I look at him out of the corner of my eye. “Dude, you don’t date chicks. How do you know all this shit?”
“Emotions are emotions. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about a guy or a girl. Love is the same, man. After all this time, don’t you know that?” Tristan shakes his head like I’m an idiot. “No, I guess you wouldn’t. You’ve never been in love. This is new territory for you.”
“Yeah, I need an ATV to figure out this stuff.”
Tristan laughs. “No kidding. We all do.” He glances back up at the house. “You gotta fix this, Wyatt. One way or another, you need to go up there and make Cassidy stop hurting. She’s fresh off a breakup, and even if she says she’s fine, she’s not. She’s sensitive and she’s vulnerable. And let me tell you, that girl up there worries about you and thinks about you nonstop. We went to Brooke’s for lunch the other day and every conversation circled back to you. She’s afraid you’re not dealing with the death of your parents. That you’re sweeping it under the rug.”
“I’m not—”
His stare stops me cold.
“Fine. Whatever. I’m dealing the best way I can. I need to be strong for Dee.”
Tristan leans forward and places his hand on my shoulder. He lowers his voice, and his eyes soften again. “And what about for Wyatt?”
“I’m fine, Tristan.”
“Right.” He pushes to his feet. “Because guys who are fine let the woman they love walk away crying.”
I don’t know how long I sit out on the beach, but it’s long enough for about six girls to hit on me and for me to blow them all off. Before I realized how I felt about Cassidy, I’d have hooked up with any one of them without a thought. Out for a good time, that’s what I’ve always been. I’ve always watched out for Delilah and Cassidy, but at the end of the day, any girl would do to ease the tension, help me forget about an impending test, or blow off steam for a hundred other reasons. Now the idea of putting my lips on another woman isn’t even an option. I looked long and hard at the last one who approached me. She squatted beside me in her miniskirt, giving me a clear view of her pussy, because who wears panties to a beach party? Whatever. She tried all the stuff girls do to let me know she was free and easy. She whispered, brushed her tits against my arm, touched my face, even ran her fingers through my hair, and it fucking repulsed me. When Cassidy’s hands were in my hair, all I wanted was for them to stay there, or even better, to touch me all over. But that nobody? That girl who would let me blow my load in her and be happy with what I had to give for the night, knowing I’d never see her again? I wanted to smack her hands away.
I stay on the beach until the music stops and the people clear out. I wait until the house is dark, and then I push to my feet and go up to the deck, still thinking about Cassidy. I hear noises inside the dark living room and close my eyes for a beat before going inside, where I find Brandon sitting on the couch with a girl straddling his lap and a guy kneeling beside him with his tongue shoved down Brandon’s throat.
I smack Brandon on the back of the head.
“Dude?” the guy who’s sucking Brandon’s face snaps.
“Take it into the bedroom.” I point my thumb over my shoulder and head for the stairs. Brandon has his own shit to deal with, and I have mine. We all handle things in different ways.
“Sorry, man,” Brandon says.
I hear three sets of feet shuffling toward his bedroom. The girl giggles and then the door closes. Upstairs I head for my bedroom, then turn back toward Cassidy’s. I stand outside her bedroom door, trying to figure out what to do. It takes only a few seconds to decide. I hate the idea of hurting Cassidy. Of all the people in the world, she’s the one person who doesn’t deserve it.
I knock on her door and listen to the silence. She’s probably sleeping. I open her door as quietly as I can and see her sleeping in my T-shirt, the one I put on her the first night we were here. She must have gone into my bedroom to get it, because I washed it the other day and put it away in my dresser. The idea that she wanted to sleep in it makes me feel even worse, and I stand with one hand on the doorknob and one foot in her room.
Cassidy sighs in her sleep, and I turn to leave.
“Wyatt?” she says sleepily.
“Sorry, Cass. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
She pulls herself up to a sitting position. My shirt hangs off her bare shoulder. The blankets are in a pile at the end of the bed, and the shirt is bunched around the tops of her thighs. She looks sexy as hell, and way too tempting. I know I should leave, but something in the way her eyes catch mine makes me powerless to walk away. She looks sad and hopeful, and I know I have to clear the air.
She pats the bed beside her. “You didn’t wake me. I was just lying here.”
We both know she’s lying as I sit on the edge of the bed. She smells fresh and citrusy, like she’s just showered. She brings her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them. I want them wrapped around me.
I shift my eyes away and press my hands to my thighs in an effort to distract myself.
“You okay?” Her voice is just above a whisper.
I turned her away twice, hurt her so bad I can’t imagine how she’s not punching me in the stomach, and she’s asking if I’m okay? That’s Cassidy. She couldn’t hold a grudge if someone strapped it to her arms, which makes my thoughts shift to Kyle. I see her phone on the nightstand and the message light is blinking. I want to reach over and check to see if it’s him, but I don’t. That’s not what I’m here for.
“Listen, Cass. We should talk.”
Her face blanches, and I feel, more than see, tension in her entire body. This is why we need to talk. I can’t do this to her.
“Okay.” She sounds like she’s just lost a battle.
