“For whom?” Casey’s voice was defensive.
“For all of us.” Max touched her shoulder, rubbed her arm, and it was comforting, despite the topic.
Casey shook her head. “It doesn’t have to work like this. You can just accept my apology with words. Okay? I said I’m sorry, and I mean it. If you needed to whip everyone who pissed you off, you’d be in jail or the poorhouse. The world doesn’t work like that.”
“But our world here does,” Hunter interjected. “The world of Dominion, to which you came eagerly, to which you returned willingly, and whose delights you sampled and more than enjoyed.”
“Grownup normal people say sorry, and accept apologies, and move on. It doesn’t take a beating to get there. It just involves a change of mindset.” She frowned.
“The real world doesn’t always work that way either,” Hunter said. “People hold grudges, offer fake apologies, insincere acceptances, and go on to backstab, undermine, and ostracize the very people they claim to be reunited with. Our way seems harsh, true, and yes, it won’t work in the larger population. But it has served us well within the club. If we offer a punishment, it means a chance for redemption. A chance to make things right.”
“So if I take the punishment, I’m still a member of the club?” Casey challenged, wiping her eyes, which were tearing up. “I can come back?” She crossed her arms and stared at Max. “Otherwise, I mean, if you spank me all hard and stuff, and then kick me out, then you just did what you said the quote real world unquote does. Hold a grudge, ostracize.” She glared at them.
Hunter looked away. “If you want to.” He wouldn’t meet her eyes.
“But would I be welcome?” Her voice rose, and neither man answered. “This is fucked up.” She cleared her throat. “I’m going now.”
“Casey. Yes, that’s the policy. If you accept the punishment, you’re welcome back.” Max gave her a smile. “Think of this as your initiation, rev two. You messed up the first time, so you get a second chance. Only this time? It’s a little more intense than standing naked in front of the room.”
“But he doesn’t want me back.” She pointed at Hunter.
“We all want you back.” Max touched her arm. “And you liked it here, I think.”
“So basically I need to get spanked by you in order to stay in the club.”
Max shrugged. “If the idea horrifies you, then say no. If it entices you, say yes.”
She shook her head and shifted her clutch in her hands. “I want to leave now.”
“Come on, I’ll walk you down,” said Max, taking her arm. “Hunter’s driver will take you home.”
“I can get a cab,” she snapped.
“But I think he already knows the way.” Max gave her a small smile. “We heard about the cat-sitting when we asked the driver more about you. That’s your place?”
Casey shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I used to want a hedgehog when I was a boy.” Max guided her to the door. “But my parents always said no.”
“He’s not very affectionate.” Casey didn’t look at Max, but the words came grudgingly, a small acquiescence to his touch, his presence. “But we like him.”
“We?” Hunter’s voice intruded.
“My roommate and I. I told you I’m not rich, Hunter.” Her voice was angry. “We share. We’re best friends.”
“Come on.” Max closed the doors behind him. “Give Hunter time, Casey. He’ll come around.”
“What if he doesn’t?” She looked at his face, checking his eyes. “You’ve already forgiven me, I think. Right?”
Max touched her face. “Yes. But I still want to spank you for it.” He winked at her. “It won’t be all bad, you know. As Hunter said, we’re not monsters. We like you, and we don’t want to hurt you, hurt you. A sore ass, yes. But part of me thinks you’ll even like it.” He gave her a long look. “I remember what we talked about at the café.”
She flushed. “That was a fantasy, Max. Not real.”
He raised one eyebrow. “Come here Saturday and make it real. I think that you stayed here long enough, talking about a punishment, to realize that you want one from the two of us. Maybe you don’t even know all the reasons why, and that’s okay. Do what feels right, whatever that is.”
“Even if it means I don’t come back?”
“You should only do this if it’s something you want, and you want to stay a member of this club. Okay? Otherwise, we part ways. End of story.”
“I don’t want this to be the end of the story.”
