Tim Murder?
Nick No.
Tim Stuff that makes you want to kill?
Nick I’m not saying that.
Tim Nadia told me about you.
Victor I want to dance now.
Tim When Daddy’s finished. (To Nick.) So what are you saying? You’re saying things out there make you want to kill and you’ve got no responsibility?
Nick I’ve never said that.
Tim We’re all responsible for our own actions, okay? We don’t blame other people. That’s very nineteen eighty-four.
Nick Alright.
Tim Because it’s not out there any more, alright? You can’t look out there and blame, blame, blame. And I can imagine what it was like for you. Everything blocked, everything weighing you down. Communists, apartheid, finger on the nuclear button. It was frightening and you were frightened.
Nick Don’t tell me, don’t you tell me . . .
Tim I’m not telling you . . .
Nick You child, you boy / don’t you fucking tell me . . .
Tim What do you think I’m telling you?
Nick . . . what you don’t understand. Just you keep your mouth / shut if you don’t understand.
Tim Just trying to make you see.
Nick Keep your fucking mouth shut.
Victor Socialist?
Tim You going to kill me?
Nick No.
Victor Socialist.
Tim Because if you want to, I think you should go / right ahead.
Nick No.
Tim Just let me know when you’re going to / kill me, alright?
Nick Leave it.
Tim And I’ll let you know when I’m ready to be killed.
Nick Leave it / now. I don’t want to hear this.
Tim Because one day I might get bored with being in happy land / and then we could get together.
Nick SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Pause.
Victor You are socialist?
Nick Yeah.
Victor I hate socialist.
Nick Right.
Victor Everything falling to pieces. The buildings ugly and falling down. The shops ugly, empty. The ugly people following the rules and then mocking and complaining when they think that no one is listening. All the time you know it is rotting, but all the time ‘Everything is getting better. Everything is for the best. The people are marching forward to the beat of history.’ This lie. This deception. This progress. Big fucking lie.
Nick Maybe in some countries but the / principle of socialism.
Victor Don’t tell me about my country. You know nothing.
Tim I look at people who were around in nineteen eighty-four. And I see bitter people. I think you must have spent so much time being angry that it’s left you all hard and bitter, and now there’s no way for you to deal with today.
Nick I’m coping.
Tim Yes?
Nick Yes. Nadia’s helping me and I’m coping. I want to look after her. I didn’t think I’d ever want that again. Prison, you’ve got to look after yourself. But now I really want to look after Nadia.
Enter Nadia. Her face is bruised.
Nadia Hello, hello. Hey, I’m sorry. I’m sorry to keep everyone waiting. What are you up to? How about going out? I think we should go out.
Victor Dance. / Dance.
Nadia Yeah, let’s do that. Let’s go out.
Tim Are you alright?
Nadia I’m okay.
Victor Part-eee.
Nick What happened to your face?
Nadia I’m fine now. Everything’s fine.
Nick You’re not, your face.
Nadia Let’s not talk about that.
Nick Is this Simon? Has Simon been / waiting for you outside the club?
Nadia I’m not going to talk about it.
Nick Come on, come on, tell me.
Tim Look. If she doesn’t want to talk about it –
Nick She’s got to talk about it.
Tim When she’s ready. When she’s got the right space, she’ll . . .
Nadia Yeah. When I’m ready.
Nick Come on, come on, this is stupid. This is . . . if he’s beating you up. If the bastard is doing that, then we’ve got to . . .
Tim Kill him?
Nick Do something about it.
Tim Get round with the axe and chop, chop, chop?
Nick Please. Tell me what he did to you.
Nadia No. I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to latch on to some negative. I’m not going to do that.
Tim Come to me. Come to me and we’ll kiss it better.
Nadia Yes.
Tim (to Victor) Sweeties. Sweeties for my little girl.
He kisses Nadia’s face.
How’s that?
Nadia Hurts a bit.
Nick Well of course it hurts a bit.
