That tightening in my own stomach returned as I held her hair in one hand, using the other to rub soothing circles on her back as she heaved and groaned at the same time. “Shh. It’s okay, sweetheart.” I tried my best to comfort her, all the while feeling like the biggest shit for not being able to take her pain away.
Once she was finished, I helped her to the sink to rinse her mouth and all but carried her into what I hoped was her bedroom, so consumed with taking care of her that I hadn’t even noticed the pain in my knee. I just wanted to make her better. In that moment, I’d have given anything to make her better. I pulled the covers back and helped ease her in. Not wanting to be far from her, I climbed into the bed, resting my back against the headboard and shifted so that her head was in my lap.
“Here.” Lilly rushed into the room with a glass of water and a pill in her hand. “I have your migraine pill, sweetie. I need you to sit up and take it for me. It’ll just take a second, can you do that?”
“Yeah,” she whispered, coming up on one elbow, eyes still clenched closed.
Once she finished, she laid her head back on my thigh with a sigh. Lilly disappeared for a few minutes before coming back with a damp washcloth that she rested across Eliza’s forehead. While she was gone, I’d been running my fingers through Eliza’s hair, memorizing the soft, silky feel of it. Her body eventually loosened and her breathing evened out, and I knew she was asleep. Lilly looked like she wanted to rip my head off with her bare hands but was holding back because her friend finally seemed to be comfortable. “I don’t like this,” she whispered. “I think you’re an asshole, but she’s comfortable right now so I’m going to let it slide.”
“Big of you,” I grumbled back defensively, even though I knew I really had no right to be defensive.
“But so help me God, Prewitt, if you hurt her again, missing one season is going to be the least of your worries.”
My jaw ticked as I clenched my teeth so tight I was surprised one of them didn’t break. “I won’t,” I finally answered. What I didn't say was that I couldn't hurt her again. Because there was no way I'd survive causing Eliza that kind of pain for a second time. Living without her for six years was like walking around with a missing limb. Now that I'd returned, I knew there was no way I could go back to that existence.
With one last glare, she headed for the door, shut off the bedroom light, and pulled the door closed behind her, leaving me alone with the biggest regret of my life. I managed to settle myself enough to prop my injured knee and pulled my cellphone from my pocket.
Me: Don’t pick me up. I’m staying here tonight.
My sister took less than a minute to respond.
Harlow: I don’t think that’s a good idea.
I felt my jaw clench again.
Me: Wasn’t asking your opinion, sis. I’m staying here. She’s not okay, and I’m not leaving her.
Her following response made my gut clench again and my chest squeeze so tight it felt like someone’s fist was wrapped around it.
Harlow: She wasn’t okay after you left the first time. None of us were. But don’t make her go through that again.
I shoved my phone into my pocket without replying. I didn’t think I could have possibly felt any worse than I already had, but picturing Eliza hurting and crushed after leaving her behind six years ago killed more than anything I’d ever experienced. Shifting down in the bed, I pulled Eliza more firmly against me until her whole body was fitted against my side. She mumbled incoherently and snuggled deeper, making my insides warm. One of my arms instinctively wrapped firmly around her, holding her in place as if I was afraid she’d disappear.
Everything about her, the warm, soft curves of her body pressed against me, the softness of her hair as I continued to run my fingers through it, the subtle smell of her, something like vanilla and almonds, it all hit me with the force of a Mack truck. Yes, I’d missed her like crazy. I made a huge mistake in throwing her away years ago, but something about this… now… it felt different. The fear I’d experienced at discovering I was falling for my best friend… my sixteen-year-old best friend, was gone. She was an adult now, so it was like those mental blocks I’d thrown up years ago had come crashing to the ground.
I couldn’t remember ever feeling the way about Eliza that I felt as I lay there in her bed, surrounded by her intoxicating sent. I wasn’t a stranger to lust and attraction. I’d had my fair share of plenty since being drafted into the NFL. It was amazing how many women threw themselves at pro football players. But what I was feeling for Eliza just then was stronger than anything I’d ever felt for another woman.
