by Ivy Smoak
“I’m sorry,” she added. “I really am. James asked and I couldn’t lie. You know I’m a terrible liar.”
She was. But still. Fuck.
Tanner cleared his throat. “Anyway, back to what I was saying. Penny’s going to let James know that I’m helping you find true love too. So it’s no longer an issue of the two of you hanging out.”
If he said “true love” one more time I was going to snap. I’d told him that this stupid dating app thing wasn’t about finding true love. It was about getting to hang out with Penny one on one. Not hanging out with her and Tanner. What was he doing?
Penny took a sip of her milkshake.
And for a second, as her lips wrapped around the straw, I forgot that I was pissed at her. God, I just wanted to feel those lips around my cock. Stop.
“It’s a good thing you did tell Tanner,” Penny said. “He told me he has a whole binder full of potential suitors.” She frowned. “No, that’s not the right word. Suitresses? Maybe?”
Tanner nodded. “Yes, it’s a bit of a dated term, but suitress is the female equivalent to suitor. I’m impressed that you knew that. I haven’t heard the term in years. And I do indeed have a binder full of suitresses.”
I didn’t need his binder full of women. We’d literally just talked about this last night. Did he have severe memory loss or something?
“Mommy?” Scarlett said, yawning awake from her nap. “I need to use the potty. Please,” she added.
“Okay,” Penny said and scooped her up into her arms. “Be right back.” She practically sprinted to the restroom.
Scarlett liked to give very little warning before she needed to use the bathroom. In that one way she was just like her father. Very uncaring of the consequences of her actions. Fine, she also had brown eyes like James. Otherwise she was as sweet and beautiful as her mother.
“So this is going very well,” Tanner said.
I turned to him. “Really? What part of this conversation do you think is going well?”
“You weren’t going to be allowed to hang out with her anymore. So I inserted myself into the situation to appease her husband. You’re most welcome.”
“Tanner, I don’t actually want to find love. I told you that.”
“Yeah, but I had to continue with the charade. Did you expect me to tell her that this was all a ploy just so you could sleep with her?”
Fair point. “No, of course not.” I didn’t need James and Penny both mad at me.
He looked over to see that Penny and Scarlett were still in the restroom. “Hmm…too bad.”
“What’s too bad?” I learned a long time ago that you had to ask Tanner questions when he left stuff open ended. Waiting in silence for him to fill in the blanks never worked. He always acted like he had all the time in the world and would literally make you wait and wait and wait some more.
“Because she also agreed to sleep with you tonight. Room 904 at your usual place.”
Wait, what? I would’ve choked on my milkshake again if I’d just sipped any. “What are you talking about?”
He lowered his voice. “I told her that it’s better to get you out of her system than to let this unresolved sexual tension between you go on any longer in its destructive path.”
My heart started beating faster.
“But I’m assuming you can convince her that just this once isn’t quite enough. I’ll leave that to your performance in the bedroom tonight.”
“You’re kidding me right now.”
He laughed. “Do I ever joke about true love? And you’re going to have to pull out all the stops, because it sounds like James knows his way around the bedroom quite well.”
Why would I want to know that? I couldn’t question him any further because Penny and Scarlett sat back down.
I swore Penny blushed when she met my gaze.
This was really going to happen. I was going to sleep with Penny? For just a second I thought about James. But I squashed it back down. James never gave a shit about my feelings. Why should I care about his?
“So what’s the plan?” Penny asked. “I know you’re going out with the guys tomorrow, but maybe we can all get together on Sunday?”
Sunday? But Tanner said…
“Out with the guys?” Tanner asked and looked over at me.
I wasn’t actually going to go get drinks with them after I fucked Penny tonight. She must realize that. “James, Rob, and Mason. You’re welcome to come, Tanner. I just didn’t mention it because I know you don’t get along super well with them…”
“Of course I get along with them. I get along swimmingly with everyone. Just because Robert Hunter is jealous of our friendship doesn’t mean I don’t like him.”