Nadia But it’s feeling better.
Victor feeds Nadia sweets.
Victor Chug, chug, chug.
Nick I look at you. You look at me and you see bitter and ugly, alright then, but I look at you and I see . . . what is this? What are you? Nothing’s connected, you’re not connected with anything and you’re not fighting anything.
Tim But we’re happy.
Nick Are you?
Victor Oh yes, happy.
Nick And what does that mean?
Tim It means we’re content with what we’ve got.
Nadia And we’re at peace with ourselves.
Tim And we take responsibility for ourselves.
Nadia And we’re our own people.
Tim And we’re not letting the world get to us.
Nick But she’s bruised, bleeding . . .
Nadia On the outside.
Tim Yeah, you can’t just look on the outside.
Nick And what about you?
Tim What about me?
Nick What about you? Inside you there’s chemicals fighting virus fighting your body fighting . . .
Tim And if I stay calm . . .
Nick You can’t stay calm all the time.
Tim It’s an addiction stress, you know?
Nadia doubles up in pain.
Nadia Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Stomach hurts. Shit.
Nick Here . . . show me. Where?
Nadia Here.
Nick Did he kick you?
Nadia I can’t remember.
Nick Did he kick you in the stomach?
Nadia Yes, I think he probably did.
Nick Oh sweetheart, sweetheart.
Nick kisses Nadia. Nadia pulls away.
Nadia Thank you. There, better now. Let’s go out. Come on, everybody, let’s go out. Is Victor working tonight?
Victor Oh yes.
Nadia Victor’s working in a club. He gyrates around in a cage and he’s totally wild. Aren’t you, Victor?
Victor Yes, totally wild.
Nadia And sometimes Victor takes his shorts off and everyone goes crazy.
Victor I’ve got a fantastic cock.
Tim Victor’s got a fabulous dick, baby’s arm.
Nadia It’s great, Nick, you’ll love it.
Nick No thanks.
Nadia Oh come on, Nick. Come on. You’ll love it.
Nick I’m not coming.
Nadia Oh Nick.
Tim If it’s not Nick’s thing . . .
Nadia Nick doesn’t know if it’s his thing until he’s tried it. He’s got to give it a go. Not too many go-go dancers in prison, were there, Nick?
Tim You don’t know what they get up to in there.
Nadia Give it a go, Nick.
Nick Please. I can’t handle this.
Nadia Handle what?
Nick This happy stuff.
Nadia Nick, everyone’s got a right to be happy.
Nick Well of course.
Tim Even you’ve got a right to be happy. We’re giving you permission.
Victor Yes. Happy.
Nick But I can’t do it. I can’t look at you. I can’t look at the bruises whi
le he gyrates.
Nadia Well of course you won’t be looking at the bruises. That’s what make-up was invented for.
Tim Make-up, Victor.
Exit Victor.
Nadia Cover up the nasty stuff. And there’ll be plenty of make-up on.
Nick But it won’t make them go away.
Nadia Out of sight.
Nick But I’ll be thinking about them. I’ll be worrying about you.
Enter Victor.
Nadia I don’t want you to think about me. I don’t want you to worry about me.
Nick But I can’t help it.
Nadia I think Nick needs an E.
Victor Yes. Much better than socialism.
Victor fetches an E from his bag.
Tim That’s a thing that’ll be new to Nick. E. Very post eighty-four.
Victor Everyone is the same when you take this. Everybody loves everybody. Take it.
Nick No. I’m going.
Nadia Going where?
Nick I don’t know. I’m leaving.
Nadia Then we’ll see you later.
Nick No, not later. I mean I’m leaving, I’m taking my stuff and I’m going.
Nadia You don’t have to do that.
Nick I’m leaving because I can’t handle this.
Nadia But I’m handling it.
Nick But I love you. I’ve fallen in love with you but I can’t see you . . . all this happening to you . . . and you’re not doing anything about it . . . and me being angry all the time and you . . .
