She quickly saw to the horses’ needs, her mind barely on her job, before clambering back up to the loft.
William was white-faced, his lips thin with suppressed emotion.
‘Are you all right?’ she asked softly.
His gaze snapped to hers and her heart jolted. ‘I will kill him for threatening you like that. How dare he?’ He dropped his gaze and began to strap his dagger to his body.
Avva’s heart expanded, an unfamiliar emotion rushing through her. Other than Aven, no one had ever looked out for her before. It made up her mind.
‘I will help you.’ That stopped him. He looked across at her, his expression hard and unyielding.
‘No, it is too dangerous.’
‘You cannot do this alone.’
He smiled grimly. ‘I have been trained for this, Avva. You have not. I do not want you in a position where you have to choose between your brothers’ safety and helping me. Besides, I thought you didn’t care for the King.’
‘I...’ How to explain to him that it was not the King she was worried about? That over the course of the last few days what happened to him had become important to her? But it wasn’t just that. As Caerden had threatened her, she had become resolved. She could no longer live in fear. If there was a way to end this, then she wanted to be involved. She decided to appeal to William’s logical side.
‘You are badly injured. Whether you like it or not, you are going to need help. At the moment, only I am available.’
‘Last time we were in a fight, I almost lost because I was so concerned about your safety.’ She rocked back on her heels, hurt by the truth of his words. His eyes flashed and he reached out a hand before dropping it. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m only telling you this because I want you to understand that while I appreciate your offer, I don’t think your continued involvement is a good idea.’
She nodded. She didn’t particularly want to get hurt either. ‘I have a suggestion. I will help you, but at the first sign of violence I will run away. I would prefer not to be involved in a fight.’
He looked at her for a long moment. She held his stare. Eventually he broke away.
‘Let me consider your words for a moment.’
She nodded. She knew what it was like to need time to think.
‘I’ll see to the horses. They still need rubbing down after their journey earlier.’
He nodded absentmindedly. Realising his mind was already elsewhere, Avva said nothing more.
* * *
Bluebell was surprisingly calm when Avva entered her stall. She allowed Avva to run a brush over her without any of her normal fussiness. She even seemed to enjoy Avva’s gentle mutterings, which relaxed the other horses, but normally seemed to irritate Bluebell. The rhythm soothed Avva, too, and by the time she climbed back up to the loft she was almost contented.
William was fully dressed now, his dagger in place although his sword was still missing. Her heart fluttered as she took in his magnificent form. It was no wonder she had succumbed to kissing him—he was beautiful.
She was so busy admiring him that it took her a moment to take on board what he was doing. In front of him were several small piles of hay. He was pointing to one of them with the tip of his dagger and murmuring under his breath.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Running through various scenarios.’
‘What does the hay represent?’
‘The location of our enemies.’
‘How do you know where our enemies are?’
‘I don’t. That’s why there are many piles of hay.’
He looked up and grinned and the breath caught in her throat. She couldn’t help but smile back at him.
‘I need to get inside the castle,’ he said, turning back to the hay.
‘Now?’
He tapped his chin with the point of his dagger. ‘Is it still light?’
‘Yes, but not for much longer.’
He nodded. ‘I’ll wait until dark has fallen until I make my move.’
Avva’s stomach twisted. It was happening now, whether she liked it or not. ‘What is your plan?’
‘Initially, I was going to try to join up with my fellow knights, but now I don’t think there is time. The best course of action is to take down Caerden, Thomas and Barwen either before they leave here and reach Edward, or before Edward reaches here. Either way, the men need to be stopped and soon.’
‘You can’t take them all down by yourself!’
William frowned slightly. ‘Of course I can.’
‘You’re wounded.’
The corner of his mouth tilted upwards. ‘So you keep saying, but I’m not so wounded I cannot take on three untrained men.’
Avva rolled her eyes. ‘Thomas, I grant you, will not be difficult for you. To my knowledge, he has never been in a combat situation and is now so fat and so lazy that even I could take him down.’ She ignored William’s snort of laughter. ‘Perhaps even Caerden will not be much of an issue for you if he is by himself. He is a trained knight, but he has become used to others doing his dirty work for him. Barwen...’ Avva sucked in a breath. ‘I have seen Barwen fight. He will show no mercy and delights in pain—even, I think, his own. He will not be as easy.’
‘This is why I need to get into the castle. I—’
‘They will be surrounded by their cronies. You cannot charge in there.’
‘Avva.’ William reached over and rested a warm hand on her arm. The touch sent a wave of tingles through her body. She was surprised she could feel such a thing at a time like this, but obviously her body wasn’t aware of the seriousness of the situation because the sensations continued until he, disappointingly, removed his hand. ‘I am not some untrained novice. I do know what I am doing. I will watch and wait for the right opportunity.’
