* * *
William stared down at the woman sleeping next to him. Her body was soft and pliant against his. He wanted to wake her, to watch her face as she talked to him, but that would be unfair. She was clearly exhausted after her long and difficult day.
Tomorrow she would leave here and return to her life. The thought pierced through him like a dagger in his already damaged ribs. He knew what he had to do, but it had never felt so hard before.
He shifted and Avva murmured in her sleep, a short string of unintelligible words followed by what sounded like his name. She moved, brushing a leg against his. He groaned as his body once more roared into life. He’d never wanted anyone this much, his body had never been so hard and heavy and yet he wouldn’t take her, he could not risk getting her with child if he was not going to marry her. He would not allow himself to lose control. She was an innocent and she would remain that way until she married some nameless bastard who would give her everything William could not.
‘No.’
William flinched at the sound of anger in Avva’s voice. Whatever dream she was experiencing, it had taken an unpleasant turn, hardly surprising after today’s events.
‘No, I won’t.’
‘Avva.’ William touched her shoulder. She sat up with a gasp.
‘It’s all right, Avva. You were dreaming. Whatever you saw, it wasn’t real.’
She threw herself at him, burying her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, barely registering the pain in his ribs, as she sobbed against him. ‘Avva, my beautiful girl, it’s all over. There is nothing to be sad about.’
He felt her nod against his chest, but she continued to cry.
‘Avva, please stop. You are killing me.’ That didn’t help either. ‘Please, Avva, please.’ He threaded his fingers through her hair, the silken strands so soft against his rough calluses. ‘Avva...’
She looked up at him, her lashes spiky with tears.
‘Avva...what is it?’
‘It’s...sometimes I dream of my brother, the end of his life. I haven’t in a while. It’s...’ Her gaze dropped to his shoulder. ‘Everyone leaves,’ she concluded quietly.
William’s heart contracted. How could he leave her? He was beginning to think it would be impossible.
Her gaze returned to his and he couldn’t help himself. He brought his mouth down to hers and kissed her, pouring everything he felt for her into that moment.
She responded instantly, her hands grabbing the back of his head and pulling him down on to her. He was lost. He no longer cared about his duty to his family or his oath to his liege, all he wanted was this woman. The one who made his blood sing with joy.
He ran his hands down the length of her body, marvelling in the delicate shape of her curves. How anyone could believe she was a man confounded him. She was all perfect woman to him.
‘William.’
He raised his head and looked down at her. Her pupils were huge, her gaze unfocused, and her lips were plump from his kisses. He couldn’t help himself—he lowered his mouth once more. He didn’t know how many long glorious moments passed, but he became aware of her hands pressing against his chest. He lifted his head once more. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing... I...’
‘Yes.’ He waited, watching her pulse jump wildly in her throat. If she asked him to move away from her, he would. It would be difficult, but he would do it for her. Right now if she asked him for anything, he would agree.
‘I want to know how to give you pleasure,’ she blurted out, as colour flooded her cheeks.
Everything in his body froze at her words. It had been enough for him to worship her body, to make her cry out in delight. When he was not going to offer her marriage, it would be wrong for him to take anything more from her.
‘You don’t need to do that. I’m happy...’
Her hand stroked across his manhood. He lost his train of thought, the pleasure was so intense, like nothing he’d ever felt before.
‘You like that?’
His response was a jumble of words that didn’t even make sense to him. He’d lost all his power of reasoning as her fingers curled around his length. He began to move, her inexperienced touch driving him wild.
She shifted beneath him, bringing him to her entrance.
‘Avva.’ Her name was a groan on his lips.
‘Yes.’
‘We shouldn’t...’
‘I need to...’
‘But...’
‘Please.’
That please was his undoing. He could no longer resist her, not when his body was clamouring to make them one.
‘If you want to stop at any...’
‘I won’t.’
He brushed her lips with his and slowly eased into her, finally making them one.
Chapter Seventeen
Soft lips kissed Avva’s forehead, waking her from a dreamless sleep. Her eyelids were so heavy she couldn’t open them. There was another caress, this time across her mouth.
She wanted to reach out and touch those lips, but her arms were heavy and she couldn’t move.
Soft footsteps crossed the chamber and then came the creak of the door opening and closing.
Sleep claimed her once more.
* * *
She awoke much later at a tapping on the chamber door.
She licked her lips. They felt bruised and she smiled when she remembered why. She tugged the covers up to her chin. ‘Come in.’
It was the chambermaid again, bringing another bowl of steaming water. ‘Good morning, Master Carpenter. Here’s some water for you to wash. Is there anything else I can get for you? His Majesty says you are to be given whatever you need.’ The chambermaid beamed as she spoke. It had probably never crossed her mind that she would ever meet with the King, let alone receive orders from him. It had never occurred to Avva that it might happen to her either.
‘Is there any food?’
