by Tamie Dearen
Funny how she hadn’t been the least bit hungry until Gary walked through the door. He slid into the chair beside her and pulled the box close to them, handing her a paper napkin. “Let’s eat over the box so we don’t dirty any dishes.”
They munched on pizza together while her mind churned. She felt better, having him around, but was she leading him on?
“You know we can’t be together, right?” she asked.
One eyebrow lifted as he continued to chew and swallow. “Do we need to eat in separate rooms?”
“No, silly!” She shoved ineffectually against his muscular arm. “I mean we still can’t date after we go back tomorrow.”
“But we have tonight, right?”
Locked with hers, his eyes didn’t blink as he took a bite of pizza. Tingles started in her toes and rose all the way to the roots of her hair. Still, she couldn’t look away.
“I guess so,” she rasped.
On his face, a hint of a grin gradually grew to a full, smug smile, topped by half-closed eyelids. She fanned herself with her hand against the sudden heat.
“I promise to make it worth your while,” he said.
She swallowed, her throat so dry it stuck together, and waited for him to lean in and kiss her. But it didn’t happen.
She managed to down a second piece of pizza, while he ate four. Then he dished up two bowls of ice cream—half mint chocolate chip and half double fudge brownie. When she was so full she couldn’t eat another bite, he stood and stretched.
“That was fun,” he said, taking the dishes to the sink.
Her heart plummeted when she realized he was about to leave her alone with her thoughts again, but she hid it well, standing to say goodbye in a cheery tone.
“Thanks for coming over and bringing food. I’ll see you tomorrow. After the week I’ve had, flying home should be no big deal.” She plastered what she hoped was a convincing smile on her face. “At least things will be back to normal.”
He came close and picked up her hand, lifting her poor, unsuspecting fingers to his treacherous lips. The barest kiss, brushed across her knuckles, somehow weakened her knees. Who knew they were connected?
“Is that really what you want? For me to go home now and for everything to be back the way it was?” His voice, low and penetrating, incised its way through her defensive walls. She couldn’t lie, even if she ought to.
“Not really,” she breathed. “But it needs to happen.”
“Let’s talk.”
His fingers interwove with hers, and she followed her captured hand to the couch. He situated them close together, with no space between his shorts-clad leg and hers. She hoped he didn’t notice the goosebumps covering her thighs.
At least she wasn’t thinking about Kindra anymore, though she knew her sister would return to haunt her dreams.
“What do you want to talk about?” She was proud her voice didn’t wobble.
“First, let’s talk about why you went to so much trouble to avoid me all afternoon.” His other hand moved to stroke her imprisoned forearm, creating telltale shivers. “I know you were really freaked out. It was scary on so many levels. Dax almost drowned. You could’ve died out there, too. And the whole thing brought back memories of your sister’s accident. So why not talk to me?”
“I needed to be alone.” She couldn’t stand the hurt in his expression. “You’ve been sweet to me, and a good listener, but I have to handle things on my own.”
“By stuffing it away inside you so you don’t bother anyone else with it?” His tone had an edge of irritation. “Because it seems like that’s what your parents made you do, though that’s not healthy. We depend on each other, and that’s okay.”
“I should be strong enough to be self-sufficient. I don’t want to burden other people.”
“In a healthy relationship, it’s okay to need someone.” His jaw hardened. “Steven gave me his marrow and paid for the procedure. Without him, I’d be dead. Does that make me a weak person?”
“No, but that’s different. The two of you are friends. It’s not a one-way thing. You’ve been helping him train for the Iron Man, and you keep him from getting overworked. I’ve seen how relaxed he is around you. You’re good for him.”
In the silence that followed, the air crackled with undefined tension.
“I have to ask you something, and I want you to search deep inside and tell me the truth.” Gary looked away, releasing her hand to curl his fingers into fists. “Are you in love with Steven?”
She almost laughed aloud, but the glower on his face told her his question was serious. “I have no intention of falling in love, ever again, but if I did, it wouldn’t be with Steven Gherring. I feed off his intensity. By the time I go home every day after work, I’m exhausted.”
“I agree the two of you aren’t a good match.” He seemed relieved, yet his scowl remained, fists loosening, only to grip his knees. “But why shouldn’t you let yourself fall in love? Joseph turned out to be a jerk, but he’s only one guy. You shouldn’t hold that against all of us.”
“You did the same thing.” Katie scooted away, giving herself a few much-needed inches of separation. “You judged every woman based on the reactions of two, who were weak and selfish.”
“That’s not quite true. After having leukemia, I simply learned to prioritize my life. I don’t know how much time I have left, so I like to make every minute count. It’s a waste of time pursuing women, because they all want long-term security.” He closed the gap between them, trapping her against the end of the couch. “But I thought you were different from the others… I thought you saw me as more than a risky investment.”
“I do, but it doesn’t matter.” She sat rigid, trying not to think about how her leg sizzled where it brushed against his. “You have the possibility of living a long, cancer-free life, but I’ll always have a screwed-up head. I’m the one who’s a risky investment.”