Nadia Well, alright then.
Nick I’ve got to get out. I’m sorry.
Exit Nick.
Victor Weak man. Socialist. He took it seriously.
Nadia Oh shit. Oh . . .
Victor She’s taking it seriously.
Tim Baby, baby.
Victor Please, not serious.
Tim Daddy’s got to / deal with this.
Nadia Oh, oh, oh. Why is this happening?
Tim Shit happens, you know?
Nadia This is so shit. I love him, you know.
Tim I know / you do, baby, I know.
Victor Please not serious.
Enter Nick, with his bag.
Nick Bye then.
Nadia Bye.
Nick You gonna say anything else?
Nadia Nothing else to say.
Nick Well, what do you feel?
Nadia Too much. Lots of stuff.
Victor Nothing, you feel nothing.
Nick Do you love me?
Nadia Yes.
Victor Weak.
Nick And I love you. Tell me about Simon.
Nadia No.
Nick Just tell me about tonight. He kicked you in the stomach . . .
Nadia No.
Nick Alright.
Exit Nick.
Nadia This is starting to be a pattern, you know?
Tim Don’t say that. Victor.
Nadia I think this is a pattern. People walking out. People abandoning me.
Tim Hey, no. There are no patterns, okay? Make-up.
Victor makes up Nadia.
Tim Nothing’s a pattern unless you make it a pattern. Patterns are only there for people who see patterns, and people who see patterns repeat patterns. So we don’t look for that. We see each day as a new day and we say ‘Hello new day’. What do we say?
Nadia Hello new day.
Tim Good girl.
Victor puts a wig on Nadia.
Nadia Hello new day. Hello me, hello Tim, hello Victor . . . No I can’t.
Nadia exits.
Victor (to Tim) You promised happy world.
Scene Six
Helen’s flat.
Nick holds up dry-cleaned suit.
Nick I did your suit.
Helen Thanks.
Nick Your tea’s ready. You hungry?
Helen A bit.
Nick I thought you would be. Knew you’d be in a hurry. Big day, eh?
Helen That’s right. I’ve only got / twenty minutes.
Nick Twenty minutes, I know. Your tea’s ready. You hungry?
Helen What did you do today?
Nick You know. Cleaning. Shopping. Found a belt, keep up those trousers. You’re right. She must’ve been a big girl. Never thought I’d find little things so fulfilling –
Helen Nick.
Nick You’re right. The old days. Always looking at the bigger picture. Everything part of the struggle, the class war . . . Forgot the little stuff.
Helen Nick.
Nick Or even – yeah – despised the little stuff. Making a home. Looking after someone. But now you’ve let me back / I want to get that right.
Helen I let you back because you agreed to / talk to him.
Nick I know, I know.
Helen So why didn’t you . . . ?
Nick Tomorrow, eh?
Helen Fucking hell, Nick.
Nick This is what matters, isn’t it? Here. Cooking for you. Making sure you look smart for your interview. Run you a bath?
Helen No.
Nick Let me run you a bath.
Helen I don’t want a bath.
Nick Can’t be a sticky prospective member, can you?
Helen I don’t want your food. Don’t want your bath.
Nick Please let me take care of you.
Helen When are you going to talk to him?
Nick Soon. Tomorrow. I will.
Helen You’ve got to meet him. I’m not having him ruining this for me.
Nick He’s not going to do that.
Helen No.
Nick It was me that / hurt him.
Helen He only has to mention this to someone in the Party and I’m not going to make the approved candidates list. I’ll be a ‘troublemaker’.
Nick I know.
Helen So. Why don’t you . . . ?
Nick When I’m ready.
Helen No. No. Not when you’re ready. You’re never going to be . . . now. Alright. So I’m petty. What I do is petty. I’ve got a petty idea of being an MP.
Nick No / that’s not –
Helen But you don’t know what it’s been like. All the time you were away. Well, far as I can see, prison must have been fucking heaven compared to what it’s been like out here.
