by Tina Beckett
“Yes, but there are other things. How did your wife die?”
“She was hit by a car while out walking Ivy.” His voice was a little harsher than he’d meant it to be, but she was right. These were personal questions.
Her chin went up a bit. And her words about being a difficult child came back to him. He had a feeling she wasn’t going to back down until she got whatever it was she was after.
“Did you notice any unsteadiness in her before it happened? Any changes in her behavior?”
Had there been? He cast around for the last time he’d seen his wife. It had been that morning when he’d left for work. They’d made love the night before, and she’d made him breakfast before he’d left the house the next morning. No unsteadiness. Just a loving woman who had been far too patient about his long hours.
“No. She was perfect. In every way.”
Madison didn’t move for a second. Then she reached a hand toward him. “I’m sorry, Theo. Really I am.”
He allowed himself to capture her fingers, while he tried to process his thoughts. “What do you expect to find in her records? In mine?”
“It’s not what I expect to find. I’ve just hit a brick wall time and time again with the test results. I thought maybe I could look at each of you separately and see if there’s anything I could use as a springboard.” Without unlinking their hands, she moved to the chair next to his and turned to face him. “Is there any possibility Hope could have had Huntington’s?”
A degenerative brain disease, it showed itself in uncoordinated muscle movements, followed by cognitive decline. It was inherited and deadly, passed from mother to daughter. If Ivy had that...
Well, he didn’t want to think of the ramifications. Any hope he’d had of a cure would go out the window. And how would he know if Hope had had it, really? Could she have fallen in front of that car rather than the other way around? The driver had been arrested and convicted, but what if there had been something insidious he’d missed?
How far would Madison be willing to go to follow her hunches? How far would he let her go? All thoughts of Doodle and attachments disappeared.
“Look at her records. Look at mine. But I don’t want to exhume Hope’s body.”
Madison squeezed his fingers. “I don’t either. I’d just like to chase this rabbit for a little while.” She paused. “But only as long as I think it’s useful. I’m not at the point of throwing spaghetti against a wall and seeing what sticks.”
“And if I’m ready to do just that?” Would he actually allow them to dig up her body? He wasn’t sure.
“Do you really want Ivy to go through a battery of unnecessary tests?”
No. He didn’t. She’d already gone through her share and more. “I’ll have Hope’s records pulled. But I’d like to go through them with you.”
“Of course.” Her eyes searched his. “And yours?”
“Yes. I’ll make sure you have those as well.” He had nothing to hide. At least nothing in his medical history. As for his current history... Oh, yes. He had things he would rather Madison not know about. Like the way her hand in his felt reassuring. And unnerving. And anything except platonic.
“Do you really think it could be Huntington’s?”
“No, but I’d rather not leave any stone unturned. Like multiple sclerosis, Huntington’s is normally found in adults, but it can appear in young children on rare occasions. I don’t see any mental decline in Ivy, though. Quite the contrary. That little girl is a card shark. She bats those big innocent eyelashes at you, all the while waiting for an opportunity to do a smack down.”
“A smack down?”
“You know.”
“No, I really don’t.” But it was a good confusion. Something that felt shared.
“It’s an expression.”
“I see.” He paused, trying to get back on track, but not enough to let go of her hand. “So what other genetic conditions could it be?”
“I need to do some research. Huntington’s was the only thing that came to mind, but her wobbliness made me think of that. Which led me to think of genes. The dystrophies are normally genetic, but the muscle biopsy ruled that out. But there are lots of other possibilities.”
“Lots is not a word I want to hear.”
“I’m not looking at it like that. There are lots of possibilities, yes, but all it takes is one. And that one is what I’m eying at the moment. I just ruled out polymyositis. She’s developed foot drop in her right ankle, which is what made me think of it, but her torso and neck flexion seem normal.”
An inflammation of muscle tissue, polymyositis could affect the heart and/or the lungs, so he was glad she’d ruled that out. Although a Huntington’s diagnosis would be as bad, if not worse.
She jiggled his hand, and touched her shoulder to his, bringing his mind back to her. “Hey, I’m just trying to be thorough. We can’t help her until we know what it is. A steroid for a few days might not be a bad idea, though.”
She turned her head to look at something and the scent of her shampoo floated toward him, along with some lighter, more feminine fragrance.
He swallowed. He’d been doing okay. Until now.
She was still talking but the words began to flow together into a long incoherent string of sound as his mind zoomed in on the warmth of her fingers in his, her grip tightening and relaxing as she worked through another thought. Within seconds, the sensation eclipsed the rational side of his brain, leaving it open to attack from other areas. And attack they did.
The pleasure centers went on the prowl, cruising along the aisles of awareness. An awareness that had been simmering in the background ever since they’d met.
“...we could also try activating some of those neural receptors and see what happens...”
His fingers tightened on hers. She was already activating some of those neural receptors and it was pretty obvious—to him—what was happening.
Her head tilted as she studied his face. “Theo? Are you okay?”
