"Of course." Alice pulled back to see Cameron's face, surprised by the vulnerability in his eyes.
"I love you, Cam." And she did, as much as she loved Sami. She didn't want to lose either of them. She pulled his head down and kissed him, enjoying the freedom to touch his back and hair with both hands.
Thank God she had joined the charity and ended up in the desert. Thank God she had been injured. Otherwise she wouldn't have Sami and Cameron in her life.
Cameron kissed her back, stroking his fingers through her hair and pulling her close. "I love you too, Alice. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure they let us adopt Sami, even if I have to leave the army. I won't let you down."
"But the army's your life." Anxiety pulsed through Alice. Cameron had lived and breathed army medicine since he was a child. With his father and brother both army doctors, it was in his blood. He thrived on working in the field hospital. He excelled at it. She'd seen that firsthand.
From the start, she had known he'd be deployed abroad much of the time. She accepted that. She wanted him to be happy and fulfilled.
If he left the army and worked as a doctor in the UK, they could live together as a family all the time and satisfy the adoption authorities. But would he be happy? Would he always regret losing the life he loved?
***
The chilly wind cut through Cameron's coat and jeans as he walked out of the woodland into the field. He wrapped an arm around Sami, snug against his chest in a baby carrier, and gripped Alice's gloved hand tighter.
The weekend of George's birthday had been warm and sunny, but as September drew to a close, the weather had turned. It seemed they had gone straight from summer to winter and missed out on autumn.
The weather pattern matched his mood. He'd arrived home happy and full of optimism for the future. Now a cold chill of uncertainty hung over him. In less than a week his leave ended and he must return to Africa. Yet the adoption process was far from resolved. Where Sami was concerned, everything was uncertain.
"Hang on a moment, Cam. I think Sami's dressing's caught on his hood."
Alice stood on her toes and peered at the baby's face where it lay against his chest. Four days after Sami's operation, he was healing nicely. Sean Fabian's stitching was a work of art. Cameron had never seen the like and could never hope to match the lieutenant colonel's skill.
Before they left for their walk Cameron had cleaned the wound, applied antibiotic cream, and redressed it. The only problem was the corner of the sticky tape holding the dressing in place kept catching on things.
"I'll get it." Cameron stroked a finger over his son's cheek and flattened the white tape.
Another blast of chilly wind made Alice shudder and rub her hands together. She tugged the wooly hat Olivia had loaned her farther down over her ears. "I'd forgotten how cold it gets here."
"Come on, let's hurry and go inside."
They strode along the worn path across the grassy field towards Henford, the local village. The house they had come to look at was at the edge of the village, the last one in a new development.
The rental property sat on a small, level plot with a square grass backyard. From here Cameron could see the side of the place adjacent to the field.
They reached the hedge beside the road and passed through the small gate at the end of the footpath.
Cameron turned to face the neat two-story brick house with its shiny green front door and brass door knocker. The place was modest in size, a kitchen/dinette, sitting room, and cloakroom downstairs, and two bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. And it was theirs—or it was for six months until Cameron had time to purchase a home for his family.
That's if the adoption agency approved them and allowed Alice to have Sami. If not, she'd leave the country. Then he didn't know where he'd call home, other than it would be wherever Alice and Sami ended up.
Wrapping his arm around Alice's shoulders, he pulled her close. She was so small and frail inside Olivia's big fleecy coat. He wished she would eat more and put on weight. At twenty-six, she could still pass for eighteen. Her slight build worried him and fired protective instincts that had lain dormant until he met her.
"What do you think of the place?" he asked.
"I like it." She grinned up at him and a strange fluttery sensation filled his chest. He bent and pressed his lips to hers quickly, making her laugh.
"It's only half a mile across the field to Olivia and Radley's house, so you don't need a car," he said. "Although I think you should learn to drive."
She shrugged. "I didn't need to when I lived in London."
