“I’m just saying, it might be warmer for you.”
His face was starting to turn a little red, why would he worry about me getting warm, the truck heater would have everything toasty within seconds. Or at least it would if he’d hurry and shut my door and get in and start it up. It struck me, he wanted me to sit next to him.
Now it was my time to blush. That was the kind of thing a girlfriend did, not just a date. Bless it girl, I thought, get your butt over there before he changes his mind. I smiled back up at him and nodded as I slid across the seat. Scott raced around and jumped in.
That kind of truck has both of the female ends of the buckles next to each other. Somehow we got buckled into each other’s set and laughed as our hands got all tangled up. I wouldn’t have changed it for anything.
“Are you in a hur….”
“Do we have to….” We both said at the same time
“No we don’t have to go home right away. In fact, I’d like to show you something if you’re not in a rush.” Scott said. Then asked if I had a good time.
“I had a wonderful time, thank you so much,” I said but couldn’t keep a frown from appearing when I remembered what I had to tell him. I’d have to do it soon, but maybe not tonight. I could put it off one more day couldn’t I?
“What’s wrong?” he asked, obviously having caught my frown.
I shook my head and said, “I was just sad thinking that this night would have to end and we’d have to go back to being our normal selves.”
“It’s not over yet,” he said as he pulled into the long line of cars waiting to exit the school parking lot. The car behind headlights shown through the truck cab and I realized that everybody would see me sitting next to Scott James in his truck. This seemed even more special than holding hands or dancing slow on the gym floor. This was serious and I couldn’t stop smiling.
Chapter Fourteen
Scott
I drove out of town thinking about the girl next to me. What was going on in that beautiful head of hers? Things had changed between us and I think she knew it. “What are you thinking about,” I asked.
Katie hesitated for moment then looked up and smiled. “You.”
“Me, what about me?”
“Oh, wondering if you’re going to get a big head after you learn how good a job you did tonight, making it all special.”
I chuckled but didn’t say anything else. I could wait until we got there. She stiffened next to me when I slowed down and pulled off onto a dirt road. She looked at me with expectant eyes but I kept quiet and focused on the road. The moon ducked behind some clouds and my headlights were all I had to follow on the twisting trail up the hill. I downshifted for that last little bit and pulled up on the bluff.
The moon chose that exact moment to come out and aluminate the valley before us. It looked like someone had laid a crisp white sheet across the farmland and was shining a silver spot light through the night. Little yellow twinkly lights dotted the floor of the valley indicating the occasional farm house. In the far distance a car’s red rear lights was moving away from us. Probably one of the kids returning home after the dance.
Katie gasped when she saw it. Her admiration and pleasure sent a sharp thrill through me. I casually draped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She slipped an arm behind my back and nuzzled into my side. Both of us watched the scenery. I knew I was delaying things but I was enjoying myself to much.
“You said we needed to talk,” she said without lifting her head from my side.
There comes a time in everybody’s life when you have to face something that scares the crap out of you. In reality, I hadn’t come across that many things that scare me. Not until that night.
Letting out a big sigh, I swallowed hard and prepared to tell her how much I liked her and hoped like hell she liked me back. I wasn’t ready to broach the whole love subject, but I’ll be honest it was there in the back of my mind. Before I could get started, Katie said, “I need to tell you something.”
My stomach dropped, I’d feared this for a while.
Katie
When you love someone you should be honest with them. I’d learned that much from my mom. Her lies had hurt us much more than her actions. The fact that I was madly and hopelessly in love with Scott James did not come as a big shock to me. My heart felt like it was going to explode with happiness, I loved Scott and it didn’t scare me. Well not too much anyway.
I couldn’t put this off any longer. He deserved to know what he was getting himself into. It was the least I could do for him after everything he’d done for me tonight. My heart raced and I was sure he could feel it pounding into his ribs as I clung to his side.
“Something happened three years ago. I need to tell you about it,” I said.
He tensed up; I think he knew it was bad. Being Scott he squeezed my shoulder letting me know that he was there if I needed him.
“I told you about my mom, but I didn’t tell you everything. She started out as a high priced escort. I think she’d some wild scheme to become a movie star but flamed out like every other young girl in southern California. Her life never crossed into mine except for keeping everything a secret. If that’d been it everything could have gone on. No big deal, I mean, every teenage girl has a sucky life right.”
“Yeah, I guess,” he said with a little catch in his throat.
“As you might imagine, she kept getting older and started sliding down the harlot pecking order. She had a regular list of clients but they weren’t enough.” I chuckled, I couldn’t believe I was talking about her like she was a clinical psychologist or something.
“She fell in with some real bad people.” I took a deep breath; this was where it got hard.
“One day a guy named Jimmy showed up at our door. I shouldn’t have let him in but I knew he was her boyfriend and/or pimp, depending upon your definition of boyfriend. I’d seen him pick her up some times in his fancy convertible.” I stopped here and I tried to catch my breath. The memories were flooding back in and I couldn’t keep them out. A tear spilled over and dripped down my cheek. Burying my face into Scott’s jacket I tried to get lost.
