by V. K. Ludwig
“Oh, Izzy.” The mattress sinks in beside me, and I shift right into his hug. “Everyone knows how much he means to you. I’m so sorry this happened, though I understand where he’s coming from.”
“What am I going to do now?” I dig my face into a chest that smells all wrong, but I take comfort where I can get it at this point. “Maybe I should start packing too, because I have ten days left to pick three males from this list.”
Actually, it should be rather easy. Might as well cover my eyes and point out three random names. Why would I even care who they are? They won’t be Adrin, and that’s all that matters.
“What list?”
When I hand it to him, the paper crinkles behind my back. “Of males he approved.”
“Good thing you got rid of him, Izzy. Asshole didn’t even put my name on it. Clearly, he’s got poor taste.”
That lures a snotty chuckle from me. “Only because he knows you’re with Lucan.”
His chest hardens. “Was with Lucan.”
“Right, I’m sorry. Zorvik told me about his offer.”
“It’s not like we didn’t see it coming,” he sighs. “So, guess that truly rules me out for your estate since you know about Lucan, hmm?”
I shift back and wipe remnants of tears from my cheeks. “Would you? Join my estate?”
He grabs a handful of tissues from behind him on the nightstand, and gently wipes what I’m sure is smudged mascara from underneath my eyes. “Are you kidding? Lots of scholars wanted to join your estate, but Adrin scared the shit out of them. Me included.”
My chest lightens ever so slightly.
I mean, why not? Except… “Silas, look, I’m obligated to take in three males but… I love Adrin.”
“Zorvik and I are good friends, and he told me what happened last night,” he says with a nod of understanding. “You don’t feel comfortable about being intimate with another male.”
I shake my head. “Is that okay for you? I mean, I get you’re into guys, but you graduated, so it’s pretty clear that, you know, your performance—”
“Izzy.” He takes my hand into his, a large grin lining his lips. “It sounds perfect to me. Congratulations. You got yourself a gay saikh.”
A laugh bursts from my lungs with such force it rips another tear from my eyes. “You don’t happen to have a couple of gay friends in need of an estate, do you?”
He quirks up right in front of my eyes, and his hand clasps mine tighter, something hopeful playing around his features. “As a matter of fact I do.”
Seventeen
Izzy
Silas places my latte macchiato in front of me on the patio table, the layer of foamed milk spotting light brown lines shaped into a bird. “One spoon of sugar just how you like it, and breakfast is coming right up.”
I gift him a smile and wrap my hands around the warm mug, driving the morning chill from my fingers. “What kind of bird is that?”
“A red genosh,” he says and slumps into the chair beside me, reaching for his steaming tea. “Did you wake at night? When I checked on you before I went to bed, you were asleep, but your eyes are red.”
As is the bottom of my nose from all the crying I did for four days straight. “Only twice.”
The moment I rub a palm up and down my arm, he gets up, grabs the throw from the chair beside him, and wraps it around my shoulders. “The last thing we need is you catching a cold. Better?”
I grab one edge and drape it over my chest, snuggling myself into the fluffy fabric. “We’ve been over this, Silas. You don’t have to do this.”
“We’ve been over this, Izzy,” he mocks me in a sarcastic tone. “As your saikh, it’s my very first priority to take care of you.”
“But you’re not really my saikh.”
He clutches his chest and flashes me a cocky grin. “Sweetheart, you hurt my poor feelings. I’ve studied three solar cycles to drape a piece of fabric over my mistress when she’s cold. If that doesn’t prove that I’m your saikh, how about the fact that I’m marinating the meat for tonight?”
“You’re unbelievable.” And the second-sweetest guy on this planet right after Adrin, I swear. “You know what I mean.”
His sigh mingles with the fresh morning air, which carries traces of humidity from the slight fog, and algae from the pond. “With time, you’ll understand.”
“Understand what?”