‘I’ll bring some up for you right this instant.’ The maid’s eyes sparkled with delight at being able to help.
‘Thank you.’
Avva waited until she was sure the maid was on the stairs before getting out of bed. The warm water was blissful against her skin. As she spread it over her body, memories from last night slipped into her mind: the delicious scrape of William’s stubble against her cheek, the heavy weight of him pressing her into the mattress, the noise he made as he entered her and the waves of sensation he’d produced as he’d moved over her.
She’d known what she was risking. Known that there was a chance he would get her with child, but she had welcomed it. If they were to be apart for the rest of her life, then at least she would have a part of him to keep with her for always. She would have love in her life, just not the romantic kind.
But then there had been the words he’d whispered in the darkness. He might not have said he loved her, but it was in every word he uttered and every gesture. A man could not act like that and not care deeply. It had given her hope, where she’d not had any before.
Perhaps last night wasn’t goodbye after all.
She dressed quickly. It was strange shrugging on the male clothing—she had never felt so female in all her life.
* * *
Avva was ready and waiting, when the maid returned with some freshly baked bread. She took the loaf, gratefully biting into the crunchy crust. Maybe it was her mood, but she didn’t think she had ever tasted anything quite so mouth-wateringly delicious in her whole life.
‘His Majesty would like to see you in the taproom when you are ready, Master Carpenter.’
Avva swallowed. ‘I’ll be there presently.’
Avva didn’t taste the rest of her bread. If William was to be believed, the King really did want to thank her for her help during yesterday’s fight. But what on earth would sh
e ask for?
There was only one thing she wanted for herself: William. He had to give himself to her willingly, though. She would not ask for him.
That only really left her brothers. She wanted to see them settled in life, perhaps she would ask for that.
She stood, brushing the crumbs from her clothes, and made towards the door.
It was time to meet the King.
The chambermaid was loitering at the bottom of the stairs. ‘The King is talking to some giant men at the moment. Would you like to come into the kitchens and wait?’
‘Thank you, but I will wait in the corridor until he is ready to see me.’
Avva didn’t think she could bear to sit still. If she remained in the passageway, at least she could pace.
The chambermaid didn’t press her and, after a moment of looking longingly towards the taproom, she disappeared, presumably to carry on with her tasks.
It wasn’t that Avva wanted to eavesdrop on the King’s discussion with his men, there was probably some law against doing just that after all, but standing where she was, she couldn’t help but hear the conversation. The deep rumble of male voices weren’t even trying to keep their voices quiet.
She wanted to know more about what would happen to her town now that the Baron was dead. He didn’t have any heirs and so the King would have to grant the land to someone loyal to him, although right now it must be hard to decide who that person might be. She’d always thought life as a royal was easy, but never knowing who to trust was similar to her own life, where nobody knew the real her. Who’d have thought she would have had anything in common with the King?
There was no door between the corridor and the taproom. She edged forward, trying to get a glimpse of William.
Avva was quite close when she eventually saw him, her heart skipping a beat when she spotted him leaning against a wooden pillar, his back to her. Three other men were dotted around the room, each of them as big as William and as equally covered in fearsome weapons. She recognised them as the men who had fought alongside William yesterday.
The King was sitting by the fire, his legs stretched out in front of him. He looked better than he had yesterday, a lot less dishevelled, but he still didn’t look very kingly, or at least not like Avva’s idea of how a king should look.
She turned back to William, with his broad shoulders and muscled arms—he was far more her idea of royalty.
She leaned against the wall and allowed herself the luxury of gazing at William while she was unobserved. She didn’t pay attention to what they were saying until the King mentioned William by name.
‘You fought well yesterday, William Devereux. I will see that you are rewarded for your efforts.’
‘Thank you, Your Majesty, it was a pleasure to serve you as always. Believe me, I thought not of any reward, but only of your safety.’
The King preened at William’s response. ‘Nevertheless, I shall reward you handsomely. I do not even have to think about what you would like. You will be pleased to know that I have decided to grant your petition to marry Lady Ann of Clyde.’
Avva’s world spun—for a moment she could not tell what was up or down. She’d begun to trust in him, to believe that he loved her, cared for her, and now...
She held her breath, waiting to hear William’s response. Surely he would say that such an arrangement was not possible.
But William didn’t speak. The other men in the room moved towards him, smiling and slapping his back, uttering words of congratulation.
She wanted to run, she didn’t want to see this, but her feet remained stuck to the floor as the nightmare unfolded in front of her. And then William spoke. ‘Thank you, Sire.’
His words managed to galvanise her into action.
She turned away from the scene before her and ran.
Chapter Eighteen
William waited for an eternity. The King discussed the plot on his life at great length—he wanted every Baron who’d dared to dream they could overthrow him hunted down and disposed of. The message he wanted to send to the kingdom was clear: no one would get away with even the whiff of treason.
