by Luna Athena
“Because she took you in?” Rowan said.
“Yup. Of course, I was too young to understand her sacrifice. It wasn’t until much later that I realized all that she had given up to take care of me,” said Tessa.
Rowan nodded.
“I had my terrible twos late, so I’m told. I don’t really remember, but I’m sure part of it was being shook up after my parents’ death.” Tessa said. “But I was pure hell for my Gran.”
“You?” Said Rowan.
“Breaking things to piss off Gran was a young hobby of mine,” Tessa said.
“You were that bad?” Rowan asked.
“Worse. I couldn’t really remember my mom or my dad, but I sure knew I didn’t have parents the way other kids did. It felt unfair and made me angry. So I took it all out on Gran,” Tessa said. “I was so mean to her most of the time.”
“So you were more than a handful?” Said Rowan.
“Permanent marker graffiti on the living room wall level bad. But Gran didn’t give up on me. Nope. She took it all in stride and did the best she could with me. I reached my rebellious teens by the time I was twelve. Have you ever seen a twelve-year-old kid smoking?”
“No way,” said Rowan.
His eyes went back to the goth club, studying it carefully. Then he looked back at Tessa.
“I was a mess. I even shoplifted,” Tessa said. “I remember Gran’s face when I got caught.”
“You shoplifted, and you got caught?” Rowan asked.
He took out his monitor, checked it, then placed it back in his pocket. Tessa caught a glint from his silver pistol.
“Gran got the charges dropped, somehow,” said Tessa.
“So what happened? You don’t seem like that at all now,” Rowan said. “What changed you?”
Tessa felt a lump form in her throat. She almost couldn’t speak. Rowan looked away from her, once again studying the club.
Tessa didn’t know why she was telling Rowan all this. But she couldn’t stop now.
“On my thirteenth birthday, Gran had a heart attack.”
“On your birthday?” Rowan said.
“It’s freakish, isn’t it?” Tessa said. “She’d gotten me my favorite chocolate cake. And we didn’t even have the money for it. And I was always ungrateful for everything. She got my favorite cake, and I was complaining about the candles. I wanted pink candles, and she’d gotten me blue.”
Tessa could feel tears forming in her eyes. Why was she telling Rowan all this? Rowan stared straight at her now, his eyes on her, completely unmoving.
“I told Gran I wasn’t even going to eat any,” said Tessa. “But she was always so patient. And she handed me the knife and told me to make the first cut. And so finally I did. Then I handed her back the knife and told her to do the rest.”
Tessa stopped. She could see the past so vividly now. She remembered exactly what had happened.
“Then Gran starts cutting the cake. And suddenly she stops. She just lets go of the knife. And her hand goes to her heart, and then she falls over,” said Tessa. “Just like that. She just fell over. And I was so scared. It was the most terrifying thing that ever happened to me in my whole life. Even scarier than Skull Carver attacking me tonight. That was nothing compared to watching Gran fall over like that.”
Tessa was now in full on tear mode.
“I barely knew what to do,” said Tessa. “I was so scared to touch Gran. Like if I touched her, I might make things worse. Nothing made any sense. But it was at that moment I realized that Gran was all I had, all I’d ever had, and that I was about to lose her.”
“What do you mean?” Rowan asked.
“I was a bully at school. I didn’t have any real friends. The teachers hated me. The neighbors hated me,” Tessa said. “I didn’t have any other family. Gran was all I had. And there she was lying on the floor. I didn’t even know if she was breathing.”
“So what happened?” Asked Rowan.
“It must have only been a moment before I got myself together. But I called the hospital. They sent an ambulance right away. And the lady on the phone, she walked me through some procedures. She told me what to do to help Gran. And I did it. Just like that. First time I’d ever listened to anyone. But I did exactly what she told me to do.”
“And your Gran was okay?” said Rowan.
