Deliverance from Evil

by Michael Cross

  I shrugged my shoulders and sipped on my drink. I contemplated her question, “I don’t know, maybe a little fairy or nymph would be cute.” I thought it was just idle conversation but then Bethany called the waitress back and asked, “I was wondering where you got your tattoo done?” She smiled and began to write down the address on a napkin. She handed it to Bethany and pointed down the street, “It’s just a half mile down the road. The owner is really talented.”

  I wondered what Bethany had in mind, but it did not take long for her to satisfy my curiosity.

  “So how about it Jennifer – the night is young, isn’t it?” I asked, “Are you getting a tattoo?” She shook her head, “No, you are.” Sure I had thought about such things when seeing people at the hot springs with elaborate tattoos on them but the idea had always seemed quite painful and too permanent. Yet I had overcome my aversion to needles…maybe I could at least check the place out.

  So once we ate we started our walk down the road. I took my shoes off and carried them. The soles of my feet were so thick that it was as if I had walking shoes on. When we found the place it seemed pretty standard. It was a little brick building with drawings in the window. A couple of Goth-looking girls came out holding hands with one saying something about what piercing she wanted the next time they visited. The particular area she mentioned seemed like it would be quite painful. Bethany opened the door and I took a deep breath as we entered.

  A young woman came out of a doorway with silk drapes hanging down. She extended her hand, “My name is Josefine! What can I do for you this evening?” At first I was not happy with her appearance. She looked just like Nicole except for the multi-colored skin and rings, lots of rings, on her face and body. Her hair was long, like Nicole’s, and seemed naturally black. She also had blue eyes but her skin was more olive than Nicole’s. The woman asked what we were interested in and I said I had no clue really. Bethany then jumped in, “Didn’t you say you liked fairies?” The woman commented, “I have done a lot of fairies this summer. There was some sort of hippie gathering in the mountains this summer and that was the most popular design. Can I show you some of the pictures of my work?” She began to flip through a catalogue with dozens of beautiful patterns featuring fantasy characters. Here I was not even planning on having anything done but yet my mind was contemplating…looking for something special to have on my body forever.

  I had to admit that many of the images were awesome. I found one pattern that looked really cute – a little blonde fairy with large green eyes, with a thin ribbon her only clothing covering her lower waist and holding a sword. I liked the contrast – cute and dangerous, maybe like me? Then I glanced up at the wall and noticed a pentagram. I had always painted pentagrams on my notebooks when I was a child; I was lucky that no teacher thought I was a Satan worshipper. I later found out the pentagram was an ancient Jewish and Christian symbol – something I doubt most rockers were aware of.

  For some reason I got caught up in creativity and symbolism and asked, “Josefine I am wondering if you could combine two different patterns and make some slight alterations as well.” I pointed to the fairy, “Could you make her hair darker and then place the upright pentagram you have there as a background behind her?” She began to sketch out a design on paper. I was amazed how fast she completed it and handed it to me, “Is this what you had in mind?” Bethany looked over my shoulder and smiled as I glanced at her. Bethany commented, “She looks like you except for the ears.” It was beautiful and just as I had asked for. I exclaimed, “Bring it on!”

  Bethany appeared happy, “Where are you going to get it done?” I stood up, looked in the mirror and replied, “How about midway down my left shoulder?” The tattooist then said all that was left to do was start the process. It was a decision that was a bit impulsive perhaps, yet when the process began I tried to relax and block the stinging sensations from my mind. The woman started talking with me about why I chose the design I had. I mentioned my reasons and she complimented me on being “so deep.” I was still captivated by her features and asked her ancestry. She said her father was run-of-the-mill Anglo-Saxon and her mother was full-blooded Lakota Indian. I mentioned her eyes and she said, “I know it’s strange that I wound up with blue eyes. Maybe a thousand years ago some Viking wandered down and took up residence with my tribe.”

  I replied, “My closest friend looks a lot like you.” She asked, “Was she your friend or lover?” and without thinking I accidentally replied, “Both!” to which she giggled, “She must have been a lucky girl.” At that moment I became aware that Bethany was sitting only a few feet away. I looked at her and noticed her eyes were fixated on me in a rather surprised look. I thought to myself, “Great! I had not intended for her to hear anything like that.” She glanced back down at the magazine she had been flipping through but seemed a bit unfocused as she flipped through it and then picked up another and started the same process. A moment passed and she asked to use the bathroom and when she shut the door Josefine asked, “Your mom?” to which I simply replied, “Yeah.” She apologized for asking about the relationship with my friend. She whispered, “I think she was startled by your answer. She doesn’t know does she? Sorry for outing you.” I sighed, “Don’t worry everything will be fine.”

