She stopped fussing and stared at him for the longest time, and he reveled in it. She was so precious. He couldn’t get over how tiny and perfect she was. He could sit here forever just holding her. She closed her eyes and turned her face into his chest.
And that was what did it. He completely lost his heart for the third time in his life. This tiny baby, less than two days old, had completely and irrevocably stolen his heart and wrapped it around her impossibly tiny finger.
He glanced up at Em. “She’s . . . she’s just . . . I can’t even.”
She offered a small smile. “I know.”
Chapter Twelve
June 2010
18 months later
It was noon, and even though Emily had a to-do list a mile long, she took a break to call her sister. Hope was due home at the end of the week, having been away for a modeling shoot the last two weeks. Opening her grilled chicken salad at her desk, she dialed her sister’s number.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Hope, how’s it going?”
“The shoot is going fine, and we’re on schedule. Here’s hoping we stay that way!”
“That’s great. We miss you.”
“I miss you guys, too. Anything new?”
“Nah, same stuff, different day.” She took a bite of her salad. “Are you okay? You don’t sound quite yourself.”
“Derek called.”
Emily groaned quietly, praying Hope had finally made a decision where her long-term boyfriend was concerned.
“I told him I was out of town for the week,” Hope said smugly.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. He’s a nice guy, and I really like him. I probably even, you know, L-O-V-E,” she whisper-spelled, “him. But I just don’t think I’m quite there yet.”
“You can’t leave him hanging much longer, Hope. You have to give him an answer, one way or the other.”
“I know.”
“Can you see spending the rest of your life without him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Hope,” she said sternly. Hope’s problem was she continuously held out hope that something better, bigger, and brighter would come along. She never settled for anything. But in this case, Emily didn’t see how anyone better could come along. Derek was a grounding influence on Hope, and everyone could see that Hope was in love with him. Emily’s fear was Hope was going to make the wrong choice and end up miserable. Emily knew Derek wasn’t the type who would welcome Hope back when she realized her mistake.
“I know, Em,” Hope whined. “I’m just scared. So scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“What if I make the wrong choice?”
“He loves you, he treats you like a princess, and he’s so good for you. It’s your life, but I think you’re making a huge mistake by waiting and considering saying no. He won’t stick around, Hope. If you tell him no, he’ll walk away and that will be that.”
“You really think so?”
“Yes. If you tell him no, there won’t be a second chance.”
“You make him sound like an Alpha with no heart.”
“Honey, he is an Alpha. You just don’t see it because he treats you so well. Have you never seen the look in his eyes when you’re out together? The man shoots laser daggers at any man who looks at you.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
Emily laughed. “It’s the truth. It’s a love that will carry you through anything.”
“I should call him.”
“Yes, you should. Ask him to pick you up from the airport, and when I see you on Friday, there better be a ring on your finger!”
“Okay,” Hope squealed with excitement. “Oh my God. I’m going to do it. Oh shit! I’m getting engaged. Emily, I’m freaking out!”
“You don’t say?” Emily laughed.
“Okay, okay. I need to chill. I still have so much work to get done.”
“I’ll let you go,” Emily said. “I’m so happy for you, Hope!”
“Thanks, Em. See you Friday!”
Emily hung up and tried to settle herself. She truly was happy for Hope, but a part of her was envious, too. Would it ever be her turn?
Ten seconds later, the phone rang and Emily smiled when she saw her best friend’s name on the caller ID. “Hi, Gina.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, glad to hear your voice. How are you?”
“Good, but enough about me. What’s with the melancholy I hear in your voice?”
“Oh nothing. Just a lot of my mind.”
“Like . . . ?” she prompted.
“I have a lot going on at work, Hope’s probably getting engaged on Friday, I’m debating letting Sadie go out and stay with Jason during Labor Day weekend.”
“Whoa, I don’t even know where to start with all of that.”
“I know.”
“I guess I’ll start with the exciting part. Hope’s getting engaged?”
“I hope so. She’s scared to commit, scared she’ll make the wrong decision. But he loves her and she loves him. And if she waits too much longer, he’ll be dust.”
“Holy crap. I’m so happy for her.”
“Me, too. Probably means Sadie and I need to start looking for our own place though.”
“Speaking of,” Gina hinted, “maybe you should move home. Less to decide regarding Sadie and Jason if you’re already here.”
“Ha. You know I couldn’t live so close to him.”
“No one says you have to live with your parents.”
“I think even being in the same town would be too much. Seeing him at the bank, grocery store, gas station. No thank you.”
“Hasn’t enough time passed? It’s been two years.”
“I know exactly how long it’s been, right down to the second. But I dream of him, still. My body longs for his touch. My heart yearns for his love. I can’t live there with those feelings still swirling around.”
“I hate the distance. And I know you do, too, but I just wish things were different.”
“Me, too.”
“You’re sure it wasn’t just a misunderstanding?”
Emily snorted. “It’s hard to imagine his tongue down her throat being a misunderstanding.”