And fuck if that didn’t make me feel the world’s biggest asshole.
Because I’d thrown it all away
* * *
At some point in the middle of the night, my bladder woke me up from the most comfortable sleep I’d had in years. The last thing I wanted to do was untangle my and Eliza’s bodies, but nature called, and a grown ass man, pissing her bed wasn’t something I thought she’d take too kindly to.
I slid gently from the bed, not wanting to wake her, and slowly made my way to the bathroom. My knee throbbed like a bitch as I made my way across the hall and used the bathroom. I rummaged around the medicine cabinet for some ibuprofen, knowing if I didn’t take something, I’d feel it even worse in the morning. When I came up empty, I decided to check out the kitchen in the hopes they stashed their meds in there. What I hadn’t expected was for Lilly to be awake and standing in the kitchen.
“Sneaking out?”
I frowned as I pulled open a cabinet door. “Just looking for some pain meds. Knee’s killing me.”
She stood silent for several seconds as I rummaged through the cabinets, coming up empty. Finally, with a resounding sigh, she moved to the other side of the space and opened a cabinet, then tossed me a bottle of ibuprofen. “Here. This should help.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled as I popped the cap and put the bottle to my lips, swallowing three tablets dry.
“Welcome.”
We stood there, wrapped in uncomfortable quiet for a few minutes before I finally couldn’t take it any longer. “I know I hurt her,” I spoke, staring down at the pill bottle in my hands as I peeled back the label with my thumb nail. “I’m not here to do it again, whether you believe that or not. I want to make things right.”
She didn’t say a word, forcing my gaze to meet hers as she studied me closely. “Can I ask you a question?”
“You’ve been more than willing to throw your hostility in my face since I got here. I don’t know why you’d start asking permission now,” I replied, one corner of my mouth twitching as I tried to suppress a smirk.
“If you hadn’t have gotten hurt… if Harlow hadn’t dragged your ass back home, would you still have wanted to make things right?” Her question caused my back to grow stiff. All the muscles in my body went rigid. But she wasn’t done. “Or is it just a matter of convenience now?”
“I…” I had no fucking clue how to answer that question. From the moment I left, I felt like something was missing from my life. I was unhappy, filling that void with sex and booze to try and dull the ache. I knew exactly what was causing it, but had the injury not happened, had I not returned to Pembrooke, I didn’t know how long I would have continued throwing myself into the game in order to have some semblance of peace. I didn’t know how long I would have taken to pull my head out of my ass without the unwanted shove given to me.
“Just think on that, and then consider what it really is you want from Eliza. She doesn’t deserve for you to screw with her head a second time.”
She didn’t wait for my response. Turning on her heel, she walked out of the kitchen leaving me with my own, miserable thoughts.
10
Ethan
Past
Shit. If Derrick knew what I was doing he’d kill me.
Then he’d kill Eliza. Hell, I wanted to kill Eliza for putting me in this position, but I couldn’t have just left her
. The moment I heard her voice on the other line, her words slurred and hard to understand, my stomach plummeted.
I came home needing something normal, something familiar to try and decompress from everything happening in my life. College ending, the draft, just… everything. But instead of everything becoming clearer, my head felt more twisted up than before. Everything was fucked, and I had no clue how to fix it.
Because my feelings for Eliza had changed.
If I were being honest with myself, it had been happening for a while now, but I’d refused to acknowledge it. But after this weekend home, there was no more hiding what was happening. Because the closer my future came, the more I started considering throwing it all away. For her. And it scared the absolute fuck out of me.
She was my best friend.
She was like a sister.
She was sixteen, for Christ’s sake! I couldn’t feel this way about her. I just couldn’t. It was wrong on so many goddamned levels it wasn’t even funny. I’d even gone so far as trying to put a little distance between us, but each and every time my phone rang, I jumped to answer. I just couldn’t help myself.