“Estates are more than opportunities for males to spill their seed, sweetheart. Here, we can do what we were born to do: protect you, care for you, provide. That shit’s got nothing to do with my sexuality. You’re like a red genosh.”
I stare at the figure inside my mug. “I’m a bird?”
“Genosh come in two colors, red and green,” he explains. “The green ones are my favorite for the way they sing, and they flock together in abundance along the coast during nesting season. But it’s the rare red genosh I stare at whenever I spot one, fascinated by its radiant color, and curious about every note that chirps differently.”
I stare at him for long moments. “I’ve never seen it like that before.”
“From what I understand, Earth doesn’t have such a lack of females, so how could you? Aside from our mothers, we don’t get many chances to interact with females, unless we’re blessed with sisters.” Tea abandoned, his hands wrap around mine, and he pins me down with his green stare. “I might love Lucan, but I care about you just the same. We’re trying to form a family unit here, and I’m fully committed. So can you just…” He tilts his head, and another grin tugs on his lips. “Shut up when I drape a damn throw around you?”
My laughter is rough and hoarse. “I think I can live with that.”
“Good.” He leans back into his chair, but his grin remains. Actually, it pulls even higher before he says, “There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you, Izzy, but please never ask me to vek you. Vaginas gross me out, especially now that I know yours doesn’t at least come with a cock.”
“Silas.” I swat my hand at him, but he only laughs, and I grin into my mug, mumbling, “Gotta say, living with a gay saikh turns out to be pretty cool.”
“Which is why you have two of them,” Lucan says, carrying two plates in his hands while he balances one on his arm. “If all worked out as planned, then this should be eggs Benedict.”
Silas curls his upper lip. “Dude, this looks nothing like the picture of the recipe.”
“So?” Lucan asks with a shrug, sitting down on the other chair beside me. “Who cares if it didn’t turn out so pretty? What counts is the taste.”
“You eat with your eyes first. How can you spend a whole hour in that kitchen and serve something that visually resembles tendetu excrements?”
Lucan gives a dismissive wave. “Oh, you think you can do it better? Go ahead! You give it a go tomorrow.”
Silas scoffs. “I will.”
“Good!”
A brittle silence settles onto the table, but Lucan quickly breaks it with a chuckle as he sinks his head against my shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Izzy. I really tried, but I’m a complete tool in the kitchen.”
“He’s excellent at all other domestic subjects, though,” Silas says. “Particularly when it comes to cleaning.”
Lucan smacks his tongue. “Of course, I’ve been cleaning up after you for an entire solar cycle. Each time I walked into your room there was a new mess.”
“That’s why I love you.”
“You guys are killing me.” I give a pat of consolidation against Lucan’s two-toned horn. “Like you said, what counts is the taste.”
“Drone approaching,” Vem announces over the outdoor speaker. “Security override. Permission to land granted.”
“Shit.” Silas immediately pushes from his chair. “Stay with her. I’ll take care of it.”
“Do not intimidate him or he’ll report you,” Lucan calls after Silas, and hands me a fork. “Eat, love. Don’t you even think for a moment I didn’t notice how you barely nibbled on dinner last night. As ha
rsh as this sounds, you can’t sustain yourself on powdered sweet bread and imported chocolate alone.”
“Love?” I lift a brow at him, and a first bite of eggs Benedict disappears into a grin. “Saikhs sure are generous with terms of endearments.”
Lucan reaches across the table and snatches Silas’ tea. “Why wouldn’t I be? I love the way you helped us unpack our boxes, love how you taught us poker last night.” He takes a sip from the mug. “I’ve been so smitten with you ever since you decided to take both of us in, allowing Silas and me to stay together. For that alone, we love you. Maybe not in a romantic way, but there are different kinds of love, and they’re all equal in my eyes.”
Silas steps onto the patio with another Vandalar male beside him, and my entire body strings up tight. Not that guy again.
“Honorable female.” The immigration officer hints a bow, his long, gray strands held back by fawn horns. “I came to check on the progress of your estate since we only received proof of two contracts.”