Avva nodded. Of course, she was worrying about nothing. William was not like her and Aven. He’d had training. He could survive by himself. He would not die of an infection because he would not allow himself to be badly cut. And, even if he did, it would not be her responsibility to look after him. Either he would die, or his family would come and claim him. There was no reason for the sick, swirling sensation in her stomach.
‘Avva.’ She looked up at him. He smiled and brushed a strand of hair away from her forehead. ‘It will be fine.’
‘Of course. I should...’ She gestured down to the stable below. He nodded.
‘Please come and get me as soon as the sun has gone down.’
It was her turn to nod before backing away. She’d help him this evening and then she wouldn’t see him again.
* * *
The serpents writhing in the base of Avva’s stomach didn’t calm themselves, even though the end of the afternoon passed without incident. She went to collect some food, just before sundown.
She didn’t speak to anyone and no one even spared her a second glance despite the huge target she felt had been stuck to her front and back.
Back in her loft, she handed half of the food to William. The groups of hay had become more elaborate in her absence.
‘Do these still represent our enemies?’ she asked, her heart skittering when he looked up and smiled at her.
‘Some of them.’
‘Does this work?’ She gestured to the piles.
‘Yes, it helps me organise my thoughts. It’s a trick Theo taught me.’
‘Who’s Theo? You’ve mentioned him a few times.’
‘Theo is my friend and mentor. I met him when I started my training as a page. He’s a few years older than me.’
‘Did he take you under his wing?’
William smiled around a mouthful of bread. ‘Not in the beginning. He saw me as an irritant, a bit like a flea he couldn’t get rid of and not much bigger than one of those either.’
Avva
had a hard time imagining William as small. He was so big, he nearly filled her loft space completely.
‘What changed?’
‘He used to make me do all the worst jobs. Whatever he didn’t want to do he ordered me to take them on. When that failed to keep me away from him, he gave up trying. I wore him down.’ William flashed his big warm smile, reminding Avva of the sun coming out during a cloudy day.
‘Why did you want to be his companion so badly?’
‘Ah.’ William broke off another hunk of bread. ‘I’ll tell you, but if you ever meet him you mustn’t repeat a word of what I say.’ His lips twitched and Avva resisted the urge to cross the loft and capture the movement with her mouth.
‘Of course.’ She didn’t point out that she was very unlikely to meet this Theo and, if she did, it was unlikely a nobleman would want to engage in conversation with a stable master. She didn’t want to remind William that he was different to most men. Not when she was enjoying his company so much.
‘I admired him.’ There was a glint of affection in William’s eyes that caused a sharp pain in the region of her heart. It took her a moment to realise the pain was down to jealousy. She wanted him to have that look on his face when he thought of her, which was foolish. She didn’t need William to care for her. Whatever happened, William would be gone from her life within the next day or so, she must remember that.
‘Theo was the first person I met when I left my family. He was so calm and ordered, so unlike my parents who were the only people of authority I knew up until then. I wanted to be like him. I have spent my whole life striving to be as accomplished as him.’ The light in his eyes died a little. ‘And yet here I am. I couldn’t defend myself against those untutored lugs.’
Avva straightened. ‘That is not true. You were the only man who walked away from that fight.’
William smiled, although the smile didn’t reach his eyes. ‘I didn’t walk away from it. You dragged me and hauled me up the hill in a cart like a bale of sodden hay.’
‘You said that if you hadn’t had to defend me, that wouldn’t have happened and you know it’s true.’ She was getting angry now. How couldn’t he see that he was a hero? She didn’t know this Theo person, but she doubted his soul was as warm-hearted as William’s.
‘You were not to blame for my failure. Protecting people is my role. I should have done it better. No, there is no need to defend me again. I appreciate that you are trying to make me feel better and that is very sweet. But I know what I should be able to do and I fell short. It will not happen again.’
Avva shuddered at the steel in his voice. She believed that he would do everything in his power to protect those weaker than himself or that he would die trying.
‘Tell me more about your parents.’ She wanted to draw him away from his melancholy thoughts to something far away from here. There was a long pause where she thought he wasn’t going to answer. Now that she’d asked the question, she was seized with the desperate urge to find out more about where William came from and what made him into the person he was now. ‘I think you said they were always getting into foolish scrapes. What did you mean by that?’
William sighed, not looking a great deal happier to talk about his family than he’d been talking about his failings.
‘My parents adore each other to the exclusion of other people, including me. It’s isolating, that kind of love. There is no room for anyone else. I will never love like that.’ Avva’s heart constricted painfully, but she forced herself not to visibly react. ‘They are...silly seems to be the kindest word to describe them. Foolish is another.’
‘In what way are they silly?’
‘They never think through their actions. They run from one thing to the next.’
‘Do you love them?’
He frowned. ‘Of course I do. They are my family. I am obliged to love them and they are endearing in their own way. It’s just...growing up with my parents there was no order. I did not enjoy the uncertainty.’
There was more, she could tell. But he had stopped talking and was staring at a spot just behind her shoulder.
