by Amy Brent
“When I was a kid, we had ninety-nine cent bread, pasteurized cheese and margarine together. I had to learn how to make those terrible ingredients taste the best they could given the circumstances. You never had that struggle.”
“I…see. I guess there is a certain resourcefulness that I will never quite have that you’ve had to live with your whole life.”
“Huh, I guess.” Suddenly I was feeling a bit bashful. Way to put him on the spot about a silly food item. “Sorry I’m being so serious over a sandwich.”
He laughed lightly and leaned over to kiss the top of my head. “It’s alright. Its one of the things that makes you so charming.”
“Oh, so I’m charming now, am I?”
“You always have been.”
A strange moment passed between us again and then we were leaning towards each other. Goodness, I wanted to kiss him more than I had ever wanted to kiss anyone in my entire life. I just needed to feel him against me, to have the thrill rush between us like it always did. I needed something to anchor me, lest I drift off into oblivion.
“Since you two are already in there, any chance you want to make Grandma a sandwich?”
The two of us jolted apart, more than a little surprised by my mother coming back into the sitting area. The moment was disrupted, and I nodded a little too enthusiastically.
“Sure, give me about ten minutes.”
“Thank you, sweetie.”
She sat on the couch, rattling one of the ring-toys we had for Kireina, and James and I pretended like whatever had happened between us hadn’t happened at all, which was more than a little confusing. But all I could think of, as I buttered the bread and got the pan hot enough, was that the man I loved would be leaving tomorrow.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
~Nicole~
James’ hands pressed down on my shoulders, his fingers stroking as his palms applied pressure, causing me to sink even farther into the seat of the SUV he had rented. A simple look out the window showed that the sun had just set, leaving the sky a breathtaking blend of twilight purple down into midnight black. I could also see the faintest glimmer of water stretching out before us, pinpricks of starlight reflecting off its rippling surface.
“Where are we?” I asked with a lilting sigh, James’ lips now pressing against my neck and making their way down to my collarbone.
“Does it matter?” He asked, voice low and primal. I loved it when he talked like that, and I felt like I hadn’t been able to hear it in ages.
“I guess not,” I said, lifting my arms so that he could slide the fabric up my arms and off of me. His warm lips made their way down my collarbone to my chest, kissing the space between my breasts as his arms slid behind me to undo my bra.
I looked down and noticed my body was back to normal, no post-baby diaper, or the strange way my stomach sat now that there wasn’t another human inside of it. I was just my soft, curvy self.
I didn’t get to concentrate on that for long, however, as one of his hands slid down into my skirt, stoking at the cotton fabric there.
I gasped in earnest and lifted my hips up to meet his touch, but he was forever pulling away, keeping me just within teasing range.
I groaned, and he just chuckled into my skin. “God, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve been here the whole time,” I objected, my other hand burying itself into his thick, light hair.
“I know, but I had to keep you safe. Protecting you is the most important thing in the entire world.”
I didn’t know why, but that made me sad. “You and I both know that’s not true.”
He looked down at me, surprise written across his handsome features. “Why do you say that?”
“Because your company is the most important thing to you. It has to be. Without it, you can’t support yourself, Kireina or me. You would lose everything, and a lot of your employees could end up struggling too, losing their jobs or even their houses and cars.
“You have a responsibility to all of them, to yourself and to us and all of your employees to make your work the most important thing in your life, and I’ve been distracting you from that.”
“Is that what you think?” he asked, looking more amused than I thought he should be after my declaration. “Is that why you won’t tell me that you love me?”
My heart skipped a beat and I just stared up at him in shock. “You knew?”
“Of course, I knew. How could I not? I feel it every time we look at each other, every time we touch. I love it, and I love you as well.”
“Then why didn’t you say so?” I asked, mind reeling from the revelation.
“Because this is a dream, the one place you’re brave enough to talk about what you actually need.”
My eyes snapped open and suddenly I was awake.
Dammit.
I went to sit up, but I felt a heavy arm around my waist. Oh. James was behind me in bed. That was right, we laid down to sleep around ten pm, and my mom had set herself up in the living room to play with Kireina after her nap a couple of hours earlier and tire her out for the rest of the night.
My eyes flicked to the crib to see my precious little baby there as well, sleeping away like the good girl she was. Another quick glance to the alarm clock beside my bed told me that it was almost six am, which was usually when Kireina would start to wake up for feeding, burping and walk around time.
I was already on a rhythm, which was especially great considering that James was leaving in just a few hours.
I rolled over in bed to see him, looking over every one of his strong, carved out features. This man, this one lonely, amazing man, had completely changed my life. Did he understand just how much he had completely altered the course of my life? Sometimes I felt like he did, and sometimes I felt like there was no possible way that he could.
