“Hud,” she breathed, her head tossed back, bra-covered tits thrust into his face.
He took her unspoken invitation and sucked one deep into his mouth, scraping his teeth along the pebbled tip through the material. She jerked, gasping as the pain no doubt mixed with pleasure, but he didn’t care. He wanted it to hurt a little. A physical manifestation of what his heart felt like. Absolutely fucking wrecked. He felt like an animal backed into a corner. Wild and crazed and desperate. For her. For them.
With jerky movements, he pulled on the button and zipper of his jeans, yanking them only wide enough to free his cock. And then he was sinking into her without another thought, just knowing he had to get as close to her as possible. Had to remind her that them being together was magic. It was climbing to the top of the Ridge, or watching the fireworks on Havenbrook Lake while lying in a boat and staring up at the sky. It was lazy Sundays in the hammock, and Christmas morning at home. It was finding the single person your soul clicked with at only eight years old. And somehow finding them in your tiny little pocket of the world, despite the billions of others searching for their soul mates.
“We belong together, Kenna. You can’t deny that. You can’t tell me you don’t feel exactly how much we do. Every inch of you was made for me. Every fucking inch, even this sweet pussy.” He pumped his hips faster, urged on by her moans and her nails digging into his neck. How her pussy rippled around him, teasing her release. “I won’t let you give up on us.”
“I can’t—”
He couldn’t stand to hear her roadblocks. Not now. Not when he was inside her after baring his soul to her. So, he stopped her words with his lips and his tongue. With his driving thrusts and his fingers digging into her ass and his thumb pressed against her clit.
When he felt her tense up, his name a whispered plea on her lips as she pulsed around his cock, he let himself fall with her. Their eyes locked as he spilled into her, both of their gazes saying a thousand words in the silence.
He just feared they weren’t speaking the same language.
THEY FORGOT TO USE A CONDOM. From the moment Hudson had dropped the big ILY bomb to right this second as Mac was still wrapped around him, attempting to catch her breath, she hadn’t even thought about making him wrap up. And from the whispered, “Fuck,” from him as he pulled out and set her on her feet, it hadn’t occurred to him either.
And that was the whole problem.
She couldn’t afford to be distracted now. And despite what Hudson had said, her family did need her. Her town needed her, too. She’d skated by for too much of her life, failing the people who were closest to her, and she couldn’t do that again. She wouldn’t.
Without looking at him, she gathered up her scattered clothes, pulling her sweater over her head and stepping into her panties before escaping upstairs. She needed some space to breathe. To think. To come up with some kind of plan that wouldn’t end in both their devastation.
Except nothing came to her. She wasn’t even sure they could make this work if he lived in Havenbrook, but it didn’t matter because that wasn’t his reality. He had obligations, just like she did. He was always going to be leaving, and she’s always going to have to stay.
Which left her with one option.
The backs of her eyes prickled with tears, her throat going tight. God, this was going to hurt even worse than the last time. But maybe, since she had plenty to occupy her mind and the distraction of trying to keep Havenbrook running, it wouldn’t be so bad. And even though Hudson still had a few more days in town, there was no sense in prolonging the inevitable, right?
A soft knock sounded on her bathroom door, and she finished cleaning up before pulling on her pants. She definitely wasn’t going to have this conversation half naked because they’d almost certainly end up in bed again. And as much as she loved what he did to her with that insane body of his, she couldn’t go down that path again. Not after she’d made her decision.
“Kenna, open up,” he said, his tone soft but firm. “We need to talk.”
She opened the door, not meeting his eyes, and breezed past him to head back downstairs. No good would come of them being so close to her bed. “Finally, we agree on something.”
He followed her downstairs and took the seat next to her on the couch, his elbows resting on his spread knees, hands clasped between them.
“I didn’t use a condom. I’m sorry. I didn’t—” He shook his head and scrubbed a hand down his jaw. “I wasn’t thinking.”
