That night, after the children were tucked into bed and Sebastian was doing the evening chores, the two women sat down together, feeling a bit uncomfortable in the silence that ensued. Neither one knew what to say, or where to begin. Amanda busied herself with warming water, but that didn’t take long and soon they were sipping hot tea and eyeing one another across the table.
“Amanda, I’m so sorry if I’ve disturbed you by coming here. I didn’t know Sebastian had gotten married, and when I heard about what happened to Mrs. Knight, well, I had to make sure Marissa was faring well. I’d heard she was in the orphanage and, although I wasn’t prepared to actually take her into my own custody, I knew that I had to find a good home for her. I do love her, you understand. I only want what’s best for her. I was so young when she was born, and even now I don’t feel mature enough to take on the responsibility of another person, even if she is my daughter.
“But I do want her to be happy, and I was willing to take whatever measures necessary to make sure that she was. I can’t begin to describe how grateful I am to you for what you’ve done for Marissa. She clearly loves you, and I’m so relieved that she finally has a mother to care for her.” She shook her head. “You must think I’m a terrible person.” Amanda shook her head. “I think you are extremely courageous for doing what you want with your life. From what Sebastian has told me, you’ve not had it very easy. How can anyone fault you for putting the care of your daughter into the hands of someone as loving as Mrs. Knight must have been? Marissa was very happy with her, you know. And I’d
like to think she’s happy here with me.”
“Well, that much is plain to see. It’s important to me that you and Sebastian know I would not have let her remain in that orphanage. I honestly did come here to see to her well being.”
“That, too, is plain to see. I’m really glad that you’ve come, Misty, so I could get to know you. Please feel free to come here whenever you feel the need to see her. Our doors will always be open.” And when I’m gone, maybe you can help Sebastian care for Marissa, and fill the void in her life that I’ll be leaving.
Misty sighed suddenly. “You know, I’m really surprised that Sebastian moved back here. After the war he was like a caged animal and couldn’t get out of town fast enough. He tried to stay, but there were too many bad memories tormenting him at that time. When he told me he was leaving I was relieved because my promise to him was the only thing keeping me here. I was never very happy in such a small town. He seems to have gotten over the pain that kept him away.”
Amanda nodded. “I think he is coming to terms with it, but he still has nightmares. I suppose all those years as a traveling lawman made him wish for home. Marissa was the deciding factor, though. Ever since he found out about her, his every action has been in her best interest.” Amanda’s eyes lit up and she leaned across the table. “Can you tell me
something, Misty? What was he like as a boy?”
When Sebastian came in some time later he found them sitting on the floor before the fireplace giggling like schoolgirls. He grinned at the unexpected friendship that had sprung up between them. Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, he asked, “What do you have in those teacups, Amanda?”
This set them off again, and he shook his head in bewilderment. “I don’t know about you two, but I’m turning in for the night.”
Amanda stood up to join him. “Whenever you’re
ready, Misty, you can sleep in the children’s room.”
She followed her husband into the bedroom and leaned against the closed door. Smiling impishly, she said, “I found out some things about you tonight that simply shock me,
Sebastian Knight.”
He turned in the midst of unbuttoning his pants. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, Misty filled me in on some things about your
character that I simply can’t believe.”
“Such as?” he played along, continuing to undress. “Such as your being a tormentor of little girls. Yes, don’t deny it, Misty told me you couldn’t walk by a girl without pulling her braids or tweaking her nose. And about the time that you tied her hair ribbons together with those of the girl next to her so that when they stood up their heads knocked together. Or what about when you tacked the hem of your teacher’s skirt to the floor and when she stood up her unmentionables were on view for everyone to see. Really, have you no shame?”
Sebastian sat down on the bed, laughing. “I had forgotten about that. In my defense, I had expected her to wear a dress and thought it would be funny if she had to teach from her chair all day. I really got a scolding for that one!” He winced. “The preacher even came out and gave me a stern talking to and I had to clean the blackboards for an entire month, not to mention apologizing to her before the whole class. What a year that was!”