My throat narrows, rendering me mute.
“She still has six days to accept a third male,” Silas says and moves to stand behind me, placing a hand onto my shoulder. “How about you come back then?”
“My visit is merely one of concern, and to offer my assistance if Elizabeth requires guidance through the bureaucratic jungle of forms and applications.” His gray eyes narrow on me. “We wouldn’t want things to get delayed, resulting in… avoidable disturbances.”
Lucan’s gaze snaps to the male, and a low, menacing growl rattles from his chest. “Avoidable disturbances? Silas, correct me if I’m wrong, but did this sound like a threat to our mistress?”
Silas smacks his tongue, and his tail swishes behind him. “Sure did.”
“There’s no need for this.” The officer lifts splayed fingers into an appeasing gesture. “It was not meant as a threat.”
“It better not be,” Lucan snarls. “Our mistress doesn’t take well to this kind of pressure, which is why I suggest you leave.”
Silas takes a strong step toward the officer. “You insisted on seeing her. You saw her. Now, I’ll show you to the door.”
The moment they leave, Lucan takes my hand into his and sighs. “You do understand he’ll be back, right?”
I nod. “I know.”
“We’ll always be on your side, Izzy, but you can’t drag this out much longer. You have to decide on your third male.” A beat of silence. “Did you hear back from Adrin?”
“His com is still deactivated,” I say, and the words clench around my heart. “Odrin can’t get through either. He said he’ll track him down and talk to him, but he’s currently on the other side of the planet meeting with a potential mistress. Chances are he won’t be back in time.”
And even if Odrin manages to talk to Adrin before my estate ends up as a shelter for gay saikhs, who says this is something he’ll agree to? My body would be his, but he’ll still have to share me in all other aspects.
It’s all I can offer.
Silas was the one who came up with the idea the day he found me crying. All this time, this solution was right in front of our noses, and we totally didn’t see it. In any case, Adrin’s com was already deactivated. He disappeared, just like he said he would.
Lucan reminds me to eat with a tap against my plate. “Silas went to where he trains, his sister’s estate, even visited his parents. It’s like the universe swallowed him.”
I take another bite of my breakfast, and stare over the perfectly manicured backyard.
Where are you, Adrin?
Eighteen
Adrin
It feels like two eternities passed since I walked out on Izzy. According to the holographic clock floating in the corner of the gym, it’s only been 178 hours, and every second of it hurt like a horn up my ass. A long one, reaching straight into my ribcage where it pokes my heart each time I dare to breathe.
I stand leaning against the column beside the sparring mats at the fight center on the other side of Sunhaven. A friend of mine manages it, and allows me to crash in his office until I put my life back together. As if that’s possible…
“Tilt your horn down to keep him out of your space,” I shout at Nerem, one of the boys I train in exchange for a spot on that flimsy couch. “Lift your tail off the mat or you’ll step on it first chance he comes at you.”
The com on my wrist itches something awful.
Which is bullshit, of course, and all in my head. I deactivated that thing the moment I left the saikhmenti. Perfect for keeping myself from contacting Izzy since it takes forever to reboot, and yet I stare down at the black screen a million times a day. Even if it was turned on, I don’t deserve her thoughts.
Truth be told, I think I might have lost it that day. Her confession of love, Zorvik’s injury, my flunked practical assessment, and how she suddenly showed up with a cake being her adorable self… It was too much, overwhelming me with emotions I have such little experience with.
The moment I reached the squad, I wanted to turn around. Bite her Claim her. Ask her to put a shock collar around my neck, discharging whenever I came too close to her other saikhs. Anything so we could make this work.
But the damage was already done, so I kept going.
A dullness spreads across my chest at the memory. During my ten years of fight training, I’ve been pressed against plenty of cage walls, but not once did I throw in the towel. I always fought my way out no matter what, so why didn’t I fight for Izzy? Meet with the council? Consult attorneys?
