by Kahlen Aymes
Alex’s heart swelled with hope, yet screamed in pain at the same time. He gathered her shaking body closer still, and her arms and legs encircled him, her hot tears soaking into the shoulder of his shirt. They both fought to get closer even though they were tangled up together. Alex wanted to take her pain away, to soothe her and make sure she knew how much she meant to him. For her to be this upset, surely she must love him in return. He stopped and looked down into her sad eyes, his fingers gentle as his knuckles brushed the side of her face, pushing the hair back.
“Yes, I knew, but I needed you to admit your feelings. I was out of my mind with jealousy. Angel: I’m so sorry. I have no other excuse,” he said, his tone like velvet. His nose nuzzled hers until she responded, and finally, he placed a series of soft, open kisses to her now willing mouth as her breathing evened out and deepened. She was calmer now, and Alex needed to finish the conversation. She still hadn’t said she loved him, and it ate at his insides. He never thought three simple words would have come to mean so much to him.
Alex forced himself to pull away, rolling off her and sitting on the edge of the bed. Angel was surprised, her skin cold from the sudden loss of his body heat. She turned onto her side toward him, her eyes wide in confusion as they glittered in the half-light, a little crinkle appearing above her nose. Even in all of this mess of emotions, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
The tears still glistening in her eyes ripped at his insides, but he needed this to be her choice. He knew he could weaken her resolve, make her give in and probably never leave this room, but he ached for her to come to him of her own free will. Only then would he know for sure she belonged to him.
“I never thought I’d feel anything for anyone, let alone this consuming burn. I hate it, and I’d die for it at the same time. It was inconceivable to me, but, Angel… you… enchant me. Maybe that matters, maybe it doesn’t, but I’m to the breaking point. I can’t take any more of this push and pull bullshit. I know the game. I used to play it, but it’s done. I’m leaving now, and it’s up to you. You will come to me,” he commanded softly. “Tonight, Angel… or, I’m out. I’ll tell Brody to expect you. If you come, we’re together and committed. If you don’t, then I’m done. I can’t live like this.” He took her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist, then her palm. He studied her face, her lower lip trembling as she looked up at their entwined hands, then up into his eyes. “I love you. I would give you anything… everything. Let me.”
With a touch of his index finger to her chin, he was gone.
17
Strength in Weakness
Waiting… for the beginning… or the end.
The minutes ticked by, dropping like nuclear bombs. The more time that passed, the more certain Alex became that Angel wouldn’t show. He didn’t know how long he’d waited, sitting alone in the darkness in the luxurious big chair, nursing a bottle of Chivas without a glass. The liquid burned on the way down and Alex welcomed the pain. It helped him concentrate on something other than the tightness that refused to let his lungs expand, but the alcohol had yet to numb his mind.
His eyes blurred. Regretting his choice to give her the decision, he told himself he should have stayed and made love to Angel until she had to admit she loved him. She had to love him. He sucked in a painful breath. He couldn’t stand the consequences if she didn’t. He’d be completely lost for the first time in his life.
He laughed bitterly at the irony of the situation. The sound harsh against the background of soft jazz he had playing. Alex—fucking—Avery brought to his knees by a beautiful face, a sultry voice, and a brilliant mind. The responsive body with its lush delights was a bonus. His laughter soon died as the unfamiliar thickness in his throat threatened again. His eyes stung.
“Ughhhh!” he yelled, violently flinging the bottle of expensive scotch at the fireplace. It shattered and splattered against the stones, the alcohol feeding the flames and turning them blue as they crackled and flared up.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, willing the blissful peace of unconsciousness to overtake him. Maybe the scotch and his exhaustion would grant his wish. He’d left the door unlocked in an unspoken plea, even though Angel still had his key.
How his life had changed. How he had changed. Just months earlier, there was no way in hell he would’ve given a woman full access to his life. It would have been utterly ridiculous to even consider, yet now, his methodically plotted existence was in shambles, and emotions, he never knew existed, ruled his every move.