The sight of the massive bonfire before me pulled me from my thoughts. Cars were parked all over the place, kids were everywhere and my chest tightened at the thought of Eliza, drunk, being out here and vulnerable for anyone to take advantage of.
I threw the truck into park and shoved the door open, not wasting the time it took to pull the keys from the ignition before jumping out of the cab. Every second it took for me to get to Eliza was a second something bad could happen.
I wasn’t thinking rationally. I’d been a rebellious teenager myself, after all. God knew how many parties I’d snuck out to attend. But this was different. This was her. And if anything happened, if she got hurt in any way, I’d lose my mind.
I’d just started to worry that I wouldn’t be able to find her in the massive sea of teenagers when I heard her loud, piercing “Ethan!” over the music.
I didn’t hesitate getting to her. I was across the field and at her side in second. I didn’t even take in the people all around me as I grabbed hold of her hand and started dragging her behind me.
“Wait, shlow down,” she slurred, her feet stumbling beneath her as she tried to keep up. I didn’t slow. Instead I scooped her up in my arms and carried her the rest of the way to my truck.
“What were you thinking, coming out here? You could have been hurt!” I snapped once I had her buckled into the passenger seat.
“I was fine,” she drawled, her pretty hazel eyes glassy from the beer. “Was havin’ fun, s’all.”
I glared down at her and slammed the door before rounding the hood and climbing in. I threw the truck in reverse and hit the gas so hard dirt and dead grass spit up from the tires. “You mad a’me?” she asked after several seconds of silence.
I took a calming breath in through my nose and blew it out on a long exhale. “No,” I answered honestly. “I’m not mad. I was worried out of my mind. When you called me drunk and told me where you were, I just about lost it.”
“Aw.” I could hear the smile in her voice as I kept my eyes on the road. “My bes frien’s worried ‘bout me.” She reached over and gave my shoulder a shove. “Sorry I scared you,” she said still drunk, but sounding genuine nonetheless. “Din’t mean to.”
Her hand came across the center console and landed on mine, her fingers squeezing tight. “Please don’ be mad at me.”
I turned my palm up and tightened my fingers around hers. “I’m not mad.”
“Good,” she sighed. From the corner of my eyes I saw her head fall back on the head rest. Her eyes closed as she mumbled, “You’re my bes’ frien’ Ethan. I love you.”
That fear came back full force. Because in that very moment I knew exactly what I was going to have to do.
And I hated it with all my heart. Even thinking about it crushed me.
But I had no choice. There was only one solution.
Because I knew in that very moment, without a shred of doubt… I was in love with Eliza.
And it couldn’t have been more wrong.
11
Eliza
Past
I sat amongst the crowd in the massive auditorium with my father and Chloe at my sides as I cheered when Ethan walked across the stage. Happy tears filled my eyes and coursed down my cheeks as Harlow, Noah, and Lucy stood beside him, beaming at the cameras while Ethan held up a Denver Wildcats jersey.
He was the only person in the history of Pembrooke to be drafted into the NFL. It was his lifelong dream, and I couldn’t have been prouder of him. But at the same time joy spread through my chest, that nagging sense of unease still sat in the pit of my stomach.
Ethan had been uncharacteristically distant for weeks. Ever since the last time he came home. I knew it was hard for him to come back on the weekends since he was in his last year of college, and with the draft coming up, he was under an insane amount of stress. I understood that. What I had trouble understanding was the fact that he hadn’t answered or returned a single one of my calls or text messages in three and a half weeks. I would have been lying if I didn’t admit that part of the reason I was so excited to have been invited today was so that I’d finally have a chance to talk to my best friend.
