by Lexi Blake
He wasn’t the first. Her husband had promised her much the same and then tried to steal her work and cheated on her with a more “womanly” female. She’d always been the youngest person in her class, and there had been a couple of assholes who’d tried to take advantage of that. Even fucking Paul Huisman made her feel small because she was female. She’d heard the way he talked about her, the way he’d told everyone on her team that she was too emotional. He constantly told her to calm down.
She wasn’t sure how she made it across the gazebo, but she found herself hitting him, taking out her rage on him. Her hands were balled into fists and she was using them on Owen. She struck his chest again and again, hearing the way her flesh thudded against his. It wasn’t right, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. It was too much. She’d lost. She’d lost her mother and her childhood and her husband and her self-worth. God, it had taken her years to get that back. Now she’d lost her career. Decades of work were down the drain.
And she’d lost him. She’d lost Owen. She’d lost the future she’d thought they could have had together. She’d lost the peace he’d promised her.
He wasn’t fighting back. He took everything she had to give him without a single protestation. He stood there and let her use him like a punching bag.
God, she wasn’t this person. She wasn’t the kind of person who hit people when it wasn’t in defense of herself or others. She wasn’t violent. Her whole life had been about helping people, and all she would be known for was her part in violating the rights of her fellow men, in torturing them and stealing the most precious thing a human being could have—a memory.
A moan was heard, the low sound of an animal in pain.
It was her. Becca started to fall to the floor, her strength gone in that attack. She braced herself but didn’t even come close to hitting the hard wood. Owen lifted her up and his arms were around her, holding her tight.
“I can’t let you go. I won’t let anything hurt you, but I can’t let you go.” There was a fine tinge of panic to his voice. “You can hate me, but I can’t let you go.”
She shuddered in his arms, coming down from the adrenaline high of her rage. She was left with nothing but an aching sorrow.
Her arms finally went around him and they stood like that for what felt like hours, clinging to what briefly had seemed like a bright future.
Chapter Eighteen
Owen sat up in the godawful uncomfortable chair he’d been trying and failing to sleep in the moment he heard Becca cry out. He was on his feet in a heartbeat, staring down at her.
“You’re still here.” She groaned and sat up, pushing the covers away and then pulling them right back up because it was chilly.
It was downright cold and he didn’t have a blanket to huddle under. He didn’t have her to cuddle with.
“I told you I wouldn’t leave you. Are you all right? Was it a nightmare?”
He knew he sounded like a mother hen, but he couldn’t help it. Ever since that moment when she’d broken down utterly and he’d carried her out of the cabin, he’d known he’d likely ruined every single chance he had with her. And he’d also known he wanted that chance, all those chances. He’d known in that moment that he loved her with his whole broken and busted-up heart.
And he’d ached when she’d attacked him. Not because of her fists or her righteous anger. He understood that. He’d been oddly satisfied that she’d taken it out on him. He wanted her. All of her—her love, her body, her soul, her joy, her sorrow, and her rage. He’d stood there, willing all that anger to transfer from her to him. He would have told her he would take it all if it brought her a single moment of peace.
“I didn’t have a nightmare.” She rubbed her eyes and yawned. “I just woke up and for a moment I couldn’t remember where I was. I’m thirsty.”
“I’ll get you some water.”
A long sigh split the air. “I’m hungry, too. I didn’t eat lunch and then well…I’m hungry. I had a protein bar in my purse but it’s back at the foundation.”
“Robert and Ari hit the supermarket in town on their way in. Come on. I’ll make you a sandwich.” He held out a hand. She wouldn’t need to get dressed. Other than her taking off her shoes, she’d kept everything on, even the purple cardigan she’d been wearing. He’d tried to talk her into slipping into one of his T-shirts. He had two in his go-bag, but she’d refused.