“Yeah, but she wasn’t ever the same again,” said Tessa. “Mentally she was fine. Just as alert as ever. Quick as a whip. She’d always been quick as a whip. But physically, the heart attack took something from her, and she never got it back.”
Tessa shook her head. She wiped some tears out of her eyes. Why did she have to tell Rowan all this?
“Gran had always been so active. But after the heart attack, she was just...I don’t know...slower,” said Tessa. “She’d taken a job to help support us. But she had to quit. She couldn’t do it anymore. And her nest egg had only been shrinking since she’d taken me in. We were kind of in trouble.”
“And that’s when you started working,” Rowan said.
“Yeah,” said Tessa. “Gran was against it, but I insisted. We needed the money.”
“And you changed,” Rowan said.
“Yeah,” said Tessa. “I changed. Something just took over inside me. I realized how ungrateful I’d been all those years to Gran. The thought of losing her, it was more than I could ever bear. And, now, she needed me. She needed me, you know? I always just took, took, took from her, but now she needed me. And I was going to be there for her.”
Rowan’s eyes were so big as they looked at Tessa, studying her.
“And you know what the strangest part of it was?” Tessa asked.
“Tell me,” Rowan said.
“Before Gran’s heart attack I was always so unhappy, so miserable, so angry. I mean, I had everything going for me. Gran was great. She did everything for me. And yet there was something I just couldn’t let go of, and so I was miserable,” said Tessa.
“But then?” Rowan asked.
“But then, after Gran’s heart attack, I felt needed, and so I stepped up. And that made me feel good. It made me feel good in a way I couldn’t have ever expected. Gran needed me, and I was going to be there for her. And that made me happy. It made me happier than I’d ever been before.”
“I see,” Rowan said.
“Do you? Do you see?” Tessa said, feeling angry. “She’s been everything to me. And now she’s leaving. And I have to be there when she goes.”
Rowan just looked at Tessa. His eyes so intense on hers. He didn’t even blink.
Tessa reached out and grabbed his hand. She knew now why she was telling him all this.
“Listen to me,” said Tessa. “If you’re going to take my memory away, then you have to remember all this. Everything I just told you. Because it’s important. It’s important what happened. What happened to me. What I learned. You have to remember it.”
“All right,” Rowan said.
“All right?” Tessa said. “All right? That’s it. That’s all you have to say?”
Rowan said nothing then. Tessa shook her head.
“Forget it, Rowan,” Tessa said, glaring at him. “Just forget it.”
Tessa let go of Rowan’s hand. She wiped what was left of her tears. She looked forward at the goth club.
Where was Skull Carver? Why wouldn’t he hurry up so they could just get all of this over with? Tessa needed to get back to Gran.
Chapter 8
“It was 1950,” said Rowan.
This broke the silence that had settled over Tessa and Rowan for the last several minutes.
Tessa looked away from the goth club at Rowan. She had said he could talk to her. But did she still even want to talk to him now?
“What was 1950?” Said Tessa.
“When my parents were killed,” said Rowan. “It was 1950. I was ten years old.”
“That’s impossible,” said Tessa. “It’s 2019 now. You said you were eighteen. I can do simple math, Rowan. That doesn’
t make any sense.”
“It’s the space travel,” Rowan said. “It distorts time. This is my second mission back on earth. My first one was twenty-five years ago.”
“That’s awful,” Tessa said.
“Why?” Rowan asked.
“Everyone you meet will age and die while you go on, alone,” said Tessa. “How can you make friends? Or find someone you care about?”
“I told you, I’m not supposed to have any attachments,” said Rowan.
“It’s attachments that make life worth living,” said Tessa.
Rowan looked at Tessa. He began to speak, then he stopped himself. He looked away. A sad look crept across his face.
Tessa didn’t want him to stop speaking.
“So what was it like in 1950?” Tessa asked.
Rowan brightened just a little. He looked back at Tessa, remembering.
“Comics were a dime a copy,” Rowan said.
“There you go again,” teased Tessa. “Comics were never a dime a copy.”
