Eloquent Silence

by Sandra Brown

  She had packed her winter clothes along with Jennifer's and sent them ahead, leaving only their summer things to pack into suitcases at the last minute. What few household utensils she had, she had given away or sold to friends. Drake had told her the house in New Mexico was completely furnished. Her personal items were packed in boxes and checked onto the airplane with her luggage.

  Dr. Norwood had been regretful that Lauri was leaving after having been at the school for so long, but she knew how well Lauri was suited to a private-tutoring job and how badly Jennifer Rivington needed that kind of attention. She had wished Lauri good luck and Godspeed.

  Lauri had kept all her meetings and telephone conversations with Drake businesslike. Their topics were always about Jennifer or the arrangements being made for the trip and their stay in Whispers.

  At their first meeting after the night he had kissed her, he took her hands in his and said quietly, "Lauri, about the other night—"

  "No explanation is necessary, Drake." She pulled her hands from his. "I'm afraid we both got carried away by the emotional moment at the school. Please let's not speak of it again."

  His eyes had hardened, and the lines on either side of his mouth grew taut, but he didn't say anything. From that time on, his manner had been as clipped and curt as hers. Once, when they were crossing a busy Manhattan avenue at noon, he had clasped her elbow, but immediately released it as soon as they reached the opposite corner. He hadn't touched her since.

  Desperately she tried to stifle the wild impulses that raced through her veins each time she saw him. It would be a relief to put half a country between them. She was certain she was only a victim of his charm and good looks that had claimed the hearts of so many. She would get over this infatuation just as she had all the crushes she had suffered through as an adolescent.

  "Would you like another Coke?" he asked her now and diverted her out of her reverie.

  "No, I'm fine, thank you."

  "I think I'll have another quick beer," he said as he signaled a waitress over his shoulder. The poor girl was beside herself as it was, and when Drake turned his attention to her, she nearly stumbled in her attempt to get his drink quickly. Turning back to Lauri, he said, "You said that your father is a minister." She nodded. "Is that why you never drink alcohol?"

  Lauri was momentarily taken aback by the question. Then she answered levelly. "No. I used to drink occasionally, socially." She shifted her eyes away from him in a pretense of wiping ice cream from Jennifer's face. "I've seen alcohol do detrimental things to people," she said softly.

  "Your husband?" The question was asked in a low voice, but it struck Lauri like a thunderclap. Her marriage hadn't been mentioned since that night outside her apartment.

  "Yes," she said, meeting his intent gaze. She sighed. Now was as good a time as any. "I'll tell you about my marriage. Then I never want to talk about it again." Briefly and without emotion or detail, she told him about her short but tumultuous marriage to Paul. "I returned to using my maiden name after he died. I never felt like I really belonged to him nor him to me, so I felt it was hypocritical to use his name."

  She lifted her eyes to him slowly. He was watching her closely, touching every feature of her face with his eyes. They alighted briefly on her mouth, and Lauri felt as though she were feeling his kiss again. Then his eyes sought his daughter.

  "Jennifer." He thumped the table gently and attracted her attention. He extended his arms and she jumped out of her chair and ran around the table to climb onto his lap.

  Drake ignored the beer that the flustered waitress had put in front of him. He held Jennifer tightly, burying his face in her crown of curls. Lauri looked away and blinked back the tears that threatened in the corners of her eyes. She would feel guilty walking onto that airplane with his daughter, separating them.

  As he stared down into the child's cherubic face she said, "You might write to her. It will help her realize that you're still a part of her life. I can use the letters as a teaching tool as well. We'll make some trips to the post office, and so on."

  "Okay," he murmured, straightening the white knee-socks around Jennifer's chubby legs.

  "Of course, we'll become avid fans of The Heart's Answer."

  "Oh, God, spare her that." He groaned, but he was smiling again.

  The flight was called over the PA. system in droning, overly modulated tones. For what seemed an eternal moment she and Drake stared at each other across the table while Jennifer chatted to him incoherently. Finally Lauri broke the contact of their eyes and leaned down to pick up the large purse she would take with her on the airplane.