When that was finally over, it was Benedictus, the King’s Knights leader, who took over. He was taking the various betrayals very hard indeed and he made each of the remaining knights go over their interactions with every one of the men identified as spies during the last few months in minute detail.
All the while, William waited for Avva to appear.
It had been so difficult to leave her sleeping, but he’d not wanted to wake her as they’d not had much sleep. His skin heated as he remembered why.
When the conversation turned to William’s role in the whole thing, he was embarrassed by how much praise the King heaped on him. In reality, William had done very little. He’d ended up battered and bruised in a loft and had only just arrived in time to help save the King. If he’d been even several moments later, the result could have been very different.
But it was the King’s granting of William’s petition in return for the success of the mission that had William reeling. For so long, he had wanted a wealthy marriage. He had not been thinking of the bride, but of her dowry. If he’d given the woman any thought, he’d hoped that they would be comfortable together. He would be a good husband, but not a madly in love one. He was not going to be like his parents.
When the King had told William he could marry Lady Ann, he’d frozen. He didn’t know the woman personally, but he knew that Lady Ann was from one of the wealthiest families in the kingdom. To be joined in such a union would alleviate the financial worries that had plagued him for his whole life. It would also be a practical union without love, the very thing he’d thought he wanted for as long as he could remember. But that was before Avva, before he’d realised what being with a woman he loved would be like.
Last night, as she’d lain in his arms, he had realised something. He could never leave her, never marry another when his heart was full for this courageous woman.
He’d not been able to think of anything to say in response to the King’s declaration. His body and soul were rebelling against the notion of marrying this stranger. Then he’d seen his liege’s face and Theo’s not far behind him. The King was expecting William’s gratitude—indeed, he was owed it. Theo’s glare reminded him that this was not the time to defy the King. The difference in stature between the Devereux family and the Clydes was phenomenal. The King was granting him a great honour. Unable to do anything else, he’d thanked the King for that honour, all the while feeling as if great serpents were writhing in his stomach.
Edward had moved on to the King’s Knights’ next mission. Once again, William couldn’t concentrate, all his thoughts consumed by what he was going to do about Avva. He knew some men would tell him to marry Lady Ann and keep Avva as his mistress. He would have the wealth and the woman he loved, and he did love Avva, he knew that now, knew that life without her would be unbearable, knew that he was exactly like his parents, hopelessly and helplessly in love with one person for the rest of his life. He would never keep Avva as a mistress and marry someone else. It would be dishonourable to both women.
Now, when he was finally faced with a choice, he realised he could not marry a woman who was not Avva.
‘Where’s that lad, William?’
William frowned at his king. ‘What lad?’
‘The one who joined in the fight yesterday.’
It was on the tip of William’s tongue to say that Avva was a woman, but he remembered that he had sworn an oath not to tell anyone about her disguise. Even though the reason for that duplicity had gone, William would still not break his word. ‘I shall fetch him.’
‘I sent for him ages ago. I do not like to be kept waiting.’
How strange. It was not like Avva not to do her duty. William was sure she would have come when asked, but then perhaps she was
exhausted and was still asleep. Or maybe she was shy—not everyone was used to talking to the King.
‘I shall go and find out what has happened to Master Carpenter.’
He strode out of the taproom and took the stairs to Avva’s chamber two at a time. He was desperate to see her, even as he dreaded having to tell her about Lady Ann. He would get out of that, though. It would be difficult, but he would find a way to appease the King.
The chamber was empty, a cool bowl of water sitting on the table, but there was nothing else in the room to suggest that Avva had ever been there. Even the bed covers, which had been rumpled when he had left, were pulled tight.
He ran back down the stairs and found the chambermaid who had waited on them before. ‘Where is Master Carpenter?’
The maid blinked at him. ‘He left, Sir William, not long after the King spoke to him.’
‘When did the King speak to him?’ William couldn’t see how Avva had got past him to speak to the King. The tavern was small with only one corridor and the stairs.
‘Early this morning.’
An icy wave swept through William. ‘Master Carpenter has been gone since early morning?’
‘Yes, Sir William.’ The maid’s fingers were curled into her apron, her bottom lip wobbling.
William realised he must be scaring her with his abrupt questions. He forced his shoulders to relax. ‘Thank you for your help.’
The maid scurried away from him quickly, suggesting he hadn’t been as soft as he’d hoped. Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered other than the fact that Avva had left without saying goodbye.
He strode out of the tavern and into the stables. Eirwen was still there, so Avva hadn’t taken a horse, but a quick glance up at the sky revealed that midday had long since passed while he’d been listening to the King drone on. Avva would be nearly at Caerden, if she wasn’t there already.
She had left him without saying goodbye.
He stumbled blindly back to the taproom, surprised to find it was nearly exactly as he had left it. His whole world had changed, but for everyone else it was exactly the same.
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