  Bethany returned and sat down, but she still had a look as if she was trying to analyse me. After a period that did not seem that long Jesefine said she was finished. I stood up and looked in the mirror – I liked it very much. Of course, I was happy it had turned out so well since it was now a part of me for the rest of my life. A strange thought came to my mind though…I had originally felt that maybe this would help me break with my past. However, as I looked at the symbol etched permanently into my back it only reinforced feelings of remembering my childhood and therefore my origins. And not only that thought occupied my mind but I knew I would have to deal with my new revelation to Bethany. I wondered why my life had to be so complicated.

  As we were leaving the parlor Josefine asked, “Are you going to be in town for a while? I thought maybe you might like to grab a drink together.” Bethany got a suspicious look on her face. I replied, “Thanks but we will probably be on our way soon.” She smiled and handed me her card, “If you change your mind, or if maybe you might like some more work done.” As she extended her hand I looked over her arm covered with intricate designs. I thought to myself that maybe someday in the future I might just go crazy and make myself into a living piece of art but not at that moment. Once we were a short distance from the parlor Bethany stopped and looked at me, “Jennifer, you never mentioned you were a lesbian.” I noticed she was practically squeezing the cigarette she was holding in half. I replied, “No, that’s not the case – I mean it’s kind of complicated.” She then asked, “You have been with a woman as you would be with a man, right?” I nodded my head. She then said, “Well, back in my day that meant you were a lesbian.” I again tried to find a way to explain my particular state of being. But before I could try to find a way she commented, “I suppose having a husband and kids means you aren’t totally lesbian though. Oh well, I can’t say I understand the way younger people see the world nowadays.” She then changed the subject to checking out real estate again. I was glad the topic of sexuality was shelved for the moment.

  When we got back to the hotel I realize that I would not be able to sleep on my back. I took some aspirin and sat down on the bed. Bethany sat down beside me and excitedly showed me some of the properties we would look at the next. She then surprised me by asking, “So was that girl in the parlor your type?” I said, “Of course not!” and asked if we could drop the subject. Bethany apologized, “I’ll try to be nicer. It’s just that I am curious that’s all.” I responded, “I’ll try to explain everything later. Maybe the next time we have a ritual or sewing this winter together.” She nodded her head and suggested we watch some TV. As she was going through the programming a pay-per-view adult selection came up with one of the movies advertising an “all-g
irl” cast. I was not sure if Bethany was joking when she asked, “Would you like to see the movie?” I rolled my eyes and said, “Stop it, won’t you?” But not to hurt her feelings I decided to laugh and joke back, “I think I have seen better movies than that anyway.” to which we both laughed and the subject was dropped for the time being.

  The next day I woke up and, still in a half unconscious state – wondering if the tattoo was a dream or really had taken place. Sure enough, when I touched my back I knew the answer. Bethany was already up and anxious to get started. I asked how warm it was outside and she said she had been out already to smoke and that it was going to be a hot day. I reminded her then that I wanted to stop at a mall after breakfast and get some shoes that were more casual and I needed a top that allowed my tattoo not to be touching fabric.

  There was not so much selection in this city but we soon found what I wanted – something stylish but also comfortable in shoes. As for the blouse, it was nice that it was warm outside since it was very shear and light, but for looking at real estate it would be okay and not irritate my skin too much. Again though, I could not find pants that I liked so I would have to stick with the two skirts I had.

  We drove out of the city and towards the mountain areas. The first property was absolutely fantastic, a small house with a corral and small barn. Again, I wished for a good camera; the property with a backdrop of the mountains would have made a fantastic picture. The grass was a nice shade of green and the aspen trees were yellow against the mountains. It was like a sea of gold churning against the green and blue of spruce trees. The brochure at the door said the price was nearly a half million dollars however – a bit out of our price range at this time sadly.

  We drove around to see other properties until late afternoon. Some were as fantastic as the first we looked at, while others left a lot to be desired. The prices were quite high for anything we felt was desirable, unless we were willing to invest time renovating. Bethany became rather sad. She had thought that prices would be lower but when we ran into a real estate agent at one of the listed properties he said many people from large cities were starting to move into the region and buy up ranch lands. Of course I reminded Bethany that I could easily apply for a license to practice psychology in Wyoming, but she felt that I should probably continue to lay low for at least another year. I was unsure why she felt I needed to remain anonymous for so long – was it to avoid any connection to the events in Hermiston or was it her fear that I might re-connect to my family? I felt like telling her I had initiated contact and found out I had basically been replaced, but I decided silence was the best policy for the foreseeable future.

  That evening Bethany asked, “Would you like to check out some place with music and dancing after dinner?” I joked, “Or we could just watch movies together.” She got off the bed and headed to the shower. I wondered if she was trying to just forget her disappointment over not finding anything in our price range during the day. Yet at dinner she said, “I’m not sure I like it here after all. Montana is more beautiful than this place. It’s cold there in the winter but…let’s head out tomorrow and see what’s there!”

