“They’re not all that way, I’ve found. Christians.”
“Oh, I know. Lisa’s parents were Christian, and they loved her deeply. Being a lesbian didn’t change that for them, and they opened their home to me. They barely knew me; they just knew I needed help and they were glad to give it. They went to church every Sunday and talked about it a lot, but they never pushed it on me. I think they knew I needed my space, and I got to see that they aren’t all like my parents. Maybe not even most of them.”
She could hear the residue of the pain in my voice, and I wondered if it would ever go away completely. She nodded, understanding, and we walked in silence a bit. “Their rejection hurt me so much, and it took a long time to get where I am now. I wonder sometimes whether it was easier or harder that I was adopted. Would it have hurt worse if they were my own blood?”
“I’m no Sensitive. I can only imagine what that felt like. Other than random idiots like that guy in Idaho City, I’ve only rarely experienced that kind of overt homophobia. And never from someone I loved. I’ve been very fortunate.”
“Since my parents, I haven’t let myself get close to someone who might do that again.” The admission came from a place deep within that I’d never shared with another.
Sounds lonely.
“I have been lonely, but not for that reason. I try very hard to act normal, but as I become comfortable around someone, I tend to slip. It’s hard on relationships, and not just romantic ones.”
“You can’t be yourself. That’s why you hide in a crowd.”
Hearing her statement with the underlying thought, I nodded. “Yes. It’s easier to be alone when you choose to be. And it’s why you glow in a crowd. You figure if people notice you they won’t look deeper than the beauty.” She smiled in thought but did not respond aloud.
Though the intensity between us never slackened, I noticed how aware she was of the world around her. Never tense, never wary, just uncommonly observant. And the only way I knew that was through her thoughts.
“What model was the second to last car we passed?” I teased her.
“A 2003 Ford Escort, dark blue. Why?”
I laughed. “You do realize that’s not normal?” She glanced at me, slightly hurt. I tried to take back the sting of my statement. “No, no. I like it. I’ve just never known anyone who saw so much without even appearing to look. It wasn’t an insult. I was just giving you a hard time. Besides, who am I to say what’s normal?”
Relaxed again, and almost embarrassed, she explained. “I do it automatically. Most of the time I don’t even realize I’m doing it.”
“How does it not distract you? You’re completely focused on me, but you still notice everything. You could probably tell me if that man we passed ten minutes ago wore earrings.” The question was rhetorical, but she answered it anyway.
“He didn’t, but they were pierced.”
I shoved her with my shoulder, causing her to sidestep. “That wasn’t my question.”
She rolled her shoulders as she collected her thoughts. “I’m not dodging, I’m just not sure how to explain. It’s like being able to walk without it getting in the way of a conversation. You’ve done it for so long that you don’t have to think about the next step. You just do it.”
That made sense to me. “Like the way I sense thoughts, I guess. I’ve done it my whole life so I don’t even have to think about it.”
“Exactly. What was that man’s mood?”
That was easy. “Preoccupied, in a hurry. He barely even noticed us pass, and he didn’t recognize us as a couple. Even though that’s not usually an issue in this neighborhood, it’s still noticed. I doubt he remembers us.”
She nodded, pleased. “65TP17.” Confused, I asked her what that meant. “The car’s license plate number.”
“We have got to be the strangest couple in the city.”
“Without a doubt.” Amusement and pride passed through her mind, and her satisfaction infected me.
The temperature dropped a bit, and I started wishing I’d brought a jacket. It wasn’t uncomfortable enough to turn back, though, so I simply ignored it. “Looks like rain.” Billie commented.
Glancing at the sky, the few clouds present earlier had thickened. “Should we go home?” I wondered aloud.
She sniffed the air. “We’ve got some time. You’re cold, though. Do you want to turn around?”
Definitely not. “No. Not unless I’m going to get wet, too.” Pulling me closer, I stole from her warmth, as she intended me to do.
We’d reached the edge of the city, near the foothills where several blocks lay undeveloped. I should have been concerned, but with Billie beside me I didn’t even question my safety. Which was not normal for me since California where I’d learned to fear dark abandoned spaces.
I didn’t notice them until they spoke, but looking back Billie knew they were there. She recognized the danger too late to avert it. “Hey girls. Wanna have a good time?” We turned around and saw two young men – kids, really – with several inches of underwear clearly showing over the tops of their jeans. They didn’t appear to be street thugs so much as upper class kids trying to act the part.
They resonated with hostility and aggression, and I knew this could get bad. Stay calm. Only Billie’s voice kept me from losing what little control remained. I wanted to bolt. She wasn’t worried about them, only about me.
“Not particularly.” Billie’s tone was casual, and her stance never changed, but her awareness had increased. Without any appearance of surveying the scene, she knew every detail of her surroundings. She simply looked at him, appearing bored and unimpressed, waiting for his next move.
“I think you’d like it.” He rubbed his crotch crudely as his eyes raked our bodies. My world closed in.
I saw and heard everything – missed nothing – but I stood frozen in that moment. What he wanted was too familiar, and it took me back five years emotionally. I felt their lust and anger, and Billie’s annoyance. Annoyance? She felt no concern about our safety, and her temper had only risen to a dull throb within her. She knew I’d panicked, but she couldn’t do anything about it yet.