“Maybe we could run him out of town? Phoebe and I can do pretty amazing things once we put our mind to it,” Gina said. Phoebe was the fourth of their group and the most eccentric of them all.
“You’d have to run her out of town, too. I’d probably kill her if I laid eyes on her.”
“I haven’t seen her in a few weeks. I wonder if she’s been in Boston.”
“Wouldn’t know.”
“Fred said she called into the station last week. He wouldn’t tell me why, though.”
“Probably something petty.” Emily paused to take a sip of her Dr. Pepper. “So, how’re things with Fred?”
“Freaking fantastic,” she gushed. “Well, when I see him anyway. He’s been picking up some extra shifts at the station to make up the time he took off for the wedding and honeymoon.”
“Have you decided whether you’re gonna start a family right away or wait?”
“No. He still wants to start now; I want to wait. I don’t even know why. I just know that I want, need, a little time first. I want to enjoy being married, enjoy having the house to ourselves, before we start filling it with the pitter-patter of little feet.”
“Well, whatever happens, I know you’ll both be wonderful parents.”
“Thanks.” Gina paused and then released a sigh. “Okay, I’m just going to come out with it. I can’t hold it back anymore.”
Emily grinned and, shooting to her feet in excitement, shouted into the phone. “Oh my God! You’re pregnant already!”
“Uh, no. That’s not it, so settle down,” Gina said matter-of-factly. “I bumped into Jason Friday night. Phoebe and I were at The Dustbowl and he was there with the guys. When Phoebe went to the restroom, he came over.”
“I
hope you told him to go to Hell,” Emily said firmly, dropping down into her chair.
“You know I didn’t,” Gina admonished. “Anyway, he asked how you and Sadie were doing. Wondered if you’ve thawed yet. I think he might be contemplating another trip east.”
“Not necessary. I haven’t changed my mind.”
“Em . . .”
“Tyler says he’s dating her,” she said derisively.
“More like she stalks him and shows up wherever he’s at,” Gina said with heat. “She showed up at The Dustbowl and spent the whole night throwing herself at him while he tried to avoid her at all costs.”
Emily snorted her disbelief, but if it had been anyone else telling her this, she would have laughed in their face. “He was probably putting on a show for you.” She wrapped the cord around her finger and sat back in her chair. “Tyler saw them in Tucumcari a couple of months ago. They were walking down the street hand-in-hand.”
Gina groaned. “I don’t know what that was, but I’m sure it’s another case of not what you think.”
“You really think that?”
“You’re too hard on him.” She drew in a deep breath and continued, “Listen, we’re best friends, and of course I’m on your side, if that’s what you want to call it, but he’s miserable and he wants you back.”
“I can’t, Gina,” Emily said, wrapping a lock of hair around her finger. “It would hurt too much to see him.” She paused to gather herself. She didn’t want to cry, hated to cry, had promised herself she wouldn’t shed another tear over him. “He should have thought about that before he played tonsil hockey with Lila,” Emily scoffed.
“He loves you,” Gina said simply.
“Marriage has made you soft,” Emily said. “And you know how I feel about this whole thing. Sure, he’s miserable—because he got caught. The only thing that surprises me is the fact that he’s still trying to get me back.”
“He loves you,” Gina repeated.
“Yeah, you keep saying.” Emily sighed. “I think you’re just seeing the world through newly wedded love-tinted sunglasses.”
“Maybe.”
Emily’s voice broke. “It was the night before our wedding, Gina. The. Night. Before.” She enunciated each word, putting a fine point on the end. What was it about this situation that no one seemed to understand? “What if you’d caught Fred kissing someone the night before your wedding?”
Gina sighed into the phone. “I don’t know. Maybe I would I have barged into the room and demanded an explanation right there.”
Emily laughed harshly. “But that’s you to a tee.”
“Yeah, that’s true. Listen, just give it some thought. Think for a minute that maybe you walked in at just the wrong moment. Maybe she was kissing him and not the other way around.”
“You think I haven’t thought of that in all this time? I know how she is. I’ve seen her operate. And that thought has crossed my mind. But why wasn’t he pushing her away? Why didn’t he step back and tell her off?”
“He was drunk, Em. He’d just gotten back from the bachelor party. I’m sure his reflexes weren’t the best.”
Emily groaned. “Let’s just drop this.”
“Fine.”
“I don’t want to fight, Gina.”
“I know, but sometimes you’re just so stubborn.”
“How’s married life?” she asked, trying to change the subject.
“You already asked me, but we’ll do this again. And don’t think this conversation is over, either. Anyway, married life is great and Fred is wonderful,” Gina replied in a singsong voice.
“Have you christened every room of the house yet?”
“Like three times already!”
“Better be careful or that five-year plan is gonna go out the window!”
“Ha, says you. We’re careful, and I’m going to get an IUD put in next week.”
“I thought you already had one?”
“I did, but they’re only good for five years. It’s time for another one.”
“I didn’t know that. Huh, learn something new every day.”
“I’m getting the eye from Fred. Think I need to go,” Gina said, giggling. “Stop, no tickling!”
