by Ivy Smoak
My mom grabbed my hand. “Life is short. And you can’t help who you love. But you can help if you curse.”
I would have laughed if my insides weren’t all twisted up. “But Matt? I can’t fall in love with him. It’s wrong.”
“I think the damage is already done.”
I shook my head.
“Mija.” She held my hand between hers. “You said you’re falling in love with him. Has he fallen too?”
“I think so.” I thought about how he didn’t deny loving me when I brought up what Tanner had said. And how he’d kissed me. And how he’d kept pursuing me even after I tried to stop it. I tried. I did. But I didn’t want to fight it anymore.
Matthew Caldwell wasn’t mine to have. But it had happened anyway. “She’d be so angry with me.”
“The dead can’t talk.”
“I visited her grave. And there were so many dead flowers on it. I think he visits her all the time. I think I’m falling in love with someone who will never love me most. Why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep choosing the wrong people?”
“He’s not wrong people. He’s a good boy.”
“But not for me. I feel so guilty. It feels like the guilt is going to swallow me whole. My stomach is twisted in knots and I can’t sleep. I’m miserable. Love isn’t supposed to feel this way.”
“That’s because you’re fighting it. Feel happy, mi amor. Be happy. You deserve everything in this world. You deserve to be happy if happiness finds you. Embrace it.”
I’d been through so much pain. And therapy. I’d spent years trying to piece myself back together after what happened with Cupcake. I felt like I was finally okay. And I wasn’t sure if I’d felt that way before Matt had crashed back into my life. I told him I couldn’t fix him. But what if he’d fixed me? I loved him for that alone. “But he can’t possibly love me. Brooklyn was his one great love.”
“Fairy tales.” She shook her head. “He’ll love you differently. The way you need to be loved. Different isn’t less.”
Different isn’t less. I didn’t know if that was true. But I wanted it to be. Because no matter how torn up I was inside, I didn’t know how to tell Matt no. I’d tried. But he’d broken down all my walls. I couldn’t get him out of my head. And I didn’t want to. Even though I knew he shouldn’t be there. Not in that way. God, what am I doing? “I miss her so much.”
“I know.” She pulled me into her side. “Me too.” She kissed the top of my head and yawned.
“It’s okay, Mama. You can go to bed. I’m going to be fine.”
She slowly stood up. Slower than she used to move. I tried not to let that worry me.
“You have nothing to fear.” She patted my cheek. “He already promised me he wouldn’t break your heart.”
“He did?” He’d promised her that? When? That night he slept over.
“Sí. He loves you too. A mother knows these things.”
He loves me too. I wanted her to be right. Desperately. And I didn’t really have any reason to doubt it. He’d asked me to be his girlfriend. I was the one pushing him away. Not the other way around.
My mom kissed the top of my head.
“Goodnight,” I said to her as she retreated back to her room.
I leaned my head back on the couch. “Give me a sign, Brooklyn,” I said into the silence. “Tell me it’s okay.” Because it hadn’t felt okay at her grave. It felt like I was stomping all over her memory. And I never wanted to do that. I loved her. I’d never had a friend like her before or since. Neither one of us was perfect though. She’d dated Felix when I thought it was pretty clear that I liked him. And now…I was going to date Matt. That’s okay, right? Please, just give me a sign.
My phone buzzed.
I looked down at a text from Matt. “Are you up? I need to see you.”
My heart started racing. If that wasn’t a sign, I didn’t know what was. “Actually, I can’t sleep.”
“Too busy thinking about me?”
I smiled. One of the many reasons why I was falling for him. He was good at making a heavy situation feel light. “Always.” I didn’t want to lie.
“I’m coming over now. Keep that train of thought. I have an important question for you.”
“What kind of question?”
“You’ll see.”
I wanted to be able to push him away. I did. But my body had a mind of its own. There were suddenly butterflies in my stomach instead of that twisting guilt. And my pulse was racing. I couldn’t turn him away even if I wanted to. Maybe Tanner was right. Maybe Matt and I were always supposed to be together. It was just a long, hard route to get there. But sometimes the hardest loves were the everlasting ones. The real ones.
