I pulled the bag and my trusty mirror out and walked to the couch to sit down. I’d stocked up only a few days ago, and I knew I had enough to last me a week or two. I set the mirror on the table and dumped some of the powder onto it. After pulling my credit card and a bill out of my wallet, I crushed up the coke and separated it into two lines. I rolled the bill and leaned down, but then I stopped at the last second. Was I really giving up this soon? Hadn’t I just decided last night that I was done with this? I was destroying everything for myself and everyone around me.
I stared down at the powder and willed myself to take it to the bathroom and flush it down the toilet. But I couldn’t do it. I needed it too much. I couldn’t deal with life without some kind of release, and this was the best thing that I had right now. I lowered my head once again and snorted both of the lines, one right after the other. I threw the bill down on the table as I leaned back against the couch. I felt half-disgusted with myself and half-happy now that I knew my release was so close.
I closed my eyes and waited for the effects to take over. A few minutes later, I started to feel them, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, this was what I wanted, what I needed. I could handle this. I wouldn’t let it control me. The guys and Jade were worried over nothing. How could something that felt this good ever be bad? It helped me focus, which is what I needed. When I didn’t have it, I always felt rage bubbling to the surface, and I lost control. That would be when everyone needed to worry, not when I felt like this.
I smiled to myself as I stood and grabbed my key card off the table. It was time to meet up with everyone in Eric’s room. I closed the door behind me and walked down the hall to his room. I knocked, and a few seconds later, Eric opened the door to let me in.
He took one look at me and shook his head. “Really?” he asked.
“What?”
“You’re high, Drake. I thought you were trying to work on it.”
“I am,” I said defensively. “This is the first time today. That’s almost twenty-four hours. I don’t know what you’re so worried about anyway. You hate when I get all pissed off, don’t you? I never feel that way after I’ve snorted a line.”
“No, but you’re a raging dick when it starts to wear off,” Adam said from the couch.
I flipped him off as I sat down next to him. “Fuck you. I’m fine, and I’m not using as much as I was. At least I’m trying, so back off.”
“Whatever,” Adam growled. “I wish Chloe were here. She’d rip off your dick for this shit.”
For the first time ever, I snapped while I was high. I grabbed the neck of his shirt and drew my arm back to punch him in the face.
Eric grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Adam. “That’s it!” he shouted.
I froze. Eric never shouted.
“You need to get your shit together, or you’re going to be on your own. I can’t watch you destroy yourself and attack us every chance you get,” Eric said.
Adam adjusted his shirt and stood. “If it wasn’t for this label wanting us, I’d vote to kick your ass out right now. I’m so sick of it.”
“Don’t you ever fucking bring up Chloe like that again! She left me, just like you guys want to. If she were still here, I wouldn’t be in this mess!”
“So, you admit that you’re in over your head?” Eric asked.
“What? No! I just meant—”
“We know what you meant. Deny it all you want, but you need help,” Adam said as he walked to the door. He glanced back at Eric. “I’m out of here before I beat his head in.”
He slammed the door, leaving me alone with Eric. I ran my hands through my hair. I was at a loss for words. I had this under control, regardless of what they thought.
“You’ve lost control, Drake. I wish you could see that. You’re like a brother to me. As far as I’m concerned, you are my brother and it’s killing me to watch you go through this alone. I wish you would let us help you,” Eric said.
“I don’t need your help or anyone else’s. I’ve taken care of myself my entire life, and that isn’t going to change.”
“But you’re not alone, and I wish you could see that. Jade, Adam, and I all love you. Chloe does, too, even if she isn’t here to tell you.”
“You guys are my family, and I know you care, but you’re worrying over nothing. I wish you’d just leave me alone.”
“We aren’t going to leave you alone until you get help. You’ve got Jade scared to death. She’s afraid to even leave you on your own. A little bit ago, she came over here, and she was freaking out and worried about what you would do since you have a room to yourself.” He gave me a pointed look. “Obviously, she was right.”
“I’m not dealing with this right now. I’m going back to my room.” I stood and walked to the door. I was so sick of this shit. I wanted my friends back, not these crazy people who wouldn’t leave me alone.
I spent the rest of the night locked up in my room. Someone came to my door and knocked a few times. After hearing obscenities being shouted at me from the other side, I knew it was Jade, but I ignored her. She tried calling me a few times, but I ignored those as well. I just wanted to be alone.
It was well after midnight when I picked up my phone and started flipping through some of my pictures. I started with the first picture I had ever taken of Chloe and continued to go through them until I reached the last one. It had been taken only days before she’d left me. She had fallen asleep while we were on the bus, and I’d snapped picture after picture of her as she slept peacefully in my bunk. I’d thought that we’d be together forever, but as usual, things never worked out the way I’d planned. If I had known that she would be gone so soon after that, I would have crawled into that small bunk and held her tight.
I just hoped that she hadn’t run back to Jordan or Logan. I wasn’t sure how I would handle it if I ever saw her with either of them. She was mine even if she didn’t think so anymore, and I didn’t want Jordan or Logan touching her, kissing her, or holding her at night. As I imagined either of them in bed with her, I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. Her body and soul were supposed to be mine and mine alone.
