“I guess being in love means you’re more able to cope with problems.”
He raised his gaze back to hers. “I suppose. I’ve never been in love, so I don’t know.”
“Never?” She found that difficult to believe. “Not even with your hundred-and-one girlfriends?”
He gave her an exasperated look. “I’m not even close to a quarter of that figure. And no. I’ve never been in love with any of them. You?”
She picked at her fingernails. He hadn’t asked about her previous sexual experience while on holiday in Fiji, but she’d told him anyway. Two partners, both of whom she’d only slept with less than half a dozen times. He’d nodded, but she knew he had no idea just how different an experience it had been going to bed with him compared to having sex with the others. They had been like having ice cream for dessert. Nice enough, and she wasn’t going to turn it down, but not exactly haute cuisine. Sex with Toby, however, had been like a beautiful sundae, full of different flavours of expensive ice cream, exotic fruits, liqueurs, chocolate sauce and marshmallows. He’d be top of anyone’s menu.
It wasn’t surprising she’d fallen for him within days—no, probably hours—of meeting him. He was so full of life, enthusiastic, vibrant, fun. He’d taken her to dizzy heights of pleasure she’d never known existed.
No wonder the fall had been so hard.
“No,” she said. “Never been in love.”
Their gazes met, and they studied each other for a long, long time.
She turned and got up. “Better get going,” she said. “Are you okay to drop me back?”
“Of course.”
Suddenly it was all very formal. She went into the kitchen and found her clothes, squeezed herself into the skimpy dress and slipped on her sandals. He came out in shorts and a black T-shirt, looking just as gorgeous as he had in the dress shirt.
“After you.” He held open the door, and followed her out to the car.
They didn’t say much as he drove her the short distance to Faith’s house. When they arrived, he accompanied her to the front door.
“Well,” he said as she turned to face him. “Thanks for a lovely evening.”
“You’re very welcome.” She hesitated. He’d shoved his hands in the pocket of his shorts and looked suddenly young and uncertain. Her heart went out to him. He hadn’t asked for any of this. For all his experience, he was no more skilled in relationships than she was. She smiled. “Want to come in and see Charlie?”
His face brightened. “Sure.”
She opened the door with the key Faith had given her and they went in. Faith and Rusty were in the living room, curled up together on the sofa watching a DVD, but they paused it as Esther and Toby entered.
“Hey, you two.” Faith grinned at them. “Had a nice evening?”
“Yes,” Toby said, “we’ve had sex. Stop smirking.”
Faith and Rusty laughed. “Good to hear,” Faith said. “I expect a report shortly.” Her eyes twinkled. “Although of course, the more data I have, the better.”
Esther’s cheeks burned. Faith was implying they should give the game another go. But that would be a big mistake. She could convince herself once was a blip. More than once was a pattern, and that wouldn’t end well.
Toby gave Faith the sort of look Esther imagined she’d given Charlie when he’d told the kindergarten teacher that his mummy had dropped a plate on the floor and said “Fuck”. Faith pulled an oops face and then winced as Rusty gave her a surreptitious kick.
That made Esther laugh. “Don’t worry about it,” she said, turning to leave the room. “It was a one-off, Faith, but I’m glad you gave Toby the game.”
She walked along the corridor to the spare room and paused in the doorway. Charlie lay in bed on his stomach, covers rumpled around him, cheeks rosy from the warmth of the summer evening. He looked so beautiful she caught her breath.
“Wow.” Toby stood behind her. He didn’t touch her, but the heat from his body radiated through her. “I can’t believe we made him.”
“I know. Me neither.”
“You are so clever.”
She said nothing but couldn’t stop a smile creeping onto her lips.
They stood there for a moment, afraid to break the perfect moment. Her son content, quiet, dreaming of Thomas Tank and Lego and the swings, and Toby standing with her, such an example of strength and masculinity that she ached.
And suddenly she was glad they’d slept together for the last time. Because she could very easily fall for him all over again. And she didn’t know if her heart would survive another break.