Another text came through. “What are you wearing?”
I laughed out loud. “The usual. A very sexy pair of sweatpants.” I was crying a minute ago and now he had me laughing. I ignored the way my stomach twisted. I wasn’t just falling for him. I was in love with Matthew Caldwell.
“Perfect. Just the way I like you. Are you rocking that sexy bun too?”
“Don’t you know it. I’m all ready for you.” I was smiling so hard it hurt.
“Just for the record, whatever you’re wearing won’t be on for long.”
I felt my cheeks flush. “Is that your question? Whether or not I’m ready to go all the way?”
“I’d probably word it more on the lines of are you ready for me to properly worship your body. I hope the answer is yes to that. But that’s not my question. And it’s okay if you’re not ready.”
I was smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. What was he going to ask me? “I’m ready.”
He sent about ten eggplant emojis which made me laugh again.
“It’s a shame that we’re just friends, Matt.”
He sent ten more eggplant emojis. He was such a dork. Apparently I loved dorks. “Could I have a side of fries with that eggplant?”
“What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t bring fries and tulips with me?”
Well, that was that. He was officially perfect.
The call button buzzed. I hit the button to let him up.
I was ready for this. I was ready for him. I glanced in the mirror real quick to make myself look at least a little more presentable. I had no idea what Matt was planning. But I had a feeling it involved me repaying him for our little elevator shindig earlier. He’d promised he was getting out of the thing with Poppy. Maybe that was it. But honestly? I’d sneak around with him for a few days. Hadn’t I already been doing that? That was probably the question.
He wasn’t hiding me like some dirty little secret. He wasn’t the same guy he was in high school. We’d both changed. And somehow wound up a pretty perfect fit.
He knocked on the door. I put on a little lip gloss and then hurried over. I looked out the peephole just as my hand grabbed the doorknob.
Oh my God. “Puta mierda.” My hand froze. I blinked and stared at the peephole again. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. But every time I blinked, nothing changed.
The butterflies in my stomach turned to lead. I felt like I was going to be sick. What the hell had I done?
I threw open the door. I wanted to curse and scream and cry. I wanted to hit the redo button. I wanted to be doing anything other than staring at the ghost in my doorway. A ghost that very much was not a ghost at all.
No.
It wasn’t possible.
Never.
And yet…
Nunca.
“Brooklyn?”
* * *
Brooklyn’s back! Brooklyn’s back! If she’d come back a few weeks sooner, everything would have been perfect. But now… Oopsies. Things are about to get messy.
Will Matt go back to Brooklyn? Or will he stick with Kennedy? And most importantly…where the heck has Brooklyn been this whole time?! Find out in Book 5, coming May 12, 2022. CLICK HERE to pre-order your copy!
We also need to talk about Tanner and Nigel. They m
ight be two of my favorite characters that I’ve ever written… So I’m giving them an entire book! That’s right - TSSP is all about Tanner! And it’ll be available August 12, 2021. CLICK HERE to pre-order your copy and learn all of Tanner’s secrets!
While you wait, see what Matt was thinking when he first met Brooklyn back in high school. CLICK HERE to get your free copy of Matt’s point-of-view in Matthew Caldwell - The Untouchable.
The Untouchables. That’s what everyone called us. The nickname had followed us around since we were kids. I wasn’t sure who started it, but the premise behind it was simple. My friends and I could get away with murder. Literally. That’s what happens when your parents own the two biggest companies in Manhattan.
We were untouchable. And I was…sick of it. I was sick of the lies and the secrets. I was sick of the pedestal we had to stand on. And I was sick of the girls throwing themselves at my feet like I was some sort of god. I was tired of being untouchable. Especially when all I wanted was someone who would never belong in my world…
CLICK HERE to get your free copy!