Penny was looking back and forth between us, clearly finding our conversation entertaining.
“What are you giggling about?” I asked. I couldn’t wait to silence her with a kiss. How many nights had I dreamt of that?
“Nothing. You two bicker like an old married couple.” She handed the rest of her milkshake down to Scarlett, whose eyes lit up.
“We do not,” Tanner and I both said at the same time.
“Point made,” Penny said with a laugh.
I shook my head. “We’re meeting at My Favorite Bar at 8:30,” I said to Tanner. And you’re more than welcome to come.
“Oh, The Dead Rabbit?” Tanner asked. “Sounds great.”
“No, My Favorite Bar.”
“Huh. The Back Room?”
“No, My Favorite Bar, Tanner.”
“The one in East Village?”
“Tanner…”
He snapped his fingers. “Oh that swanky rooftop one?”
“The name of the bar is My Favorite Bar. None of us have ever been there, but it has good reviews.”
Tanner laughed. “What a stupid name for a bar. I knew your favorite was The Dead Rabbit.”
Penny shook her head. “Yup, definitely an old married couple. I gotta get Scarlett home before she falls asleep again.”
“But Mommy, I haven’t finished my milkyshake yet.” She gave it one last very loud slurp. “Never mind.” She pushed it onto the table.
Penny smiled at me. “See you both on Sunday, I guess.”
She’d said Sunday. Again. What about tonight?
“Just text me the time and place,” she added.
“For…Sunday?” I asked. What about room 904?
“Unless you’re busy?”
“No, Sunday’s great.” She probably just didn’t want to say anything in front of Scarlett.
“Bye, Uncle Matt!” Scarlett said. “Bye, Mr. Tanner.”
“See you later,” I said to Penny. I couldn’t even hide the stupid grin on my face. I’d be doing a lot more than seeing her later.
She gave me a weird look and then laughed. “On Sunday, yes.”
“Right. Sunday.” I nodded.
Penny pulled her eyebrows together. “Are you feeling okay, Matt?”
“I’ll be feeling a lot better after tonight.”
She nodded. “I’m glad you liked the milkshake. We’re gonna leave now.” She gave me one last weird look, waved, and walked away.
Tanner burst out laughing.
I just stared at him.
“You thought I…” he laughed harder. “That she was going to…” He could barely catch his breath. “Tonight in a hotel…” He doubled over laughing.
Oh fuck. This was just one of his stupid pranks. Why did he always find it so funny to mess with me? Of course Penny wasn’t going to sleep with me tonight. For Christ’s sake, she had Scarlett with her.
“I got you so good,” Tanner finally said when he stopped laughing. “Pretty sure the only person getting laid tonight is James.” He slapped me on the back as he stood up to go. “You’re so gullible.”
“And you’re a terrible friend.”
“Terrible best friend, thank you very much. I’ll see you tomorrow night at My Favorite Bar.” He touched the side of his head like he was ab
out to tip a hat. But he wasn’t wearing a hat. He shook his head, looking momentarily confused, and then hurried out of the restaurant.
The waitress came over and handed me the bill. What the hell? He’d jilted me with the check again.
***
I walked up the steps of my brownstone on one of the quieter streets in the city. All my friends lived in swanky apartment buildings. The first apartment I’d bought was just like theirs. I’d hated that place. All the white walls and modern furniture and appliances. It was like there was no life in it. It made me feel claustrophobic. I’d sold it for a loss because I couldn’t bear to live another second in that empty hell hole.
When I was growing up, my favorite place to be at my house was the kitchen. It was warm and light and happy. I think I’d been chasing happiness my whole adult life. Even though I knew it wasn’t possible. So I bought a place that felt like a home.
