Vincent took his spear and stood on a rock overlooking the pool in complete silence. I stood on the bank watching him and yes, thinking about other activities two people could engage in. I could feel bugs land on me but I resisted the urge to smack them. I stood and observed for so long I wished I was hiking with the pack again! My legs hurt! Suddenly Vincent thrust his spear into the water and pulled out a large trout, impaled and struggling for its life. He turned to face me and smiled as he held it into the air in triumph and asked in an exuberant voice, “Well what do you think?” I approached and, making a fool of myself with an apparent Freudian slip yelled, “You’re really big…I mean the fish is really large. I mean…” I stopped and both of us stared at each other in silence. Vincent lowered the fish and said, “It’s your turn now.” He rushed over to his clothes and put them on faster than a fireman when the alarm sounds. When finished he walked over to me, pulled the fish off the spear and handed it to me, “I’ll take this one up to Beth. I want at least five more fish before you return to camp. And I want you to gather some berries as well.” I asked, “What if I can’t catch any fish?” He shook his head, “I’ll be watching from above. You stay here until you succeed. One piece of advice before I leave; if you want to kill efficiently you must treat your weapon not as a tool but as a part of you. Make it an extension of your body and your mind will connect to it on a sub-conscious level. It becomes the conduit to the other animal’s soul.” He became very reflective with the rather bizarre statement, “Releasing the life-energy of your prey is the ultimate act of intimacy, remember that.” He took his fish by the throat and started back to camp. He turned, “Remember, patience and cunning. Someday it may save your life. Oh, and by spring I guarantee you’ll be so good you will be able to sneak up on a hare, grab it by the ears and break its back. First, get some fish though.”
He stopped to pick up my clothes before ascending the slope back to camp. I took a few deep breaths and took his place on the rock, waiting patiently for some unlucky trout. I could feel the sun on my skin and knew I risked a burn but I stood there and waited. And while I missed the first wandering fish his friend was not so lucky! I had stabbed one almost as large as the one Vincent killed! I tossed it onto the shore and assumed my original position. And while it took several hours I finally reached the grand total of five fish! I gathered my casualties and ran the spear through their gills so I could haul them. However, as I looked over my bloody catch I was not sure I had felt anything akin to intimacy with them. Next I found a chunk of wood that I could hollow out to put berries in. Finally I returned to camp with everything Vincent had demanded, as well as dozens of mosquito bites and a sun burn.
As I walked into camp Vincent stood and clapped his hands. Bethany smiled and retrieved my clothes but when she came up to me I responded, “No thanks, I’m fine.” I walked naked to Vincent and placed my trophies at his feet. He smiled and I said, “You want an animal? You have one.” He replied, “I knew you had it in you!” I turned and went to Bethany, “That was so fun! You want to help me gather some firewood?” Bethany, apparently pleased as well said, “I think Vincent will want to take you on a lot of camping trips. He loves to hunt!” I replied, “I do too.” When we returned Bethany gutted and cleaned the fish while Vincent sharpened a stick with his knife. We were certainly “roughing it” and the next three days would be filled with Vincent teaching me how to live off the land, no matter how scarce food might be. Our meals mostly consisted of fish, berries, bugs, herbs and the occasional lizard. Vincent had many more lessons in survival, from learning how to use a compass effectively to how to create a shelter that would keep one warm in any harsh conditions. It was rough, and by the time we were ready to go back home I was sunburnt, my lips were parched, and my hands and feet were cut and bruised beyond any point I had ever experienced. Yet when I had to put clothes on again before hiking back to the truck I wished I could stay longer. I truly looked, and felt, like a wild beast…and I loved it! And I never let the fire go out again.
Chapter 11
On the way home from the mountains I felt very close to Vincent. I appreciated the lessons he had made available to me and, strangely enough, as he talked about winter survival I actually looked forward to experiencing more, and pushing my body to unimaginable limits. He brought up something I too had read about in regards to Tibetan monks being able to stay warm in the snow without even having a shirt on. Apparently they could go into a state of mind that controlled the body so well they could keep themselves warm in the harshest of conditions. I did not like extreme cold but this sounded like an interesting opportunity, connecting psychology and physiology.
Bethany and I had not really spent that much time together on this trip aside from talking at breakfast or after dinner. She had mainly stayed around the camp while Vincent and I had been on our training sessions. I wondered how much Vincent had taught her over the years but I did not ask as we drove down the dusty road.
When we arrived home and unpacked all the gear, Bethany and I sat down to rest on the porch. She asked, “Did you enjoy the trip?” I took a sip of wine and replied, “I loved it very much.” She smiled but seemed distant as she replied, “I did too. I just wish I could have been more active. Maybe I’m fighting a virus or something. It just seems I have been more tired than usual in recent days. Maybe we could go camping again in the near future – this time in some real desert perhaps.”