Chapter Twenty
“Wow,” Dan said as Charlie tripped over his feet and sprawled onto the grass. “He’s so like his father.” The others laughed.
Toby smiled good-naturedly. It was Sunday evening, and at six o’clock he’d picked up Esther and Charlie, along with Rusty and Faith, and driven to Paihia, where they’d met Dan and Eve at The Seagull for dinner. The weather was gloriously warm, so they’d taken a seat in the garden overlooking the beach, the bay glittering enticingly in the background.
His gaze slid across to Esther as the others continued to talk. She’d smiled at Dan’s joke, but it looked more like a smile of politeness than genuine amusement at his gag. Was something bothering her? She’d seemed happy enough when he picked her up. In the morning, he’d taken her and Charlie into Kerikeri to explore the shops, and then Faith and Rusty had joined them for a snack lunch in McDonald’s. Charlie had wolfed down a six pack of chicken nuggets and then spent a pleasant half hour playing on the slides in the indoor playground while they chatted about this and that.
He sensed that Esther liked Faith, and also that she was unused to the sort of friendship Faith was offering her. She must lead a very lonely life in Christchurch. What a shame they had to live on different islands. Things might have been very different if they’d discovered in Fiji that they came from the same town, or at least the same area. Perhaps he would have made more of an effort to continue the relationship. Although would he have been ready to be a father? He was hardly ready now, but he’d grown up a lot over the last couple of years. Maybe the time just hadn’t been right then.
She met his eyes, and a flush spread slowly over her cheeks before she tore her gaze away. He smiled, amused at how easily she blushed. It was difficult to stop his mind flicking through scenes of the previous night. Her beautiful, soft body moulding and opening to his, her delicious gasps of pleasure that had turned him on so much, her wide green eyes, intense and hot with desire. In spite of her reticence and obvious worry about how her body had changed, and being nervous about stripping in front of him, she’d loved him with an abandonment that had blown him away.
She wasn’t the most sexually aware girl he’d slept with. And yet she was the sexiest by far, although he couldn’t put his finger on why. But she did something to his inner thermostat and sent it rocketing every time she lost her shyness and gave him one of those looks that made his blood boil.
She was also the cleverest girl he’d been with. He liked that she was smarter than him. Her brain was sexy, and he loved the way she seemed to enjoy listening to his opinions and encouraged him to speak the kind of thoughts he’d never have voiced to anyone else for fear of being laughed at.
“Toby!”
He jumped, only then realising the others were all looking at him, waiting for him to answer a question. “What?”
Rusty smirked. “Mind elsewhere, was it?”
Eve sighed. “You’re such a Neanderthal, Toby. Don’t you ever think of anything else?”
For once, he didn’t return with a wisecrack. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten embarrassed. As he was so clumsy and walked into doors and knocked vases over three or four times a day, he was used to looking an idiot. He was also used to the others teasing him. But for some reason Eve’s comment stung.
Maybe it was because Esther was listening, and he didn’t want her to think badly of him. Or maybe i
t was because that was what he had been thinking, but it hadn’t been lewd or base as Eve had suggested. He hadn’t just been thinking about sex. He’d been thinking about sex with Esther. That was something entirely different, and not something he wanted made fun of.
At that moment, Charlie fell over again, and this time he must have bumped himself because he wailed. Esther put down her knife and fork, but Toby had already finished his fish and chips, so he pushed himself to his feet. “I’ll get him.”
He ignored the looks they exchanged, picked up Bear and walked across the grass to where Charlie sat, tears running down his chubby cheeks. Toby dropped to his haunches beside him and handed him Bear. “Hey, fella. What did you do?”
“Hurt my hand.” Charlie clutched Bear to him and showed Toby the hand that bore the minutest of grazes. “Kiss it better,” he demanded. Toby did so. Charlie stretched his arms to be picked up.