Nick You reckon?
Helen Yes I do. Stuff we’ve seen. Communities disappear. Greed and fear everywhere. Start off with a society and end up with individuals fighting it out. Fucking terrible.
Nick I know / about that.
Helen No. You were safe. My mum. Living up here. Half the time the lift doesn’t work. Which in some ways is a blessing. They stink of piss and there’s needles on the floor. So she takes the stairs. Seventy-five and she’s climbing fifteen flights of stairs. You don’t know who’s there. Muggers. Dealers. You take your life in your hands. Year before she died she was mugged three times. That finished her off.
Nick I’m sorry.
Helen Everything gone. Not all at once. Not some great explosion. Not one day you can see what’s happening and fight back. But so gradually you don’t see it. Long, dull pain. Every now and then thinking: ‘How did we get from there to here? How did we let this happen? It can’t get any worse.’ But it does. On and on.
Nick But now you’re / doing something . . .
Helen And you do start to make concessions. Alright – I’ll let that one go. Maybe that was an unrealistic goal. Maybe I’ll have to take that on board. You can’t be fighting all the time. You get so fucking weary of always being angry.
Nick Yeah.
Helen And now finally there’s a chance to do something. Too late for anything big. Too much lost for any grand gestures. But trying to pick up the pieces. Trying to create a few possibilities for the bits of humanity that are left. I’ve seen those bastards fuck up the country all these years. Now I want to do something about it.
Nick Let’s get you off to your interview. Let’s get you selected.
Helen No point being interviewed. No point in being selected if it all gets taken a
way from me because you can’t face up to your past.
Nick Time for your tea.
Helen When are you going to talk to him?
Nick I . . . I can’t do it. Please. Just want to look after you.
Helen I don’t need you, Nick. I’ve got nothing in common with you. I’ve cut bits out of myself. Bit by bit, another belief, another dream. I’ve cut them all out. I’m changed. I’ve grown up. I’m scarred.
Nick You’re beautiful.
Helen Talk to him.
Nick I’m not going to do that.
Helen Then there’s no point in this. The meal. The suit. The bath. There’s no point.
Nick If I can’t take care of you, then I don’t mean anything.
Helen Then live with that. You mean nothing, alright? You’re meaningless. Go.
Nick Alright then. Yeah. Yeah. And you run around from your meetings, to your committees, to your associations. Fill up your time with all this busy, busy stuff if it makes you feel better. But don’t think it means you’re doing anything, alright?
Helen I’m doing, I’m doing . . .
Nick You’re doing fuck all. Just rearranging the same old shit backwards and forwards, that’s what you’re doing. And you call it politics. Just as meaningless as the rest of us.
Helen I’m doing what I can.
Nick Maybe that’s where I got it wrong. Maybe nothing means anything. Maybe that’s what I was running away from. So fuck. I’ll be meaningless. Yeah. I’m going and I’m gonna be totally fucking meaningless, alright?
Scene Seven
Hospital.
Tim No.
Victor Come on, honey . . .
Tim No.
Victor Honey, please . . .
Tim I told you no.
Victor Gotta take your pills.
Tim Got to?
Victor Doctor says you’ve got to.
Tim And I say I don’t want to.
Victor But why? The pills are keeping you alive.
Tim But I’m not going to take the pills.
Victor But I want you to. I want you to take them for me.
Tim Are you taking this seriously?
Victor No, I’m a crazy guy.
Tim I’ve told you, you take this seriously, you’re out.
Victor I can’t help this . . . I feel . . . I want you to get better. I want you to be with me.
Tim That’s not why I downloaded you. I didn’t download you because of that. I downloaded you because you wear little shorts and you gyrate to trash. Because you are trash.
Victor I like trash.
Tim You like me because I’m trash.
Victor This is different. This is caring about you and wanting you to . . . please. Come on. Please. In my country –
Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists) Page 20