But he had, he really truly and completely had changed everything forever for me and I couldn’t imagine it being any better than it was right now.
Well, that wasn’t true. It would be better if we were together. Like, actually together, not this weird baby mama, friends with benefits thing we had going on right now.
I thought back to dream-James and what he had said. Could it be possible that James had the same feelings for me? I supposed I would never know if I didn’t open my mouth, but for some reason I was frozen in place.
I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but eventually Kireina let out a warbling cry. James’ eyes opened slowly, and he gave me a sleepy sort of crooked smile. “You want me to bring her over here?” he asked.
“No, it’s fine,” I said, pushing off the covers and sliding out of bed. I pulled her out of her crib and walked back to James, sitting on the edge of the mattress while I got situated to feed her.
James sat up and moved next to me, sliding an arm around my waist. He was so warm, so strong against my side, I just wanted to melt into him and let all of my walls fall down. Why did I even have walls up? If anyone in the world had proved that I didn’t need them around it, it was James.
“So, you’re leaving at two today?” I murmured, unwilling to turn and look him in the face.
“Yeah. Gonna catch a plane then head home and handle everything that needs to be handled. I was able to get in contact with Trevor, and I arranged a meeting two weeks from now for us to get the final details of our divorced settled.”
“Oh, has it been three months already?” I asked, Legitimately surprised.
“It will just about be by then.”
“Huh… I had no idea. I guess a lot has happened since then.”
“Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”
We sat there for a long moment, and I urged myself to say something, anything. To tell him how I felt and stop being such a damn coward, but I just sat there, feeding my child and enjoying his company.
I guess some happy endings were never meant to happen. Goodness knows mine was pretty unrealistic as it were.
“Do you have to go?” I managed to eek out finally.
There was a long pause before he answered, giving me a small burst of hope, but then he was speaking again, and I just wanted to die. “Yeah. I have a lot of work that’s been piling up. I’ve managed to keep the worst of it taken care of, but I really need to get cracking. You know how it is.”
“I don’t,” I answered honestly. “But I know that you wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t important.”
“That’s right. And remember, I’ll be back in just two weeks, and if any emergencies happen, let me know and I’ll be on the first flight out here.”
“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” I said, shoving down all of those feelings inside of me and willing myself to forget that I had ever had them.
After all, I had little Kireina to devote all of my heart to and that would have to be enough.
Chapter Forty
~James~
Never before had two weeks gone so slowly while also rushing by too fast to comprehend. As soon as I returned home, I hit the ground running, making arrangements for everything I needed and lining all my ducks up in a row.
And there were an awful lot of ducks that needed to be lined up. I found myself talking to lawyers, not just my own, coworkers and real estate agents day in and day out, trying to speed through something that normally took months in just fourteen days.
Often, I worked from seven am to nine pm, putting in fourteen hours and rarely leaving my desk even to eat. But when I did eventually go home to my penthouse -which seemed so gold and empty now compared to the warm stay I had with Nicole- everything was too quiet, and I was incredibly lonely.
Suddenly the Bachelor life just wasn’t that fulfilling. I wanted more. But soon I would be divorced, and I would be able to go back to the high flying, well-traveled, ways of my past
I snorted at that thought. There was no way I would ever be able to go back to that life. I had become attached to Nicole and Kireina in a way that I never thought possible, and no matter what happened in the coming days, we were tied together for the rest of our lives.
My phone buzzed right at nine thirty, as it had every night since I had arrived. I reached over like a flash and pulled it to my face, accepting the video call before I even drew a breath. And just like every other night, Nicole and a very sleepy Kireina were there waiting for me.
“Hello there!” Nicole said, picking up our baby’s hand to make her wave. “Look, my baby bean, it’s Daddy!”
Our gorgeous little girl looked somewhat towards the camera, her eyes sparkling at me. “Dear lord, has it really only been two weeks?” I asked. “She’s getting so big!”
“I know, right?!” Nicole said. “We just had our check-up today and she is almost up to weight of a healthy, fully baked baby.”
“Aw, nothing better than a fully baked baby!” I said, laughing genuinely. I didn’t know what had happened to my sense of humor, but I found anything and everything about our baby seemingly hilarious. Maybe it was a chemical thing in my brain, but I needed to cut it out or people were going to start to think that I was getting soft.
“So, you’ll be here tomorrow?” Nicole asked, looking at me with that same cautious expression that she had used all the way back in St. Louis. I still couldn’t quite decipher it; even after having a child together, some of her walls were still too high for me to vault.
“That I will,” I answered. “I figure we’ll get some breakfast, then go to Trevor’s, sign some paperwork, and then -after seven months of running around- we’ll finally have this entire Vegas situation behind us. Totally clean slate.”