This was the moment of truth. Admit it, or pretend there was nothing wrong. Only she’d already noticed something wasn’t right. If he tried to lie, he could end up making things a hundred times worse.
Was he crazy? How could they be any worse than they already were?
“Theo?”
“Actually, I’m struggling with something.” Maybe it was the revelations about her mom that cast Madison in a different light—the reasons for the slight standoffishness he’d noticed from time to time suddenly making sense. Or maybe it was the stress of dealing with Ivy’s illness that had his senses out of whack. But he found himself wanting to do something crazy and impulsive, something he hadn’t analyzed from every angle before acting on it.
“With what?”
“The way your thoughts dart from one thing to the other so fast that I can barely keep up.”
“I—I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I like it. But it also drives me...insane. In ways I should be able to control.” Letting go of her hand, he curled his fingers around the nape of her neck, his thumb sliding just beneath her jaw to where he knew her pulse beat. He let his fingers trail down the side of her throat, along skin that was incredibly soft. “But right now I don’t want to control it. And that’s the struggle. So... I need you to tell me to back off.”
She moistened her lips and started to say something, then stopped. Her eyes met his. “I don’t think I can.”
Something inside him leaped to attention and he lowered his voice, aware that they were still completely alone. “You can’t tell me to back off, or you don’t want to?” He leaned forward, employing light pressure to bring her nearer until their lips were a mere centimeter away.
“I don’t want to tell you...want you to...” Her hand went to his shoulder, fingers pressing through the thin fabric of his button-down shirt. Warmth bloomed
and traveled. And then, with a feeling of déjà vu, her mouth touched his.
Senses that had been dormant for years erupted in a huge array of lights that rendered him blind for several seconds.
When he could see again, he was kissing her back and Theo knew at that moment he was in big trouble. He should stop this before it went any further, but his limbs wouldn’t co-operate. Neither would his mouth.
So there was nothing else to do but sit back and enjoy the ride. Because any time now Madison was sure to realize what a mistake this was and call a screeching halt to it.
All of it.
And when that happened, Theo had no idea what he was going to do.
CHAPTER FIVE
MADISON’S BODY WAS turned at a weird angle, but she didn’t care. She would have stayed there until her muscle strength totally deserted her. In fact, she dragged herself closer, even as something about that last thought tugged at her.
No. She didn’t want to think. She wanted to feel. How long had it been since she’d been in someone’s embrace?
Far too long.
The men who found her aloofness attractive at first were soon disillusioned when that didn’t magically shift into something softer. She wasn’t capable of softness. To be soft was to be vulnerable, and to be vulnerable was to be hurt.
Except her softer side showed through around one little girl.
And now around that little girl’s father.
His hands came up and cupped her face and a sound rumbled up in his chest, a half sigh, half groan that had her reacting in ways that were foreign to her. She didn’t normally stick around long enough to form attachments. But Madison suddenly wanted to set this man’s world on fire, and she had no idea why. Her tongue slid forward, catching her first real taste of his mouth.
Heaven, pure heaven. Just like she knew he’d taste.
But how?
Her muscles weakened further, sending her thoughts skittering back to another place. A place she didn’t want to be. Her hand slipped off his shoulder as a pressure grew behind her eyelids.
Muscle weakness.
Wheelchairs.
Possible...
Ivy!
She dragged her mouth from his in an instant as reality swamped her. What was she doing? This was her patient’s father.
No. Ivy wasn’t solely her patient.
Did that matter? She might have a string of doctors as long as her arm, but Madison was definitely on that list.
“Sorry, Theo. I’m sorry.” She tried to suck down a few deep breaths to ward off the light-headedness that was doing wonky things to her thought processes.
He stared at her for a second, then dragged the back of his hand across his mouth. Trying to wipe away her touch?
Her heart slammed against her ribs in protest, even as he shook his head.
“I’m the one who should be apologizing. God, Maddy, I have no idea where that came from.”
She swallowed hard. No one called her Maddy. No one. Not since the last time she’d seen her mom. It was part of the problem she’d had in foster care, lashing out anytime someone had tried to shorten her name to something more familiar.
She hadn’t wanted familiar. She’d wanted distance. After her prom disaster that need had grown.
But this time?
Trying not to acknowledge the little thrill that went through her at hearing him call her that—and trying to reject the kernel of an idea that Theo’s kiss had sparked an indefinable change between them—she sat back in her seat. “It was me. Or maybe the struggle to find an answer to Ivy’s condition. We’re both tired. Stressed. And definitely not ourselves.”
At least, Madison wasn’t herself. Whether Theo was acting out of character or not was for him to decide.
“No, not ourselves.” He glanced around. “That was unprofessional, especially since I wanted to mention an item of concern.”
“Besides the kiss?”
He gave a visible grimace. “Yes. Ivy has suffered one terrible loss in her life. I wonder whether allowing her to get too attached...” There was a huge pause in which he seemed to be searching for something.