Temptation
Matt was a naughty boy and had a crush on Penny. But let’s be honest…Penny was never going to turn her back on James. Not after everything Penny and James have had to go through to get their happily ever after.
CLICK HERE to start Penny and James’ love story. And unlike Empire High…that series is actually complete. So you can read straight through!
Shy student Penny Taylor always follows the rules. At least, that’s how it appears to her classmates. But she has one illicit secret – she’s fallen hard for her professor. And she’s pretty sure he’s fallen for her too.
Everyone loves Professor Hunter. He’s tall, dark, and handsome. And completely unobtainable. But it’s the secrets hiding behind his deep brown eyes that allures Penny. Secrets darker than she could ever imagine.
James Hunter gave up his billionaire lifestyle in NYC last year to become a professor. The easiest new rule to follow: don’t fraternize with the students. It’s easy to follow because he’s become quite the recluse in his new town – the only way he knows how to keep his secrets buried.
But he never expected to be teaching such a beautiful student. He has to resist her. He needs to walk away. Penny deserves better than a man with his demons. But she’s daring him to cross the line. And he’s never been one to resist temptation.
CLICK HERE to start reading in Kindle Unlimited!
A Note From Ivy
She’s alive, she’s alive!!!! But things are a little messy now, huh?
I always knew Brooklyn was alive. But I feel my characters’ emotions so intensely. So in my head, Brooklyn was dead the whole time until she reappeared. I cried during Kennedy’s last scene with Brooklyn in Book 3, because I knew what was coming. I cried in Matt’s last scene with her and throughout all of Matt’s perspective in Book 3. I was as devastated as you, I promise you that. I made myself believe she was dead in order to write the emotions as purely as I could. I felt that death. It was like losing my best friend. I was devastated and emotional and honestly, a little depressed after going through those emotions while writing book 3 and 4.
And then while I was feeling down…the hate mail started coming in. Hate mail for the ending of Book 3 came in droves via email, private messages, and social media posts. I’ve seen it in every way. So much hate. About how I’m a terrible person for that ending. How could I be so cruel? How could I think as a romance author I had the right to write such an ending? I was told to stay in my lane. I was told I was a monster. I was told I didn’t care about my fans. I was told no one would ever read a thing I wrote ever again. I was cursed at. Called names. Told that I was worse than Isabella – and no wonder I could write an evil character like that so easily. And I was told that I should be the one that was dead, not Brooklyn. I was told so many hateful, untrue things. I’m not going to lie, it’s hurt me.
And I had to bite my tongue. Because I knew Brooklyn was alive. But there was no way in hell I was going to ruin the surprise by telling the haters that.
And the hardest part of the last few months? I wrote about bullying in my dedication and author note in Book 2 of this series. About how destructive it is. At the essence of this whole series is the effects of bullying. Words hurt. People telling me I’m an awful human every day for the past 6 months has hurt me. I’m actually crying writing this because I’m so tired of the hate. I’m not naïve. I know the hate won’t stop now because a lot of readers will still stop after book 3 and never know the truth. But I’m hoping that sharing this story reminds us all that being cruel is never the answer. This whole series is a warning to not behave this way. And I’m horrified that so many people missed that pretty important message. But I’m also grateful that this happened. Because I don’t want anyone reading my books who thinks it’s okay to talk to another person that way.
*Takes a deep breath.* I no longer read hate mail. I delete it as soon as a message starts out negatively. Because as I said in my previous dedication, I won’t let anyone silence me. I will never stop writing. And for all those “fans” I lost over the “death” of Brooklyn….your loss. You’ll never get to see how amazing Brooklyn is as an adult. You’re the one missing out. Because Book 5 is going to be epic, I promise you that. And my true readers are reading this and hopefully knowing how much I love them. Because I do. I love you all so much!
And for all you wonderful readers, get ready for a bumpy ride. Because you know Book 5 is going to be a rollercoaster. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Ivy Smoak
Wilmington, DE
www.IvySmoak.com
For more of Ivy Smoak’s novels, visit www.IvySmoak.com
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