“Yeah… a clean slate.” She feigned a yawn and Kireina followed right in her suit. “Alright, I think it’s time for bed on this side of the phone. Say goodnight, Daddy.” She picked up Kiriena’s hand again and waved it, affecting a higher pitched voice as she spoke. “Goodnight Daddy.”
“Goodnight, baby girl. Goodnight mama.”
She hung up the call and then I was alone in my penthouse again, the luxury and space that I had once been so proud of seeming so empty now.
Sighing, I looked up at the ceiling and willed myself to try to get at least a little shut eye. Tomorrow was a big day for all of us and was probably going to change our lives forever.
***
Being a business man had long since taught me how to keep my cards close to my chest and not to give away my emotions, but I could hardly stop shaking as I pulled up to Nicole’s apartment. Today was the big day. The final result of me coming to St. Louis, the wrapping up of a chunk of my life that I never could have predicted.
I had texted Nicole when I was just a few minutes out, and sure enough she was coming out of the front door right as I arrived. God, she looked as beautiful as ever, dressed in a simple knit dress and what I guessed were wooden leggings considering how close we were to winter and how much Nicole liked being toasty.
She was carrying Kireina’s baby carrier with her, a small blanket over the top, but I even just the sight of her holder was enough to make my heart swell.
God, I loved this little kid. Which was stupid. All she did was cry and coo and pee and poon, yet she had my heart wrapped around her little finger for all eternity. I never thought of myself as one of those doting fathers, but there was no doubt in my mind that I would have to fight spoiling her as we both grew older.
Nicole opened the back, setting up Kireina and buckling her in with surprising expertise. I guessed that she probably had been driving around a lot on her own considering her mother and I were out of town, and had gotten plenty of practice in.
She slid into the car next to me and shot me one of her bright smiles. “Hey there handsome, long time no see.”
“You’re telling me,” I said, offering her a short laugh as I put in the address for Trevor’s office.
“You know, I think this is the first time we’ve ever gone to his office on a weekday.” Nicole mused as we pulled out.
“I think you’re right,” I said, flashing back to the other two times we had been there. “That’s so funny, isn’t it?”
“Well, I don’t know about funny. Then again, my humor has been so warped by children shows, I don’t know how to laugh unless something has been said by some sort of talking animal.”
“Sounds like a rough life.”
“You have no idea. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
“Good, because you’re kind of stuck with her for the next eighteen years at minimum.”
“Yeah, but I kinda like that. I’ve had too many terrible people stuck to me for most of my life. It’s nice to have a good one.”
I fell quiet at that and just nodded. We hadn’t heard a peep from Jason or his ex since one of my lawyer’s minions had served them, and I’d like for it to stay that way. She was right, she had too many awful people in her life. I was glad for the change.
I just had to hope it stayed that way.
We arrived at Trevor’s place in good time and walked into his office with one more person than usual. The same receptionist was there, as usual, but her entire face brightened the moment she saw our carrier.
“Is that your baby?” She asked, standing up from her desk so quickly I was worried she might pass out.
“Yes, it is!” Nicole answered, glowing brightly as she did. If motherhood had ever been meant for someone, it was for the woman beside me. She looked so beautiful and full of life, even if she probably was tired and maybe not eating the best while she was on her own. “Would you like to see?”
“Of course, I would like to see!”
She practically ran around the desk and soon the two women were cooing over Kireina. I stepped back, letting them have their moment, and for once we were still standing in the lobby when Trevor came in with his ever-present briefcase.
“Oh, what’s this? A party?”
“Something like that,” I said, gesturing to the baby. “Just meeting the newest member of the family.”
Trevor took one look and then nodded. “Adorable. So, are we ready to sign some p
apers?”
“Sure, just give them a second.”
He shrugged and went around the corner into the office. Nicole and the secretary wrapped up their conversation and I snuck between them to pick the carrier back up. A few minutes later, we were heading towards his office.
We arranged ourselves comfortably once we were inside. Or as comfortable as we could be considering the situation. There was a whole lot of paper shuffling and clearing of throats, until finally Trevor spoke.
“So, as you see here, I have the divorce declaration here, as well as a several other tidbits. All you have to do is sign all of these, initial where I marked, then I’ll send them to a judge and we’ll get confirmation in a couple of weeks.”
“So, it’s that easy?” I asked, tension building in my middle.
“That it is! Luckily you guys did all of the hard work at the beginning of this, so now all that’s left is smooth sailing.”
“Wow,” Nicole murmured. I noted she didn’t sound exactly pleased beside me. “So, this is it then, isn’t it? The world’s strangest marriage is about to become the world’s strangest divorce.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say either of those two statements are true,” Trevor interrupted, handing us both pens. “I’ve had a lot of clients and believe me when I say you don’t even rank in the top ten on the worst or strange list.”