After that blissful moment in the gazebo when she’d clung to him like she wouldn’t let go, she hadn’t touched him again. He’d had to be satisfied with the fact that she hadn’t argued about him staying in the room with her. It had likely been shock, but she’d simply taken off her shoes, got under the covers, and fallen into an exhausted sleep.
“All right.”
He was shocked when she put her hand in his and allowed him to help her up. She dropped his hand the minute she was on her feet, but she’d touched him. It had to be enough for now.
“I can get it myself,” she said. “I’m not going to run or anything. It’s not like I have anyplace to run to.”
“I’m going with you,” he returned, following her out the door.
“You’ll do what you want to do anyway,” she muttered as she turned down the hall.
The place was quiet except for the sound of keys clacking. The cabin only had two bedrooms and a tiny loft with two twin beds. He and Becca had taken one and Theo and Erin the other. River and Jax had bedded down in the back of the van while the loft held Sasha, Dante, and Tucker. He wasn’t sure which one was sleeping on the floor, but he would bet it was Tucker, and he wasn’t sleeping at all.
The living room was quiet, only the crackling sound of a fire in the hearth making any noise at all. Nina was curled up on the love seat while Ari and Robert had taken the couch. His friend seemed to be moving in the right direction this time. Robert was lying on his back while Ari had draped herself over him, her head resting on his chest. They were cuddled together under a blanket and looked warm and happy.
He was fairly certain he’d looked that way the previous night.
He led her into the dining room where Ezra’s face looked ghostly in the light from the computer screen. He glanced up. “Everything all right?”
“She’s hungry” Owen replied. “Everything’s fine. How are the plans going?”
“We can’t get a plane out until the day after tomorrow, but I don’t think that will give Green time to track us.” Ezra looked over at Becca. “We’re going to take you to London, but we have to do it carefully. Jax is working on getting you a Canadian passport. I promise I won’t let him pick your name. He’s not good at them.”
“When he made one for River, he named her Fjord,” Owen said.
A hint of a smile crossed her lips. “Because it’s water. Like a river.”
“It’s ridiculous,” Ezra corrected, “because she’s obviously not Nordic, and even Nordic people don’t name their kids Fjord. Jax thinks he’s creative. I need him to be realistic. Amber or Ashley is normal. Fjord makes security look twice, so River is Amber and you get to be Ashley. Regular Ashley. No two ee’s or the p is silent.”
“They argue about spelling, too,” Owen admitted. He’d found it amusing. “Jax thinks fake names should be special. Ezra thinks they should be as boring as possible. What did he try to name Becca?”
“Sunny Brooke. Not joking. First name Sunny. Last name Brooke,” Ezra said with a sigh. “I’m sure he was going to try to work the word farm in there somewhere. My question is how the hell does he know about Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. He knows next to nothing about the damn world. He can’t tell me who the last president of the United States was but he knows a kid’s book.”
“It’s Kay’s fault.” He adored Kayla Summers. She’d worked at the London office before she’d married her Hollywood sweetheart. Kay had been the one to take all the Lost Boys under her wing when they’d first showed up at The Garden. They’d been traumatized and unsure of what had happened to them and she’d sort of played b
ig sister to all of them. “She would watch movies with us at night, trying to acclimate us to the culture. Unfortunately, she showed us the The Shining and then Sasha started sleeping with an ax, so then we had a whole week of kids’ films. I still don’t understand why they had to shoot that dog.”
“Old Yeller was rabid,” Ezra said with a shake of his head. “Like a couple of you. Anyway, Becca is now Ashley Jones from Ottawa. We’ll take a private jet to Mexico City. From there we’re going to split up. I’m sending Becca back to London with Ari and Nina.” He held out a hand as though he knew what came next. “Brody and Nick are meeting them in Mexico. They’ll provide security, although don’t let Nina hear me say that. She’s a badass all on her own.”
“I thought she was a barista,” Becca said.