“I know. I have an IUD, though. And I’m clean.”
He exhaled a deep breath. “I am too. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you. I just lose my head around you, and—”
“I know,” she said again, sadness seeping into her tone. In a perfect world, she and Hudson could be together. But this world was far from perfect, and she needed to crush her heart all over again. “I do too. But this is exactly why we have to break this off.”
He snapped his head to her, his eyes on fire. “Absolutely not.”
She breathed out a sad laugh, her heart a physical ache in her chest. “This isn’t a negotiation. I’m doin’ what needs to be done.”
“Like last time, huh? You plannin’ to cut me out of your life again?”
That sliced deep, but she took his words because she deserved them. She had cut him out. Not because she’d wanted to, but because she’d felt she didn’t have another choice.
“You occupy every inch of my brain, Hud, and I can’t afford that right now.” She wanted so badly to reach out and touch him. Feel his warmth and unshakable solidness under her fingers, but she knew that would only make everything so much worse. “I know you don’t understand that. And I know you don’t think what I’m doin’ here is important—”
“I never said—”
“But I do. And I need to do this to prove myself.” She dropped her eyes from his gaze. Feeling the shame burning bright on her cheeks.
“After you left the first time, I was so lost. I didn’t know who I was without you because I never had to figure it out.” She took a deep breath and met his eyes again. “But I have. It’s taken me a long time and I’m still fumbling my way through, but I’m gettin’ there.”
“You can still be you and be with me at the same time, Kenna. Those two aren’t mutually exclusive.”
She shook her head, her resolve firm. “Your place is in the army and mine is here in Havenbrook, and that will always be the thing that’s keepin’ us apart…whether or not we love each other.” Her voice cracked on those words, and she swallowed down the tears that had lodged themselves in her throat in her effort to keep them at bay. She looked into the deep, brown eyes of the only boy she’d ever loved and shattered both their hearts. “But sometimes, love isn’t enough.”
Mac had no idea how walking away from Hudson could hurt so fucking bad when they hadn’t even been together in the first place. Logically speaking, this time should’ve hurt less than the first time he’d walked away. She’d already been without him for ten years, had learned to live without him here, and she’d been fine.
Okay, so not fine, but passable.
But now that she’d had these past three weeks with him, laughing and joking with her, challenging her, loving her, she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to go back to how things used to be. She didn’t want to.
Thankfully, she had some time before she’d have to. Before she’d slip back into the status quo, where she simply coasted through her life with no real focus. No real drive. No real…anything.
Now, her focus was, blessedly, on Havenbrook and keeping things afloat while her daddy was in recovery mode, driving her momma absolutely crazy. So that was where she was spending nearly all her waking hours—from sunup to sundown, and a few extra hours on either end. Town hall had become her second home. And the strange part was, she was even starting to…enjoy it?
She wasn’t sure if it was the reprieve it provided from the sad reality that was her life, or if she really, truly l
iked being involved with the town in this way. She’d never really had a chance to challenge herself in anything but Wilderness Bound the entirety of her adult life, and this was kind of exhilarating.
She’d kept her word to herself and hadn’t rocked the boat—not really. So, she’d done a few little things here and there—like writing up a proposal for a new dog park, or propositioning Atticus and Darcy to sponsor a community garden in the unused space behind their businesses—but she’d left the big things alone. She hadn’t touched the town infrastructure that was in desperate need of an overhaul, from roads to bridges to public transportation, or even mentioned implementing an SAR team because of the large funds those items would take—not to mention the roadblocks she’d run into in the form of the good old boys for daring to bring new ideas to the table.
As many people as were passing on positive reports to her daddy of what she’d been doing at town hall, she knew just as many were doing the opposite and complaining about every step she took. She couldn’t win, but that was one thing she’d taken with her from pre-acting-mayor Mac—she ignored it as best she could and went about her business as if it didn’t bother her at all.