Vincent joined us after feeding the pigs and looking over the garden plot. He sat next to me and said that soon we could be harvesting crops. Then he totally surprised me. He said, “I need to go into town and stock up on food and other materials. Why don’t you girls take a break?” He took Bethany’s hand and suggested, “Why not reward Jennifer with a whole day of one of your beautician sessions?” She perked up and said she would be happy to – if I was into it. Of course I was more than enthusiastic.
The next day, Vincent said goodbye just after breakfast and told us that he would be home just a little past our normal dinner time if we could have dinner ready a little later than usual. He took the truck and was off.
Bethany looked at me and laughed, “You look like you crawled in from the woods. Why not try looking like a lady again?” The next few hours were a repeat of the previous session except she put more effort into manicure and pedicure. It was quite a contrast to the last several days. I liked it very much, I have to admit.
After lunch she suggested, “Let’s go out and enjoy the last days of good weather. Of course we can sit in the shade so that burn will heal. Let me make a picnic lunch for you. Now get out there and I’ll join you shortly.” I got up but as I reached for my shorts and t-shirt she motioned for me to leave them. I thought this was unusual but then she totally surprised me. She unbuttoned the sundress she had on and let it fall to the ground. All she had underneath was her emerald necklace. She admitted, “I never go sunbathing when Vincent is home but since he’s gone…” She stopped and said, “On second thought help me here with the lunch and we can go out together.”
Once we had made some sandwiches we grabbed a large blanket out of the closet, as well as a bottle of wine and headed out to the yard. I had not had a picnic like this since the last summer with Matt. For some reason, while we ate, talked and enjoyed some self-indulgent rest and relaxation, I started thinking about Matt, and then my children. For some reason, that day I was having re-occurring thoughts of him and Nicole pass through my mind. I wondered…then I pushed the thoughts out, as I had on earlier occasions, and tried to focus on Bethany right then and there. We only stayed out for a while, as Bethany had that kind of ruddy complexion that would burn easily. We got dressed after returning to the house and relaxed in front of the TV until it was time to get dinner started,
When Vincent returned home he came in first with groceries and then some building supplies. He told us, “I’ll go check on the windmill before we connect it to our electrical system. Bethany, can you help me to bring in the last things?” As sh
e approached the door he whispered something to her and she smiled, looked at me, and gave Vincent a hug – the first real expression of affection I had seen these two display; but why was she so happy?
I got the answer soon enough – Vincent had bought me some new clothes! Bethany came in and put a couple of bags on the table. She and I looked through the packages like excited children. He had bought two pair of jeans, some blouses – western style of course, underwear and a pair of shoes – basic walking shoes but still nice looking. When Vincent went outside Bethany commented, “The things he bought are nice but when we go shopping I’ll get you something that will be really stylish!”
It was really weird getting dressed in regular clothes again. I had not had a bra for almost four months and when Bethany fastened it in the back it felt really constricting, although it seemed he had got the right size – in fact, the jeans and blouse I tried on first were also the correct size. I had not known Vincent also had an eye for women’s sizes and fashion. What really felt strange was putting on shoes. I almost resisted the idea, in fact I had developed the notion that Vincent and Bethany had determined that I would walk around like some sort of Hobbit for the rest of my life. Yet Bethany insisted I put them on and try them out. Yes, Vincent had sized my feet up correctly as well. Still, I would have to re-adapt to shoes as it seemed my ankles resisted the new confinement.
I went into the bathroom to see how I looked. The light blue blouse seemed to make the blackness of my hair more striking. I liked the look, especially with the brown contacts. My face did not appear as damaged as it had been earlier in the summer. Of course my face was somewhat darker from all the sun. I also was not as malnourished as before. And maybe now that I felt more content in my new home I had developed an optimistic glow again. At least I no longer looked like I had escaped from a Soviet concentration camp. As I contemplated my new appearance I took a certain comfort in knowing that the people in my past would probably never recognize me but that was okay since I reasoned I would never see them again anyway.
At the dinner table Vincent announced, “Jennifer and I will be taking a little road trip together during the Labor Day weekend. We’ll leave tomorrow morning if that’s okay with you Beth.” She nodded her head approvingly and I said I was certainly up for it. I asked, “So where will we be going?” He took a bite of meat and commented, “You’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?”
When we went to bed that evening Bethany asked, “When you return would you like to have the room for yourself?” For some reason it seemed a transition was taking place but, rather than inquiring why, I just answered, “Sure, if that’s okay with you.” She smiled and said, “Goodnight dear.” Maybe, after all this time, I had earned their trust. It was strange though, I could not explain it but I was finding myself daydreaming about Matt and Nicole as I lay there in her arms. I remembered fond moments with Matt, others with Nicole. I could not sleep! I wondered if maybe my hormones were kicking in as my thoughts seemed to lead me back to intimate moments with them. When I did finally go to sleep I dreamed of sunbathing with Nicole instead of Bethany. I awoke and as I lay there I began to miss Matt! I snuggled up to Bethany and finally drifted back into a dreamless sleep.
