by Rachel Lee
“And this was bad?”
“I am—was—an undercover street operative. He blew my cover and found my residence, and he associates with persons known to be involved in drug trafficking. Worse, I had arrested his brother. I wasn’t about to hang around and find out how much worse it could get. I was worried about the child being taken. Or being used against me somehow.”
Again a noncommittal nod from the judge. “So you came here. Was there any other reason for your departure?”
Angela suspected this could be an important point, and she found herself on the edge of her seat, wondering how Rafe was going to answer it.
“Well,” Rafe said, drawing the word out, “I have a brother here. Half-brother. Nathan Tate. I thought perhaps he could take care of my son while I got my affairs in order.”
“What affairs?”
“Well, it was obvious to me that with a small child I couldn’t continue working on the streets. That meant reassessing my job, and what I want to do from here on out.”
“Did you leave the child with your brother?”
Rafe shook his head. “I found out I couldn’t bear to.”
Angela felt her heart turn over, aching for him.
“Are you planning to take the child back to Miami?”
Rafe shook his head. “No way. I may need to go back briefly to settle a few things, but there’s no way I’m going to raise my son there.”
“So where do you consider the child’s residence to be?”
Angela, suspecting a problem, spoke out of turn. “He’s looking for a place to rent here.”
The judge frowned at her, but looked at Rafe. “Is that true, Mr. Ortiz?”
Rafe nodded. “Yes, it is.”
“So for now, at least, you consider this to be the child’s place of residence?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well, then, I think jurisdiction is clear. Mr. Molina accepted this court’s jurisdiction by filing his complaint here, and you say this is the child’s residence at this time. Under law, the court of jurisdiction is decided by the child’s place of residence, and apparently you and Mr. Molina are agreed on this much.” She sat forward, resting her elbows on her desk. “Mr. Ortiz, if you leave the child here while you go back to Miami, who will you leave it with?”
“Nathan Tate.”
Angela thought the judge almost smiled. “Sheriff Tate’s character is well known to this court. Now, Mr. Molina said something else I need to ask you about. He said you’ve been leaving the child in the care of a total stranger whom you claim is your fiancée.”
Angela’s heart skipped a beat, and she felt her mouth go dry.
“Is Ms. Jaynes a stranger to you?”
Rafe looked at Angela, and she at him. On his face she read a variety of emotions, and she couldn’t blame him. Right now he probably hated her. But then he said something that astonished her.
“Ms. Jaynes is not a stranger, Your Honor. I consider her a friend.”
“Ms. Jaynes?”
She found herself smiling almost stupidly. “We’re not strangers, Your Honor. I know Mr. Ortiz very well, and I have great admiration and respect for him.”
“Are you engaged to him?”
There it was. Angela could almost see the question lying on the floor like a thrown gauntlet. She hesitated a moment, then looked at the judge. “No, Your Honor, we’re not engaged. Mr. Ortiz said that to shut Mr. Molina up when he showed up at the house and was being so obnoxious. We’re just friends.”
“Are you living m sin?”
Angela caught her breath. Then she looked the judge right in the eye and said, “No, we are not. We are both staying at the house of friends, but we’re not living together. Which is not to say that I don’t wish we were.”
Rafe jerked as if startled and stared at her.
“It’s quite simple, Judge,” Angela said. “Mr. Ortiz puts the baby’s welfare before everything else in his life. I’ve seen it. And he would never, ever, do anything that would be bad for his son. No child could ask for a better father.”
Again Angela thought the judge was hiding a smile. But she turned to Rafe. “Basically, Mr. Ortiz, I’m trying to judge the claim that you are prepared to abandon your child to a stranger.”
Rafe looked Judge Williams right in the eye and said firmly, “It may have crossed my mind once or twice at the beginning, Your Honor. I was a little shocked to find myself a father with full responsibility for an infant when I hadn’t realized that my...that the child’s mother was pregnant. She never saw fit to inform me of the fact, probably because I had arrested her brother Eduardo for trafficking. So I was utterly shocked when I was called to the hospital and informed I had a son.”
The judge nodded encouragingly.
“It was utterly unexpected,” Rafe continued. “It was overwhelming. Frankly, I did consider having the child adopted, because I didn’t feel adequate. I didn’t know how I could take proper care of him while still working undercover.”
He sighed. “Anyway, I took this trip up here hoping Nate could care for the child while I sorted things out, because every time I thought of giving the baby up for adoption, I discovered I simply could not do it. As it turns out, coming up here was the smartest thing I could have done, because I’ve had the opportunity to care full-time for my son, and I’ve discovered that nothing on earth could make me give him up to anyone, for any reason. I’ll quit my job and do whatever else is necessary to ensure that I’m a good father. And that, Judge, is the beginning and end of it.”
The judge’s face betrayed nothing. “Thank you, Mr. Ortiz,” she said. “That concludes my questions. You’ll have my decision within a few days.”