Amanda smiled to see him examining happier memories. “I like Misty. I admit it was a bit of a shock to see her here and I felt a little uncomfortable, even if I’m not really your wife. But now that I know her I feel a real kinship with her.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Are you ready for bed?”
She started brushing her hair. “I don’t know, I think
I’m still a bit too wired to sleep.”
Sebastian took the brush and began pulling it gently through her long tresses, and as his lips nibbled at her ear he whispered, “I didn’t ask you to sleep.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Sebastian dismounted from the mustang he had been working, tensing as he saw a man slinking around near his house. Shielding his eyes from the sun, he stepped forward in preparation of battle, one hand hovering above the gun holstered against his hip. His blue eyes narrowed, assessing the situation, and the moment he caught the glint of metal in the sunshine the weapon was in his hand, cocked, and pointed straight between the stranger’s eyes.
The man raised his hands with a holler that Sebastian recognized, and he re-holstered the gun and turned to take the horse into the stable. He had just finished rubbing down the stallion and strapping on a bag of oats when the intruder entered, pausing to allow his eyes to become accustomed to the dimness.
“Damned if I didn’t see my life flash before my eyes, Knight. Thought I was a goner, for sure.”
“If you wouldn’t sneak around like an alley cat on the prowl making a man think he had reason to defend his family you wouldn’t have had so many brushes with death.”
The man laughed. “Comes with the territory. Makes
for more excitement, you know.”
Sebastian didn’t share his amusement. “I’ve had enough excitement to last a lifetime. All I want now is a quiet life full of hard work so I can forget the excitement, as you put it, that I’ve been through.”
“Oh, lighten up, Knight. If you can’t laugh through
the danger, it will certainly eat you alive.”
Sebastian sighed. Is that what it was doing to him? Eating him alive? Is that why his gut clenched and he felt close to vomiting everything he’d eaten for the last ten years every time he heard the word war or smelled the combination of rotting flesh and gunpowder? What would he be like in ten more years if he continued this way? A feeble, beaten old man who couldn’t put the past away and had lost his present and future because of it?
He forcefully pushed his thoughts aside. “So what’s the news, John? What have you uncovered about Higgins?” “Well, I’ve not been able to find the slippery bastard since our last meeting. I’ve trailed him as far as St. Louis, but I don’t know where he is right now. You can better believe he’s close, though. He’s bent on having his revenge on your pretty little lady, and nothing short of death will stop him.”
Sebastian felt his chest tighten alarmingly at the thought of Amanda in Avery’s clutches. “Well then,” he said
calmly, “death it must be.”
John’s eyes widened in surprise. “Come on, Knight, you and I both know that we can’t hunt him down like a wild animal. We are officers of the law and t
herefore must uphold that same law.”
“You are an officer of the law, my friend, I’ve turned in my badge. I operate under no such confinements now.”
“What about honor?” John had lost all amusement in the situation.
“Honor be damned! I will protect my woman in any means necessary to be sure that she’ll never be harmed again. I would expect you to understand that, John, but if you can’t then we need no longer work together. I’ll take care of this myself.”
John held up his hands. “Hold on there, I’m not gonna bail on you, but you have to go about this in an organized manner. Running off half-cocked never turns out good, and you know that. Remember your training, Sebastian, and allow it to support you. You know what has to be done, and if it ends in his death then so be it, but you can’t hunt him down if you expect to have any kind of life after he’s gone.
Whether you want to admit it or not, your honor holds you in check, and it’s a good thing, too, because at this point in time I don’t know that I could do it. I’m just as likely to fire the first shot as you are but the fact that we don’t makes us better people. If you want your family to be able to look up to you and respect you then you have to do the right thing.” He clapped him on the back. “Hard words to swallow, but there they are. It’s the truth, buddy, and you know it as well as I.”
