by Lila Lacroix
A World Away
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Epilogue
Chapter One
As I looked out over the water, I couldn’t believe that my life could possibly get much better than it was right now. It was evening on a late August night and the sun was just beginning to set. I was sitting in one of those plastic lounging chairs, sunglasses shielding my eyes from the last of the sun’s rays before it dipped over the tip of the trees onto the other side of the lake and over the horizon for the night. A soft breeze tickled my skin, the only sound that of the waves lapping softly against the shore.
I looked over to my left where Mike, the love of my life, sat in the chair next to mine. Everything else in the world paled compared to Mike. His hair, dark blonde and scraggly, hung almost to his shoulders, the last drips of water from our afternoon swim still hanging onto the tips, and he turned to look at me, grinning.
“This is a pretty epic last night here, don’t you think?” he asked.
“I was just going to say the same thing. Couldn’t possibly ask for better.”
“We’ll have to do this again next year, hey?”
“Definitely.” My heart swelled as he implied next year. I had always been shy around boys, in high school I was never the type to have two or three boyfriends during the year. I dated Jim Wilson in the ninth grade for a few months, but that was it. I had always been shy, and while I wasn’t a straight A student or anything, I was more studious than popular, so it wasn’t like guys were clamouring to date me, and I was always too shy to ask them out myself. When Mike came into my life, I was ecstatic. He was the perfect boyfriend for me. He gave me space when I needed it, he took things slowly, and he respected my desire for commitment. I didn’t want to date people randomly, breaking up willy nilly. If I was going to be in a relationship, I wanted it to be serious. That was just the type of person I was. A bit of a personality quirk, if you will.
I considered Mike and I to be serious. I knew it was probably getting ahead of myself slightly, but as we sat together by the lake, on our last night of a weeklong camping trip before I started my sophomore year and he started his senior year of college, I couldn’t help but think that maybe in the distant future Mike and I would get married. We’d have two kids (a boy and a girl) and we’d live happily ever after in one of the suburbs of San Francisco. I’d leave my job for a couple of years to take care of the kids while we lived on the money Mike would get working as a finance guy for a bank, then when our kids started school I would get back into the workforce, part time.
That was getting a little bit ahead of myself though. For now, I wanted to enjoy this moment. I wanted to enjoy being here, I wanted to enjoy the absolute perfection that was my life.
I knew how to appreciate the good things in life, because it wasn’t until pretty recently that I knew what they felt like. I definitely didn’t have what you would call a stable home life growing up. My father left before I was born, and my mother was an alcoholic who barely managed to support me. I hated being at home. There were always strange men around, it smelled like alcohol, and the only times my mother said anything to me it was either a command to find her something, or to complain about the fact that I was never home and didn’t do anything. In an attempt to stay away from her, I spent as much time as I could in elementary school in the library after school, until every night at five when they closed it I was finally sent home. As a result, I learned to love reading, and my grades were actually pretty decent. The librarian encouraged me. I think she understood why I was always in the library, and she did her best to help me find books that would let me lost myself in a fantasy world. Age appropriate, of course. By the time I got to high school I was pretty close to the top of my class, despite my upbringing. At that point I was old enough to understand that the way out of the life my mother lived was to study hard, and that was what I did.
When I graduated from high school I was immediately accepted at San Francisco State University on a partial scholarship. I moved out from the studio apartment my mom rented and found a room with three other freshmen students. I didn’t think I’d find a job in the terrible economy, but I lucked out, and got work as a waitress at a local Chinese restaurant. Three nights a week I made minimum wage plus tips, which was enough to pay for my food and a small part of my rent. Student loans took care of the rest, and while they were starting to accumulate, I wasn’t too worried. After all, everyone else also had student loans, and while the job market was so horrendously shitty at the time, I was hoping by the time I graduated in three years it would have improved.
I decided to major in business, with a focus on marketing. Mike was in one of my classes, a second year human resources course I decided to do a year early, and which he decided to do a year late. We sat next to each other in the front row, and while I was way too nervous to speak to him, he wasn’t too nervous to speak to me after a few days.
“Hey, I’m Mike” he introduced himself.
“I’m Sophie.”
“Cool. Wanna grab a coffee after class?”
Everything afterwards was history. Beautiful, loving history. Mike took my virginity three months after we started dating, and now we were here, discussing coming back to this campsite next year. Who knew, maybe we would make it a tradition. As we fell asleep in each other’s arms that night in our tent, I smiled to myself. My sophomore year was going to be amazing. I just knew it.
Three days later I was on campus once more, buying my books for the new semester, when my best friend Clara appeared out of nowhere.
“Hey girl, how was your romantic vacation?” she asked, hugging me lightly.
“It was amazing,” I gushed, telling her all about the fun we had making campfires, hiking, swimming and just generally being together.
“That sounds crazy. Mike is so the perfect guy for you. I’m so jealous, you don’t even know.”
