slumped. “I screwed up, didn’t I?” Oh, God. Screwed up was such a mild term for the wretched, horrible mess she had made of her life, Michael’s, and Miki’s.
“Like I was saying, Michael is a thoroughbred. He’ll give and give until his heart bursts, and it looks like he’s chosen to give his heart to you. You take good care of him, but then, I don’t need to tell you that, do I?” Hakon turned to look at Lily. “Seems to me, I’m looking at another thoroughbred.”
“What?”
“You gave, too, and you’ve kept giving. Sure, you two kids should probably have talked it out first, but you have a good heart, Lily. A thoroughbred’s heart.” His eyes narrowed, and he pushed to his feet.
Ensnared: A Love Letters Novel Page 9
