by Leddy Harper
Her shoulders drooped and her expression softened. “When I told you I didn’t want you to end up hurt, it had nothing to do with that. I just meant I didn’t want you to go through all that trouble and then I end up failing at starting my own business. I didn’t want you to be stuck with a lease on a storefront without anything to use it for. And yes, I told Connor I wanted the money, because I do. Fifty thousand dollars is a lot to me. In fact, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t want that kind of money. But that’s it.
“The plan I was talking about was to talk to you, but I couldn’t tell Connor that. That all happened the day I brought your lunch to you at work. We talked that night, that’s when we decided to see where things would go. That was the entirety of my plan, believe it or not. I decided I’d bring it up and test the water to see where your head was at. I told him to give me a week in case I didn’t have the confidence to bring it up to you right away. But I still didn’t have an answer for him because you and I hadn’t come to any conclusions. We only decided to wait…so that’s what I was doing.”
She had my head spinning in circles, unsure of which way was up or down.
“I couldn’t tell him that we wouldn’t be getting the money because I had chosen you, because I wasn’t certain where we stood. So the last thing I wanted to do was give up the money and then end up losing you in the end. I wanted you, if I had my choice, it would’ve been you. Forever. But I didn’t know where your heart was.”
“You’ve always had it, baby. Always.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the gold band. Holding it between my fingers, I took her hand in mine and watched her eyes widen and turn brighter.
“W-what’s that?”
“This is your wedding band. I found it on the nightstand the next morning when I was straightening up your hotel room. You didn’t remember anything, so I took it with me, and I’ve saved it all these years. Many things have gone wrong with us on our quest to make it right. It started that morning—after one of the best nights of my life—when I didn’t tell you the truth. I should’ve come clean then, once I realized your memory loss. Then I allowed the charade to continue for five years when I refused to reach out to you. Call it stubbornness or being pigheaded. I deserve every name you can think of to call me. Over the past couple months, we went about it all wrong. We tiptoed around each other instead of verbalizing what should’ve been said five long years ago. I want you to have this, to wear it again. I want to put it on your finger like I did years ago, but this time, I want it to stay there.”
Her lack of words, the worry in her stare, and the harsh swallow she took while regarding me with a pained expression, made my stomach turn. Nothing about her actions set me at ease. They only served to heighten my fear that maybe I had been too late. That I had pushed her too far away.
I should’ve known it would take more than a plain gold band to make things right again. I would do anything to correct the situation. I would’ve strung up lights all the way to the moon and back if that’s what was required.
“Please tell me you haven’t filed for divorce yet. Fuck…please, Jelly. Did you meet with the producers? What did you decide?” The frantic words flew from my lips faster than I could stop them. But I didn’t care, even though I had everything to lose. She needed to be made aware of how I felt, because I was done hiding. I was done playing it safe or trying to keep her from running off.
She licked her lips and closed her eyes for a brief moment before she finally spoke. “Did they ever call you, earlier this year to ask if we were married? Or did anyone for that matter?”
Her question confused me, but right before I answered her, I remembered something. At the time, I hadn’t given it much thought, and I would’ve forgotten about it completely if she hadn’t asked me with that curious glint in her eye. “Uh…yeah. Last year, though. It was around Thanksgiving, maybe earlier. Someone from the Clark County Clerk of Courts had called, said something about records and verifying marriage licenses. I didn’t think anything of it; it was all so formal. She just asked if I had married you on July fifteenth, twenty twelve in Las Vegas, Nevada. I said yes. She asked if it had been annulled or dissolved, and I said no. She didn’t ask anything else, and I didn’t think to question it.” By the look on her face, she had more to say. “Why?”
“I was told before leaving the show—when they informed me I was legally married—that they had called you. To be honest, with everything going on, I totally forgot until now. This last week apart, I’ve replayed everything over and over again, and that was when I remembered. You were surprised to see me when I showed up on your front step. You seemed genuinely shocked when I admitted to knowing about the marriage. You didn’t have a clue how I’d found out. At the time, with so much going on, so many things to say, I didn’t think twice about it. But the producers told me something interesting when I met with them earlier.”
I waited with bated breath for her to say more, but she didn’t. I figured I had to pry it out of her before I died of heart failure. “So you did meet with them already…what happened? What did you tell them?” I frantically searched around the room, hoping to lay eyes on the folder containing our divorce documents without ever pulling myself from the floor at her feet. “Baby, tell me we still have a chance.”
Her expression was difficult to read. First appearing soft, her lips almost seemed on the verge of smiling, but her breathing came off slightly labored, as if she were having a hard time confessing something. And that paralyzed me.
“You’ve called me ‘baby’ a lot since you got here.”
I pinched my brows in thought, wondering why that somehow had any significance to her. But I didn’t question it and only answered her, even though she had yet to give me a single answer to anything I’d asked. Although, I didn’t exactly have room to complain. She didn’t owe me anything—I was the one who owed her the world. “Yeah, I guess I have.”