“They were,” said Rowan. “Look it up.”
“I will,” said Tessa.
Rowan smiled.
“And what else?” Asked Tessa.
“My parents and I didn’t even have a TV. Some people did, but we didn’t,” said Rowan. “Every evening we all used to listen to the radio together. We had this great big one that we kept in the living room. I’d come home after sports practice, hurry up and do my homework, then we’d all eat dinner together, and finally, we’d all go to the living room and listen to the radio.”
Tessa couldn’t imagine it. It was the perfect kind of family life she’d so much wanted as a little girl but couldn’t have.
“What did you listen to on the radio?” Tessa asked.
“All kinds of things. Music shows, radio dramas, news,” said Rowan.
“What was news back then?” Tessa asked.
“It was all about Russia and the atomic bomb, and Korea,” said Rowan.
“Russia and Korea are still in the news now,” said Tessa.
Shock came across Rowan’s face.
“I’ve been so consumed with local city news since I got here, I didn’t bother to look at anything else. Is the fighting still going on in Korea?” Said Rowan.
“No,” said Tessa. “It’s different now.”
“I just remembered that because I was so worried about it,” said Rowan.
“About what?” Tessa asked.
“The war in Korea. Dad had been in the army,” said Rowan. “And I was worried he was going to reenlist and go to that war, too.”
“Your dad was a soldier?” Tessa asked.
The expression on Rowan’s face became a little distant.
“Dad fought in the Second World War. He was there on D-day when they landed on the beaches of Normandy,” said Rowan. “His platoon was one of the very first that landed, and almost every one of them died except for my father.”
Tessa knew nothing about the Second World War. They’d never even gotten to it in her history class at high school.
“Really,” she said, not wanting Rowan to stop speaking.
“Oh, yeah, Dad was in a lot of famous battles after that, too,” Rowan said. “If there was someplace you didn’t want to be during the Second World War, that’s where Dad was. And he always came out on top. He was a survivor,” said Rowan. “That’s just what he was. The Nazis could try all they liked to kill him, but they couldn’t get him.”
“Father like son?” Tessa said.
Rowan shrugged.
“Well, the Germans didn’t get him, but the 1950 version of Skull Carver sure did. I couldn’t tell for sure when I saw their bodies, but I think Dad died first. He must have been trying to save Mom.”
Tessa swallowed.
“It just all seems so unfair. To survive all my father did, and then to have some lame alien slice open his skull,” said Rowan. “You know, out of nowhere.”
Tessa shook her head.
“Here I was worried about him going to Korea,” said Rowan. “But then just like that, I find him dead next to my mother, and some hideous creature lapping up his brains.”
“It’s horrible,” said Tessa.
“And it’s happening again and again here,” said Rowan. “I should have stopped Skull Carver already. Do you know how many people have died even since I got here, Tessa?”
“No,” Tessa said.
“Nineteen that have been in the local news,” Rowan said. “But I know there’s been more. Those are just the bodies they’ve found. People go missing every day. Some of them Skull Carver has pulled down into the sewers. He feeds every day, sometimes even twice.”
Tessa shivered.
“Those are all on me. Because if I’d gone out and tracked him down on the first day, none of those people would have died,” said Rowan.
“That’s not fair, Rowan,” Tessa said. “I’m sure you’re doing the best you can.”
“Tell that to the mothers and fathers, and sons and daughters of those killed. I promised myself I wouldn’t let this happen to anyone else. Not like it happened to me,” said Rowan. “And I have.”
Tessa didn’t know what to say.
“My first mission was much easier. It was out in the country. There was no place for the squil to hide,” said Rowan. “But here in the city, with all the buildings and the sewer system, and the massive population...”
“Rowan,” said Tessa. “You can’t save everyone.”
“I should be able to. I should be. If I was just a little stronger, faster, or smarter...” Rowan said.
“You were hurt, Rowan, when your parents died,” said Tessa. “But it doesn’t mean that all this is on you.”