I laughed. Clara was gorgeous, with wavy brown hair, skin the color of mocha and almond shaped eyes deeper and browner than any I’d ever seen on anyone else. We were polar opposites, with my slightly frizzy blonde hair and blue eyes. She looked amazing, and she knew it. Every month Clara had a new boyfriend, she changed them so often I sometimes had a hard time keeping track of the name I was supposed to say hi to when I wandered into our place and found them together. We didn’t look alike, our personalities were about as different as two people could be, and yet we had an instant connection. We were best friends the instant I moved in with her and our other two roommates.
“You’re crazy, Clara. You’re so beautiful, you can absolutely have any man on the planet.”
“Sure, I might be alright to look at, but you’re not too bad yourself, and besides, none of my guys are really the same calibre as Mike. They might be nice to look at for a few weeks, but none of them are long term material.”
“Well, that’s your own fault. You know damn well you choose them that way.”
Clara stuck her tongue out at me. “Fine. But it doesn’t mean I can’t be jealous of what you have.”
I laughed and wrapped my arm around her waist as I headed
towards the checkout line. I knew it was going to be a long wait, there were at least two dozen students ahead of me also waiting to buy their books. This was my least favourite thing about the start of the new semester.
“I have a feeling this year is going to be amazing” I told Clara.
“It will be. It absolutely will be.”
Just then, my phone buzzed. I checked my messages, and found it was a text from Mike.
“Hey. Meet for coffee? I’ll be at the Garden Town Cafe in 30.”
Clara left me soon afterwards to find her own books. I wondered briefly if I had time to drop the pile of books off at home before meeting Mike. After all, there were six books here for my five courses this semester, and they were feeling pretty heavy just standing in the line holding them. Unfortunately, by the time I got through the line twenty five minutes had passed, and I knew the coffee shop was fifteen minutes away.
I must have looked like a huge mess as I stumbled through the door at the Garden Town, our coffee hangout on the other side of campus, not far from my apartment. I was out of breath, the bag of heavy books in one hand, dragging my shoulder down to one side. My hair, which was high maintenance on a good day, was especially unhappy with my decision to half-walk half-jog to the coffee shop, and I could feel it frizzing around everywhere. I was sure I looked like I had an afro, and as I glanced around the shop I hoped Mike had picked our usual cluster of couches in the corner to sit in. Relieved, I found that he had, and I quickly excused myself as I dropped off the books and made a pit stop to the ladies’ room to fix my appearance. I had never been the type to spend hours and hours in the bathroom every morning, but I did like to look presentable.
“Listen, we need to talk” Mike started when I finally came back, sinking into one of the deep beanbag chairs I loved so much about this place.
“What about?” I asked, confused. Mike didn’t look happy about something.
“Us. I don’t think we’re going to work out.” Wait, what? Had I really heard those words properly? Was he saying what I thought he was saying? Where the hell did this come from?
“What do you mean, we’re not going to work out?”
“I mean, I think we should break up. It’s not you, I just don’t think we’re really compatible.”
“What? Where did this come from? Just like three days ago you were telling me how we should go camping again in the same place next year,” I exclaimed, tears beginning to form in my eyes.
“Shhh, keep your voice down,” Mike scolded. “I know, it’s sudden, but I’ve just been thinking a lot these last couple days and I think I want something different. I’m sorry, Sophie.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think. I could feel the tears streaming down my face, and I was suddenly angry that he decided to do this here, in public, in a coffee shop where anybody could see. At least I was facing away from the rest of the people in the store.
“I just don’t understand,” I finally managed to whisper.
“People move on, Sophie. I’m sorry. But I’m sure you’ll find someone for you too. Goodbye.”
And with those last words, Mike got up and left, leaving me alone with my books and a skinny hazelnut latte, tears streaming down my face.
What had happened? This was so sudden. It was so out of the blue. I had thought Mike and I were happy. I thought we would have been together for years to come. It wasn’t as though we’d been fighting recently or anything. It was so strange, so completely out of nowhere.
My heart felt like it had just been ripped out of me. Like there was a gaping hole in my chest, a sharp pain letting me know what had just happened. I don’t know how long I sat there, in the coffee shop, completely heartbroken. My coffee went cold, untouched; I simply stared into space for a while, wondering what the hell went wrong.
Finally, I got up and walked home. I walked through the door and hoped that no one would have been there, and luckily, I was right. Clara, Alice and Pete, my roommates, were all gone. Thank goodness. I didn’t want to talk to Clara right now, even though she was my best friend. I wanted to be alone. And seeing Alice and Pete, who had been together for four years, since high school, would have just made me sad.
I went straight to my room and closed my door before collapsing onto the bed in a fit of tears. All of my hopes, all of my dreams of living my life with Mike, a life I’d been so happy with just that morning, all gone. Everything destroyed in one conversation. I didn’t know how I was going to go on with my life. Hell, I didn’t know what was going on with my life. How could I have been so happy just a few hours ago, and now so completely depressed, feeling a sadness unlike anything else I had ever felt before?