“Well, then you’ll know what to decide.” He raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”
She tilted one shoulder. “But what if I do it and Hunter never forgives me?”
Max took a deep breath. “That,” he said finally, “is a chance you’re going to have to be willing to take.”
* * *
Work was a welcome distraction, and things were busy and complex in the gallery. MMX called daily, giving Casey updates on how the coffee stain was changing over time and telling her details about the emotions his next painting should invoke.
“When I see it,” he declared, his voice hollow over the poor cell connection, “I want to feel nostalgia for something I don’t even understand. I want to feel Sehnsucht for a place I’ve never been. Longing. You should Google that because it’s a word we don’t have in English. Do you know what I mean? The colors don’t matter; the scene doesn’t matter, as long as I get that feeling.”
She looked out the window at the cars flashing by, the pedestrians, busy people who didn’t give her a second glance. “I do,” she responded. “You want the painting to show you a part of your soul you didn’t even know existed, and every time you think of it, you need to be back there with a visceral reaction so powerful that it takes your breath away and makes you want to sob.”
“Exactly.” MMX sounded pleased. “I knew I chose well, Casey. You do get me. Find me something that makes me cry with a mixture of bliss and sorrow. Price is unimportant.”
Casey ended the call and blinked against a bright ray of sun that entered her eye like a golden skewer. “Blake?” She turned around. “MMX said we can spend anything necessary on his next picture.”
“Casey, you’re killing it. Your client management skills are totally on fleek.”
“Hundo P.” She made a face at him. “Yes, they are.”
“Brag much?” He tossed a glossy pamphlet in her direction, but the air resistance caught its width and winged it down onto his shoes.
She hesitated. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Any time.” Blake turned his chair around and sat on it backwards, resting his arms on the back and his chin on his arms. “Talk to me.”
She shook her head. “I have a situation and I don’t know what to do.”
“A situation. That means a man. Right?” Blake gave her a knowing smirk.
“But it’s extremely complicated and kind of unusual.”
“What relationship isn’t?” Blake lost the smile. “What’s going on?”
She debated and decided on, “I met someone, but I lied about who I was and let him think I was somebody else. When he found out, he got really mad.”
Blake wrinkled his forehead. “But why would you do that, Casey?” He tilted his head.
“I thought he’d never be interested in the real me. And it wasn’t—okay, listen. I snuck into a fancy BDSM club, Blake, pretending to be this other girl who was actually invited.”
Blake’s eyebrows shot up into his brow line. “I so would never have thought you were a kinky bitch.”
“Blake.” Her voice held a plea, and he stopped laughing.
“You just surprised me.” He waved his hand. “So I guess he found out and he wasn’t pleased?”
“Wasn’t pleased is an understatement.” She picked at a hangnail on her thumb. “I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me. There’s something I can try, but I’m not sure I want to do it, and I’m not sure it will even work.”
“I wish it were as easy as pouring coffee,” Casey said, although she remembered the anxiety and uncertainty in that moment; it hadn’t been easy, not really. “I guess I’d be selling my soul back to myself, but to a different me.”
“Well, can you tell me what this thing is?” Blake tapped his foot.
“No. I just want to know if you think people can forgive someone for lying about who they are. Do you think you could forgive someone if they lied to you like that?” She looked at him pleadingly.
“Casey, I’d forgive you anything,” Blake said without hesitating. “You’re awesome. If this guy doesn’t forgive you, he’s an asshole.”
“He doesn’t know me well enough yet to know or care about how awesome I am,” Casey replied. “And I don’t know if he liked me enough to want to bother getting past the mess.”
“Well, I guess I can’t say,” Blake said, after a few seconds. “If it were a guy I was seeing, and I found out early on that he lied to me, I’d have to be pretty attracted to him to want to try to get past it. And I’m not just talking physical attraction, you know? I’d have to see if I thought there was that special magic between us that makes it worthwhile to start again.”
