by Deena Remiel
She whimpered, not believing what her eyes, ears, and nose begged her to. Could he really be the black wolf from her dreams? The one who kept her alive each day she’d been held captive? “Parker? I…I….”
“Tell me, please.” He whined, desperation dripping from his words.
Holy hell. What do I say? What do I do? What if, when I respond, he disappears like a ghost in the mist? I have to say something. I owe him at least that much.
“Yes! Yes, I know who you are. But how is this possible? I must be dreaming. It’s the only way this makes sense. I’m having an elaborate, lucid dream. This isn’t really happening.”
“Oh, but it is very real. Believe me.”
She shook her head, as if to shake the impossible from her mind to see clearer. “You’re the only thing I do believe in. The only one who’s kept me sane and alive all this time. But, if this is only some sadistic game someone’s playing on me, us, I’ll die. I tell you, I will die.”
Prancing around her, he howled. “Sadistic game? How about a gift from the heavens? How about you let go of the fear now? Begin your new life, with me.” He stopped in front of her, resting his muzzle on top of her head. “It is what we always wished for…to be real for each other so we could live and love together.”
She closed her eyes as she breathed in his familiar, soothing scent. “I know, but—”
“But what?”
“Things are different now.”
“In what way?”
“Parker, you know what I’ve been through. I-I’m damaged goods. I’m so damaged a thrift store wouldn’t put me out on the floor for sale.”
“I know what you’ve been through. Every brutal second of it. It tore me apart each morning I awakened, knowing I couldn’t do anything to help you. That’s why this makes sense now. I can be everything you need me to be, everything you want me to be. I can protect you, fight your demons for you, and kiss love back into you. Only, it won’t be a dream anymore. It’s what you want, isn’t it?”
She shifted into a woman and stood before the black wolf, taking a deep breath, knowing this would be her last attempt at shaking him up to see reason. She trembled as courage and resolve spurred her to a new level of boldness. Lifting her shirt off, she then unclasped her bra to toss it aside. She unzipped her pants then wriggled out of those and her panties to stand naked before him. She painstakingly turned around, arms outstretched.
“Look carefully, Parker, at what you say you want. Take a good long perusal at the scars across my back, my ass, my legs, my breasts, my face, these arms. Scars you couldn’t see beneath my fur. This is what you want to sign up for? This is what you want to see each day? Each night? God! I can’t even glance at myself in a mirror, and yet you stand here wanting this? I won’t say yes just to satisfy your dominant urges to protect, when the mere sight of me can make anyone gag with revulsion.” Tears streamed down her cheeks, unbidden, hot. Disregarding them was the only way to stay strong in the face of imminent rejection.
Parker shimmered and appeared, tall, broad, with muscles vibrating their latent power. She cowered, crouching low to the ground. Seeing him as a man broke the mystique between them. It left her painfully vulnerable.
“You would show yourself to my wolf, but not to me? We are one and the same.” He stepped toward her to gently grab her battered hands in his broad ones. “Stand up, Shiloh, so I can see your woman again.”
He pulled, his command speaking to both her wolf’s soul and woman’s heart. She unfolded to stand upright before him.
“Your beauty only begins at the surface. It goes down deep to your core. Every night you returned to me, I fell more in love with your fortitude and determination to find a way out. To live again. Your silky red fur may have hidden these scars from me, but I knew when each fresh wound arrived. They’re battle scars, badges of honor to celebrate living through hell and coming out victorious. You’re my mate in our dreams. Be my mate, Shiloh, for real. I promise to bless each one of those scars every day because they’re what brought us together.”
She stood numb, speechless, as he released her to remove his shirt.
“Wh-what are you doing?” Trembling turned to quaking.
“I’m showing you who I am as a man. Your man.”
“I-I can’t. Don’t. I’m afraid.” She scrambled to her pile of clothes and gathered them to hide behind.