"I know. But now you live in the country you do need to. Olivia offered to teach you to drive, so don't let her forget." Cameron wished he could teach her, but he wouldn't be back again until Christmas.
He sucked in a breath of chilly air and released it slowly. He loved his job. From the moment he'd qualified as a doctor and completed his officer's training at the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst, he had wanted to be posted abroad; the more dangerous the location, the better. He loved the challenge and had always been eager to get back to work after his leave. This was the first time he'd be reluctant to go.
He wished he could stay with Alice and Sami. Radley was lucky his specialty allowed him to be posted to the UK. Wounded service personnel from all over the world were brought to him.
Cameron's specialty could only be practiced on the front line. The nearest alternative was a civilian hospital emergency room. That would be tame in comparison. The army was in his blood. He wanted to save the lives of soldiers, not patch up brawling drunks and soccer hooligans.
Alice pulled a shiny key from her pocket and held it up. "Shall we go inside?"
"Sounds like a plan." He flashed a smile as she pushed the key in the lock and turned. The smell of fresh paint greeted them inside. Although tiny, the place was clean and new.
Alice wandered around, running her fingers along the mantel over the gas fireplace and touching the floral curtains. "When is your furniture arriving?"
"In three days." He'd moved heaven and earth to find a carrier who would ship the stuff from his army lodgings in time for him to move in here with Alice before he had to leave.
She wandered through to the kitchen. Following, he watched her open cupboards and check the controls on the oven.
"I can imagine you here with Sami." She'd stand Sami's seat on the kitchen counter so he could see out the window while she prepared his bottle.
Alice pulled off her hat, leaned back against the counter, and stared at him. Her blue eyes were so big in her face, her expression pensive and vulnerable. "Can't you imagine yourself here with us?"
"Yes," he said firmly. But he would only have two days with them before he left. Most of the time Alice would be here alone, caring for Sami, trying to sort out the adoption, living her life without him.
A hollow sense of loss filled him as if he had already gone. He caught Alice up and sat her on the counter so they were eye to eye. Then he kissed her and drew her close against him beside Sami.
He'd always rolled his eyes at his mother's tears when his dad went away. Now he understood how she felt.
***
Alice stood behind Cameron as he changed Sami's diaper, wrapped her arms around his waist, and pressed her cheek to his back. This was the last time he would change Sami for months, the last time she would be able to hug him like this. In thirty minutes he'd be gone.
Pain fisted around her heart. She breathed slowly through her mouth until the urge to cry went away. She had promised herself she would not make a fuss when he left. The army was his job, something very important to him. She didn't want to make him feel bad about leaving.
"Here you are." Cameron turned and passed Sami to her. "I'll just wash my hands, then I can give him a bottle before I go."
Alice wandered out to the tiny landing while the water ran in the bathroom. She rocked Sami as she descended the stairs, the motion soothing her as much as the baby.
/> Cameron's footsteps thudded down behind her. He took Sami from her arms and gathered him close again.
"Sit down. I'll bring you the bottle." She had prepared it a few minutes ago, made sure she had everything laid out and ready so he had no interruptions just before he left.
With the bottle in hand, she dropped onto the sofa at his side and snuggled against him, watching her son's mouth as he latched on to the nipple. The nurse had warned that Sami might take a few days to adapt to the change in his lip, and he could have trouble feeding.
That hadn't happened. Sami carried on as though nothing had changed. That was what she must do when Cameron left.
Carry on.
The pain in her chest flared again, leaving her nauseated. "I'll miss you," she whispered.
"I'll miss you too, love. So much." Cameron finished burping Sami and laid him on a baby play mat on the carpet. He pulled Alice onto his lap and held her close, kissing her until they were both out of breath.
She touched the bare third finger of her left hand. He'd never gotten around to buying her an engagement or wedding ring. It wasn't really important, but the oversight made her feel insecure. She had wondered if he was less bothered about the impeding separation than she was. His kiss reassured her.