“She makes a mean latte and can kill a man fifteen different ways. She’s a modern woman,” Owen explained. “But I would rather escort her. I’m not wanted by Interpol. I don’t have a record like the others. I can go home.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, but we’ll talk about it later. I think you should feed her and get back to bed.” Ezra nodded to Becca. “You need to stay in the house. The police are looking for you. There hasn’t been any media coverage yet, but the Huisman Foundation has blocked your access to the building and they spent the evening searching your lab and your apartment.”
“How do you know?” she asked.
“I know because I have sources.” It was all Ezra would say.
Becca thought about that for a moment. “Did you have cameras on me? Did you put them in my apartment?”
Owen’s gut churned, but he wasn’t going to lie to her again. “Yes. We had to know where you were at all times since Tucker and Dante and Sasha came in and out.”
“I wouldn’t have known who the janitors were,” she admitted. “That’s shitty of me, but it’s true. I would have known the other guy. I’m going to the kitchen. I won’t like sneak out the back or anything. You can stay here and plan the rest of my life. I guess I should be happy you don’t turn me over to the police and be done with it.”
“We wouldn’t do that.” How did he make her believe?
She simply turned and walked to the small galley kitchen at the back of the cabin.
“It’s okay,” Ezra said quietly. “She can’t get out without us knowing. The most she can do is walk through the kitchen to the other part of the cabin and get back into bed without you. If she opens one of the outer doors or windows, the alarm will go off.”
So that’s what Dante and Sasha had been doing while they’d been debriefing Rebecca. “I’m sure she’s thrilled that she’s locked in.”
“Well, it appears she’s accepted that she’s staying. I’m glad she understands about Green and what he’ll do to her.” Ezra sat back and rubbed his thumb between his brows as though trying to stave off a headache. “He used us to do his dirty work. If we’d gotten that package, he would have found a way to take it, maybe even used the authorities. I’m a burned CIA agent and most of the crew are known and wanted criminals. He can fuck with us and no one will give a damn.”
“Then why change up the game? Why not let us get it and…” It came to him. “He found out someone was setting her up and he’s using it. He walked into a situation that was already going on and used it to his advantage. Someone was setting up Becca for a big fall. Do you think Green is working with MSS?”
He wouldn’t put it past the bastard to work with Chinese intelligence if it furthered his own agenda.
“Or MSS was already in place and he used that, too,” Ezra replied. “The fucker was always good at finding an advantage. I think this all fell into his lap and he shifted strategies. So we’re going to do the same thing. We can’t find that data. All right, we’ll take the brilliant neurologist, pair her with Walt, who can learn almost anything in rapid-fire time, and see what we come up with. While they’re working, we’ll keep searching for what we need.”
They would keep looking for a hint that anyone else had the drug and if they did, they would try to put a stop to it. They would look for leverage, for a way to save his brothers and get them any kind of normal life.
He would be away from her. He would have to work to get her back to her life, to a life that couldn’t include him.
Ezra looked up, his expression grim. “Owen, it’s obvious you want her. Maybe I was wrong about sending you with the others. Talk to her. You don’t have to be here. You don’t have to go with us. If you want, you can stay in London and try to find some normalcy.”
But he was the only one of them without a global warrant out for his arrest. He was the only one who could show his face in certain places. “She doesn’t want me. I’m needed here. I’ve spent the entire time I can remember trying to figure out my place in all of this, but now I know I’m supposed to be with this team. I’m supposed to make sure this group of men can live a life since I had a hand in taking their old one from them.”
“Guilt will eat you up if you let it,” Ezra said. “All that stuff you said about Tucker, you know it applies to you, too. You’re not the same man.”
“But he’s still there, deep down. That selfish bastard still lives inside me. Do you know there was a part of me that was happy when we found out she can’t go back?”
Ezra nodded as if he understood completely. “Because you want her in our world, and now none of us has a choice. I get that, but it’s not like you manipulated things to get her here. Would you have done that?”
He wouldn’t have taken her work from her. “No. Never. She’s worked too hard to do that to her.”