He ran a hand through his hair with a big sigh, wondering if he’d ruined any chance he had with her. His heart began to burn. Somehow, he’d gathered the strength to walk from Angel’s apartment and slam out the door before he’d given into his need to stay. He probably owed Kyle his gratitude and an apology, but he wasn’t ready for that. Images of the other man touching Angel, possibly making love to her, were more than Alex could contemplate without wanting to fucking kill something… or rip his heart out. Either would be preferable to the pain he was experiencing.
Alex’s skin crawled at the memory of leaving her alone with the other man, who had openly admitted he still cared for her, but Kyle had still be waiting on Angel’s couch when Alex had walked out of her apartment.
What the hell was I thinking? What if she was in Kyle’s arms right now? What if he was kissing her, possessing her? He is obviously still in love with her and would no doubt jump at the chance to comfort her. His mind tortured him. He didn’t know what he was trying to accomplish; the only thing he was conscious of was the all-consuming feelings that ate away at him. Jealousy, love, desire, protectiveness, fear, pain… he couldn’t even get his head around it. His heart was ready to explode and the sick feeling inside his body, coupled with the helplessness he felt, was debilitating.
His emotions made his tight control slip, and he’d done and said things he regretted. He’d wanted to prove to Angel, and to himself, that he could take back control of his life… of his own fucking mind. Backstage, he couldn’t stand by and quietly watch her with Kyle’s hands on her body and do nothing. He’d snapped. Of course, he’d known how much it would hurt her when he left the benefit with Whitney, but in that moment, all he could focus on was his own agony. He wanted her to hurt like he was hurting.
“Jesus,” he groaned softly. “What have I done?”
His fine, white cotton shirt was unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up on his forearms, his fingers digging into the expensive leather arms of the chair until his well-manicured nails left marks.
The door opening startled him from his thoughts and made his head snap up. He’d turned the chair to face the entryway so he’d see her come in. His breathing stopped as the light from the corridor spread across the floor and she stepped inside, her willowy shadow blocking out most of it. His heart thudded so hard he thought it might burst, unsure if she was real or just a figment of his imagination.
Neither spoke as she slowly moved closer, drawn to him like a reluctant moth until she was standing right in front of him. She made no mention of the change in the chair’s position and sank to her knees, weeping silently at her inability to stay away and hating the weakness she couldn’t deny. Maybe she was unwilling to lose him completely, no matter how he’d hurt her, no matter the cost to her pride. He realized he didn’t want to see her broken. He wanted her love. More than he’d ever wanted anything.
She was dressed in black leggings and an over-sized black sweater, and Alex’s gaze lifted to her face only to find her head bowed. Angel would see this as surrender—something she never did willingly and he was well aware of what it cost her. His own heart suffered with it, but he was so damn grateful she was in front of him.
Unable to help himself, Alex shot forward and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her, his hand cupping the back of her head as he exhaled in relieved sigh. When her arms slid up around his neck, clutching in desperation as she softly cried into him, he turned his face i
nto the curve of her neck and shoulder in relief. She was here; in his arms… they were going to be okay.
Her hair was damp and freshly shampooed, and he sucked in the aroma thankfully but his rigid lungs protested painfully. He pressed her closer, hands splaying out on her back and hips as his own emotions overwhelming.
“Angel, shhh. Don’t cry, my love. Oh, baby,” he breathed. “It’s gonna be okay. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Why does it have to hurt so much? It hurts like I’ve never hurt before.” Her voice was thick and broken.
“It means you love me. Doesn’t it?” The seconds of her hesitation felt like years.
The response ripped out of her. “You know I do.” Alex closed his eyes at the much-needed words. “I love you too much.”
Her pain soaked through his skin, and soon he wasn’t sure if it was her ache or his that was suffocating him. He longed to take it from her as his mouth found hers in a frantic quest for solace. The kisses were a passionate building and ebbing as each accepted the inevitability of their own defeat.