“Oh, baby, don’t be frightened by me. I’m still your wolf. Your protector.” His eyes flashed a brilliant jeweled glow, giving her a long glimpse of familiarity. “Let me chase your fears away.” He kept his jeans on and sat on a patch of grass as he extended a hand, beckoning her to join him. “Come sit by me, love. It’s okay. You know me as your wolf. Come get to know me as your man.”
Conflicted, she stood paralyzed by remembered brutality at the hands of another. Yet her soul cried out to run to him, the man whose wolf she’d fallen in love with. The one who she credited her survival throughout Josiah’s reign of terror. She couldn’t turn away from him, but she couldn’t go toward him either. “I can’t move. I-I can’t move my legs. Parker.”
She reached out a hand, and he jumped up to seize it, as if to capture the most fragile butterfly. “I’m here, baby. I’ll always be here.” He kissed her fingertips then brought them to flatten against his racing heart. “Can you feel my heart pounding? I’m nervous, too. I want to do right by you. I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel secure with me and want me as wolf or man.”
She choked out a sob, stepped into his space, and touched her forehead to his chest. “Oh, God, I need you so. Help me find my way to you. Help me not be afraid.” She shifted into her wolf, whining a heart-wrenching sob as she released her womanly frustrations to relax into her wolfish ease.
He changed, as well, sidling up next to her to lick her snout, imposing his strength upon her. “Let’s just lie here together for a while, my love. It’s okay.”
She nodded, at a loss for words for her most cherished love then nuzzled his neck while doing her best to lose herself within his massive coat. Closing her eyes at last, she lapsed into a calmer state as Parker rested his limbs securely around her.
At first, she didn’t know what time it was when her eyes fluttered open, but the moon told her it was nearing midnight. Awareness was slow to return, but as she flexed and stretched, she realized she’d changed into her womanly form at some point while she’d slept. She peered down to see Parker’s human arm draped across her hip, his leg across hers. He’d fallen asleep beside her. Extraordinary! How profound her wolf let her woman loose to feel and be with him.
She turned ever so gently in his embrace. Not to wake him, but simply to gaze upon him. The softness around his eyes. The chiseled features of his strong jawline. The archer’s bow of his lips set slightly apart. How could she ever fear this man? This man, who was completely devoted to her. It wasn’t the man she feared at all.
Josiah had a chokehold on her mind and body. Tactile memory kept his brutal hands like a thin coating across her skin, acting as a shield against Parker’s kinder touch. Somehow, she needed to rid herself of the monster. Carefully extricating herself from Parker’s cocoon, she crept to the stream, grabbed a fistful of brush, and dunked it in the cool water. She needed something rough, coarse to scrub herself down.
She rubbed the makeshift loofah over her entire body. The first pass didn’t seem to do much good, so she did a second round, a bit harder this time. It had to work! Tears fell hot on her cheeks as she went for a third pass, even harsher than before.
“Hey, sweetheart. What are you doing?”
She continued scraping her skin free of the revulsion that had welled within her.
“Aw, babe, stop. You’re hurting yourself.”
So wrapped up in the throes of loathing and despair, she hadn’t noticed Parker’s approach. Gasping, she curled in on herself, turning away so he couldn’t see her self-inflicted damage. “As long as I remember his touch on my
body, I won’t feel you. I’m trying to get him off me. It’s not working, damn it all. It’s not working.”
He crouched before her and stayed her hands. Easing her fingers open, he removed the twigs and pine needles, replacing them with kisses on her bruised palm.
“Trust me, Shiloh. I’ll remove all memory of his hands on you. It was something I couldn’t do before, when we met in dreams. But I can do it now. I’ll do so for as long as it takes. I swear to you.” He bent his head, peering under her curtained hair to connect with her waterlogged eyes. “Will you let me in, sweetheart?”
She placed her abused palm on his cheek, nodding, praying he could deliver on his oath. He cradled her in his arms, lifted her off the ground then carried her to their soft, earthy bed to set her down.