“All right, crazy pants.” Avery blew into Mac’s office in a cloud of red hair and irritation, her hands laden with takeout bags. “Since I’m obviously not going to get you out of here at a decent hour, I brought takeout.”
“You didn’t have—”
“Shut up.” She dropped the bags on top of the paperwork Mac had been reading over before shrugging out of her coat and tossing it on a side chair. “I’m starving, Will is already gone for the day like a normal human being, and I’m on duty for tonight.”
“What do you mean, you’re on duty? On duty for what?”
“Babysitting,” Avery said distractedly as she dug through the bags. “I swear, if they didn’t give me four fortune cookies like I specifically asked for, I’m gonna—”
“Who’re you babysittin’?”
Avery glanced up at her with a stare that suggested Mac couldn’t be that stupid. “Uh, you.”
“Me?” Mac scoffed. “What the hell do I need a babysitter for?”
“When’s the last time you ate?”
“I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”
“Answer the question.”
“Lunch.”
“Mhmm…with Will.” Avery grabbed a container of what looked like chicken lo mein, fell into a chair, and dug into the box with a pair of chopsticks. Around a bite, she said, “And before that?”
“Um…last night.”
Avery raised a brow as she chewed, as if she couldn’t even be bothered with a response.
“What? I don’t usually eat breakfast.”
The brow got higher, and this time, Avery’s foot started tapping a beat on the floor.
Okay, so Mac did usually eat breakfast, but she hadn’t been hungry lately. That wasn’t a crime. She also hadn’t really gone anywhere—like The Willow Tree, or, you know, the grocery store—so her food supply was pitiful. But, well, she was just so tired after work and wanted to go straight home and face-plant into her bed. And she hadn’t been in the mood to talk, so she didn’t want to chance running into anyone while she was out. Like…Edna. If she happened to avoid an encounter with Hudson while she was at it, well…
“You don’t have to treat me like I’m a child.”
“Your lack of basic adulting says otherwise.”
Mac rolled her eyes and finally dug into the bag in front of her, the smells too enticing to ignore. Settling on General Tso’s chicken, she grabbed a fork—Avery was a show-off with those damn chopsticks—and settled back into her chair.
Avery lifted her chin toward the paperwork strewn across Mac’s desk. “Whatcha working on?”
“Just gettin’ my ducks in a row before I approach Atticus and Darcy with the proposal.” She’d casually suggested it to them earlier in the week, and they’d both been receptive—the truce between them that Mac had initiated had paved the way for that nicely—but she still wanted to make sure her i’s were dotted and her t’s were crossed.
“It’s a great idea, Mac. And the funds the produce from the garden will bring in will go a long way in wiping out student lunch debt at the elementary school. People will be flocking to their businesses just to support them.”
“I hope so.”
But Mac still felt a nagging tug in her belly that this wasn’t what she should be doing—that it wasn’t her job to be pushing for things like this because she was only there temporarily. While, yes, what she was doing was for the good of Havenbrook, others may not see it that way. They may flat out reject it, or report back to her daddy that she was turning the town soft. She could hear the arguments now—Kids can pay for their own lunches, and if they can’t, their parents should just work harder.
But, well, as much as she didn’t want to rock the boat, she also didn’t want to sit by when she had the platform to affect real change in their town. So maybe a tiny little nudge wouldn’t hurt. Not too far…just a little.
“Hey,” Avery said, pointing toward Mac with her chopsticks. “Open the bottom left drawer.”
Mac furrowed her brow but did as Avery asked, pulling open the drawer. My God, her daddy’s desk was a complete pigsty. How he managed to make such a mess when he didn’t do any actual work was beyond her.
“You have a need for some used envelopes or extra napkins?” she asked.
“Nope, what I want is all the way at the back. Careful while you dig—never know what you’ll find in Dick’s drawers.”