The doorbell rang. Alice's emotions flared almost out of control. Tears flooded her eyes. She swallowed hard to fight them back.
"That'll be Rad," Cameron said. His brother was dropping him at RAF Brize Norton to catch his flight. "I'd better not keep him waiting."
Alice released him and he kneeled to kiss Sami one last time. "Be good for Mummy, bud. Daddy will be thinking of you."
Alice knotted her fist in the hem of her oversized T-shirt, struggling for control. She followed Cameron to the front door where his bag lay packed and ready.
Turning, he took her in his arms again, pulling her tight against him. She tried to memorize the sensation of his hard masculine body against hers.
"Remember, you can text me or e-mail me anytime. I won't have my phone with me all the time, but I'll reply as soon as I can."
"Okay."
"Let me know if there are any developments in the adoption saga."
She nodded, unable to answer, sure that if she opened her mouth to speak she would blubber instead.
"If you need anything, Radley and Olivia are just up the road. All right?"
Alice nodded again, her face pressed to Cameron's shirt front. Dressed in his sandy-colored T-shirt, desert combat pants, and boots, the sight brought back memories of the time she spent with him in the field hospital. Good memories.
His fingers found her chin and tilted her face up so he could see her. "I love you, Alice. I'll be home for Christmas. I promise. I have leave booked and Dad will make sure I get it."
He kissed her again, slowly and tenderly, his fingers sliding into her hair. Then he drew back and blew out a breath. He picked up his bag and opened the door.
Alice grabbed his sleeve. "I love you too."
He quickly kissed her once more, then went out and shut the door between them.
Alice stood for a moment, frozen in denial, her stubborn brain refusing to accept he was gone. She hurried back to the sitting room where Sami lay on the floor, and rushed to the window in time to see Radley's big black 4x4 drive away. She caught a glimpse of Cameron in the passenger seat, then the car disappeared from view.
Hot pain exploded in her chest and seared along her nerves.
He'd gone.
He'd ripped out a vital part of her and taken it with him. How had Cameron become so important to her in such a short time?
At least she had his things. The whole house was full of Cameron's possessions: his furniture, his family photographs, his sports trophies. And she loved that. She might not have him, but she was surrounded by the mementos of his life.
He would come back. She just had to be patient.
Chapter Eleven
The ever present dust tasted gritty in Cameron's mouth as he took his seat in the Merlin helicopter with the other soldiers and two medical technicians.
The captain shouted orders to his men as the chopper took off and headed out over the desert. A patrol vehicle had come under fire and there were casualties.
Cameron's heart thudded as the captain spoke to the pilot and another update on the attack came in.
"There are two men down, Major," the captain said to him. "When we land, you wait for the signal before you exit, please, sir."
Cameron nodded. He followed the safety protocols more closely than he had in the past, and didn't take unnecessary risks. Danger didn't give him the buzz it used to. Now he had more to lose.
He stared down at his hands, let his gaze drift, and pictured Alice and Sami as they'd looked that last morning in bed. He'd made love to Alice, then they'd brought Sami into bed with them for a cuddle before they got up.
Alice and Sami might be a few thousand miles away, but they were always in his heart, affecting everything he thought and everything he did.
The front- and rear-mounted machine guns both opened fire, the deafening rattle beating against his ear drums in the enclosed space. The firing ceased abruptly, leaving Cameron's ears ringing. He wiped gritty sweat off his upper lip as he leaned forward to peer out of the doors at the landscape below.
"Major Knight, hostile forces are in retreat but there are multiple casualties," a corporal said to him.
A few minutes later the Merlin touched down and the soldiers poured out. The rat-tat-tat of gunfire sounded from all directions.
Cameron unbuckled his safety harness and grabbed his medical kit, watching for the signal it was safe for him to jump out. The intermittent gunfire quieted, leaving a tense, eerie silence as hot sandy air blew in the open doorway.