‘I think you said you had sisters,’ she prompted.
He shook his head, as if coming round. ‘Yes, I do now. Lots of younger sisters. They seemed to keep coming for years, although they’ve stopped now. There were others, but they did not live long. That’s what I remember from my younger years. My mother desperate for more children and them dying. The pain both of my parents suffered.’ He shuddered. ‘I never want to experience that soul-shattering love. That was the root cause of their monetary problems. My father would indulge my mother’s every whim to make her feel better and people would take advantage of that generosity. They got through a lot of the Devereux fortune preparing a suite for King Edward II’s visit.’
‘Did he come?’
William snorted. ‘No. I don’t think he ever had any firm intention of visiting. Some merchants took advantage of a rumour.’ He smiled without humour. ‘The merchants weren’t so thrilled when I paid them a visit not long afterwards, but by then it was too late. The money was gone and there was no way to get it back. Although get it back I must. My sisters must marry well and for that I need dowries, which is why...’
He looked away from her, a muscle twitching in his jaw.
Avva blinked back tears, telling herself not to be so foolish. She had known there was no chance of a union between them, their stations were so far apart, but a part of her must have hoped just a little bit. But now William had reminded her he needed a union that provided him with money and Avva had none at all.
That William desired her was obvious, but he had never said that he cared for her any more than the next woman. He had told her, more than once, that he didn’t want to love, that love made people foolish.
She turned away, so that William wouldn’t see her ridiculous reaction. ‘This Theo is like a brother to you, then?’
‘Yes, an older brother. The other knights are like my kin, too, although I am not as close to all of them.’
‘Tell me about them.’
William finished the last of his food. ‘Other than Theo, there is Benedictus, our leader, and his brother Alewyn, a gentle giant, but it is Theo I am closest to as I’ve known him the longest.’ He glanced towards the stable door. ‘Is it dark yet?’
Glad for a reason to get away from William while she still had tears in her eyes, Avva dropped down into the stable and peered outside. ‘It’s dark and all is quiet,’ she called up softly. ‘Do you need some help getting down?’
William’s face appeared over the edge of the loft. ‘I’ll be fine, thank you.’ His head disappeared to be replaced with his feet. He took longer than he should have done to make it to the floor, but she didn’t hear any grunts of pain. He turned to face her. His skin was pale and there was a sheen of sweat across his brow.
She didn’t comment. From dealing with her brothers she knew that men didn’t enjoy any weakness being pointed out to them. She suspected William would take it even worse. If there had been any doubt that she could leave him to investigate inside the castle himself, then the look of pain on his face completely extinguished it.
She would not leave him until the very end, even if it meant risking her own life.
Chapter Thirteen
Avva peered back into the courtyard. Everything was still and quiet. ‘Stay there a moment, I will fetch your sword.’
The weapon was heavier than she remembered and impossible to conceal about her person. She hurried back to William’s side.
‘Thank you,’ he murmured as he took it from her.
‘Where do you want to go?’
‘Can you direct me to a side entrance so that I can get into Caerden’s inner sanctum without being seen?’
‘I’ll take you there.’
‘No, Avva. I can’t put you...’
‘You have no choice.’
He took a step towards her. Lying down, filling her loft space, he’d seemed huge. Looming over her and glowering down at her, he appeared even bigger. She should be scared. Experience had taught her that big men were not to be trusted, yet instead of terror another sensation was building in her stomach.
She wanted to pull his mouth down to hers, for those firm lips to press against hers, to run her fingers over the breadth of his shoulders.
‘You can be as scary as you want,’ she said mildly. ‘I’m still going to insist on coming with you.’
He growled and the sound reverberated through her body.
She hid a smile—his domineering stance was having the opposite effect on her than he intended. Instead of being afraid, she was in danger of dragging him back up to the loft. Now was not the time to be having those sorts of thoughts. In fact, she should stop having those thoughts about William, even though her body kept insisting otherwise.
She moved away from him. ‘Now is a good time to move. Caerden’s meal begins at sundown. He should be eating for a while before retiring to his private room. I don’t think even an impending revolt will stop him from lording it over everyone in the Great Hall.’
She slipped out of the stables into the evening air, leaving William with no choice but to follow her. She was used to hiding in shadows and the cluttered courtyard threw up many obstacles. She paused every now and again, listening for any unexplained sounds, but all was quiet. Most workers would be eating in the Great Hall now or visiting their families. Behind her came William’s quiet footsteps, his steady breathing close to her ear.
They hurried around to the side of the keep, passing quickly by the main entrance. The babble of many voices talking at once reached them as they skirted the corner.
‘Do you ever eat in there?’ murmured William as they moved further into the darkness.
‘Never. It’s too risky. I don’t want anyone paying too close attention to me. Besides, Caerden is responsible for my brother’s death. I cannot stand to look at him.’
The Knight's Maiden in Disguise Page 15