Oh, God. He thought Ivy was getting too attached to her? Was he going to ask her to back off the case? And if he did? As Ivy’s father, he certainly had the right to do whatever he wanted.
He finally continued his thought. “Whether getting too attached to Doodle—is that his name?—is a good idea. What happens when he no longer comes back to visit her.”
Theo might be genuinely worried about that, but his words made her sag into her seat in relief. She’d been so sure he was going to point that accusing finger at her. And he might be right, if he had. She had been spending a lot of time with the little girl. But then she spent a lot of time with all her patients. It was how she did her job.
“I was afraid you were going to say I was the problem. And I want to assure you that I do the same thing with each and every one of my patients. It’s not that Ivy isn’t special. Of course she is. It’s just my process. I do whatever I have to do to come up with a diagnosis.”
Even as she said the words, Theo flinched. Damn. She’d made it sound like she kissed all her patients’ fathers.
“That’s not what was behind that...” She couldn’t even bring herself to say the word. What if that was why he’d kissed her? Because he was desperate and willing to do anything to help his daughter?
So what was her excuse?
Just what she’d told him. She was stressed at not being able to come up with an answer for him. Strong emotions needed a pressure valve or they exploded. So had his kiss been the valve? Or the explosion?
Something she didn’t want to look at.
But someday, Madison, you’re going to have to. Because unless you actually remove yourself from Ivy’s case—ha!—emotions are bound to get out of hand again, eventually.
Not a good thing. She needed to figure out how to contain them enough to avoid getting into another situation like this one.
“That’s good to know. It was a simple misstep on both of our parts. You are an attractive woman who is smart and funny and who my child seems to enjoy being around. And I let things spiral out of control.” He paused a beat or two. “I think you hit the nail on the head earlier. There are a lot of unknowns right now. That kiss was one of those unknowns. Hopefully now that we’re aware of the possibility, we won’t let ourselves be drawn into situations where one—or both—of us might react without thinking of the consequences.”
“Consequences?”
“What it might mean for Ivy if someone thinks you’re getting preferential treatment.”
She forced a laugh. “Exactly what kind of preferential treatment would that be? Getting to kiss the mighty Theo Hawkwood?”
The comment might contain a hint of snark, but it was only to cover up how shaken she still was. And how being this close to him was still working on her nerve centers. Which wanted to kiss him all over again, damn them.
“How about if someone saw us and thinks you’re playing some kind of angle?”
Her soul froze. What if someone actually did think she was trying to work her way up some corporate ladder—or angling for an invitation to stay in Cambridge and continue to work at Hope Hospital? It happened all the time, didn’t it? What if Theo himself thought she was doing that? Could that be why he’d mentioned it?
The frozen spot inside her grew. Madison had worked hard her entire life. She’d never had anything handed to her. And certainly not because she’d tried to manipulate someone into it. “I—I would never—”
“I know you wouldn’t, Maddy. I wasn’t trying to say that. People could just as easily think I’m abusing my position and sexually harassing you.”
“Which I would assure them you weren’t.” The ice was turning into a block that encased her heart. The same o
ne that had surrounded it when her first set of foster parents had asked to have her transferred elsewhere. She’d soon figured out that nothing in her life was permanent. So why bother trying. Thank heavens she’d finally channeled all that anger and despair into her studies once she’d hit college and medical school. Her stubborn unwillingness to bend or give in had served her in good stead. And as a diagnostician, she had taken what had seemed like a personality defect and turned it into an asset.
Theo held his hands up. “Okay. Let’s both acknowledge our part in this fiasco and work to fix it.”
“Agreed.”
“We can start by going out on the town. I have a day off coming up a week from Thursday on Christmas Eve and a couple of half-days before that.”
“Going out on the town...together?”
“Yes.”
Her brows shot up. “Are you crazy? Or just plain nuts?” That was a little over a week away. Not nearly enough time to section off the memory of what had just happened into a different part of her brain.
He grinned. “It would seem both. But maybe if we get away from the hospital for a couple of hours and do things that don’t revolve around patients or tests or the millions of other things we do on a daily basis, we could unwind in ways that are a bit safer.”
“Safer. What about Ivy?”
“As long as she’s having a good day, I don’t see how it can hurt anything. She doesn’t require twenty-four-seven nursing care.”
Not yet. But if Madison couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her, it could very well come to that. She pushed that thought away. “I don’t know.”
“I’m not trying to pressure you, but I think it would do us both some good, and I know for a fact that you’ve spent almost all of your free time in Ivy’s room.”
That was true. What if Theo was right, and that kiss had been caused by being pulled one way and then the other until she’d gone past the breaking point? It would be stupid to turn him down in that case, wouldn’t it?
“Well, as long as Ivy is doing okay, I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”
He pulled out his wallet. “In fact, I happen to have an extra ticket to a carol service at King’s College, compliments of the parents of a patient, if you’re interested.” Producing a ticket, he held it out to her.