  They walked down the concourse silently. Drake carried Jennifer – still innocent of the fact that she would soon be separated from this man, whom she loved with a child's unconditional adoration.

  Drake got their boarding passes, and then faced Lauri. "If you need anything, anytime, call me immediately. You're more than an employee, Lauri. I'm putting my daughter in your hands."

  "I realize that. I'll do my best for her. You may depend on that."

  Passengers and airline employees recognized Drake, whispering and nodding. Several women acted absurdly silly, while others merely smiled at him and went on. Lauri was painfully aware of each stare. Drake seemed oblivious to them.

  He knelt down and took a package of chewing gum from his pocket. Jennifer reached for it, but he kept it away from her until she asked for it with sign. He hugged her for a moment, then signed I love you. She returned the sign, but was actually more interested in the chewing gum.

  "Do you think she understands?" he asked Lauri hopefully.

  "She doesn't realize that she's leaving you for an extended length of time. She understands love just as any child does."

  He seemed satisfied with her answer and nodded absently. His eyes were busy as they perused the crowd waiting to board the airplane. But he wasn't seeing the other passengers any more than Lauri was as she imitated his pretended interest. Eventually his eyes came back to her.

  "Lauri," he said hesitantly. He touched her hand that was clutching the boarding passes. He was searching her face again. The green eyes impaled her. They beseeched her to … what? She was being drawn into a maelstrom in their fathomless depths. She was drowning.

  Don't look at me like that when you're still in love with your wife, she wanted to scream at him. When be made a move to embrace her, she stepped back quickly and took Jennifer's hand. "We'd better hurry. Goodbye, Drake." Before he could stop her, she had gone beyond the gate, showing their passes to an attendant.

  Jennifer followed Lauri after one last happy wave to Drake. She had no way of knowing she wouldn't see him again for months. Lauri didn't look back.

  She walked on trembling legs through the portable corridor to the door of the jet and located their seats in the first-class section. She made a show of buckling the seat belts so Jennifer wouldn't be afraid of this sudden restriction. The flight attendants were immediately enchanted with the little girl. One of them knew sign language and was soon talking to Jennifer in the child's limited vocabulary.

  As the airplane began to taxi Lauri looked back at the terminal and saw through the plate-glass wall the silhouette of a man who could be no one but Drake.

  She strove to keep back the tears, which would only upset Jennifer. Her throat was clogged with emotion, and she didn't know if she could tolerate the knifing pain in her chest.

  I must fight this, she told herself frantically. I can't love him. I work for him, that's all. He's in love with his wife. He's an actor. A soap opera star. He's admitted that any attraction on his part is governed by physical longing and not emotional need. I don't want him in my life.

  But, even long after the airplane had climbed through the clouds and turned toward the southwest, she still wasn't convinced.

  * * *

  "I couldn't believe that I was finally going to have a neighbor. When Mrs. Truitt – that's the lady who cleaned the house for you – told me that you
and the little girl were coming, I was thrilled. Can I help you with any of that?"

  Lauri smiled at the plump woman perched on the kitchen stool. Betty Groves lived next door to Drake's mountain home in Whispers, New Mexico.

  "No, thanks. If I don't put these away myself, I won't know where they are. I'm almost finished."

  Lauri was unpacking cookbooks that she had brought with her from New York. She and Jennifer had been in their new home only one day and were still trying to learn where everything was.

  What Drake had described as "nothing fancy," was a far cry from modest. When she and Jennifer had driven up to the two-story Swiss chalet-type house in the new car he had bought for them, Lauri was amazed that anyone could own such a house and not want to live in it all the time.

  The lower floor had a large living room, flanked on one side by picture windows looking out on the mountains and on the other side by a stone fireplace. The living room opened into a small paneled room that Drake had suggested she might use as a classroom for Jennifer, and Lauri, when she saw it, agreed with him that it would serve perfectly. A dining alcove was at one end of the living room, and it connected with the cheerful modern kitchen, which also boasted an eating area.