I meet her worried gaze and can’t help myself. I reach out and touch her cheek, run the back of my hand down it. The feel of her soft skin and the trusting look in her eyes fills me with desire again. I drop my hand and she takes it in hers. She turns it over and runs her index finger across my palm.
“Remember when we were little and we used to read each other’s palms?” She smiles, and the memory makes me smile, too.
“Yeah.”
She traces the lines on my hand. “I’ve always loved your hands, Wyatt. They’re big and strong.” She lifts her eyes and meets mine. “Like you.” Our eyes linger on each other’s for a minute, maybe more. The bedroom grows ten degrees hotter, and she drops her eyes to my hand again.
“I told you that you were going to live a long life, remember?” She doesn’t wait for me to answer. “And you said that I would live a long life with you.”
I had forgotten about that, and it does something funky to my heart, like it’s squeezing really tight. “Yeah, and I meant it.”
Her finger traces a vein up my wrist to my forearm. “I think I was twelve when you said it, and I think I fell in love with you a little that night, but I didn’t realize it until just now.”
“Cass.” My heart is racing, and every instinct draws me closer to her. I want to fold her into my arms and kiss her. I want to lower her to her back and learn the curves of her body, bring pleasure to every ounce of her until she’s begging me to stop because she can’t take any more. I want to love her until I feel her crawl under my skin and know she’ll always be there.
But we can’t always get what we want.
I wanted my parents to be there for us after graduation.
I wanted to watch my parents’ eyes light up when Delilah got married.
I wanted to look at my dad when I had already made my way in this world and was ready to take over where he left off as he put the keys to the Taproom in my hand.
And in every scenario that I imagined, Cassidy was always there. At our house when we got home from graduation. At Delilah’s wedding as a maid of honor. Sitting on the side watching as I took those keys from my dad. But I never thought about what Cassidy wants. I never even thought to play out her life. I’ve lived in the
selfish head of a college student for so fucking long. And now, thanks to my parents’ untimely deaths, the mind of an adult—the conscience I always thought I’d grow when I was good and ready—has started to take hold of me. And the last thing I want to be is that selfish college kid. Especially with Cassidy.
I never knew that death could change a person so much.
“It’s okay, Wyatt. I’m sure you think I’m ridiculous, or on the rebound from Kyle, and maybe I am. Ridiculous, I mean, because I’m totally over Kyle.”
“I don’t think you’re ridiculous.”
She shifts her eyes, and I realize I’m fiddling with the ends of her hair. I don’t stop. I can’t. This may be the last time she ever lets me do it.
She smiles and presses her hand to my cheek. Her eyes narrow, just slightly, as she brushes her thumb close to my lips. I can feel the tension in her hand, like she’s being careful not to touch them.
“I loved kissing you. It was just like I’ve always thought it would be. Only about a million times better.”
I take her hand in mine and press a kiss to the back of it. “I have never told a woman that I love her in that way.” I look her in the eyes, and the love I feel for her swells and swoops inside me. It feels too big, too real to deny, and I don’t want to deny it. I’m done denying what I’m feeling for her. I hope she sees, hears, feels, believes that what I’m about to say is true.
“I love you, Cassidy.”
“Like a friend,” she says with a smile that never reaches her eyes.
I shake my head and shrug. “I have no frame of reference, but what I feel for you is so much bigger today than it was before we…” I almost say before we kissed, but I realize that I must have felt this way before we even came to Harborside, because that’s when I began noticing the way she was looking at me and how things felt different between us.
“Before we made out?” This time her smile is real.
I smile, too, because she’s trying so hard to be the Cassidy she’s always been, and I love her even more for it.
“No, actually.” This causes her smile to fade real fast. “Before I saw Kyle with that other girl.”
“Wyatt…” she says just above a whisper. Her brows pull together as if she’s trying to make sense of what I’m saying.
“I’m serious, Cass. The minute I saw him cheating on you, something inside me snapped and all these feelings came storming out. I’ve been trying to ignore them, but…” I shake my head, and when I reach for her hand, instead of holding it, I press it to her thigh with mine on top. I’m afraid to hold her hand, afraid I’ll pull her into a kiss, because I want to kiss her so badly I can already taste her sweetness on my tongue.
“But…then…why?”
“Why do I keep pulling away?”
She nods.
I look away for a beat, and when I look at her again, that selfish part of my brain is pushed aside by the part of me that recognizes the need to grow up.
“Because, Cassidy.” I release her hand. “Because you’ve wanted to move to New York since you were a senior in high school, and I’m not going to take that away from you. Because if I let myself love you and it doesn’t work out, I lose you forever, and that’s more than I can take. Because if I don’t push away these feelings, I can hurt you, me, and Delilah, and she needs to lose you about as much as she needs a hole in the head.”
“But I’m not sure about New York.” Her words come fast and determined.
“You say that now because of us, but, Cass, it’s all you talked about when you went for the interview. You’ve been counting on that job at the accounting firm. I can’t be the cause of you giving up that dream.”