The next day, Bethany awoke and got up. I looked at all the toys in the room and thought of my children. While I had allowed myself to entertain memories of my former lovers I fought to repress thoughts of my children. Thoughts of them seemed to bring me pain…in fact, more painful than any feelings towards anyone else in my life. Was this guilt? Was I developing a sense of empathy that was more powerful than the feelings I had for their father or Nicole? I buried my head in the pillow. Thankfully Bethany returned as I found myself starting to cry – I could not help myself no matter how hard I fought the urge. She caressed my shoulders and asked, “What’s wrong?” I replied, “Oh nothing. I’m just going to miss you on the trip.” At least that explanation made her feel better, and gave me an excuse to let out some more tears as she hugged me. Afterwards I found it easier to repress such thoughts, as least temporarily.
That morning I took a bath, put on my new clothes and ate a wonderful breakfast. Bethany seemed a bit sad while Vincent looked positively cheerful. He seemed anxious to go so we packed some snacks and clothing in the car and finished getting ready. Bethany gave me a hug, wished me a good trip, and said that maybe it would give her a chance to rest up a bit. She said she was still feeling tired – to which I giggled and said, “Maybe you just need a boost in your favourite iron supplement.” She laughed and said that was definitely the case.
I think Vincent must have overheard that because he cleared his throat fairly loudly and seemed to be frowning in disapproval. He shut the trunk to his car and looked at Bethany then walked over to her. He put his hand on her shoulder said goodbye and returned to the car. Bethany gave me a tight hug and told me to be careful – I could see she was holding back tears as she smiled.
As the car took off we sat in silence for a few minutes before Vincent asked, “You ever been to Nevada?” I shook my head, “No. Are we going to Vegas?” He shook his head, “Not that far south. My plan is to head to Reno and afterwards maybe visit the Lake Taho area in California and circle back home.” He became quiet for a while, not saying why we were taking the trip until I finally asked, “So what’s the plan?” He did not take his eyes off the road but he did reach over and put his hand on my thigh. I took a deep breath, wondering all kinds of possibilities – none of which conformed to my promises to Bethany especially as his hand began to massage me. My anticipations of an interesting trip grew and I looked forward to the host of fantasies popping into my mind perhaps becoming reality.
“Melanie, look, I am going to use your real name on this trip, okay?” I said, “You can call me anything you want.” He took a deep breath, “Melanie, look out there at this landscape. Most people would say it is beautiful and picturesque…so inviting…yet 99% of people today would not last a week if you dropped them out in the middle of this place even now, when the weather is not so dangerously hot. They would not last a day in the middle of winter.” I was disappointed at the direction of his talk but suddenly I realized his hand began to move a bit higher. At that point my heart was pounding as I gazed out at the landscape that was making the transition to true desert. We were completely isolated and I wondered when he would pull over.
Vincent continued to talk in a monotone, almost melancholy sort of way, “Melanie, your mother made you weak, your society re-enforced that weakness. Even now I can see that if I were to leave it up to Bethany, your new mother so-to-speak, she would make you even weaker, a little girl for the rest of your life; but you have to fight the temptations that would hold you back.” His hand moved further up my leg – I did not say a word, which I suppose actually said it all. I even felt a bit embarrassed as I could tell my face was flushed and all I could say was “uh huh” as he talked. Then his hand’s grasp tightened to the point of causing me intense pain! He continued, “Not only do you have to learn how to fight, and how to survive, but you have to learn how to crucify your instincts as I have put the nails into mine.”
At that he removed his hand and asked, “Understand?” I said I did but he responded, “Do you really? I doubt it but you will.” He then said he had to concentrate on the road as he reached under his seat and retrieved a book and tossed it into my lap. I began to flip through it. It was written by some guy who had become devoted to Asian and East Indian philosophies, especially the whole “mind over matter” thing. Vincent mentioned, “That was written back in the 1960s but I can say it has been a tremendous source of inspiration and strength to me. I want you to begin reading it while we travel.” He remained silent while I read for a couple of hours.
As I read I could see where Vincent had found the basis for many of his ideas. The author promoted a teaching that made the individual solely responsible for their own health, dealt with harnessing the “energies” of the universe and even promoted channelling
all sexual energy into one’s mental and physical activities. I had heard this stuff before, in fact Freud called this “sublimation” and it was his explanation as to why people build civilization in the first place. but this book went beyond Freudianism, beyond the Biblical ideals of remaining abstinent prior to marriage, and seemed to be saying that to be “enlightened” people should shun all passion, not destroy it, but not to allow it to express itself in any sexual way. I did not like that portion, but I did not say anything to indicate that to Vincent when he started asking questions several hours later.
Deliverance from Evil Page 16