Mac screwed up her face in disgust, definitely not interested in blindly sticking her hand in to feel around for God knew what. Instead, she grabbed a pencil from the desk and pushed the items aside with the eraser end, her gaze snapping to Avery’s when she uncovered something interesting.
Dropping the pencil on the desk, she grabbed the bottle of amber liquid and lifted it out by the neck. “Whiskey?”
“Not my favorite, but desperate times call for desperate measures.” Avery plucked two paper cups out of her purse, separated them, and dropped them on the desk. “Fill ’er up.”
“You always have those?” Mac gestured to the cups.
“Never know when the urge to get tipsy will arise.”
Mac grinned, pouring a healthy dose into each cup. “Why am I not surprised that my daddy—the man leading the charge against The Willow Tree openin’ in town—has liquor at work?”
“Because he’s predictable. Thou doth protest too much.”
“We drinkin’ to forget something tonight?” Whiskey wasn’t Mac’s favorite either, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.
Avery picked up her glass, knocking the edge against Mac’s before bringing it to her lips. Over the rim, she met Mac’s gaze. “You tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
Avery blew out a frustrated breath and rolled her eyes. “Cut the shit, Mac. I’m not Will. I get if you don’t want to talk to her about whatever is going on with you and Hudson—she and Finn are nauseatingly in love—but I’m single as fuck, and I give damn good advice.”
Mac opened her mouth to protest, but instead found the whole story spilling out. She recounted everything that’d happened between her and Hudson—both in the weeks since he’d been home, and in the years he’d been gone. Well, almost everything. She couldn’t quite manage to rehash the cutting words Hudson had said at her place. When he’d told her she wasn’t— Well, it didn’t matter because she wasn’t thinking about that right now. Crying in front of Avery would be highly inconvenient.
With her gaze connected to Mac’s, Avery demolished the entire container of lo mein while Mac talked. She interjected her humor every so often, but for the most part, she listened quietly.
Too quietly.
“Are you just gonna stare at me, Ms. Damn Good Advice?” Mac finally asked after long moments of silence.
“Just trying to figure out how to approach this.”
> “No approachin’ necessary. Just spit it out.”
Avery hummed and leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs, one high-heeled boot swinging. “You know, Will had this same problem. Had to talk her out of being an idiot, too.”
Mac rolled her eyes, remembering Will mentioning something about that back when Hudson had first arrived in town. “She told me.”
“Looks like it got through,” Avery said dryly.
Mac exhaled long and low, shaking her head. “Her and Finn’s situation was completely different.”
“Maybe.” Avery shrugged, tossing back the rest of her whiskey. “But the regrets would still be the same. And they’re a real bitch to live with. That something you want for the rest of your life? What-ifs and what-could’ve-beens?”
Hudson waited until there were only a handful of people left before he approached Kenna. She had her back to him as she listened carefully to Carol Ann’s plea to use the Square for the school’s annual bake sale without paying for a permit. Kenna listened as the other woman detailed what the money would be used for, and how beneficial it would be to have one hundred percent of the funds going toward it.
Acting mayor really did suit her, despite her insistence otherwise. She truly cared about the people of this town and had their best interests at heart. Not only that, but she was a hell of a lot more approachable than her old man, and the residents had begun to notice.
He’d been wrong—she was needed there. She had a place in Havenbrook that no one could dispute. Shoes no one else could fill. And despite this not being what she’d set out to do with her life, it fit her and it fit her well.
Carol Ann got pulled away, and Kenna stayed rooted in place, turning her head slowly as if she were scanning the room. For him? He sure as hell hoped so. Otherwise, he was about to make a fool out of himself.
He stepped up behind her and leaned down to place his mouth mere inches from her ear. “Who’re you lookin’ for?”
She jumped, letting out a soft yelp, but didn’t turn to face him. “Holy shit, Hud. You lookin’ to add creeper to your resume?”
Captain Heartbreaker (Havenbrook Book 4) Page 23