Outside, at the foot of the courthouse steps, they all stopped. Rafe looked at his lawyer. “I blew it, didn’t I? I never should have told her I thought about giving Peanut up for adoption.”
Connie looked doubtful. “I don’t know. But if you’d told me about that before, I would have warned you not to mention it.”
Rafe nodded. “I blew it.”
“I don’t think so,” Angela said. “Rafe, that was a beautiful, heartfelt speech. You couldn’t have done a better job of telling the judge how much you care for Peanut.”
He grimaced. “I blew it. But thanks for being so supportive, Angel. I really appreciate it.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“Wait for the decision.”
“Don’t despair, Rafe,” Connie said. “You’re the baby’s legal father. And that carries more weight in a court than an uncle’s claim any day.”
“Small comfort,” Rafe said as he watched Connie walk to her car. “Manny probably painted a beautiful picture of a big loving family, grandmothers, uncles and cousins. It’s bound to sound a lot better than a single dad with only one living relative in the world.”
“Ah, but your relative is Nate Tate,” Angela said bracingly. “He’s worth a dozen grandmas.”
Rafe tried to laugh, but he didn’t quite succeed. “We’d better get you home,” he said. “It’s almost time for your insulin.” Then he added, “Thanks for what you said in there about wishing you could live with me.”
She had the worst urge to reach out to him, to hug him to try to offer him some comfort, but he was already moving away. Besides, she’d given up her right to do that by acting like such an idiot so many times.
She’d been so eager to protect herself that she’d made it impossible for anyone to get close to her, and by preventing anyone from getting close to her, she’d shut herself off from being able to offer comfort.
She didn’t like herself very much anymore. And she had the feeling that she’d sacrificed something very, very special.
Chapter 12
It started snowing again that afternoon. While the peanut took his afternoon nap, Rafe stood at the living room wall and watched the snowflakes fall gently. At first they melted when they kissed the ground, but after a while they began to stay, and little by little the brown
grass disappeared beneath their icy blanket
He felt like that grass, he thought. Brown and dead, and being suffocated beneath a blanket of ice. Angela was probably upstairs packing right this minute. And in a few days the judge would probably order him to turn the baby over to Manny. Manny was right about one thing: he hadn’t lived his life much better than the dealers he’d been trying to catch. He’d never invested anything of himself in anyone until that little child came into his life.
And now he was so heavily invested he was having wild thoughts about what he would do if he couldn’t keep the baby.
“What will you do?”
Angela’s voice startled him out of his thoughts. He turned and found her standing just inside the living room doorway.
“Do?” he asked.
“If they don’t let you keep Peanut.”
“I’ll pack him up and hit the road. I’m not giving my kid up. Not to anyone for any reason.”
She nodded. “I figured that’s what you’d say.”
“What else can I say? I’m not going to let anyone else raise my son, and certainly not the Molinas. God!”
He turned back to the window, half wishing she would just go away and leave him to wallow in his moroseness. But the other half of him wished she would come to him and put her arms around him and remind him that there were good things in life. Good things like Angela.
“The worst of it is,” he said, trying to speak through a suddenly tight throat, “is that I’m convinced Manny is doing this just to spite me. Just because the family hates me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because I know how a person feels about a baby he doesn’t even know. There’s no real caring. This is about this kid being a Molina, about him being Rocky’s son, about me not having him. It’s not about who can take the best care of the baby, or who loves him most.”
“You might be right.”
“I know I’m right Problem is, after three months, I love the kid. I may be the only person in the world who really does. And I’m not giving him up.”
“You won’t have to.”
“I wish I could be sure of that. The judge is probably sitting there right now wondering about a father who wanted to give his kid up for adoption.”
“She’s probably sitting there right now thinking about what an honest man you are. And how much courage it took for you to be that honest when it might cost you everything.”
He gave a short laugh. “Aren’t I the guy who said he’d lie to protect someone who was important to him? I should have lied.”
“You said you never lie under oath. And I don’t think you said anything wrong.”
He turned to face her. “What do you think of me, knowing that there was a time when I actually thought about giving the baby up for adoption?”
“I think that was probably a pretty normal reaction under the circumstances. You didn’t see how you could take care of him. Lots of people give up their babies when they don’t believe they can take care of them. That’s not necessarily such a bad thing.”
“Maybe not. But in my case, I just didn’t want to take care of him.”
“Maybe not at first. Not until you started to care for him.” She shrugged. “I think you’re right. Nobody can really love someone they don’t know. You had to get to know Peanut. And the whole thing came as such a shock to you. It’s not like you had eight or nine months to get used to the idea of being a father before the child was born.”
“Well, I’m still appalled at myself.”
“Only because you love Peanut so much now.”
“Maybe.” He started to turn toward the window again, then hesitated. “Thanks, Angel. Thanks for all your help.”
“No problem.”
“Did you really mean what you said about wishing we were living together?”
The question startled her. He could see it in the way her eyes widened, in the way she seemed to stop breathing. He expected her to turn tail the way she usually did when he started to get close to her real yearnings. He almost took the question back, to spare her the discomfort, then decided not to. She’d been the one who said it, after all.