Even with time working against us, anything would have been better than wrecking her life, then walk out and leave her to clean up my mess. Alone.
A yank on my horn sends me stumbling sideways. I barely catch myself on a stack of sparring pads as I regain my balance.
“Two days!” Odrin shouts, nostrils flaring. “Two damn days I’ve walked into every gym, every clinic, and knocked on the doors of at least three dozen people trying to find your sorry ass.”
The moment his hand darts for my other horn, I slap it away. “The vek, Odrin! I sent you a message with the address before I turned my com off.”
“Oh yeah? Did you wait until it delivered before you did that and vanished into thin air? Our mother is freaked out of her mind.”
Oh shit.
Wait… “What’s she got to do with it?”
He throws both hands up. “Silas showed up at her place, saying he really needed to find you. Mother commed you. You didn’t respond. Mother commed me. I was in a meeting. And all went to shit—”
“Whoa, wait a minute. What does Silas want with me?”
His posture eases slightly, and he crosses his arms in front of his chest. “Something about Izzy.”
My pulse picks up speed. “What about her? Did something happen to her? Is she okay?”
“Is it true you left her high and dry that day?”
Shame creeps into my bones. “I didn’t know what else to do.”
“Neither did she.”
Ouch.
My brother might not be a fighter, but his answer packs a punch nonetheless. All this time, I wanted to make sure Izzy won’t be let down ever again — and ended up letting her down myself. Twice.
“Please tell me she isn’t injured or something.” Three taps, and my com reboots, and the itch on my wrist turns unbearable. “And why the vek did Silas ask for me?”
He shakes his head. “From what I gathered, they might have found a way around this entire contract ordeal.”
My body heats, but the sensation immediately turns uncomfortable when goosebumps spread along my arms. They did? And who by the heat of Heliar is they?
I stare down at my com, hairs rising at the nape of my neck. Calls. Messages. From Silas, Izzy… Lucan? And how does he fit into this entire thing? Should I be concerned? Confused?
“I gotta go,” I say and push myself into a sprint. “Tell mother I’m alive.”
“Vek no, you tell her,’ Odrin calls behind me,
but my mind is already on where to find the nearest drone.
I race three blocks down to the closest public drone lot, and still my heart drums faster than my soles slap the asphalt underneath me. Is that why she tried to reach me? Because she found a way? How?
I climb into the first drone in reach. A voice command later, it lifts into the air with a loud rattle. Great. Of course I had to end up with one of the older, slower models. It gives me plenty of time to scroll through Izzy’s messages. Please call me. I need to talk to you. Please tell me you’re okay. Where are you?
The last one ties my guts into a knot.
If you ever read this, know that I tried.
And then it hits me like a knee into the stomach. What if I’m too late?
I check the message details. Shit.
The message is two days old.
What if…
A torturous slideshow of all possible scenarios passes before my eyes. What if I knock on the door of Izzy’s estate in less than five minutes, and her saikh opens? My teeth gnash. What if all three of them open? What if she truly found a way, and I’m too veking late because I let her down, and hid myself away for days, pretending it would be easier for her?
A crackling from the speaker. “Identification requested.”
My teeth gnash harder until my short fangs ache. I can still turn around. Disappear for good. But that would make me even more of a hypocrite, wouldn’t it? Disappear on her like others have all her life? I made that mistake once. Not again.
“Adrin.”
Not sure if I lost my objective sense of time, but it takes forever until the drone lands. It takes twice that long to force my feet toward the front door. That ominous shadow creeping from the gap? It’s huge. Massive. And in no way is it Izzy. There’s a big ass saikh behind that door, and yet I breathe away that tingle of aggression. Tail down. Lower. Lower yet.
I step underneath the overhang.
The door opens wide.
I freeze.
None less than Silas leans against the frame, one hand holding a mug, the other shoved into his pocket. “Look who finally decided to show up.”