He leaned closer, somehow turning on a vacuum that sucked all the air from the room, and nuzzled her hair.
“I disagree.” His warm breath tickled her ear, sparks shooting down her neck. “For me, you’re at the top of the Fortune 500.”
She tried to laugh off his comment, but it came out as a moan. After clearing her throat, she tried again. “Very funny.”
“This time I’m not teasing. Ask me if it’s the truth.”
She could only shake her head, not ready to hear his answer. “I’m no good for you, Gary. You have a bucket list that scares me to death.”
“With you, it’s like my bucket list has started all over. Every tiny adventure you experience with me for the first time is a new number on my list. You’ve had such a sheltered life, I’ll never run out of things to live for.” As he bent his head downward, his lips brushed her earlobe, stopping her heart for several seconds. The words he murmured in her ear resounded inside her mind. “You, Katie Carson, are my bucket list.”
She didn’t know she was crying until his thumb brushed a tear from her face.
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
“Not surprising.” His mouth kicked up on one corner. “But you can do this. You’re the bravest person I know.”
He was too kind-hearted to recognize the truth. He wanted to believe she wasn’t a wimp, so he made up reasons to support it. And now he was talking crazy, as if he wanted to be with her long term.
I’m not going to let him ruin his life by hooking up with me.
“Swimming out to rescue Dax doesn’t mean I’m brave. All those years of lifeguard training helped me react on reflex. If I was really brave, I wouldn’t be terrified just to lie down and go to sleep.”
“You’re afraid to sleep?” His dark brows drew down over fierce eyes.
Why had she let that slip out? He was already acting as if her comfort was his responsibility, and she’d only made it worse.
“I was only kidding,” she hurried to say. “I used to get these nightmares, but that was a long time ago.”
; Without a word, he rose to his feet and disappeared down the hallway, returning several minutes later with a pillow and a light-weight blanket.
“What are you doing?” she asked. “You don’t need to sleep here.”
“I’m not sleeping.” He sat on the far end of the couch with the pillow in his lap and gave it two quick pats. “You are.”
“I can’t let you do that.” Her guilt battled with the inviting idea of having him there to ward off her nightmares.
“I’ve already made up my mind to sit here all night. So you can either sleep out here or in your bedroom.” He picked up the remote from the end table and clicked the television on. “I plan to watch Earth 5050 all night long, starting with the first season.”
She chewed on her lower lip, debating what to do. “I need to brush my teeth.”
With a victorious smile, he stood up and offered her a hand. “I’ll borrow one from the guest supply.”
This time, the smile she gave him was genuine, if a little shy.
“One thing, though…” He followed her down the hallway. “After we brush our teeth, I’d like a goodnight kiss.”
“I suppose I could sacrifice myself, just this once, since you’re doing me a favor.” She paused and stretched, pretending to give a bored yawn. “As long as it doesn’t last too long.”
“Well, well, well!” His brows arched high on his forehead. “I do believe you are teasing me. What has become of Katie Carson, the timid, serious girl I met a few weeks back?”
“Oh, her?” Katie flipped her hand in a dismissive wave. “I’m pretty sure she got eaten by sharks.”
“I kind of liked her.” Gary rubbed his beard, thoughtfully. “Do you think we’ll ever see her again?”
“You might,” Katie said, “but I can guarantee, she’ll never be the same.”
His response was so soft she barely heard him.
“Me, neither.”
17
Three times after she first fell asleep, Katie cried out, jerking in agitated fear. He could only imagine what horrors she was experiencing in her dreams. But a few soft words as he stroked her hair, and she settled back to sleep, hopefully nightmare-free. He wasn’t sure what time he’d fallen asleep, but season one of Earth 5050 had evidently played to the end and the television screen was patiently waiting for him to decide what he wanted to watch next.
At some point, he’d stretched out, with one leg on the couch, the other hanging off, and now Katie’s head rested on his shoulder, cradled in the crook of his arm, her thick lashes resting on her cheek. He didn’t care that his arm had lost its circulation. His only thought was helping her gentle soul get a much-deserved rest.
With her plump lips parted in sleep, he was reminded of the passion behind her mild façade, because last night’s promised kiss had taken him to the edge of his control. He stroked his fingers through her soft waves, wishing he could once again tangle them in her hair and savor the taste of her lips. At her peaceful sigh, he shifted her weight to his chest and tightened his embrace, wishing he could prolong the serenity of the moment forever.
I could get used to this.
Her heavy eyelids blinked open, and she stretched, speaking in a half-groan. “Get used to what?”
Had he spoken out loud?
“Waking up with you in my arms,” he answered. “I like it. A lot.”
Her cheeks immediately flushing, she struggled to escape his hug, but he held tight.
“Wait,” he said. “Let’s snuggle for a little while.”
She relaxed against him, but worried, as usual. “I need to get ready to leave—pack, clean up the house.”
“Just a few minutes. I need to tell you something.”
She stiffened in his hold. “What is it?”
“First, let me ask you a question.”
“Okay.” Her tone was wary, like she was facing an inquisition.