"All clear, sir," the corporal shouted. Cameron paused at the door to survey the area, then dashed out, stones crunching under his boots as he headed for the nearest man down.
An infantryman lay behind a rock with his commanding officer. He was bleeding heavily, his uniform soaked with it, but he still had a gun in his hand.
The officer had multiple fragmentation injury from the blast when an IED took out the Snatch Landrover at the head of the convoy. It had torn through his uniform and caused numerous wounds on his arms and chest, but he wasn't critical. He switched his attention to the other man.
The infantryman dropped his gun, closed his eyes, and flopped back. Cameron pulled open metal closures and ripped apart Velcro to open his jacket, then cut away his T-shirt beneath. When he mopped up the blood, he found two gunshot wounds.
The heat beat down on him. He licked dry lips as he tuned out the shouts of the soldiers and the odd burst of gunfire to concentrate on stabilizing his patient so he could be moved. The two medical technicians brought a stretcher, loaded the man on, and carried him back to the Merlin. He helped load the wounded officer on another stretcher and two of his team took him.
Cameron moved to continue his search for wounded, but the unit captain signaled him back to the helicopter. "The rest are walking wounded and they're already aboard."
Cameron ran back to the helicopter, dumped his medical pack, and crouched to check his patients while the medical technicians treated the less seriously injured. The officer was unconscious but the other man's eyes opened.
"It hurts."
"What's your name?" Cameron asked.
"Hugo."
"Well, Hugo, we're on our way back to Rejerrah now." Cameron squeezed the man's shoulder, trying to hold his attention. He didn't want to give him anything for the pain just yet. They would operate as soon as they reached the hospital. "Hang in there, Hugo. Ten minutes and we'll have you back." There would be a team ready to operate. Once they got an injured man into the OR, his chances of survival were excellent.
Even though he was in acute pain, the soldier fumbled to retrieve something from his pocket. When Cameron realized what he was doing he helped, pulling a photograph out and holding it up for the man
to see.
"My wife and daughter." Hugo stared at the picture for a few moments, then his eyelids fell again.
Cameron glanced at the image of a pretty woman with dark hair and a little girl with pigtails. He thanked God that he'd arrived in time to save this man's life. This woman and her daughter would get the man they loved back, but it was a close call.
Cameron missed Alice and Sami every moment, but for the first time since he arrived two weeks ago, he was glad to be here. He did make a difference. He did help people. That's what he wanted to do with his life. When he had a moment, he would call his father and find out if he'd had any ideas about how to handle the adoption authorities. He really did not want to give this up.
Alice pulled away from a road junction in Olivia's car and shifted up through the gears smoothly.
"Wonderful," Olivia said from beside her. "You've picked this up so quickly. You're a natural."
"Thanks. I'd never even tried to drive before." Her father had always told her she didn't need to learn. He had never let her mother learn either.
"You need to go online and book your practical driving test as soon as possible. There might be a waiting list."
Alice nodded. She had passed her written driving test a couple of days ago and had already checked the available dates for the practical. Her aim was to pass before Cameron came home at Christmastime. She wanted to surprise him by picking him up from the airport.
At the thought of Cameron, an ache throbbed inside. It had taken six weeks, but the hollow sense of loss had faded to a bearable level now. They chatted every day by e-mail, text, or on the phone. It allowed her to share with him some of the things that happened and keep him updated on Sami's progress. She made sure to send him a new photo of Sami every day as well.
She was coping. After a few years, the separations would be easier to bear. One day down the line, Cameron would probably be stationed in the UK and they could spend more time together.
"Gosh," Olivia exclaimed. "Look at the time. We've been out for two hours."
"It doesn't feel that long." Alice enjoyed driving. It was a liberating experience being able to get about on her own without needing a bus or train. They had driven all over the place today, through Oxford, along the motorway, down country lanes—all good experience.
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