She spoke with a dull tone, both bored and insistent, revealing none of the fire she felt beneath. “We’re not interested. Go home.” The second one grinned and rubbed his hands.
“I don’t care what you want. Me and my buddy here? We’d like a good fuck, and I bet your pretty ass would feel pretty fucking good.” It sounded rehearsed, like he was repeating a line from a movie.
The speaker took the lead and started advancing, the other only a step behind. Neither was big, but there were two of them. This fact didn’t bother Billie in the least. “You really don’t want to do this.” Billie warned them, her eyebrows arching.
They didn’t listen, just snickered. Removing her arm from my shoulder, she stepped three paces in front of me, placing her body between me and danger. Not even striking a stance, she waited calmly with her hands by her side. If I’d been able to think, I would have felt protected and safe, but I was still caught in panic.
The leader, for the speaker obviously controlled the show, was intent on Billie, raking her body with his eyes. “I think I want this one. You can have the other.” His friend nodded, pleased. He liked what he saw in me. He liked my fear.
I could feel her temper flare hot, though nothing showed in her face. “Touch her and you will die.” Billie’s threat came out intimidating, but these boys were used to getting what they wanted. They weren’t thugs. They were spoiled brats. Thugs might have appraised Billie and seen past her looks to the power underneath. But these boys didn’t have experience or street sense. They ignored her.
Actually they laughed. “What are you going to do? Scream?”
As the one on the right broke off to approach me, she struck without further warning. As far as she was concerned, she’d given them all the warning they deserved. Kicking him in the face with a move I’d only ever seen on TV, the other rushed her. S
he landed a fist in his stomach that brought him to his knees alongside his bleeding companion. The moves, while not complex, were obviously of someone highly trained.
Billie knew what she was doing. She fought automatically, not calculating what she would do next but feeling the situation and responding. Anger fueled her but did not consume her, while the boys’ fury blinded what little common sense they had.
Enraged, they rose and came at her, their untrained fists held high.
Billie watch out!
I got it, Sadie. Don’t worry. I did worry.
They were used to amateur brawling, and they thought two on one put the advantage in their favor. But they were no match for Billie. Twenty seconds and only a few moves later, both boys lay on the ground moaning.
The sidekick bled freely from his nose and held a broken rib, while the leader clutched his balls in his hands, breathing heavily. Red marks began blooming on both of their faces, and one eye would be swollen shut in the morning. They mumbled and cussed at her, calling her the worst names they could come up with. Words didn’t faze her.
Panic started to release me from its grip, and I took a step towards Billie standing over them. Wait. I stopped.
She spoke to them as if they were bugs on the floor beneath her feet. “You think you’re big and bad by attacking women? Not all women are helpless. Remember that next time you want to take what isn’t yours.” A swift kick to the groin left the other kid clutching his balls too. Pain and rage filled their thoughts.
Turning her back on them, she reached a hand out to me. Don’t run. I took her hand, my own shaking uncontrollably, and struggled against the urge to flee. Her touch grounded me. We walked at a leisurely pace for a block and a half, not speaking. The incident repeated over and over in my mind, fear still flooding through my body.
As soon as we turned a corner, out of their sight, she embraced me. She’d known the whole time what I needed, but didn’t feel she could give that to me in their view. “Sadie. You’re okay. You’re okay.” I couldn’t help myself, I cried. Sobbing uncontrollably, I clutched her like a lifeline. “I’ll never let anything happen to you. You’re safe.”
“God, Billie. If you hadn’t been there.” I didn’t want to imagine, but my thoughts drifted to that outcome anyway.
“I don’t think you would have been out walking in a deserted stretch by yourself at night. I’m so sorry, love. I swear I wouldn’t have taken you there if I thought this would happen. I promise I will always protect you.”
My immediate fear drifted to general paranoia about such a situation. “You can’t always be there.”
“No. But our minds are linked, and if you call me I will come.” My sobs slowed as that realization sunk in.
“I hate being helpless.” I hated more that she saw that part of me.
“You’re not helpless. Gods, you are stronger than you think. You just panicked, and with good reason. That can change, Sadie, if you want it to.” She understood my emotional state, and she wanted to free me of it.
I didn’t think I could be freed. “Can it? I feel broken. I didn’t used to freeze up like that when I was scared.”
“You’re not broken, you just haven’t healed. You can feel powerful again.”
“I don’t know how.” I’d tried counseling, but it hadn’t been enough.
“Tonight let’s just get you home where you feel safe.” Releasing me enough to walk home, she still held me the whole way. My tears still streamed down my face, but the worst of the fear had washed away. Mostly I felt tired and emotionally spent.
After a few moments of silence, she spoke. “Sadie, thank you.”
Floored, I looked at her in amazement. “For what? You saved me.”
“For doing what I asked. I don’t want obedience from you; I don’t want this to come out that way. But in a situation like that it’s important to let me call the shots.”
“I know. I felt that. Why couldn’t we run?”
“Fights aren’t just about fists, there’s psychology in them, too.”