“You don’t understand, Tessa,” said Rowan. “I had the greatest parents in the world. Everyone envied me. My Dad and Mom actually loved each other, and they loved me. How many families really have that?”
Rowan fought back his own tears. He bit down at his lips and let out a small grunt. Rowan had had exactly what Tessa had always wanted, and then it had been taken from him brutally.
It made Tessa wonder which was worse, to never have at all, or to have it all and then lose it.
“I shouldn’t talk about this,” Rowan said. “I can’t bring them back.”
Tessa put a hand on Rowan’s arm. He ignored it, looking away from her. He studied the goth club. After a few moments, he spoke again.
“You know what my dad wanted me to be?” He said to Tessa.
“What?” Tessa said.
Rowan laughed. It was a bitter, sad sound.
“He wanted me to be a doctor,” said Rowan.
“Why?” Tessa asked.
“It wasn’t long after he got back from the war,” said Rowan. “He found me outside playing soldier. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all.”
“I guess I can understand that,” said Tessa.
“Yeah, no surprise, right?” Said Rowan. “So he took me aside. And he tells me that it’s a lot easier to kill a person than it is to save someone that’s been shot.”
“Right,” said Tessa.
“He asked me if I knew who he admired the most, and I didn’t know,” said Rowan. “So he told me it was the medics. He said that the medics were always out there with the rest of them dodging bullets. But he said instead of trying to put people down, they were trying to help them get back up.”
Rowan was so still now.
“I never forgot that. It changed the way I felt about the whole thing. I never wanted to be a soldier again after that. Not ever. I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to heal people,” said Rowan.
Rowan let out a sigh.
Then he said, “That sure didn’t work out.”
There was silence for a few moments.
“It’s funny,” said Tessa.
“Funny? What’s funny about it?” Asked Rowan.
“Oh, there’s nothing funny about what happened to you,” said Tessa. “That’s not what I meant at all.”
>
“I don’t understand,” said Rowan.
“It’s just that since Gran’s first heart attack I’ve been in and out of the hospital so often with her,” said Tessa. “The doctors saved Gran’s life, and then they’ve kept her alive all this time. The doctors are the ones who have given me all this time with Gran. It’s made me think a lot about it.”
“What do you mean?” Rowan asked.
“Well, I haven’t told anyone about this before, but I made up my mind a while ago,” said Tessa. “If I can work it out somehow, I’d like to be a doctor. At this point I don’t even have the money, but someday, if I found a way, I’d like to study medicine.”
Rowan’s eyes went to Tessa’s. He smiled.
“That is funny,” he said.
Now Tessa smiled, as well.
“You should go for it,” Rowan said.
But then Tessa thought of something. Her smile faded.
“Rowan?” Tessa said.
“Yeah?” Rowan replied.
“Will I even remember that I wanted to be a doctor,” Tessa asked. “I mean after you’ve taken my memory away? Will I remember that I wanted to be a doctor?”
Rowan momentarily winced, as if he’d been struck in the face. He had such big blue eyes. Those eyes could never hide a thing. Not ever.
“I honestly don’t know,” Rowan said.
Tessa nodded. She was grateful that at least Rowan hadn’t lied to her about it.
“Well, in another world, we’d both be going to college next year,” Tessa said. “And we’d both be studying pre-med.”
“I suppose,” said Rowan. “What’s your point?”
“In that other world, what do you think would happen if we bumped into each other?” said Tessa.
Rowan thought about it. The fantasy appeared to please him.
“I think I’d ask you for a cup of coffee,” he said.
“Because you’ve a crush on me?” Tessa teased.
Rowan shrugged.
“Would you do it?” Rowan asked.
“Do what?” Tessa asked.
“Have a cup of coffee with me, if we were both at college and met each other?” Rowan asked.
He looked at Tessa expectantly. Tessa couldn’t help but smile a little at how important the answer appeared to be to Rowan.