A lump formed in Toby’s throat, and he slotted his hands under the boy’s armpits and stood, bringing Charlie with him and balancing him on his hip. Charlie cuddled up to him and rested his head on Toby’s shoulder as he sucked his thumb.
“It’s okay,” Toby murmured, turning to face the sea. “All better now.”
Charlie took his thumb out of his mouth. “Because Daddy kissed it.” The thumb went back in.
Toby said nothing, resting his lips on the top of Charlie’s curls. This was his son. And his son didn’t think he was an idiot. Charlie thought he was a superhero. He’d never felt so humble or so proud.
“Hey.”
He turned to see Esther smiling up at him. “Hey,” he said. “You want to take him?”
“No, no. He looks quite comfortable there.” She stroked Charlie’s hair. “You all right, baby?”
Charlie nodded, but didn’t raise his head. His eyelids drooped.
“We’ll get going soon,” Toby promised. “Past your naptime, eh fella?” He kissed Charlie’s forehead, then looked across at Esther. She had a strange look on her face. “What?”
“Nothing.” She glanced back at the others and dropped her gaze to her feet.
He studied her, puzzled. “Are you enjoying yourself? You getting on okay with the others?”
“They’re great. I don’t like how they put you down, though.”
He shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. They’re usually right.”
“No they’re not,” she replied hotly, “and you shouldn’t let them get away with it. I know they’re fond of you, but that doesn’t give them the right to treat you as if you’re an idiot.”
“I am an idiot.”
“Not all the time.” Her lips curved.
Warmth spread through him at the way she felt the need to defend him. Nobody had ever stood up for him before, not even his mother. Martha usually joined in when his father and brothers teased him—he’d grown to accept that he always bore the brunt of the family jokes. It was refreshing to have someone on his side for once.
“Thanks for last night,” she said.
“You’re very welcome.” He smiled at the flush that appeared on her cheeks.
She looked out to sea. “I guess you can help Faith with her research now.”
“Yeah.” He knew Faith was itching to quiz him on the Naughty Nights game.
“I suppose you have to give the game back,” she added.
“I should, yes.”
She moistened her lips with her tongue. “Unless…”
He stared at her. Was she suggesting what he thought she was suggesting? “Unless…”
She sighed. “Oh, I’m not going to tiptoe around this. I’m here for a week. We’re both single. I haven’t had…” She glanced at Charlie. “The ‘S’ word for a very long time. And you’re very good at it.” Her eyes twinkled. “Want to do it again?”
He burst out laughing. “You like to say what you’re thinking, don’t you?”
“I don’t see the point in being subtle.”
“Clearly.” This was probably a very bad idea. But he didn’t care if it meant getting her into bed. “I’d very much like to do it again.”
“There are some conditions, though,” she said solemnly. “It’s purely physical.”
“Oh, absolutely.”
“I mean it, Toby. We both have to understand that. I don’t want to get tangled up in something that won’t end well when I still live at the opposite end of the country.”
“I understand.” And he did. She didn’t want anything more. He was surprised at the twinge of disappointment deep inside him. But he said nothing. If she only wanted sex, he’d take it. He just wanted to be with her.
She bit her lip. “Is it a bad idea? I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s just… You look so gorgeous, holding Charlie.”
He’d been thinking the same thing—her dark hair, for once released from its clip, lifted in the late evening breeze, and she looked curvaceous and tempting in the bright orange sundress.
His lips curved. Keeping a tight hold on Charlie, who’d fallen asleep, he slid a hand into her hair and pulled her closer for a kiss.
When he finally released her, he said, “I don’t see what’s wrong in indulging in a bit of hot sex for a week. We find each other attractive—what’s wrong with that? We’re both grown-ups. I think we know the score.” He ran his hands down her back. “Anyway, I’m willing if you are.”
Her gaze rested on his lips. “Okay. So it’s just hot sex then.”
“Just hot sex.” He hardened at the thought.
“When shall we pick another scenario?”
