I built bookshelves in my room. I decorated.
I didn’t just turn into a happy person overnight, and I never went straight. I was still angry. I still had days and nights when I imagined some unnameable doom hanging over me. But when the fear came close to paralyzing me, or I thought about taking a step closer to the cliff edges that seemed to surround me on every side, there was always my promise to Frank to pull me back.
I couldn’t save a life from prison. I couldn’t save a life if I was dead.
I started putting one foot in front of the other. It really was that easy.
It was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do in my life.
Acknowledgments
A guy like me, writing a book like this, needs to thank people who helped me with the book, and people who helped me live long enough to write it. Rosina Lippi has the distinction of being in both groups. She’s read multiple drafts of my work, provided invaluable feedback, encouraged me, and made introductions. This book wouldn’t exist without her, and it for damn sure wouldn’t have been published. So for this book, for things that have come before, and for anything that comes after, Rosina—thank you.
I give my heartfelt thanks to my agent, Jill Grinberg, for kicking ass, taking names, and being so very, very patient with me. I’d also like to thank my editor, Joy Peskin, who looked at my one-page bio and saw this book underneath it. If it weren’t for Heather Hobson, my hands wouldn’t have stopped shaking long enough for me to type any of this out. Her honesty and trust helped me write about things I usually don’t even like to think about. Stephen McCandless, the enabler, helped me get out of my head and get going.
My wife, Tricia: to say she deserves my thanks doesn’t begin to cover it. The spouses of writers are a uniquely underappreciated breed of survivor.
John Damon got me started loving stories; Corinne Schmutz convinced me to try my hand at writing some.
Frank W. Ross saved me once, and a thousand times since then.
A portion of the proceeds from this book has gone to establish the Frank W. Ross Memorial Scholarship Fund. You can support the fund with a tax-deductible donation. Please send your check made out to Pride Foundation, with “The Frank W. Ross Memorial Scholarship Fund” on the memo line, and mail to:
Pride Foundation
The Frank W. Ross Memorial Scholarship Fund
2014 E Madison Street #300
Seattle, WA 98112
Or go to www.pridefoundation.org and click DONATE NOW to make a tax-deductible credit card donation. Be sure to enter “The Frank W. Ross Memorial Scholarship Fund” in the comment box.
Farrar Straus Giroux Books for Young Readers
175 Fifth Avenue, New York 10010
Copyright © 2015 by Jason Schmidt
All rights reserved
First hardcover edition, 2015
eBook edition, January 2015
macteenbooks.com
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The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:
Schmidt, Jason, 1972–
A list of things that didn’t kill me / Jason Schmidt.
pages cm
Summary: “In his searing, honest, and ultimately inspiring memoir, Jason Schmidt tells the story of growing up with an abusive father, who contracted HIV and ultimately died of AIDS when Jason was a teenager”— Provided by publisher.
ISBN 978-0-374-38013-7 (hardback)
ISBN 978-0-374-38014-4 (ebook)
1. Dysfunctional families. 2. Drug addiction. 3. Sexual abuse. 4. Family violence. I. Title.
HV697.S347 2014
362.19697'920092—dc23
[B]
2014013170
eISBN 9780374380144
A List of Things That Didn't Kill Me Page 39