  Upstairs there were a huge bedroom, furnished with a king-size bed, an opulent bathroom, another smaller bedroom, and an accompanying bath.

  "We may as well enjoy all this room, hadn't we, Jennifer?" Lauri had asked last night as she unpacked Jennifer's bags in the smaller of the two upstairs bedrooms. She would take the larger room. "There's no sense in our living like Spartans, when all of this room is available," she said to herself as Jennifer looked at her new home in silent wonder. She had always lived in the dormitory at school. To her, Lauri thought, this must seem like a palace.

  Everything had gone well and with stopwatch precision. She and Jennifer got off the airplane and were greeted by a genial middle-aged man who was delivering the car Drake had purchased over the telephone.

  "If you'd rather look at another, Mr. Rivington said I was to work with you until you were satisfied." Lauri looked at the new sleek, silver Mercedes – which sported every option available – and laughed ruefully. "I think this one will be sufficient."

  The car salesman helped her pack their bags into the trunk of the car and gave her explicit directions on how to reach Whispers. It was about an hour's drive northwest of Albuquerque.

  The house was ready for their occupancy when they arrived. They retired early, after eating a can of soup and some crackers and cheese and unpacking only what they would need overnight.

  * * *

  The first thing that awakened Lauri was the chattering of birds, and she hurried to Jennifer's room, knowing that she would enjoy the morning sights of her new home. The vista was certainly different from the view of Manhattan Jennifer was used to. As Lauri had expected, she was enthralled.

  After a large breakfast of bacon and eggs, which Lauri had discovered in the well-stocked refrigerator, she had given Jennifer a bath and dressed her in shorts and a T-shirt. She dressed just as casually and then went to work, finding her way around the house and unpacking the few things she had brought with her.

  Betty had arrived with her two children in the middle of the morning. She was bouncy and loquacious, impossible to dislike, and immensely curious.

  "I've lived here for three years and never knew who owned this house. No one's ever been here that I know of. Imagine how I felt when I found out that Doctor Glen Hambrick – of course that's not his real name. What is it, again?"

  "Drake Sloan is his professional name. Rivington is his real one," Lauri answered with an amused smile. Betty was starstruck.

  "Yes! Oh, I nearly died when Mrs. Truitt told me that! I was so excited when I found out I was going to have a neighbor with a kid. Then to find out that the neighbor was Glen Ham – I mean, Drake Sloan! Jim may never leave me at home alone again!" she laughed.

  Betty seemed to end each sentence with an exclamation point. She had already told Lauri that her husband worked in the mines between Whispers and Santa Fe. He only came home on the weekends, and she was often lonesome for adult companionship.

  Betty's two children were as gregarious as their mother. With their black hair and brown eyes they were miniature duplicates of her. She had Sam, who was five, and Sally. who was Jennifer's age. The children had immediately taken Jennifer under their wing and were upstairs in her room playing. Sally had cooed over Jennifer's blond curls and reached out and patted her as she would have a favored doll.

  "I hate to disappoint you, Betty, but Drake is still in New York. He won't be living here."

  "Oh, I know. But surely he'll come to visit! Do you think you could get his autograph for me? I'd just die to have it!"

  "I'm sure I could arrange for you to meet him when he comes. If you'd like to," Lauri said goadingly.

  "If I'd like to—" Betty broke off with a laugh at herself when she saw Lauri's impish grin.

  "His little girl is darling, isn't she?" Betty said after they had shared a minute of laughter. "It's too bad about her being deaf. I didn't even know that! And you're her teacher. Just like that lady in The Miracle Worker! You sure must be smart, knowing that sign language and all."

  "My sister was deaf. I learned sign as early as I learned English."

  "Is there a difference?"

  "Well, in a way," Lauri answered patiently. "Why don't you and the children learn sign? You could come over each afternoon and I'll teach you."

  "You mean it? That would be great. Then the kids could talk – well, I mean—"

  "Talk is all right," Lauri said. "Okay, talk to Jennifer too."

  "Do your children take an afternoon nap?"

  "I couldn't stand them if they didn't."