“Then you’re merely adapting like the rest of us.” Ezra sat back with a heavy sigh. “Do you know what my first thought was when I realized my ex-wife was working this case?”
“Was it something violent?”
“Maybe. She likes a bite of pain,” he said, the words almost too quiet to hear. “I thought thank god it doesn’t have to be over. How stupid is that? She was there to work against me and deep down I was okay with that because it meant I would see her again. I’m a stupid fucker. She cheated on me.”
He and Ezra had different definitions of that word. “I thought you weren’t married at the time.”
Ezra was quiet for a moment. “Sometimes I feel like I’ve always been married to her and yet I know there was a time before Solo. Kim. I call her Solo because it’s far easier to deal with the operative than the woman underneath. I wish I could separate them sometimes.”
“I think she still loves you, if that’s any comfort.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough.”
And it wouldn’t be for him either. “Becca doesn’t know me. She knows who I’ve shown her. She fell for a lie.”
“Was it?” Ezra asked. “You didn’t step into that elevator with plans to seduce her, did you?”
“No.” But it hadn’t taken him long.
“It would have been simpler for you to have introduced yourself the way you were supposed to. You know we had an argument about why you changed up the plan. Some of the guys thought you might have done it because Big Tag took you off lead.”
“I didn’t.” He wasn’t surprised they thought that way though.
“Tucker bought the whole line about how you realized she needed to be played differently,” Ezra pointed out.
“I told you what happened. I wasn’t lying.”
Ezra chuckled and sounded a bit amused. “Oh, you were lying, but mostly to yourself. A couple of us knew why you’d done it. Me and Robert and Jax. We knew it had been about her. You see we all know what it’s like to meet a woman and know. We might not have known exactly what we knew, but it was there deep down. Like a memory of something beautiful, a hint of some life we used to lead. You saw her and something clicked into place.”
And he hadn’t been able to say the words he should have. He hadn’t been able to lie about his attraction to her. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from kissing her. “I love her, Ezra.
”
“Yeah, I got that.” The boss gave him a sad sort of smile. “It’s okay. Stay with her. Stop punishing yourself. It’s time to let that go.”
“And how will she feel when she finds out who I was?” It was his greatest fear, that she would learn what he’d done and turn away in disgust.
“When she finds out you were so desperate to save your mom and sister that you made a poor choice? Somehow I think she’ll forgive you for that. Everyone else has. Even Erin. Oh, that woman won’t ever let you know it, but she disagreed with Big Tag about pulling you from the lead. And Big Tag didn’t pull you because he was still angry with you. He pulled you because you stay in the shadows and show no ambition to move out of them. He pulled you because you let your guilt rule your life, and that means you’re likely to do something stupid like sacrifice yourself at the earliest opportunity.”
He would argue but the truth was Ezra was right. Big Tag was right. “I owe them. I owe the Taggarts a lot.”
“Jesus, I hate these things.” Erin Taggart sighed and pulled out a chair at the table, slumping into it. “Sorry, I can’t sleep. The bed here sucks and Theo’s mumbling in his sleep. Nothing scary. He’s talking to Case about beer. I can’t have a beer so I don’t want to listen to him talk about beer. Then I come out here and you two are having a feels talk. Haven’t I vomited enough for one day?”
He had no idea how to handle Erin. It was best to simply apologize. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t murder you. Doesn’t change anything,” she shot back.
“Erin.” Ezra managed to make her name an admonition.
The redhead sighed and sat back. “Owen, we’ve all done shit we’re not proud of. You should have trusted your team, but you panicked. She had your family. I personally would have let my brothers or father rot, but apparently you loved your family.” She shuddered. “Fuck, I’ve been around Avery too long. My partner’s wife is a freaking saint and I’m going to take a play from her book. You know what you owe me, Shaw? You owe me a good life. You owe it to me to try to find some happiness and to make better choices this time around. I forgive you and shit. Now can someone make some hot chocolate or something? It’s going to be a long night. I hate this job.”