She pulls her shoulders back and narrows her eyes. I know this look. She’s about to rip me a new one. I’m ready, and I’m sure I deserve it, so I don’t look away, but when she speaks, it’s with an even, sensible tone that takes me by surprise.
“So you think it’s better if we don’t act on our feelings?”
I nod, unable to answer.
Her eyes go damp, and it just about kills me.
“Can I ask you one question?”
“Anything.”
“What makes you so sure we wouldn’t work out? How can you know that we won’t last forever?” She presses her lips together, and I know it’s to keep from crying.
All I can do is give her the truth. “I don’t.”
“So…What then, Wy? You calculated the risk of us and it was too high? Or are you basing this on your history with women? Because shouldn’t I be the one afraid of that?” Her voice escalates, and a tear slips down her cheek.
“Are you willing to risk everything, Cassidy? Think about it. Let’s say we have a great relationship and then you get the job and you decide not to go to New York. What if you give that up and three months later you think I’m a douche?”
“You’re not.”
“I’m not exactly stable, though, am I?”
“You’re the most stable and honest man I know.”
I frown, because I know she’s talking herself into this.
“Okay,” she relents. “So you’re not stable relationship-wise, but you’ve always been nothing but honest with me. You’re as stable as they come when it comes to me and Delilah and all your other friends.”
“Cassidy, I beat the shit out of two guys, and I’m not sure I wouldn’t have kept going with that guy down at the bar.”
She grabs my hand, and I feel hers trembling. “You did it because you were protecting me, Wy! Doesn’t that tell you something?”
“Yeah, it tells me that where you’re concerned, I am less stable, or maybe not stable at all. Cassidy, I want more than anything to take this risk, but I can’t do it. I can’t imagine my life without you in it, and if that means that we have to be friends.” I shrug to buy myself a minute to get my emotions under control. My throat is closing, and this feels like the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.
I try to lighten the mood. “We’re really good at being friends, Cassidy.”
She crosses her arms and nods, blinking away the tears in her eyes. “Okay, so how do we do this? We ignore the sparks flying between us all the time? Like right now? Your body is coiled so tight. I know it’s because you feel it, too, Wyatt. I know you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you. I know you want to feel your body pressed to mine. That’s why your muscles are flexed. It’s why you keep looking away.” She presses her hand over my heart, then takes my hand and puts it over hers. “It’s why your heart is beating as hard as mine.”
I feel the frantic rhythm of her heart against my palm and know everything she said is true. So stinking true it pisses me off. I grab her shoulders and bring my face so close to hers it takes all of my focus not to kiss her. She’s shaking, and she’s right—my muscles are coiled tight—but that’s nothing compared to what my heart is feeling right now. Really feeling, not lusting, not the rate at which it’s beating. The love that is spreading through my body for this woman who knows me better than I know myself.
“You’re right. I want all of those things and so much more.” I pause as the weight of my words sinks in for us both. “But do you really want to if you know that in a few weeks it’ll be over? Because, Cassidy, I’ll lay you down beneath me right now and bury myself deep inside you until you can feel everything I feel for you. Until you know what it feels like to love someone with your whole soul, because I know you never have. I know you, Cassidy. Your parents never showed you enough love to really feel it. And if they did, you’d have to magnify it by about a thousand times to feel what I feel for you.”
“You’re right. They didn’t. But you’ve shown me love every day of our lives.”
Her words stop me cold. I’ve shown you?
“Don’t you see it, Wyatt? You’ve loved me forever. You’ve just never let yourself see or feel it.” Her lower lip is trembling so hard I can feel the pulses in the air between us. She clutches my arms so tight it makes me want
to do crazy things, like follow through with my feelings regardless of the risk.
“You’re right, Wyatt. My parents have shown me what it’s like to feel like a third wheel. An afterthought. But you never have.”
“And I won’t now, either.” I force myself to move away from her to the other side of the bed, and I lean my elbows on my knees and hold my face in my hands, trying to make sense of everything. Our friendship. My feelings. The lust driving through me like a bullet train.
“Cassidy, I just need to do this right. I need to do something right, right now. I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
“You didn’t.”
I turn and look at her with disbelief.
“Okay, so you hurt my heart, but I understand. This is you protecting me again, Wyatt.”
“Why can’t you see me for who I am? You’ll go to New York and realize I’m a loser who never plans for anything. I’m taking over a bar with zero experience, flying by the seat of my pants, and I could fail. Badly. You deserve a lot more than that, Cassidy. And chances are, when you go to New York, you’ll find some guy who’s as focused and determined as you are, and you’ll wonder how you ever thought you loved me.”
“One day you’ll realize that you are focused and determined. I don’t want some other guy, and I don’t want you to change, Wyatt. I believe in you. I trust you to find your way. You’re always watching out for me and Delilah. One day you’ll realize it’s your turn to have the things you want, and I hope it’s me and that I’m there when you do.” She grabs my forearm before I can even process what she’s said. “I’ll respect your decision because I have to, but not because I want to. Just tell me what to do. How am I supposed to act for the next few weeks? What do you want from me?”
What I want from you and what I’m going to tell you are two different things.
Catching Cassidy Page 16