“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I’m here for whatever you want but you don’t owe me anything,” he said.
“Oh, but I do Scott, I owe you more than you will ever know. I need to tell you this. Nobody else really knows the whole story. I think Aunt Jenny has some ideas. But I’ve never told anyone everything.”
He squeezed my shoulder again me giving the confidence to go on.
“Jimmy was looking for my mom and was really upset when he found out she wasn’t there. Supposedly she owed him a whole bunch of money. He went through the house opening doors and yelling her name. The man made my skin crawl and I wanted him out of our there so I grabbed his arm. It was like grabbing a telephone pole. He looked at me and I think that was the first time he really saw me. He got this nasty sneer and said that my mom owed him a lot of money but that I could start making a down payment.”
“His eyes were like a lizard’s, small and beady and they never blinked. They burnt a hole in my soul. My stomach dropped and I ran for the door. If I could get to Mrs. Carlucci’s I’d be okay. But he caught me at the door and dragged me back into the living room. I screamed but he hit me in the face.” My hand drifted up to rub my jaw. I could still feel the blinding pain as it shot through my head. “I’d never been hit before,” I said as if that made any difference.
“He raped me, there on the living room floor.”
Scott was so still, I don’t think his heart had beaten since I’d started. “I am so sorry Katie, I wish with all my heart you didn’t have to go through that.” I could feel his fist clench in my coat.
“There’s more. When he was done, he started yelling at me for not telling him I was a virgin. He kept saying how much he could have gotten for my first time. He started hitting me again then he raped me again. I wanted to die. If I could of I woul
d have killed myself right then and there.”
Scott started to say something but I held my fingers to his lips. “Let me finish, I have to get this out.”
He nodded against my fingers.
“He made me change into new cloths. He stood there and watched the whole time as I got dressed.” I sniffled but took another breath, I had to finish this. “He grabbed my neck and showed me a knife. He said if I gave him any problems he’d kill me then find my mom and kill her too.”
“I’d stopped thinking by that point. I let him lead me out of the apartment building. I didn’t struggle, didn’t try to escape. I just let him pull me to his car. We drove to an old converted warehouse. He threw me into a bedroom and told me that I was his now and that I’d do what he told me with whoever he found. If I didn’t he’d slice me into a thousand pieces.” I could remember the cold steel of his knife sliding up and down my skin.
“Well to make a long story short, for the next two weeks he kept me locked up in that room. Coming back every day, sometimes twice. I didn’t fight him, I didn’t try to escape. It was like I was dead inside. I don’t know how long he would have kept me there. Maybe until I was awake enough to kill myself.
“He didn’t show up for a few days. He got busted for assaulting one of my mother’s customers. After a couple of days of him not showing up I finally came out of it enough to escape. I kicked at the door until it opened. I thought for sure somebody would throw me back in. The place was empty though. I grabbed a dirty sheet off the bed and ran outside. A cop found me wondering around and the rest is history as they say.”
Scott felt like a solid rock in a raging torrent. He was the only thing I could think of, my only awareness. Desperately I waited for his response. Would he push me away in disgust, or simply turn and drive me home to be abandoned to my fear and shame. The waiting was driving me insane and pushing my beating heart to the breaking point. A deadly silence enveloped our little world marred by my sniffles and the gentle hiss of the heater fan on the dashboard.
He shifted and my heart stopped for a moment. He brought his other arm around me and pulled me into the deepest warmest hug of my life. He kissed the top of my head “I’m sorry, so sorry honey, I’m sorry.” He kept mumbling into my hair while he stroked my back.
The damn broke as my muscles relaxed and I started to cry, truly ball my eyes out and it felt wonderful. As if a pent up pressure cooker that had been left on high heat for three years had finally burst through the safety valve. Everything was released as I cried into his arms. Scott rocked me and kept telling me he was sorry and that everything was going to be okay now. He had me, I was safe here.
“It’s not your fault you know,” he said as he held me, caressing the back of my head.
That set me off again into another crying jag. No one had ever told me that before. Not the nurses at the hospital, not the police, no one. To have him be the first made it all that more special. I could almost believe it if he was saying it. I mumbled an “I know,”
His suit jacket was now sopping wet, probably ruined. I pulled back but his arms clamped down and held on for a few seconds longer before letting me go. I looked up to his face. Everything was cast in silver shadows but he couldn’t hide the hurt and anger. Knowing that he was angry at others and hurt for me did more to heal my soul than anything to that point.
“I need to know what you’re feeling, not thinking, feeling,” I said.
He hesitated a moment, “It’s hard for me to talk about my feelings,” he said.
“Nooooo really?” I said with a chuckle. It felt good to break the tension a little.
He laughed, but the look in his eyes didn’t change. They looked out over our beautiful valley. Lost in thought for a moment.