His hands cradled her face, and his tender worshiping left her breathless. Alex pulled his mouth from hers reluctantly; anxious to speak to her, to hear her words.
“Angel, I was wrong about so many things. I’m sorry. I know how bad it hurts, but that’s over now.”
“Shhh, just hold me. Don’t ever let me go.”
He held onto her for dear life as he lifted her onto his lap, kissing the side of her face. They couldn’t get close enough to each other. Angel brought her knees up, and she curled into him in the big chair, her head coming to rest on his strong shoulder, forehead meeting the pulse in his neck. The steady beat reinforced his presence, and she relaxed in his arms; her hand fell through his open shirt onto his bare chest, inhaling the familiar scent of his skin and cologne.
Alex’s chest rose, his lungs finally filling for what felt like the first time in weeks. The sensation left him unsure if this new pain was good or bad. “God, I’ve missed you. I love you so much it’s killing me, Angel.”
She closed her eyes, praying he spoke the truth. Touching his face, she pressed her lips to his jaw once, twice, and left them there, open and longing for him to turn his mouth back to hers.
There was so much she wanted to talk to him about, but this was too magnificent to ruin with questions that could crack her open. Maybe she didn’t even want to know the answers.
Alex had admitted he loved her and she needed the peace his words afforded more than anything else. After a while, he slid his arm under her knees and lifted her in silence, carrying her up the stairs and into the master bedroom.
The hour left the room pitch dark as he placed her gently on the bed. Angel’s arms tightened in protest as he began to move away. “Stay with me.”
The ache in Alex’s heart began to ease. “It’s almost dawn, sweetheart. I’m just going to close the blinds so we can sleep in.” Exhaustion laced his voice as his fingers brushed the side of her face. “My girl can’t sleep with the sun streaming in.”
She smiled into the darkness. There was a soft whir in the blackness as the electronic shades moved over the windows, followed by the soft sounds of him shedding his clothes.
As she lay in the dark, listening, her heart pounded and her body throbbed, missing him even in the mere seconds that passed. She felt desperate to have his arms around her; his closeness had become the greatest need of her life.
Alex sat next to her, his fingers gentle and unhurried as he removed her clothes, which soon littered the floor with his.
The second he was beside her, Angel rolled into him, and his arms enveloped her, their legs tangling together.
“I was so worried you wouldn’t come.”
“How could I not come?” she murmured softly into his chest as his lips fell to the top of her head, and he sighed. “You said it. You own me.”
“It’s both of us. I’m a slave to whatever this is. I never believed feeling like this was possible, but I never want it to end. I never want you out of my sight again.”
Alex’s mouth claimed hers hotly as passion flared between them. It was glorious and desperate, hands seeking and finding inch upon inch of smooth flesh, bodies sliding, rubbing, and arousing each other to madness.
Angel’s fingers clawed at Alex’s back and the side of his neck, her body strained against his, silently begging for his possession. Her breathing was sporadic, washing over his skin like it was the most precious gold, her soft moans music to his ears. His heart swelled and then tightened, tears burning the back of his eyes.
“Baby. Angel… I want to take this slow. Make love with me.”
She stopped, her hand coming up to push back his hair and linger along the side of his face.
“We always make love. It’s always felt like love to me. Even when I didn’t want it to be,” she whispered against his mouth, taking his lower lip between both of hers to nudge and nibble, and Alex let out a low groan as his mouth crashed into hers in response to her words, his tongue invading the warm recesses of her mouth to worship hers.
He’d be happy just to kiss her forever, to have her arms around him and know she belonged to him was enough. His hands slid down her flesh, over the soft swells of her breasts, and her already hard nipples tightened even more. Her back arched, and her arms tightened around him when the warmth of his mouth closed around one rosy peak.
“Ohhh… Alex,” she breathed as he suckled and gently rolled it between his teeth, softly tugging until she was writhing. His hands slid further as he moved his mouth to the other breast, finding the flesh that called for his attention with the rise of her hips.