“Actually my parents have asked if they can have Charlie for the afternoon tomorrow. We can have a few hours to ourselves.”
“Sounds good.”
He glanced across at the table. The others were pretending not to look, but he knew they’d seen him kiss Esther. He sighed. “Come on. Let’s finish up our drink and we can get going.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Esther walked back to the table. Toby sat carefully, making sure he didn’t disturb his son. Excitement bubbled inside her at the thought of having sex with him again. She hadn’t been able to help herself. Standing there, his son cradled in his arms, his curly hair moving in the breeze, he’d looked so gorgeous that she’d not been able to resist the desire flooding through her.
“You okay?” Eve said to Toby. “I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t upset you.”
“Nah.” He finished off his Coke. “You were right, anyhow. I was thinking about sex.”
“No surprises there,” Dan said. “You were awake.”
Esther was unable to suppress a giggle, and Toby gave her a mock glare as everyone else laughed. “Don’t you start. You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I am,” she said. “I’m being polite and laughing at the groom-to-be’s jokes.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He grinned. She could tell from the intensity of his eyes that he was thinking about their next Naughty Night.
Flustered, she turned her attention to Dan. “Are you looking forward to the big day?”
“I’m terrified,” he said.
“He’s not joking,” Eve added. “I might have to sedate him to get him down the aisle.”
Toby smiled. “We’ll make sure he’s there.”
“Yeah,” Rusty said. “I’ve got a taser somewhere—I knew it would come in handy some day.”
Dan glared as they all laughed. “Sure, have a joke at my expense.”
“What are you worried about?” Esther was curious.
“Yeah,” Eve said. “Have you gone off me?”
In answer, he reached out and took a strand of her long blonde hair between his fingers. He wrapped it around his hand slowly until she had to move closer to avoid losing half her scalp.
“Ow,” she said, but her eyes lit up as she looked at her fiancé.
“Never,” he murmured and captured her lips in a long, slow kiss.
Faith rolled her eyes and changed the subject, but Esther found it difficult to look away from
their embrace. Obviously, Dan was nervous about the big day, but he was clearly devoted to his fiancée. He kissed around to Eve’s ear before whispering something to her that made her giggle. It was strange to think Eve had slept with Toby. She glanced at him, wondering whether he was also watching them and if there would be envy on his face, but his gaze was fixed on his son, who was now curled up on his lap sound asleep.
He brushed a strand of hair from Charlie’s face, and she caught her breath at the obvious affection on his features. He loved the boy—that much was clear. The thought that Charlie now had a father to look out for him thrilled her and made her nervous at the same time. What would happen when she flew back to Christchurch? Charlie was going to be asking a hundred questions: Where’s Daddy? Why’s he not coming home with us? When will I see him again? Most of which she wouldn’t know the answer to.
It was great that the two of them seem to have connected so well. But had she just made things harder for herself?
The following day, Martha and Graham Wilkinson arrived at Faith and Rusty’s house to pick Charlie up at eleven thirty.
“Hello, young man.” Martha swept Charlie up in her arms and gave him a big kiss. “How do you fancy coming to the beach with me and Grandpa today?”
Charlie looked across at his mum. Esther smiled. “Maybe Grandpa will help you build a sandcastle.”
“A huge one,” Graham said. “As tall as you.”
Charlie’s eyes lit up. “With flags?”
Martha kissed him again. “Of course with flags. Can’t have a sandcastle without flags. And a moat so deep you can swim in it.”
Esther laughed and handed Graham Charlie’s bag, complete with sippy cup, Bear, and the hundred other things a two-year-old boy couldn’t do without for the day. “You have a friend for life now.”
“I hope so.” Martha smiled, her eyes meeting Esther’s over the top of Charlie’s head. They were warm, but there was also a hint of caution in them. Esther was pretty sure she knew what Martha was thinking. She wanted to get to know her grandson, but she was afraid of loving him too much because she knew Esther was going to take him away, and she wasn’t sure whether she’d see him again.
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