He removed his jeans to stand before her, large, powerful. A study of the perfect male human body. And he was as naked as she.
“See me. Know all I am and have is for you. There’s not a part of me that can or will ever hurt you.” Her wolf shimmered across her skin, ready to take over. His voice, stripped as bare as his body, pierced through layers of scar tissue around her heart. “Please, don’t run from me.”
Never had she felt more at war with herself. Did she dare trust this man? Why shouldn’t she? He’d been with her for two years now, albeit in her dreams, but still. She needed him like the air she breathed.
“The only place I’m running is to you.” Dried needles crunched under foot as she bravely stood and invaded his personal space. His arms enclosed her like a security blanket.
“Thank God,” he sighed into her hair.
Her eyes shuttered closed as their human bodies touched for the first time. Such an exquisite touch, a soothing touch, a healing touch. So new a sensation. A new experience for them both, considering they’d only ever met in dreams, and only made love as wolves. She breathed him in, his familiar honey-almond scent. It had cloaked her, comforted her each night as they came together. She stood, frozen in his embrace, afraid to move for fear of other less-kind images invading the sanctified moment.
He stroked her hair and leaned back to push aside the strands she used to hide from the world. He laid his lips to her temple, her eye with a slash through its outer corner, and then feathered light kisses along the remaining scar line down her cheek.
Her heart thundered through her body as her breath quickened. Her red wolf strained to come out. She missed his wolfish touch. Jealousy threatened to derail the intimate moment.
As if he could sense it, Parker growled low by her ear. “Shhh, you are not forgotten, my love.”
She would not settle or be appeased by the notion her lover would join with her soon. She wanted him now. “Parker, we’ve only known each other as wolves. Mine won’t let me have you until she has yours.”
“Then we’ll let our wolves have their way because mine is begging for yours, too.”
She shifted in his arms, knocking him over. Before he hit the ground, he’d changed, as well. They tussled, nipped, and lapped at each other as though their separation had been a lifetime. She trotted to the stream and beckoned him to play. Finally, they made love as wolves, finding joyous release together. When they regained their strength, they ran through the stream again, but as they came out, their wolves gave way to their humans. Still hot with need, their bodies slick with mountain water, Parker took her into his arms and kissed her feverishly on the lips. She’d never experienced anything as explosive, as liberating before.
Wanting so much more from her lover, she put her arms around his waist and trailed her fingers up his muscled back. His tongue teased her mouth open. She capitulated, while silently thanking her wolf. She’d paved the way for her human side to enjoy his human touch, a simple act defiled and corrupted by Josiah’s carnal, deviant ways.
Parker devoured her neck with his hot mouth and seeking tongue. “Mmm, let’s go to my place where we can continue this on a soft bed.”
Alarms rang through her love-soaked brain. A bed. A bed is inside a house. “Let’s stay out here. I don’t care much for indoor activities. We have a perfectly good bed right here.” She pointed to the patch of grass by the stream.
“I know what you’re doing. You can have your way for now, but mark my words, I’ll teach you how to enjoy being inside my home, in my bed.”
She’d think about that another time. Right now, all she wanted was to be wrapped in his arms, feeling protected and loved. Yet, fear had begun to worm its way into her heart.
He swooped her off her feet to walk them over to the soft, grassy patch. He laid her on it and caressed her cheek as he gazed deeply into her eyes.
Chapter Seven
“I promise to permanently remove the fear still haunting those pretty amber eyes of yours.” He kissed each of her eyelids as they fluttered opened and closed. “I promise to erase his vile imprint from your mind, your heart, and your soul. I will sanctify your body with my love and protection. Every day, until the end of time, I will do all this because I love you with every breath I take. Every fiber of my being.”
He kissed her tears as he eased himself down to rest beside her. Gathering her to him, his hands took a painstaking journey across her chilled skin, seeking, it seemed, to learn every inch of her body and normalize the touch of a man who truly cherished her. Each touch of his hand sent her on a dizzying ride of intense fear, dissolving into waves of sensual desire. Searing heat coursed through her veins, causing her to squirm in his arms, wanting to feel so much more, yet terrified of what might happen.