Angel was hot and slick, and his dick, already fully engorged, ached as his desire became unbearable. He wanted to bury himself inside this woman and never separate. His fingers probed softly, exciting her more when he pushed his middle finger inside her.
She groaned aloud. “Mmmmm…”
“God, Angel,” he groaned against her breast. “I want you. Every day until forever.” Alex’s thumb found the bundle of nerves and he began to work his magic on her body. Angel bucked beneath him with a throaty moan. The hunger in that sound made him crazy, and he had to fight to keep the urgency out of his actions.
Her small hand closed around his length, and his breath caught. She longed to feel the fullness of him pushing inside her, but she wanted to tease and taunt him the way he was doing to her. She moved up and down, pulling and pushing until his hips moved with her hand, and her thumb caught the drop of pre-cum leaking from his thick head and she swirled it around his throbbing flesh.
“Please, Alex…” she begged, kissing his temple and winding her fingers into his sweat-dampened hair. “Please… now. I can’t take anymore.”
“I wanted to make you come.”
“I’ll come with you. Please don’t make me wait to have you inside me.”
Alex’s hands slid up her body and curled into the flesh of her waist as he rolled over, positioning her above him, his hands kneading her firm thighs beside his hips as she straddled him.
Alex watched her face, needing her to be left in now doubt about how he felt. “This time, when my body slides into yours, know I love you.” She slid along his hardness, pressing her clit against him until they were both panting. Angel’s eyes closed and her mouth parted. “Ohhh, mmmm,” she whimpered as he finally slid inside. It had been so long—too long—and her body craved his. “I love you, too.”
“Jesus. Angel, you’re so perfect. Your body is perfect. So sexy. Nothing on earth is better than this.” His hands reached up to trace the outline of her breasts with tender touches as she began to move on him, long, slow strokes as both of them savored the connection and the slow building of sensation. He sat up and cupped both sides of her face in his hands, and his mouth took hers in a series of long deep kisses… So hot, each one more than the last. He wanted to communicate how much he loved her, his desperation for her body, and how he couldn’t exist without
her.
Her body was hot and tight around his, and in combitation with the love and lust on her face, Alex was convinced Alex he wouldn’t last long. Already, his body was tightening, the orgasm building in strength. His heart tightened and he couldn’t breathe.
Suddenly, one arm wrapped around her waist to yank her body closer to his as he thrust upward, deeper, grinding her clit into his pelvis. His arms wrapped around her, tightly controlling the movements as he pumped into her harder and faster. He could tell she was getting close too, her body clenching and milking at his, her arms tightening around his shoulders, nails raking his skin.
“Angel.” Her name was like a prayer on his lips. He slowed down, but still pushed in to the hilt, their bodies as close as they could get with every thrust. “I want this to last, but you turn me on so much.”
“Don’t think. Just love me. Ummmm…” She moaned softly, and he wanted to show her how much. She felt her body stretch to accommodate him and her muscles clenched around him.
The seated position allowed for a deeper connection, Alex’s body reaching deeply into hers, and his mouth taking and giving, sucking and worshiping hers like he couldn’t get enough.
He rolled her over onto her back, his hands lovingly stroking back the hair on both sides of her head as he moved in her, pinning her to the mattress with the deliberate force of his thrusts. He raised his head to look into her face, his eyes burning in the darkness. His body was on the brink and he slowed down, pushing into her in long, strong strokes.
“Hey,” he said softly, and she opened her eyes. “You’re everything. Do you hear me? Never doubt me. I can’t imagine being without you now.”
“Yes.” Her face lifted, wanting his mouth again, even as her body began to unravel around his. She trembled from head to toe with the force of her orgasm, her back arching of its own volition as her body spiraled out of control. “Oh, Alex…” Her voice was low and sensual, the words slow and breathy. She shuddered around him, her body falling into pleasure made more by the emotions overwhelming her heart. Being with Alex like this was a miracle, hearing him say he loved her filled her up, but still there was fear of the incredible pain she would suffer if she lost him. “Don’t break my heart… I love you, so much. You’ll destroy me.”