His jaw clenched, Sebastian stared his long time friend straight in the eye. He fought the burning desire for bloodshed that he had never felt before, even during the war. Ever so slowly he unlocked his fists, relaxed his shoulders and jaw. “I know,” he said quietly. “Thanks for bringing me back
to reality. We’ll wait him out here, then.”
“What do you want me to do? I can keep tracking
him or I can stay here and lend a hand.”
Sebastian grunted thoughtfully. “If you’ve tracked him as far as St. Louis then he’s got to be around here somewhere. He’ll be making his move soon, I suspect, and we can use all the help we can get.” He grinned. “How do you feel about working with horses?”
“My friend, I’ll shovel manure day in and day out if it’ll get Avery Higgins put away once and for all.”
He handed over a shovel, chuckling, “Thanks for the offer, you can start over there.” He pointed to a stall piled with horse waste. “Oh, and I’m sure Amanda would appreciate some of that around her rose bushes.”
Rolling his eyes and glaring heatedly, John muttered,
“You’ll pay me back for this someday, Knight.”
Amanda watched Sebastian quizzically as he stomped the mud off his boots at the door. He had just introduced her to John, the new hired help, but she got the feeling he was there for more than the horses. She smiled anyway, inviting the man to share their supper and quickly setting another place at the table. The children were famished and dug into their ham and beans with gusto, but she noticed John ate slowly, savoring each bite.
“This meal is excellent, Mrs. Knight,” he said as he buttered his fourth piece of cornbread. “I don’t have occasion to taste a home-cooked meal very often, and I appreciate your inviting me.”
“You’re certainly welcome, John, and you may have
all your meals with us if you like.”
He grinned at her and felt Sebastian’s glare all the way across the table. “Oh calm down, Knight, I’ve not got designs on your wife. Got a girl back home I’m planning to marry, if she’ll have me.”
Sebastian choked on his food, throwing his friend a daunting look that he hoped would shut him up. Amanda chose to ignore the comment and turned her attention to the children, who were staring at the stranger in fascination.
John noticed and grinned at them. “Hey there, little ones. Don’t look so scared of me, I’m not a grizzly bear!”
Matthew giggled, and Marissa eyed him up and down, wondering whether or not she should like him. He was very big and a bit hairy, but he spoke kindly to them. Mama and Papa seemed to like him, too. Coming to a decision, she smiled shyly at him, receiving a wink in return.
“How is the work coming with the horses?” Amanda asked.
Sebastian’s eyes lit up. “The first ones will be ready for sale next week, and I already have two buyers who will be coming to look at them. With John here to help me now, we should be able to train them more rapidly than I expected. We’ll have a thriving horse farm before you know it, Amanda.” John stood up abruptly. “Well, munchkins, why don’t you help me wash the dishes for your mama?”
Matthew and Marissa jumped up to do his bidding.
“No, no, I can’t ask you to do that, John, thanks all the same.” He held the plate out of her reach. “I insist. You allowed me to be a part of your family dinner and I want to show my appreciation. Why don’t you two lovebirds take a
walk while we get this done?”
Amanda started to protest but Sebastian took her arm and led her out the door. “You can trust John, sweetheart. I’ve known him for many years and would trust him with my life. Have done just that, in fact. The kids will be fine with him. Why don’t we take a walk along the creek and relax a bit.”
She relented, enjoying the way the sunset turned the multicolored leaves golden, and as a cool breeze swept by they were showered with hundreds of the flowing leaves like so much confetti. Sebastian took her hand in his and her heart melted. Somehow that small gesture was more touching even than his wonderful lovemaking. He smiled down at her. “It’s a lovely evening.”
“Yes it is,” she agreed.
“It feels nice to walk together without any interruptions.”
“Yes.”
“I doubt this warm weather will hold for much longer.
We’ve been lucky so far.”
“We certainly have,” she said quietly.