I plugged my phone in to charge it, and I threw the covers back on my bed. I had a huge day tomorrow, and I needed to get some sleep. I tossed and turned, unable to put my mind to rest. Now that the thought had popped into my head, all I could see was Chloe in bed with someone else. The picture Kadi had shown me of Chloe and Jordan in bed together was what had started all of this, and here I was again, going through the same hell as before.
I had finally managed to fall asleep around three in the morning, and when the alarm went off at six, I wanted to shoot myself. I barely managed to crawl out of bed and make it to the bathroom to turn on the shower. I wasn’t a morning person, and the time difference was really screwing with me. I stripped out of my boxers and stepped into the hot water. I just stood there as I let it fall around me. The heat and the water beating against my skin slowly started to wake me up. I stayed in there for far longer than necessary before stepping out and toweling off.
After getting dressed and ordering room service for breakfast, I walked to Eric’s room and knocked on the door. He opened it, looking tired.
“Rough night?” I asked as I walked into his room.
“Well, with Jade being here until well after midnight, it was kind of hard to sleep,” he grumbled.
“Oh,” I said, unsure of how to respond to that.
“Yeah, oh. She was worried sick about you when she found out what happened. She wanted to call the main desk and have them check on you, but I wouldn’t let her. That’s just what we need—the hotel informing Brad that we have a drug addict as the front man, and we were afraid he overdosed.”
“I wouldn’t overdose, dumbass.”
“You wouldn’t do it on purpose, but if you were pissed and decided to take more…well, you don’t know what could happen.”
I counted to ten in my head to keep my cool. “Let’s not star
t the day off by talking about this, okay? We have too much shit to get done.”
“You’re right, but I’m still pissed at you.”
“When aren’t you lately?” I grinned at him.
He shot me a dirty look. “I’m always pissed at you, and you can blame yourself for that.”
Someone knocked on the door, and he went to answer it. Jade and Adam were both standing on the other side. When Jade saw me, she pushed past Eric and ran toward me.
“Thank God! Why didn’t you answer your phone?” she asked, hugging me.
I shrugged as she released me from her death grip. “I just wanted to be alone for a while.”
“I was worried sick about you, Drake. Please don’t do that to me again.”
“I won’t. I promise.” I smiled at her.
“I’m holding you to that.” She frowned.
“I promised, didn’t I? Now, let’s get going. I’m sure Adam is waiting on us by now.”
“Let’s go.” Taking my hand, Jade led me out of the room and to the elevators. She didn’t let go until we were sitting in the back of the limo on our way to the studio.
Brad had told Eric that we wouldn’t need our instruments for the recording sessions because the studio had several to pick from. While I knew they would have the best of the best, it still made me uneasy to think I’d be playing a guitar that I wasn’t used to.
This morning, I’d decided to leave my stash in my room. I was sure that I’d be fine without it for a few hours, and I wanted to make sure that I gave the band everything I had. They deserved nothing less. I tried to pay attention to whatever Jade was saying, but I was failing miserably. My mind was on overload from the stress of the entire situation.
I glanced over at Adam, who had been suspiciously quiet since I saw him in Eric’s room. He was staring out the window, ignoring all of us. I wasn’t sure if he was nervous or if he was still mad at me over last night. Either way, his silence bothered me.
I waited until we were out of the limo and walking into the building before I approached him.
“Everything okay with you? I don’t think you’ve ever been this quiet.”
“Just peachy,” Adam said as he shoved past me.
Well, all right then. He was obviously still mad at me. I rolled my eyes as I followed the rest of the group into the elevator. He’d get over it soon enough. Now was not the time to be fighting among ourselves. We had a job to do, and we needed to do it well.
When we reached Brad’s office, Alex knocked on the door.
Brad opened it instantly, smiling at all of us. “You’re right on time. Follow me, and I’ll take you down to the studio.”
I raised an eyebrow. Wouldn’t it have been simpler for Alex to take us to the studio? Oh well, Brad was the boss, and if he wanted to play musical elevators, then I would do it.
After yet another elevator ride that took us to the basement level of the building, we stepped out to see a massive recording studio. My mouth dropped open as I looked around. After recording most of our stuff in Eric’s garage, this setup was out of this world.
There were a few people sitting around a control panel just outside of the recording studio. They all looked up as Brad led us over to them.
He stopped in front of them. “Good morning, gentlemen. I’d like to introduce you to the band you will be working with today. This is Eric, Adam, Jade, and Drake.”
I was surprised when he named each of us off. I figured guys like him forgot names as soon as the faces were out of sight.
“I’m Frank, and this is Tony and Eddy. It’s nice to meet you guys,” the oldest of the group said as he shook each of our hands.
“You guys can go on in, and then we can get started. For today, we’re going to focus on a few of the songs you sent to us. Basically, we want to see what you can do right out of the gates. If that goes well and Brad gives us the go-ahead, we will start cutting tracks for the first album,” Tony said.