  She appeared to perk up after that. Bethany asked our waitress where a good place would be for music and she gave us directions to a place we might like. Later we drove to a country bar complete with a huge buffalo head hanging over the entrance. Sure enough inside it looked like a scene from a Hollywood movie. There was a female singer with a band all dressed in cowboy fashion and a dance floor illuminated in alternating blue and red light with couples enjoying themselves.

  We found an unoccupied table and ordered drinks. It seemed hardly any time at all before some 30-ish looking guy came over and offered to buy us both drink; although it was quite apparent his attention was focused on me. He soon stood up and extended his hand, “Care to join me on the dance floor?” I looked to Bethany and she smiled, “Give it a try dear!” As much as I felt awkward I accepted his offer.

  While he was holding me I have to admit I was not in any way really into him. My mind was focused instead on how out-of-place I felt. I had not really experienced that “alien” feeling for a long time yet, as I looked at the other patrons in their western apparel, smelt the aroma of alcohol mixed with sweat, and could feel the music penetrate my ears. I wanted to just grab Bethany and run out. However, when the dance was over my partner, so to speak, asked if I was new to the area. I politely said I was and he asked if I might like a personal tour guide. I said, “Maybe but I need to sit down, okay?” He put his hand around my waist and walked me back to the table. He sat down and asked Bethany if she were my sister. Bethany seemed to enjoy the compliment but before she could answer he asked, “You aren’t her mom, are you? You must have been really young when she was born.” Bethany nodded her head and smiled.

  At that point he asked Bethany, “I don’t reckon you would mind if I asked your daughter to dance again, would you?” Bethany merely answered, “You young folk enjoy yourselves, but be good on the dance floor. You have the entire evening for other kinds of fun.” I was sort of in a state of shock at what she said. And her “permission” was not missed by my “friend” since he wasted no time repositioning his hands much further down my back than on the first dance. It took a grand total of maybe two minutes before he whispered in my ear, “So would your mother mind if I had you home by tomorrow?”

  I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. I had Bethany practically throwing me to this guy, and he seemed intent on getting to know me much more than I wanted him to. So, thinking fast, I whispered back, “It sounds good, but is there an overnight pharmacy nearby?” He said he was not sure. I then said, “Oh, that’s not good. You see I have been suffering from really bad morning sickness – this morning I was hugging the toilet for almost an hour.”

  I counted on the reaction that followed. He quickly said, “Wait, I think I am getting a call.” I had heard nothing but he soon was talking into his phone, “Really? You want me right now? Okay, I will be right over.” He quickly excused himself and left the building before I could even exit the dance floor. When returned to Bethany she asked, “Where did your gentleman friend go?” I claimed, “The guy’s wife called and wanted him home immediately.” Bethany took my hand and said she was sorry, but assured me there had to be other guys who were single. I suppose I did not look all that enthusiastic at her re-assurance. She then elaborated more into what she seemed to envision for my future. She said, “Look at me! I led a totally sheltered life, and now look. I am hardly expecting a new man in my life. And you don’t really need someone permanent, but you really have to have some fun. It isn’t natural to deny yourself completely – I know!”

  Right then it all became totally clear – Bethany was trying to live her missed youth through me. She was like the “ugly duckling” girl who, when she happens to have a beautiful daughter, makes her compete in beauty pageants, or becomes obsessed with her daughter getting on the rally squad. It was total and complete projection. Apparently she desperately wanted to build a life with me, but unlike many mothers who “capture” a child in their web and use guilt and manipulation to make sure that child never leaves the shelter of her clutches, Bethany wanted me with her, but also wanted me to experience life. I would not doubt in any way that if I had gone to that guy’s place for the evening Bethany would have wanted a complete description of every detail of what would have occurred. In a way it was creepy, but in another way it was sort of sweet. Yet I also understood that at some point I would probably have to get used to her desire for me to “have some fun” and just give in. I supposed that there were worse things in life, and maybe once I got used to a more promiscuous lifestyle it might grow on me. However, I was not yet prepared psychologically to immediately rewire my mind-set. I knew I could – it was just going to take a little time.

  The next morning I nudged Bethany to wake up. She yawned and asked, “You want to leave this place and head up to Montana now?” I said, “I don’t
mind if that’s what you want.” So after I did my best to shower and not get warm water on my back we dressed and hit the open road again – heading for another state I had never visited. Little did I realize that the bubble of happiness I was so desperately trying to maintain would soon burst and leave me a hollow shell of whatever I had ever been, or what I had recently started to become.

  Chapter 16

  The driving that day was quite interesting to say the least. Bethany was full of questions and I would not be able to avoid answering her. The first thing she was curious about was my sexual preferences. I tried to fabricate an acceptable picture for her; without giving too many details. I merely admitted, “Yes, I have dated a couple of women but you notice I was married to a man.” Of course I left out the important details of having been married to him and Nicole. Bethany commented, “Oh well, I suppose you were younger and just experimenting.” I replied, “Yeah, it’s pretty common nowadays.” Thank goodness she was satisfied with my spin and, for the time being, she put the topic to rest.