They strolled along in silence, the bubbling of the little creek soothing their frazzled nerves. Amanda wanted to throw herself into his arms and plead with him to let her stay. Sebastian wanted to pull her to him and beg her not to go. As it was, neither of them spoke a word. The sun dipped a little lower, throwing long shadows across the fields. Amanda looked nervously to their little house. “You’re sure the children are all right?”
He gazed into her eyes. “Trust me.”
Her breath caught as she looked up at him, so tall, so handsome, and so unattainable. Would he ever know that he was the only person that she had ever been able to trust?
They resumed their walk, each wondering what to say and yet afraid to speak a word. As it got darker yet, Amanda suggested they head home and he reluctantly agreed. Watching her from the corner of his eye, he wondered if she had even considered staying with him. He stopped, turning her to face him. “Amanda, what do you want to do with your life?”
They were very nearly home, and the candlelight shining through the window illuminated her face. She was taken aback by his question, so she answered honestly. “I don’t know.”
“Come on, you must have some plan for your future and Matthew’s.”
“Until we met you we didn’t have a future. I guess I haven’t really given it much thought since we moved here.”
Sebastian was frustrated. He wanted her to stay with him, but it had to be her decision. He didn’t want to forever wonder if she’d stayed simply because he asked her to. “Have you thought about staying here with us?”
Amanda’s head jerked up, and she tried in vain to keep the hope from shining in her eyes. “Would you like us to?”
“I want to know what you want to do.”
“Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to impose upon your hospitality, we’ve been here for so long already. But if you would like us to stay—”
He grabbed her shoulders. “Dammit, Amanda, quit being so damned accommodating! What do you want?” Her eyes were wide with longing she dared not show. He wasn’t asking her to stay, he was saying she may stay if she wished. He was saying he would take her in and take care of her like a stray dog. She could not bear to be the recipient of his charity any lo
nger than was necessary, and from somewhere deep inside of her she found the courage to decline his offer. Through vocal chords that felt paralyzed with the need to weep, she looked deep into the bright blue eyes that had gone dark with some unknown emotion and spoke quietly. “I thank you kindly for your offer, Sebastian, but I’ve not decided yet what I will do when our obligations to each other are fulfilled.”
His hands slid off her shoulders as easily as if they had turned to ice. He stared at her for a long moment before muttering some excuse and heading off toward the stable, head down and fists clenched.
He couldn’t believe it. He had asked her to stay with him and she’d turned him down flat. Out of all the women in the world, he had never thought he’d face rejection from Amanda. Sweet, accommodating, do-everything-everyonewants-her-to Amanda. He could have allowed her to do it for him. She was on the very verge of saying that she would stay if he wanted her to.
Damn, but he wanted her to.
But what kind of life would they have if she remained out of obligation?
He went straight to the stall of his favorite stallion, the one he had chosen to keep for his own. He stroked his mane and fed the animal a lump of sugar. He sighed, mentally kicking himself for asking her too soon. “I’m an idiot, Ranger,” he told the sympathetic horse. “At the end of this mess, whenever that may be, I’ll stand stupidly aside and watch the only lady I’ve truly loved walk out of my life forever. As if that isn’t enough, she’ll be taking Matthew with her. That boy’s as much a son to me as Marissa is my daughter. I should have dropped to my knees and begged her to marry me simply for that reason. I can’t imagine this old farm without his constant chatter. Who’s going to follow me around all day long asking a million questions a minute?”
Ranger neighed understandingly. “Oh sure, you could follow me around but what kind of things could we talk about?” He leaned his head against the horse’s neck. “I’m going to miss that boy. Up until now I had held out every hope that she wouldn’t want to go. I thought she had come to like life here, at least she seems happy enough. But what then does she have to compare it to except lonely life in an orphanage or running in fear for her life. I shouldn’t have pushed her so early. I should have waited until our lives had settled down after Avery was taken care of to broach the subject. Go ahead and tell me, Ranger, I blew the only chance I had.
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