Trusting him to hold true to his promises, with gentle prodding from her wolf, she gave in to the pleasure and rapture of their human lovemaking. Tipping her head back, she kissed his chin. Wriggling higher against his hardened body, she cupped his face to kiss him with unabashed ferocity. He was so ready for her. Had they been wolves, they would’ve already mated multiple times. But the human in him took his time with her, something she appreciated.
He definitely appreciated her body. His tongue blazed a trail across her collarbone, down around her breasts to her sensitive nipples, while his fingers set trails of their own, creating tiny explosions of electricity across her belly and inner thighs. He never hesitated when his lips or hands approached one of her scars. Instead, he spent more time on them, kissing each one. The slashes from Josiah’s claws on her buttocks were still red and healing. The wounds he’d inflicted across her body would never disappear since she’d never been allowed to shift to her wolf. So, the memory of his touch would eventually be erased by Parker’s tender ministrations, but not their visual markers. A cruel irony, to be sure.
“Stop thinking, Shiloh. Unless you’re wondering what I’m about to do for you next. I’m not sure, but I’m guessing you’re mighty tasty.” He kissed her soundly, taking her breath away, and licked his way down to where she’d gone wet with need. “That’s it. Let go with me, sweetness.”
“Oh, my God,” she murmured, his hot breath on her mound causing her to weep down there even more. “I didn’t know it could be so good.” No man or wolf had ever made her feel this way before.
“Mmm,” he growled, vibrating against her swollen lips then teasing her clit with the tip of his tongue.
Groaning, she bucked. He did it again, lingering a bit longer this time. He lapped, sucked, and repeatedly thrust his tongue inside her. She whimpered as she grabbed at his shoulders, raking fingers across the expanse of his back. Waves of ecstasy, like a tsunami, drowned her, and she cried out his name as she climaxed. So this is what it is to truly make love. She’d never experienced this until now, this very moment. He crept his way up to lay gently atop her.
He was huge, ready, but he didn’t enter her. “Are you okay?”
She nodded.
“Are you ready to do more? I won’t do anything you don’t want.”
“Yes, set me free, Parker. Set my woman free to love you.” She spread her legs apart, opening for him, needing him inside her so
desperately to erase the horror, to replace it with heaven. She grabbed his ass with both hands, guiding him toward her as they locked lips. He fought against entering her fully, though.
“What’s the matter? What did I do?”
“Nothing, honey. I don’t want to hurt you. You’re tiny, and I’m…well, the opposite of tiny.”
“Parker, I need you inside me. Please, don’t worry. Let our bodies make the magic.”
He eased the tip inside her. She groaned with relief, with anticipation. He pushed a little farther, and she reveled in the pleasure, the ecstasy. Deeper he went until he was fully sheathed by her.
“Holy shit, you feel so good, woman.” He slid out then thrust in.
He set the pace deep, slow until he pulsed inside. Then his thrusts quickened, turning erratic. A sheen of sweat coated his smooth, sculpted body. Suddenly, he pulled all the way out.
“Turn over onto your stomach.”
Fear washed over her, a whimper escaping her lips. The present disappeared as the past took hold of her mind. Josiah never asked. He always manhandled her, manipulated her into any position he wanted, regardless of her comfort, and shoved it in any hole he could find.
“No, no, not that. Not that,” she sobbed. “Please no, Josiah.”
Parker leaned in close so all she could see was his face. “Shiloh, return to me, baby. Come on. It’s me, Parker. You’re safe. I’m with you. I’ll make it all better.”
Parker’s concerned face and soothing words broke through her flashback, returning her to the present. “I-I’m okay. I’m okay now.” She nodded. “Replace the horror with love. Replace the horror, Parker.” Turning over, she offered herself to him.