“Why? You have before, at completely random times, but never this much unless we’re having sex. It just makes me curious.”
I could tell she was doing this to test my patience. It was in her smiling eyes. “I’m not certain. Maybe because I’m not holding back like I have been. Because I don’t care if you think I’m coming on too strong. Hell, Jelly, it could be a million different reasons. I love you. I’m in love with you. I want you to come home with me and be my wife—not like we have been, but for real. Like…for real, for real. Your last name matching mine and a house belonging to both of us with a deed that says Holden and Janelle York. I’m talking babies and mini vans and my firm and your event planning. I want it all. And I want it with you. I’m not hiding anymore…baby. This is me, being who I am for the woman of my dreams, the woman I love, the woman I will do anything for if she were to give me the honor of spending the rest of her life with me.”
Her eyes brightened and became glassy, which meant she was on the verge of tears. Which wasn’t a good sign for me, considering that usually meant she was pissed off…at me. So I sat there, on my knees, at her feet, with my arms wrapped around her and my eyes pleading, begging her to not give up on me, on us, quite yet. I cherished this moment between us, fully aware that it may be the last time I get to hold her.
“I like it,” she whispered, almost to herself. I wasn’t even sure I’d heard her correctly until she gave a demure grin and traced the taut lines on my brow with the tip of her finger. When she went back to the sides of my head, running her fingers through my short hairs, I decided it couldn’t be as bad as I feared. “The producers told me they had attorneys who could handle our paperwork for us, possibly speed up the process so we can get the ball rolling with the rest of it.”
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach, and then my stomach twisted and knotted.
“I told them no.” That one sentence breathed life back into me. “I came all the way here to follow through with the original plan. You kicked me to the curb, so I didn’t feel like I had any other choice. I don’t think I’ve ever thought ve
ry far ahead. It was always pick the stone up and throw it, and then focus on where it landed, make it there, and then repeat it all over again. I don’t think I’ve ever picked my head up and looked beyond the stone to see where I was even headed. For all I know, I could’ve ended up in a lake or walking right off a bridge. Today, I looked past the stone.”
My throat was so tight I wasn’t sure I would be able to speak when I asked, “And what did you see?”
“You. It’s always been you.” And that sentence pumped life back into me. “So I told them I wasn’t interested in their help with the divorce, because this time, I would be the one to fight it. I told them I have no desire to marry Connor for money or any other reason. That’s when they explained the show to me.”
I bit my lip and pulled her closer, hanging on her every word.
“They found me because they’d confirmed I was married. They were the ones who called you and asked for verification, and from when you said you got the call, it sounds like it was all part of the grand plan. There were ten guys and ten girls, all meant to pair off into ten couples. Half of us had been married in Vegas four to seven years ago. The other half were staged. It was part of some experiment, I guess to see if we’d end up figuring out our shit or follow the money.”
Surprise made me speechless and I couldn’t do anything other than stare at her.
“There were seven couples who actually did what they were supposed to—which as it turns out was basically pair up with one of the dummies. Out of those seven, so far they haven’t written any checks. And aside from me, there’s one other couple who forfeited the money. The others they’re still waiting to hear back from.”
“So was there ever any money?”
She shrugged and took a deep breath. “I assume so. I mean, they said they would give it, so I guess they would have to. But that doesn’t matter to me, because I don’t want it. I already turned it down and that’s when they explained it all to me.”
“You chose me before I showed up in New York?”
Her smile stretched across her face and it drew me up off my knees. It dragged me up her body until I hovered over her, laying her across the mattress.
“Then why did you try to close the door in my face?”
“I don’t know…I guess I was caught off guard to see you here. That and Connor was bleeding and the sight kind of grossed me out. Oh, and I had just woken up so I’m sure I look like shit. There are a hundred reasons, Holden. But none of them make any sense.”
I straddled her waist and held her hand in mine, making sure she watched as I slid the ring down her finger and over her knuckle until it fit perfectly in place, not giving her the chance to argue with me about it. “Oh, and by the way, I told Matt.”
“About what?” Panic filled her wide eyes.
“Everything. I told him I was leaving work to chase after you, and then told him why.”
“He knows about Vegas?”
“About the chapel, yes. But, babe, you never have to worry about me telling anyone about that night in its entirety. No one needs to know the details.”
She smirked and pinned me with her comical stare. “Trying to keep it a secret how fast you blew your load?”
With my hands pressed into the mattress on either side of her head, I lowered my forehead to hers and whispered, “Nah. I was trying to save you from the embarrassment of people finding out how when you were on top, riding my cock like a motherfucking pro, you whipped your hand in the air and called out, ‘ride ’em cowboy.’”
Her eyes widened and she released a gasp. “No, I didn’t.”
“Oh, yes you did,” I mumbled against her lips. Leaving her in her state of shock, I lowered my mouth to her neck, then her chest, before slowly cupping her breast and massaging it with my fingers. The perfect handful. The urge to be inside her superseded anything else. But as soon as I squeezed her tit, she flinched and cried out in pain.