“Sounds good to me,” I said.
I walked into the studio, and the rest of the band followed me. They each took their respective places. The guys in the control room gave us a few minutes, so we could make sure our instruments were tuned. I gave them the okay when we were ready to go.
Frank’s voice came over the speakers in the room. “There are a few songs we want to hear today. The first one is ‘Whirlwind.’ Let’s do that one now.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. “Whirlwind” was a song I’d written about Chloe when she was still with Logan. Of course that would be the first song they wanted to record. Even here, thousands of miles away from her, people continued to taunt me with her presence—or rather, her lack of presence.
“Everything okay?” Frank asked.
“Uh, yeah. We’re ready when you are,” I said, trying to think of anything else besides her.
The red light in front of me came on, and I waited as Jade started the song with a slow beat. Adam and Eric waited until it was their time, and then they began to play. I closed my eyes as I started belting out the lyrics to the song that brought me so much pain.
I wasn’t sure what it was,
What you did to me.
I felt myself change.
Something shifted when I looked into your eyes,
Engulfing me in flames,
Burning me to the core.
But it wasn’t meant to be.
You see, you and I,
We’re a whirlwind,
Destroying everything in our path.
But isn’t that what love does?
It makes us weak, far from free.
I gave you everything, and you turned it back on me.
You turned it back on me.
We finished the song, and I opened my eyes to see the guys, including Brad, in the other room, watching us with their mouths hanging open. At least someone liked me today.
The red light turned off, and Brad’s voice came over the speakers. “That was incredible! It’s been a long time since anyone has shocked me, but you guys have managed to do it. Why don’t you do ‘Fire’ next?”
I nodded, and the red light came on again.
We spent the rest of the day singing song after song, only breaking once or twice for lunch and smoke breaks. By the time evening rolled around, I was on edge and snapping at everyone, including Brad. All I wanted to do was go back to my hotel room and snort a line or two.
When Brad announced that we were done for the day, I almost started fist-pumping. As soon as we were out of the studio and in the control room though, he stopped us. I debated on how bad it would look if I shoved him out of the way, but then I decided I could hold out for a few minutes before I did anything drastic.
“You guys were incredible. I have a meeting in the morning, so catch a few extra hours of sleep tonight. Alex will pick you up around ten tomorrow morning. I have a few things I want to discuss with you, so just come up to my office when you get here.”
“Sure thing,” Jade said.
Brad stepped aside to let us go, and Alex appeared to guide us out of the building and drive us back to the hotel.
I nearly ran to my room when Alex dropped us off. Jade stopped me to ask if I wanted to go out for dinner, but I lied and told her I was too tired and that I’d just have something sent to my room. I just wanted to escape her. She seemed disappointed, but she didn’t question me. I told them all good night and hurried to my room.
After I locked the dead bolt on the door, I walked to my bag and pulled out my stash. I sat down on the couch, and then I dumped some of the powder onto my mirror and proceeded with my usual routine. Without a second thought, I snorted the lines I’d made. Even though today had been amazing, I was stressed and needed to relax more than anything. From now on, I’d keep something with me just in case.
As I started feeling the effects from using cocaine, I walked to my bed and fell onto it. I just lay there as the tension left my body.
I must have passed out because I awoke later to the sou
nd of someone beating the shit out of my door. I groaned as I stood and walked to the door. I threw it open to see Adam, Eric, and Jade all standing there, looking grumpy.
“What’s up?” I asked before yawning.
“We’ve been calling you and beating on this damn door for half an hour. We’re supposed to be downstairs in ten minutes! Go shower and get dressed,” Adam growled.
I glanced at the clock on the wall, and my eyes widened. “Shit!”
“Yeah, shit. We’ll be waiting downstairs. Don’t fuck around,” Jade said.
As they turned away, I shut the door. I ran to the bathroom and jumped into the shower. After taking the fastest shower on record, I ran to the dresser and threw on clean clothes. I grabbed my stuff and ran for the door, hoping that the others hadn’t left without me. Normally, it wouldn’t be a concern, but they had been so pissed at me lately, so I wasn’t sure if they’d wait or not. If they had left, I could at least walk to the studio since it wasn’t that far.
When the elevator opened on the ground floor, I took off running across the lobby. Several people threw dirty looks my way, but I ignored them. I made it outside just as the limo was pulling up to the curb. The rest of the band looked relieved as we all got into it.
“I was starting to wonder if you’d make it,” Eric said as we pulled away from the hotel.
“I did but just barely. I knew you’d leave me, so I hurried.”
“We wouldn’t have left you, you idiot. It would be kind of hard to record anything if our vocalist was missing.” Jade said as she rolled her eyes.
I hadn’t thought of that. I was the most important part of the band. Without me, half of our fans wouldn’t even know who we were. I was the face of Breaking the Hunger, and everyone in this limo knew it. They could threaten to kick me out, but in the end, I knew they wouldn’t do it. They’d tank if I left.
When I chuckled to myself, Jade looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
Tainted Page 4