  Lauri laughed. "How about each day after naptime?"

  "Gee, that's great, Lauri! Thanks." Betty hopped off the stool and picked up one of the cookbooks and thumbed through it. "I'll bet you never eat any of this rich food. You're so thin! I wish I could be tiny and petite like you. You're lucky. When you have babies, you'll probably lose weight instead of gaining thirty pounds like I did. Do you think your skin is the kind that will get stretch marks? My doctor said I wouldn't. I was so mad when I did. You probably won't ever have any. I breast-fed too. A friend said it would be so good for my figure. And it was while the kids were nursing. Then, yuk!" She made a derisive gesture with her hands. "They sag! Do you think having a baby will ruin your figure?" Betty asked with candor.

  Lauri was fascinated that Betty could talk so fast and change subjects so rapidly, and she listened with awe. When she realized what Betty had asked, she blushed and said quietly, "I don't think I'll ever have a baby."

  "Really? I can't imagine not having kids! Doesn't Drake want any?"

  "What?" Lauri exclaimed, and dropped the book she had been placing on the shelf above the stove.

  "He probably doesn't want any more because little Jennifer was born deaf," Betty said sympathetically. "I guess you can't blame him. Maybe if you talked to him, he'd be willing to have some more."

  "Betty," Lauri gulped, swallowed, and finally found her voice. "I'm – we – Drake and I aren't … involved. I'm Jennifer's tutor. That's all."

  "No kidding!" Betty's round eyes enlarged considerably. "Gee, I'm sorry, Lauri. I just opened up my big mouth and stuck my foot right in. I thought that you two were … well, you know. I mean everybody does that these days. I didn't mean anything bad. Honest."

  Betty looked so contrite that Lauri couldn't help but feel sorry for her. "It's all right, Betty. I suppose to most people it would seem strange that Drake set us up in this house"

  "It wouldn't seem so strange if you looked more like Mary Poppins and less like Ann-Margret."

  Lauri laughed out loud then, but was instantly reminded of the day she and Drake had first met. It was a poignant memory that caused her heart to twist painfully, and her laughter ceased abruptly. Would she ever get over missing him? It had been only
yesterday since she'd seen him, yet it seemed like an eternity. She was relieved when Betty switched to another subject.

  * * *

  The days fell into a pattern. In the mornings Lauri and Jennifer spent several hours in the classroom doing lessons. Lauri was pleased that the child was as bright as she had first judged her to be. Each day opened up new horizons to Jennifer as she learned to communicate with her teacher, whom she believed to be the most wonderful person in the world besides Drake.

  Jennifer asked about him daily and never missed an episode of the soap opera. When his image came on the screen, she would shout "Auwy, Auwy," and point excitedly to Drake as she signed his name. Lauri had also taught her what daddy meant, and she had connected the two. When she learned mother, she asked Lauri if she was her mother. Lauri tried to explain the word death by showing her two crickets: one was dead and the other alive. Jennifer grasped the explanation, but Lauri wasn't sure she understood her mother was dead. She had no mental image that associated the word with a person. Maybe she should ask Drake for a photograph of Susan.

  They took walks through the foothills that were ribboned with clear streams. Lauri taught Jennifer the signs for everything. It usually took only one time, and the child could remember the word, though they repeated every sign an enormous number of times.

  In the afternoons Betty, Sam, and Sally joined Jennifer's sign classes. These were happy times, full of laughter, and the children turned the lessons into a game. Soon they were communicating with Jennifer with the aplomb and unselfconsciousness that only children possess.

  "Look, Jennifer," Lauri cried as she opened the mailbox. They had walked down the bill into town to a grocery store to replenish the pantry. "There's a letter in here! I wonder who it's for." As usual Lauri verbalized what she was signing.

  "Jen-fa," the child said in her inarticulate but endearing way. She pointed to herself and smiled broadly.

  Lauri held the envelope down on her level, and Jennifer pointed out her name, which had been printed in large bold letters. Then she pointed to the name in the upper-left-hand corner. Drake, she signed with a giggle.