But it still felt like I was suffocating. I unlocked the door, switched on the lights, and tossed my keys onto the little table in the entranceway. The place was a steal when I bought it. A complete fixer upper. There’d been a freaking hole in the ceiling of the dining room with no explanation. I’d been sold. And I’d been fixing it up in my spare time for the last several years. It was better when I kept busy.
But now I’d almost successfully fixed everything that needed fixing. The kitchen was brand new. The three bathrooms too. I’d sanded and refinished all the hardwood floors. I’d even managed to fix the leaky roof by myself without falling off the damned thing.
It was almost complete and I had no idea what to do next. This place wasn’t meant for a bachelor. Somewhere along the way in renovations, it had turned into more of a family home instead of a home for just me. I needed to call my real estate agent. As soon as possible. When I was living in a rundown brownstone, I was fine. But seeing the place fixed up made my chest ache. I wasn’t a family man. And I couldn’t be here anymore. I needed a one bedroom, one bathroom…something. Maybe something between a family home and a soulless apartment building. I just had no idea what that was.
I walked up the stairs, past my home office and a second bedroom I never went in, and down the hall to the master.
I turned on the shower and stared at the double sinks I’d put in. A his-and-hers sink? What the hell had I been thinking? This place was worse than the empty, lifeless apartment building I used to own. There was life here. A life I wasn’t going to have.
I pulled off my Empire High football t-shirt, kicked off the rest of my clothes and stepped under the steaming hot water.
And as soon as I closed my eyes under the stream of water, I saw Brooklyn’s face. I always saw her face when I closed my eyes. She was spread out naked, tangled in my sheets. The morning sun lighting up her face.
I tried to ignore the image of her as I soaped myself up. But I could feel myself getting hard just thinking about her. Fuck. I pressed my forehead against the cool tile. Yes, I saw Brooklyn when I closed my eyes. And whenever I thought of her, I either got angry, mopey, or…desperate to have her. I found it best to get her out of my system as quickly as possible, despite how I felt. When I was angry, I’d go for a run. When I was mopey, I stuffed that emotion down by focusing on work. And when I wished she was beneath me?
I wrapped my soapy hand around my cock, picturing her hand instead. No, her mouth. God, her perfect little mouth. Her looking up at me innocently. Because I was the only person she’d ever sucked off. I was her first and only everything.
Seeing how hard she made me used to get her off. The first time she spread her legs for me was because she knew how badly I needed her. I pictured that first time. In her skirt that was too short. In her blouse that was cut too deep, showing off the tops of her large breasts. I’d been doomed since the first time she’d walked into Empire High. She’s been mine before we ever spoke. And we both knew it.
I stroked myself faster, picturing her here with me in the shower. Her back pressed against the tile. Her tits against my chest. Her screaming my name.
I should have tried to think about anyone I’d fucked over the past few months instead. The girl from the café down the street. Or the random woman stalking me at my games.
But all I saw was Brooklyn. Her legs wrapped around my waist. Her fingers buried in my hair. Her trying to stifle her moans so we wouldn’t be caught.
Fuck. Stream after stream of my cum landed on the tile floor. My breath was ragged as my hand stopped. I didn’t want to open my eyes. I didn’t want to leave the image of her alone in the shower. I didn’t want her to disappear.
That was the other thing about thinking about her when I was hard. As soon as I wasn’t, the mopey shit started. My arousal gave way to guilt. If I’d protected her, she’d still be here. I could still touch her. Hold her. Kiss her.
I was sick. I was lusting over a ghost. I pictured her when I was alone. I pictured her face when I closed my eyes with other women. I saw her everywhere.
I felt my stupid tears mix with the water falling down on me. I knew I needed to stop thinking about her. But I couldn’t.
I just needed to focus my energy on something else. I’d call my real estate agent. I’d find a new place to fix up. A smaller place with less room to grow, or just another flip. And I’d get back to work. MAC International didn’t grow itself. I took a deep breath as I rinsed the soap off myself. That was the best part of owning an international finance firm. You could work all night.