Emily grinned as Gina’s giggling turned into peals of laughter. She was so pleased Gina had found someone to make her happy. “All right, go have fun. Talk to you later!”
“Bye,” Gina said breathlessly.
Hanging up, Emily sighed wistfully. Oh to be in love and carefree. She finished her salad and went to the kitchen to refill her water mug. Returning to her desk, she tried to push the envy she felt for her sister and best friend out of her heart. She had so much work to accomplish, but as hard as she tried, she couldn’t dislodge it. Packing up her briefcase, she decided to take an extended lunch break. She had a few things to pick up from the store, and then she thought she would treat herself to the fabulous view at the apartment and work from home for the rest of the day.
Chapter Thirteen
He drove into town for his weekly errand run, driving on autopilot, his mind on what more he could do to win back Em’s heart.
For her birthday this year, he’d sent tickets to the ballet, Onegin. He had heard through the grapevine that she really enjoyed going to shows like that and tried to attend them as often as possible. When he’d researched the shows playing, this one had called out to him. So he’d read the background and, with more than a little devil in his eyes, bought the tickets. The ballet was about love triangles, unrequited love, and the hard lessons learned from it. He’d hoped she’d find the humor in what he’d done, but other than thanking him and telling him she’d enjoyed the show, she hadn’t mentioned anything else about it.
For Christmas, he’d sent her a necklace with hers and Sadie’s birthstones inside an eternity symbol. And again, though she’d thanked him for the gift, that had been all there was to it.
He was hoping one of these times something would help him break through the ice and get her to acknowledge him and his efforts. A few months ago, Grace told him that Em was stressed out—between work, Hope being out of town again, and Sadie being a typical toddler—Emily was at her wit’s end. So he’d phoned their babysitter and set up a spa day for her over the upcoming weekend. But she’d canceled the babysitter and had yet to put the spa day package to use, saying things at work had come up and she hadn’t been able to get away.
He sighed and parked outside the florist shop. He sat in his truck for a moment, wondering if he should even bother. He couldn’t figure out where the negative feelings were coming from. Maybe just frustration. Maybe because he missed her. Missed Sadie. Maybe because he wanted to turn back time, not go out with the guys for his bachelor party, and be in a completely different spot in his life. He shook his head. He couldn’t give up now. Maybe this would be the thing that made her realize he was sorry.
He opened the door and got out of his truck. He fed the meter and looked up, right into the eyes of the person who’d made his life a living hell.
“Hi, sugar,” Lila said, sidling up to him and resting her hand on his arm. “Missed you at the bar this weekend.”
He ground his teeth together. “Lila.” He pulled away from her hand and started toward the florist shop.
“You don’t have to buy me flowers.” She giggled. “You’re more than enough.”
“They aren’t for you.”
“It’s too bad.”
Falling for the bait, he turned toward her. “What’s too bad?”
“That you feel like you have to resort to this kind of thing. She should just love you for you,” she looked down at her feet and whispered coyly, “I do.”
He closed his eyes and tried to count to ten. But all he could envision was strangling her. He jumped when he opened his eyes and found her a hair’s breadth away from him. She moved quickly and silently.
“It could be great with us,” she purred. “I don’t require strings, Jason. Just you.”
“Lila,
I’ve said this before. I’m not interested. Not in you. Not in the future you think you’d have with me. Not with anything to do with you. Not interested.”
“I’m a patient woman, Jason. I’ll wait as long as I need to.”
He rolled his eyes and turned his back on her. He strode into the florist shop and tried to put Lila and her craziness out of his mind.
“She still annoying you?” the clerk asked, nodding toward the front windows.
He nodded and glanced over his shoulder. He let out a deep breath of annoyance when he saw she was leaning up against his truck. “Martie, this town is too small. I can’t get away from her.”
“Looks like she’s waiting for you.”
“She’s going to be waiting a long time. Not interested.”
She laughed. “What’ll it be this week?”
“Roses, I think. Those thornless, purple ones. Two dozen.”
“Anything for the little girl?”
“Nah, I have something for her already.”
“How old is she now?”
“Eighteen months.”
“No kidding? Really?”
“Yeah, can you believe it? Time is flying by too fast.”
“Come back to me when she’s getting married and having her own babies. Being a grandparent is the best way to see time fly by.” Martie chuckled.
Jason inwardly cringed at the thought of Sadie having her own babies but laughed with Martie. She was a sweet woman. She ran the florist shop in town with her husband. She tended the stop and he worked the flowers. They had their own greenhouse in the back of the shop and they lived above it.
“I see the look of fear in your eyes. Savor all the moments because she’ll be grown and having her own babies before you know it,” she said wistfully. “Sometimes I wish we could travel back in time to our favorite moments. And those moments we don’t remember anymore. The ones you tell yourself you’ll never forget, but after a time, they fade away to nothing.”
“I already have some of those.”
“I bet you do. And you’ll have more before it’s said and done. Even now, with the boys all grown and married—I still have moments with them that fade to dust.” She finished filling out the order form and passed it across the counter for him to review.
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