Chapter Two
People always tell you when relationships break down that only time will heal the wounds. Well, I took this badly, and no matter how much time passed, I didn’t feel like I was getting any better.
When Carla finally came home she knocked on my door and asked how coffee with Mike had gone. I broke down and cried, telling her everything. She sat down on the bed next to me and comforted me in her very fiery manner.
“Listen, to get over him, you need to get your revenge. Let’s go to his apartment tonight and key his car.”
I couldn’t even laugh at Carla’s crazy plans, instead I just cried harder.
“Carla, I’m not going to go key his car. I don’t feel like doing anything. It just hurts so much.”
“I know Sophie. I know it hurts. But listen, you’re going to get over him, ok? It’s just going to take you a while, since you were so close.”
“I don’t want it to take a while, it feels like I’m going to die.”
“You’re not going to die, you’re just going to sleep for a bit, ok? You’ll feel better in the morning.”
But the next morning I didn’t feel any better. Nor did I feel any better the one after that. I had thought Mike was the love of my life, but now he was out of my life. Completely out of it. Maybe I’d see him in a class or two before he graduated, but I doubted it. There was actually a really good chance that the man I’d spent almost my entire freshman year dating I would never see again in my life. Just the thought of that terrified me. Who would I tell my deepest secrets to? Who would hold me in bed late at night, make me cookies before exams, play Frisbee in the park with me on summer afternoons?
Mike had been my first real boyfriend. He had been my first super serious relationship, he had taken my virginity, and now he was gone. I barely got out of bed for the first few days, except to get food and go to the bathroom. I was so depressed, I knew I was in a funk, but I just couldn’t get out of it. Carla came in a few times and tried to convince me to get up, but it never worked. I called in sick to two shifts of work, and began to wonder if I was just going to curl up and die here in this bed. On day four though, Carla simply wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer anymore.
“Come on girl, get up. You’ve had time to sulk, if you stay in this bed any longer your legs are going to start melding in with the sheets.”
“I don’t want to get up. I just want to sit here and feel sorry for myself.”
“Well, I don’t want to physically drag you out of bed, but I’ll do it if I have to. Come on. We’re going to see a movie, you can cry into your popcorn if you want and no one will notice.”
Eventually realizing she wasn’t going to take no for an answer, I dragged myself out of bed.
“Go take a shower Sophie, I’ll see you in the living room in 20.”
I had to admit, the hot water of the shower felt good on my skin. It was as though it washed off some of the bitter sadness that had enveloped me for days. The steam from the hot water seemed to clear my brain, and when I finally got dressed in clean clothes, I was starting to feel a bit better.
“Thanks, Clara, for forcing me out of the house,” I said when the movie ended. I meant it. I still felt the dull aching pain of heartbreak throughout the movie (which thankfully was an action flick with not a singl
e romantic subplot involved, Clara had chosen well) but the movie had gotten my mind off Mike for a few minutes, which was more than I could have said a few hours earlier.
“No problem, Sophie. I know it’s hard, but you have to get on with your life.”
The problem was, I wasn’t able to get on with my life. I tried, I really did. But nothing worked. Nothing was working out for me. I stopped going to all of my classes. I was finding I didn’t have the energy to walk the fifteen minutes to campus, and I just swore I’d catch up on everything by studying from the book.
Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for my life to continue unravelling. First, I lost my job. I wasn’t too surprised, since after all I’d basically been skipping almost all my shifts, and when I was there I knew that I didn’t have my head in the right place. Finally, my boss Chen called me up and told me they’d replaced me, and that I didn’t need to bother coming into work anymore.
It was funny, a month earlier if I’d been fired I would have felt terrible. I’d have done anything to keep my job, I’d have begged for them to keep me on. After all, I wasn’t a girl who failed at things. I was the girl who worked hard and, despite all the odds, managed to get into University and was heading down a path in business that would lead to a successful life. Getting fired from a part time job would never have been an option.
But now, now things were different. I just felt empty, completely devoid of emotion. I thanked Chen for letting me know when he fired me, but I couldn’t have cared less about losing that job. What was wrong with me?
I wasn’t the only one who noticed the changes in me, either.
“Come on Sophie, what’s with you? You’ve got to move on with your life,” Carla finally told me one day, confronting me as I ate another meal from a takeout place nearby.
“I can’t. I’ve failed. I failed at this relationship, I failed at getting back on my feet, I got fired from my job and my life sucks.”
“Yeah, it does suck. You know why? Because you’re fucking sitting around doing nothing. Do you realize that you have a test for your stats class in two days? I only know that because I actually went to your class for you to find out what the fuck you’ve missed over the last few weeks. You can’t keep going on like this, you’re going to fail your classes. And then where will you be? Will you really want to live your life working minimum wage jobs, blaming Mike for the fact that you dropped out of University?”