“Sorry, they’re sore. I should be getting my period soon. I’ve been feeling it come on but it hasn’t yet.” When I started to back away from her, unwilling to cause her more pain, she gripped my shirt in her fists and yanked me back down. “I haven’t gotten it yet…which means we’re good. We can have sex. No need to freak out over the dreaded P word.”
I wagged my brows at her but crawled off her body anyway. Her knitted brows said it all, until she realized I only meant to back away enough to remove my clothing. And just before I found myself over her once more, she lifted herself onto her elbows and asked me where my ring was.
“It’s at home.”
“I want to put it on you.”
It took me a second, but then it made sense. “You have a thing for men wearing wedding bands?”
“I have a thing for my husband wearing absolutely nothing but his wedding band.”
And if I hadn’t been seconds away from filling her completely, I would’ve hauled her over my shoulder and dragged her home just so she could slide my band over my knuckle, where I’d keep it forever and ever.
“I love you so much, Jelly.” It was meant to be this sweet, monumental moment, but when she smiled and stared into my eyes, I couldn’t see past the sheen of tears lining her baby blues. “Why are you mad? What did I do wrong?”
“I’m not mad. Quite the opposite, actually. I’m happy. I didn’t think I’d ever feel this content, but I do. You, Holden, make me feel so complete, it’s like my heart will burst. And I’m pretty sure you’ve made me feel this way before, because it’s familiar. Being with you like this, my heart pounding against my ribs, not from fear or angst, but from so much love it’s almost unbearable.”
“Are you trying to tell me you’re in love with me?” I teased, hoping to make things easier for her.
“No.” Her one-word reply stilled my heart. But then her explanation revived it. “Every action has an opposite reaction. So if I’m in love with you, that means there’s an option to be out of love with you. And that’s not possible. If anything, I’d say I indefinitely love you.”
I lowered my lips to hers and slowly slid into her tight heat, waiting for that sigh to pass her lips once I fit all the way in. When she gave me that, I swallowed it and said, “I indefinitely love you, too.”
Epilogue
Janelle
I gripped Holden’s hand and tried to suppress the need to hurl. I was so nervous and just wanted to hurry up and get this over with.
“I don’t get it…you’ve said you were the life of the party when you were away at college. So what’s the difference now? Why do you all of a sudden not want the attention set on you?” He held my gaze in an attempt to calm me down.
“That’s different. This is my family. Around my peers is one thing…but these are people I can’t escape. They have the ability to hurt me more than anyone else.”
“You have nothing to worry about, babe. Yes, they are your family, which means they aren’t going anywhere.” He kissed me on my cheek and then opened his car door, leaving me to follow him.
The nausea only worsened when I glanced through the window along the front of the office, and I saw that my entire family had already arrived. Holden met me around the front of the car and laced my fingers with his, shoving his left hand into his front pocket. Ever since coming back from New York, we always wore our bands—except Sunday afternoons at my parents’ house. Rather than take them off now, we hid it. Which only made my stomach flip and flop even more.
Everyone knew we had started to date, but that was as far as we let it go. Anytime Mom would start talking about weddings, I told her I would never walk down the aisle, so she needed to give up on the dream. I could easily tell her the one thing that would get her to shut up, but I just wasn’t ready to offer that up yet. And honestly, walking into the office, facing the entire lot of my family members, I didn’t want to tell them now, either. I wasn’t ready to let the cat out of the bag just yet.
“Are you ready for the grand opening?” Christine met us by the door, just outside The
Newest York Events office. Balloons clung to the handle, along with streamers, all colored blue and pink.
“This is your gender reveal—not my grand opening.”
We had been back for four weeks, and almost every second of that time had been spent working on getting my business up and running. Luckily, I had Holden to help, considering he’d basically done this same thing—he hated it when I said that and had to point out how a certified public accountant firm wasn’t at all the same as my event planning. I simply rolled my eyes and waved him off, telling him he could believe what he wanted.
Matt and Christine obviously knew about us, but we had sworn them to secrecy. We explained how we wanted to tell everyone at once, but I personally didn’t want to do that until we had the business far enough along to share it all with them at once. They agreed, and somehow, I’d convinced them to use their gender reveal “party” to kick-start the opening. Apparently, neither Christine nor Matt thought there needed to be some big to-do when revealing the sex of their baby. I convinced them otherwise, under the stipulation that we share the event—half baby surprise and half grand opening for the family. They also made me swear to tell everyone about Holden and me being married. I begrudgingly agreed—not because I didn’t want to share my news, but because I would’ve been happy keeping it our happy little secret for just a little bit longer.
“I already told you, Janelle…” Christine lowered her chin to pin me with her serious stare. “This isn’t about us. It’s not about the baby. This is about you and your store and your big news with Holden. I understand that you didn’t want it to be all about you, but honestly, I don’t want this to be a big deal.”
“I figured you were just trying to be nice. Christine, this is a big deal. You and Matt have suffered for so long, been through so many heartbreaks…you guys deserve to celebrate. This is your rainbow baby—”