He could feel the seconds slipping by while she just stared at him. Just as he was about to give up hope that she would ever answer, she spoke.
“Yes.”
The single word fell into the silence, and it seemed to him that he could feel the shockwaves radiating from it, buffeting his heart and mind. Things inside him began to shift, and a deep fear erupted in him.
“Just yes?” he asked finally. “No qualifications? No caveats?”
“Just yes,” she said, her voice going husky. “Just yes.”
Finally he turned toward the window again, putting his back to her. “Good, I hope that damn judge lets me keep my baby.”
He could feel her unspoken question, but he didn’t answer it, and finally she went away. Just as well. As long as there was any possibility that he might have to hit the road with Peanut, he couldn’t make any other plans. It wouldn’t be fair.
Angela considered leaving. She was still half packed and ready to run, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Something deep inside her held her back, insisting she wait for the custody decision.
Through the next two days, she and Rafe spent a lot of time together, playing cards. There was a quiet desperation in the air, as if Rafe was wild to distract himself. They didn’t discuss anything personal, as if everything in their lives was in abeyance until the decision came down.
They did talk a lot, though, casually, about their childhoods and their friends and their jobs, and about what they might do now that they were both facing career changes.
“I could probably get a job with a police department,” Rafe said.
“On the streets?”
“No, I can’t do that now. Peanut’s only got one parent But there are other useful things I could do. Or maybe I’ll take a desk job with the agency. What about you?”
“I’m thinking about going back to school to take a few courses. I majored in English. I think I’d like to teach.”
He nodded. “You’re good with kids.”
She laughed at that. “I’m good with one kid.”
Peanut, who was lying on a blanket on the floor nearby, gurgled agreement.
“How does an English major become a loan officer?”
“She takes the first decent job she’s offered.”
“Ah. I always knew what I wanted to do.”
“So leaving your job will be really difficult.”
He smiled faintly at that. “Not as much as I would have thought.”
By Friday morning, Rafe took to pacing the entire downstairs of the house, and Angela skipped her morning run, not wanting to leave him alone. It was like being stuck in a pressure cooker, she thought. There was no escape from the tension.
At around eleven o’clock the phone rang. He grabbed it, answered it, listened, then hung up.
When he turned to face Angela, his face was almost gaunt, his eyes hollow. “The decision’s ready. Connie’s going over to the courthouse to pick it up so we don’t have to wait on the mail.”
“What is it?”
“She doesn’t know.”
Now the minutes ticked by even more slowly, until Angela began to feel that they weren’t moving at all. She began to have a wild urge to reach out and move the clock hands, just to speed things up.
Twenty minutes. Twenty-five. Then a knock at the front door.
They both hurried to answer it, but Rafe reached it first. He threw it open to see Connie standing there, a huge smile on her face.
“Here,” she said, handing him a sheaf of stapled papers. “I wanted to hand it to you myself. Dismissed with prejudice.”
Rafe looked at the papers, then at her. “What does that mean?”
“The judge threw Molina’s case out. And she dismissed it with prejudice, which means he can never file it again. You’re safe, Rafe. The baby is yours.�
�
Rafe’s hand started to shake, rattling the papers, and Angela felt her heart squeeze as she saw his eyes begin to glisten with tears.
Then he threw back his head and let out a “Wahoo!” that just about rattled the windows. Angela started laughing, then squealed when he suddenly picked her up and whirled her in a circle. Connie was laughing, too, and hugged them both.
When he had calmed a little, he asked Connie, “Did the judge say why?”
Connie shook her head. “No need. That’s the point of dismissing it with prejudice. Basically Judge Williams is saying that Molina doesn’t have a case. Period. And she leaves him no wiggling room for appeal. It’s over and done.”
It certainly was, Angela thought a few minutes later, after Connie left. She looked at Rafe, sitting on the living room floor with his son, quite seriously telling the boy that now he never had to worry about losing his father.
She stood watching them for a few minutes, feeling her chest ache with so many emotions, then she turned and went upstairs to pack.
He didn’t need her anymore. It was time to go.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Angela turned from her suitcase to face Rafe, who stood in her doorway looking like a thunderstorm.
“Home,” she said, glad that her voice remained level. “You don’t need me anymore.”
“Who said that? Did I say that?”
She shook her head, feeling her heartbeat grow heavy. “You don’t have to say it, Rafe. You asked me to stay until the judge had questioned me. I stayed longer because I thought you needed company to get you through the last few days. But now it’s settled, and I need to get on with my life.”
“Mmm. So...you’re running away again?”
“I’m not running away!”
“Really? Funny, that’s how it looks to me.”
She shook her head and turned back to her suitcase. “No, it’s just that...well, you need to get on with your life, too.”
“But you’re not running.”
“Of course not!”
“So...if I tell you I want you to hang around, you won’t bolt like a frightened horse?”