Chapter 7
Saturday
I looked out the window at the city speeding by. All my friends had personal drivers, security, the whole shebang. I had the money to live their lifestyles. But I preferred to take a taxi or drive myself. I preferred to do a lot of things differently than my friends. And the thought of someone following me around all day, watching me unravel more each day…I couldn’t stand it.
“Matt?”
I shook my head. I’d spaced out while listening to my real estate agent, Bill, go over some details on the phone. “Yes?”
“Are you sure you want to sell?” Bill asked. “I was under the impression that you were fixing it up for yourself. I didn’t realize you’d be looking again any time soon.”
I kept my eyes glued out the window as the taxi sped up. “I outgrew it.” I found myself scanning the people walking along the sidewalk. Looking for…I didn’t really know what I was looking for anymore.
“It’s three bedrooms, isn’t it? That’s a lot of room for growing.”
“Yeah, but I use one for an office. And one for…storage. I want a home gym.”
“It has a basement.”
“Are you going to help me sell it or not, Bill?” My voice came out sharper than I meant for it to. I’d spent my whole Saturday working at the empty offices of MAC International. The last thing I wanted to be doing was driving to go meet my friends for drinks. I just wanted to go home. Or to a hotel. Maybe a hotel would be better.
“Of course I’ll help you sell it. But if you hold on to it for a few more months, the market will be better. The spring market…”
“Is saturated. We’ll be one of the premiere listings of the winter.”
“Okay,” Bill said. “I’ll get the paperwork started. Do you have a number in mind?”
The taxi pulled to a stop outside the bar. “Whatever you think is good.”
“You don’t have a specific number? I know you put a lot of work into the place.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
There was an awkward silence as I stepped out of the car. I knew my request was unusual. People flipped houses for a profit. Not for…whatever the hell I was doing. “I just did it for fun,” I added. “I don’t care about the return.” I stopped outside the bar. The wind had picked up and I wished I’d worn a warmer jacket.
“So let me get this straight,” Bill said. “You spent all your weekends and free time the past several years renovating a house for…fun?”
“Yeah.” It was a lie and I was pretty sure we
both knew it. But I wasn’t about to tell him that I needed to stay busy just to keep from drowning. That I meant to stay there forever. That I stupidly renovated it into a family home without even realizing it until it was too late. That being there made me feel even more alone.
“Well, I’ll need to come see it to get a proper listing price. I haven’t even seen the bathroom renovations yet. Can I stop by tomorrow?”
“As long as it’s before noon. I’m going to be preoccupied the rest of the day.” I wasn’t sure how long Penny would want to hang out. But I hoped to have her attention for as long as possible. I didn’t want to spend another Sunday at the office. Or watching football at James’ place as the seventh wheel. People thought being the third wheel was rough. The seventh? So much fucking worse.
“Sounds good. I’ll be there by 10.”
“Great. See you tomorrow.” I hung up and stared at the doors of the bar. I cracked my neck, took a deep breath, and forced a fake smile on my face before walking in.
Despite the fact that it was called My Favorite Bar, I knew for a fact it wouldn’t be my favorite. It was too bright. Too cheery. I liked to drink in peace.
Mason and James were already sitting at a high-top in the back corner. I made my way past a table of drunk bridesmaids. One of them backed up, almost falling into me. I grabbed her arms to help steady her before her drink could spill down the front of my shirt. For a few seconds she just stared up at me with dilated pupils.
“You okay?” I asked.
“I am now.” She blinked up at me, batting her eyelashes.
Not happening. She was clearly plastered. And I had enough on my mind with the fist fight I was about to walk into with James. Sex was not a priority tonight. The woman didn’t move to stand on her own, so I politely tilted her upright and stepped away from her before she could say anything else.
“Hey,” I said and slid onto the barstool next to Mason.
Mason looked over at the girl I’d rejected and then back at me. “You feeling okay, man?”
“I’m fine.”