Following her train of thought, I instantly understood. “And running would have showed fear. Since you could handle the situation, you wanted to show them they weren’t as tough as they thought.”
“Yes. If in doubt, run. But when you’ve got things under control maintain the upper hand. When you run you’re more likely to be chased.”
“Things like this happen to you a lot?” I asked wryly.
Her seriousness sobered me even more. “More often than they should. I don’t invite it, but it’s part of my life and so I deal with it.” She wanted to say more, but something held her back. Her promise. Her need to keep that part of her life private was beginning to become comfortable between us. I wanted to know everything, but I understood privacy.
“Does it bother you?” She wanted to know, understanding that she didn’t need to explain further what she meant.
“That you can drop two men in under a minute? No. I don’t sense violence in you.” Her thoughts resisted, and if she’d had less control over her body she’d have tensed. Her disbelief brought my wits back. “No, it’s true. You may see it in yourself, but I don’t.” I could still feel her resistance, so I stopped her, looking directly into her green eyes. “Look. What you did back there was violent, yes. But it didn’t come from within you, it came from the situation. They attacked, you protected us. You protected me.”
“Semantics.” God, she was stubborn.
I sighed, and my voice grew harsh. “No, it’s not. I know people and how they think. I could read people before I could read my first children’s book. Consider me an expert on human behavior. How you respond to a situation is different from creating a situation. You wouldn’t have attacked someone helpless for the fun of it. That’s violent. You didn’t pick a fight just to fight – you tried to avoid the fight even after they threatened us. They threatened me and you still gave them a chance to walk away. Responding to violence with force doesn’t mean you are violent.” I let her work that over in her mind as we continued down the road in silence.
By the time we reached my house, she had come to a conclusion. Resisting the urge to discover it, I let it be. I didn’t think I would like the answer anyway.
We’d finally reached the safety of my living room, but even that didn’t feel very safe at that moment. “Stay with me tonight?” I didn’t want her to leave ever, but I desperately didn’t want to be alone right then.
“Of course.” Her tone, at first serious, turned mischievous once again. “As much as I’d like to rip your clothes off, I think sleep is in order.”
“What if I don’t agree?” I slipped a thumb inside her jeans.
Despite her obvious arousal, she stood her ground. “Sleep, Sadie. There will always be time for life-changing sex. I need to sleep too.” She was right, and I knew it. Exhaustion was starting to overwhelm me, and I led her to my room.
Chapter 5
Waking up next to her, I felt like my life had finally become right. Before opening my eyes, I could smell her, feel our legs twined together. Feeling her mind on me, I knew she was watching me again.
“Good morning.” She murmured.
“How could you tell I was awake?” I opened my eyes and peered into her green ones.
“Your breathing changed.”
“Ah. Handy trick. I can always feel when someone wakes up – the sleeping mind is very different. Come to think of it, I haven’t actually seen you sleep. You do sleep?” The last question came out jokingly.
“Of course. But I don’t require much: five or six hours is plenty.”
I required close to eight. “You’re going to get very bored watching me sleep.”
“I doubt it.”
The blankets were on the floor again. I nodded at them. “Either you don’t like to be hot or you like the view.”
She ran the back of one finger down my side, making me shiver. “You’re the Sensitive. What do you think?”
“I like th
e view too.”
The clock told me we didn’t have as much time as we’d have liked, so we wasted none of it. Coming together intimately, passion grew quickly.
After a brief jog and a shower, we settled down to breakfast. It wasn’t the feast of the day before, and Billie shrugged as she ate a more moderate amount. Not even a traditional breakfast, more a mish-mash of what remained after Billie’s appetite. “I cleaned out your fridge this weekend. I’ll pick up a couple of breakfast burritos on the way to work. And more groceries after.”
Trying to make my tone proper, it came out seductive instead. “I do believe I just heard you invite yourself over tonight.”
“If that’s okay.” She cocked her head and sent me a teasing tone.
Pointing my fork at her, I threatened. “You better. What time are you supposed to be at work?”
“Eight.”
“It’s eight fifteen.”
Her eyes glistened. “I know. Richard will understand. Actually he’ll be thrilled. I haven’t been serious about someone in a long time.”
“What are you going to tell him?”
“That the sex was too good to drag myself out of bed.”
I choked. “You’re serious?” She was.
Actually, she was looking forward to the conversation. “Yep. And he will laugh and not complain, if I know him.”
“My boss would kill me if I walked in with that excuse.”
She knew herself fortunate. “I’m lucky I work for Richard. And one hour in an accountant’s life is just like another most of the time. I don’t have any deadlines this morning, so I’m good. Are we still on for Friday?”
The idea of meeting her friends pleased me. “Yeah. I’d like to meet Richard and his wife. And actually see your house.” Try out some of the furniture.
She shared the sentiment. “That will have to wait until after dinner and drinks. They usually show up at seven, but you could come early and help me cook.”
“What should I wear?” I didn’t know how formal a dinner with a lawyer, even a friend, would be. Billie’s work attire was almost intimidating it was so expensive. Her tailored pants suit fit her perfectly, and she looked the proper businesswoman. That didn’t mean she looked like an accountant.
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