He took a deep breath and said. “I’m feeling a dozen different things. My max used to be three.” He gave me a weak smile. “I’m angry that you were ever put in that situation. Obviously angry at your attacker, angry that I can’t get my hands on him this moment and end his miserable life. I’m angry at myself for not being there to save you. It feels like I failed you somehow. I know it was long before we met, but still, I should have done something. My heart is broken for your hurt and pain. The fact that you have been carrying this around all alone makes me a little mad at you, but also a little admiring of your strength and courage. I am scared to death that I am going to do or say something stupid and hurt you more. “
Wow, I didn’t know a guy could feel that many things at once. The silver moonlight cast his face in a black and white shadow like a 1940’s movie. With that sweet little scar and piercing eyes. If you made him wear a fedora he’d look like one of those hard bitten detectives, a Robert Mitchum type. The kind of guy with a soft heart and iron soul.
“I’m feeling tons of things,” he continued. “But I know something for sure. I know that I love you, probably since you sat down at my lunch table like you could care less about what anybody thought. And I know that I will never let anything bad ever happen to you again.”
My mouth fell open and my heart stopped beating. Did Scott James just tell me he loved me? This hard giant with a heart of gold said he loved me. After everything I’d told him, after laying out all my baggage. He says he loves me and wants to protect me. My insides melted and I fell into his arms thanking God for bringing such a person into my life.
I was so overwhelmed I didn’t say a word. Finally I realized he probably wanted to hear me say something back. Guys are like that, they expose their innermost emotions. They sort of want to hear you love them back. The fact that I had loved him before I sat across from him in the cafeteria only made it easier. I pulled away to look into his eyes when I told him but he pressed a finger to my lips and shook his head as he pulled me back to his sides and turned us to stare out the front windshield at the black and white wonder world.
Chapter Fifteen
Scott
My heart had shattered into a million pieces when Katie told me her story.
I could feel her chest rise with every breath as she slept next to me in my truck. Her Jasmine and Honeysuckle scent permeated the truck creating a soothing comforting place somehow. So different than the hell she’d told me about. It had been the most harrowing thing I’d ever heard. How did somebody put their life back together after something like that?
I gently rubbed her shoulder being careful not to wake her up. Smiling to myself as I remembered what it had felt like to tell her I loved her. That liberating and freeing feeling had washed over me when I’d admitted it to her and to myself.
Starting to stir, she whimpered in her sleep then blinked slowly as she opened her eyes. Her head bounced from side to side as she tried to place her surroundings then she saw me. Her eyes jumped all the way open and her hand immediately went to her mouth to make sure she hadn’t drooled all over herself.
I laughed and said, “Good morning sunshine.”
“What time is it?”
“Three A.M.”
“What, you let me sleep. What’s Aunt Jenny going to think?”
“She’s going to think you’re an eighteen year old woman. Besides I called her a couple of hours ago.”
“What, what did you tell her?” she asked, her eyes as big as the full moon setting in the distance.
I was tempted to joke with her and say I’d told her aunt that we were spending the night at a motel and I’d have her home in a week or two but I didn’t know what kind of mood she was in. I was scared shitless that I’d screw it up by saying the wrong thing. So I wisely decided to tell her the truth. “I told her that I’d taken you to the bluffs and that you’d fallen asleep.”
Katie turned a beautiful shade of pink and locked on her hands folded in her lap.
“I’m sorry about that,” she said. “What did Aunt Jenny say?”
“She said I should let you sleep. You didn’t tell me you had a hard time sleeping.”
“Believe me, I’ve told you enough to last you for a while.”
&
nbsp; I laughed and started my truck.
“What have you been doing, did you fall asleep too?”
“No I watched the scenery go by and held a beautiful girl in my arms as she slept. You don’t snore by the way, just thought you should know.”
“Of course I don’t snore,” she said as if the very idea was preposterous.
I placed the truck in gear but stopped and looked at her for a moment. “Listen I need you to do me a favor. I’m a guy, if I screw up, say or do the wrong thing. You’ve got to let me know. Okay? It wasn’t intentional.”
Katie balked for a moment then smiled and nodded her head as she hugged my arm.
“I better get you home before your Aunt calls out the National Guard.”
.o0o.
Katie
The ride home was quiet and peaceful. I couldn’t believe he’d let me sleep like that. How embarrassing. He was probably being nice when he said I didn’t snore. I’m sure I drooled all over myself. I didn’t really care though. My heart was in heaven, a feeling of relief and wellbeing had settled over me. Scott had been an angel and I knew I was on the right road to living a normal life. It’s amazing what baring one’s soul could do for you.
We pulled into my drive way and I suddenly started to get nervous. Would he kiss me good night, What if he didn’t? The poor guy had to feel like he was walking on egg shells around the broken girl. Scared the wrong step would send her over the edge. Heaven knew I hadn’t done much to disabuse him of the idea.
He opened my door and I scooted across the seat. Aunt Jenny had left the porch light on. Walking to my front door felt like a march to the gallows. He didn’t touch me and I didn’t touch him. It was like the closeness between us had been forgotten and we’d returned to the world before the dance.
It was as if a high wall had sprung up between us. I swallowed hard and stopped on the porch to turn and look at him. He was two steps lower than me. Our eyes were even and that was with me in heals. I liked this view. It was nice staring into his chocolate brown eyes without having to crane my neck.
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