Anticipation made my skin prickle as Chloe, Dad, and I stood around the emptying auditorium once the draft was over, waiting for Harlow and her family to come out and join us. I was so antsy if felt like the only thing holding me together was my skin. Dad and Chloe chatted about how amazing it was to have someone so close to us entering the pros, but I couldn’t focus on what they were saying. I was too busy scanning the thinning crowd, looking over heads, trying to find that one person I couldn’t wait to see.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Noah, Harlow, and Lucy came to join us. My stomach clenched when I noticed Ethan wasn’t with them, but I hadn’t given up hope.
“So where’s our boy?” Dad asked once they’d reached us. “I’m starving. Let’s get this celebration started.” Chloe smacked him playfully in the chest.
Harlow’s smile fell slightly and my heart stuttered. “He’s not going to be able to make dinner. I didn’t realize he’d be so tied up doing interviews and meetings with the coaches and stuff.”
“He’s not coming?” I finally spoke. My voice cracked a little and that hope I’d been holding on to plummeted. I knew, deep down, that something was seriously wrong with Ethan. I just didn’t have a clue what it was. It wasn’t like him to not confide in me.
Harlow looped her arm through mine and pulled me along as she started out of the auditorium. “I’m sorry, honey. He really wanted to, he just couldn’t get away. But we’ll have fun without him.”
I let my family and their friends lead me away, all the while thinking that what Harlow said wasn’t the full truth.
* * *
Nerves had taken root in my belly as the phone rang against my ear. The draft had come and gone. Ethan still hadn’t returned home, and the last I heard, he already purchased an apartment in Denver and hired movers to pack his stuff up at his sister’s house and cart it to Colorado. He had no intentions of coming back. And the worst part was, I still hadn’t talked to him. So I’d taken measures to ensure he answered my call.
“’Lo,” his groggy voice filled the line and just the sound of it caused a lump to form in my throat so big I thought it would choke me. “Hello,” he repeated, his voice edged with agitation.
“Ethan?”
Lilly sat across from me on my bed with wide eyes, “He answered?” she mouthed. I waved her off, too busy focusing on the person on the other line.
“Eliza? What number are you calling me from?”
“It’s my friend Lilly’s phone,” I answered flatly.
“Why are you calling from someone else’s phone? What happened to yours?” At the sharp, impatient tone of his voice, I felt my anger beginning to rise. “Nothing happened to it,” I snapped.
“I’m calling you from someone else’s phone because you’ve been avoiding my calls and texts for over a month, and I want to know why, Ethan.”
He sighed through the line, sounding like he had better things to do than sit on the phone with me. “I don’t have time to play your games, Eliza. I’ve got shit to do. I haven’t answered because I’m busy. Ever think of that?”
I didn’t want to cry, I really didn’t. It made me feel like an immature little kid, but I couldn’t help it. “What the hell’s going on with you, Ethan? Are you mad at me or something?”
“Jesus, Eliza!” he bit out so harshly it startled me. “Not everything’s about you. I’m a grown man who just got drafted into the NFL for Christ’s sake. I have responsibilities. I don’t have the time to hold your hand whenever your feelings get hurt.”
Lilly’s face was a mask of worry as she watched me. My jaw clenched and I spoke through my tears, “You don’t need to be an asshole.”
He let out a loud breath, like he was struggling for patience, “You’re just a kid. I wouldn’t expect you to understand what it was like in the adult world.” I inhaled sharply as the pain lanced through me. He’d never, in all our years as friends, thrown my age in my face. I might have only been sixteen to his twenty-two, but I hadn’t felt like a kid since my own mom taught me what it was like not to be wanted. “Look, I don’t have the time for this shit, okay? The fact is, you’re a kid, I’m an adult, and things change. The way my life is now, I don’t have room for some immature little girl who doesn’t have the first clue what the real world is like and will probably be stuck in that po-dunk little town for the rest of her life. I have bigger plans. You just need to move on. Go hang out with people your own age.”
Welcome to Pembrooke: the complete Pembrooke series Page 27