“Do you like me?” he asked.
The seconds of silence that followed seemed like hours.
“Yes, but—”
“Great! That’s a step in the right direction.”
“What direction is that?” she asked.
“Commitment,” he answered. “Long term. I’ll wait to say the M-word, but that’s the direction.”
She bolted upright, out of his grasp. “We can’t do this! I didn’t even agree to date you when we get back to New York.”
“Yes, but your excuses are based on faulty reasoning.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my reasoning.”
Her eyes threw darts at him, but he laughed them away.
“Yes, there is, because you don’t have all the facts.”
“Who are you to say I don’t know the facts?”
Adjusting his position until he was sitting beside her, he reached for her hand. Though she resisted at first, she relented, and he lifted her fingers to his lips.
“You don’t know all the facts,” he said, “because the fact is I love you.”
“You can’t,” she sputtered. “You barely know me.”
“Oh, I know you.” His hand moved under her chin, tilting her face up. “You’re the woman who cares so deeply for people, even those she’s just met, that she risks her life for them. The one who sees me for who I am, instead of the cancer I have. The woman who showed me life is about what you do for others, instead of tally marks on your bucket list.”
“That’s probably…” she sniffed, swiping at her eyes, “the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“So, are you in?” he asked, eagerly, squeezing her hand.
“I’m willing to consider dating, as long as we take it really slowly.”
“I’m afraid that’s going to be a problem,” Gary said. “After almost dying, I don’t really like wasting time. I think New Year’s Eve is about as long as I’m willing to wait.”
“You want to be engaged by New Year’s Eve? That’s only six months from now.”
“No, no, no, no, no.” Gary cupped her face and kissed her like he meant it, claiming her with his lips until there could be no doubt of his feelings. Then he pulled away and observed her swollen lips with pride. “I’m not a wimp like Joseph who wants a five-year engagement while he debates whether or not he can commit. I’m committed now, and I intended to marry you on or before New Year’s Eve.”
“Did you say—” She gasped and choked, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Sorry. Forgot I wasn’t going to use the M-word.” He grinned, feeling no repentance whatsoever.
“Any more surprises?” she asked, with a bit of sarcasm. “Let me guess… You want to have ten children?”
“We’ll have to discuss that one.” Gary smiled, then sobered, realizing he was the only one who’d mentioned love. And then he’d jumped ahead to marriage, as if she felt the same way. What if he’d read her wrong? The physical attraction was undeniable. But what if that was all she felt?
He breathed in deep, drumming up his courage. “Do you think there’s a chance you feel…” His voice trailed off when he saw tears welling in her eyes. Reality hit him like a kick in the gut. What had he been thinking? She’d never hinted at anything more than friendship, yet he’d just bombarded her with declarations of love and plans of marriage. She probably thought he was trying to control her, like every other man in her life.
“I’m sorry.” He spoke around the lump in his throat. “I didn’t mean to push you. I know you need some time to think about things. But I hope you’ll give us a chance.”
“I will,” she said, as tears squeezed out and rolled down her cheeks to drop from her chin.
“Okay.” He resisted the urge to scoop her into his lap, instead, drumming his fingers on his thighs. “I’ll promise not to mention love and marriage anymore… not until you’re ready.”
“I will! I’m saying I will marry you.”
“Wait… what?”
“I love you.” Another tear fell.
“Is that the truth?” He had to be sure she
wasn’t simply saying what he wanted to hear.
“Gary Lassiter, I love everything about you.” Her sniff turned into a chuckle. “Even that big scary bucket list. I love you because you love all of me, just as I am. And when you’re with me, I’m not afraid anymore.”
They came together like giant magnets—lips pressing, arms hugging, gasping for breath. He couldn’t get enough of her. The rush was incredible, his heartrate skyrocketing.
“I love you,” he said, coming up for air.
“I love you, too.”
He kissed her and grinned against her lips. “Steven is going to be so ticked.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s right. I don’t want you working with him after we’re married.”
She pulled away, a cute scowl on her face. “Hold on a minute. If you think you can tell me what to do just because we’re getting married, you’ve got grand delusions.”
“I promise never to attempt to order you around, Mrs.-Lassiter-to-be. But I’m going to do my dead-level best to entice you to come work with me at the climbing gym.” He nuzzled her neck, pleased when chill bumps appeared on her arms. “The pay may not be as good, but the fringe benefits will be incredible.”
Her eyes fluttered closed as his lips moved down to her neck.
“Gary?” she whispered.
“Yes?”
“I think I’m going to like fringe.”
Epilogue
(New Year’s Eve)
* * *
“How can I be sweating when it’s thirty-eight degrees outside?” Katie blew on her damp palms, careful not to touch the white satin dress billowing around her.
“It’s normal to be nervous,” said Nicole, her red hair stunning against the green of her velvet dress. “I bet Gary’s pacing the floor about now.”
Katie smiled, imagining the scene, with his best man, Steven, attempting to keep him calm. Steven was probably giving sage advice as a married man. Who would’ve dreamed her boss would make it to the alter before she and Gary did?