“Yeah. That’s what I thought.” She looked back at the window, and they were both quiet, watching the street. “I feel like I’m always watching people walk by, Blake, on their way to somewhere else. Someone else.” The street was busy now, with crowds surging and swelling, thinning and billowing like sea anemones. Two women paused in front of the gallery to greet each other with exuberant gestures and a big hug, then one pointed down the street and they walked away quickly, arm in arm. “It’s a catch-22 situation. I never would have seen him and met him at all if I hadn’t lied, but because I lied, he doesn’t want to see me or meet me again.”
“I don’t know how to get out of that,” Blake agreed. “All I can say is that you should just be yourself from now on, and hope that he likes you enough to try again. And if he doesn’t, fuck him, because anyone that disses my Casey, even when she’s a lying ho, isn’t even worth it.” He bounded over and swooped her up into a huge hug, squeezing her, and Casey laughed into his shoulder.
* * *
Saturday. It was time.
There was no doorman, and as she rang the bell, her heart was in her throat. Hunter answered, and she was surprised to see him in blue jeans and a white T-shirt. “You’re not dressed up.”
“No. Do you want to come in?” His voice was formal, and he stepped back to usher her past him.
“I’ve never seen you without a suit. I mean, except for the times when I saw you naked. Well, I guess you had jeans that morning. I—never mind.” She blushed.
“I know what you mean. We need to talk about why you’re here and what’s going to happen tonight.” He didn’t smile at her, didn’t kiss her, didn’t even hug her. Her heart shattered in her chest at his cold demeanor.
“I know why I’m here. You’re going to spank me, for the things I did wrong. A punishment. And then it will wipe the slate clean. Right? You’ll forgive me, then?” She could barely get out the words. Was this real? Was that her voice, saying those things?
He nodded. “You’ll feel better, afterwards. But it won’t be easy.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “Okay.”
“Sit down.” He pointed to a couch in the main room, where Max sat waiting. Just like the last time she’d been there, the spanking bench was prominently placed in the middle of the room, and was adorned with several carefully arranged items. That small leather box was next to it again, and she felt her heartbeat speed up. “Hunter, I’m scared.” She gave him a beseeching look.
He took a breath. “Max and I will discuss your limits to make sure we’re all on the same page.”
She blinked and sat down, and Hunter sat down on her other side. She could feel the warmth of each man beside her, and their colognes mixed in her nostrils, sending her brain jarring signals of arousal mixed with fear and trepidation.
Max took her hand. “First we’ll reiterate that we won’t injure you. This is punishment, not torture. You’re not meant to enjoy this completely, but neither should you be terrified or disgusted, nor should you be here out of fear. Okay?” She nodded, not able to look at either of them. “You need to tell us if there is anything that might cause you to have a panic attack or that gives you significant anxiety.”
“This does!” she blurted out, pointing at the spanking bench, and Max smiled, squeezed her fingers. “I mean severe anxiety. Is there anything?”
“I don’t know.” She linked her fingers together. “Tell me what you want to do to me. So I know if I can manage it.”
Max squeezed her hand. “I’m going to spank you with my hand, a paddle, and the crop. Eventually, the cane, if you can handle it.”
“I don’t think I can handle a cane.” She spoke automatically, her eyes drawn to the thin, long implement, head spinning. God, not the cane! She wasn’t even able to handle a hairbrush yet with any grace. What was he thinking?
“We’ll see,” Hunter said darkly. “I’ll decide when we get there. Remember, you’re doing this to wipe the slate clean and earn forgiveness. So it needs to be thorough.”
“You’re also getting a plug,” added Max. Then he leaned in closer and whispered into her ear, “Not necessarily designed for your pleasure.” His breath was hot on her skin and tingles prickled her neck, and pleasure was suddenly all she could think of. His lips were so close to her, and she wanted them on her. The eroticism of his gestures and voice were at odds with the words, and she felt that he wanted this evening to be more than a straightforward punishment for her.
Still, the idea of a plug—something she’d never tried—made her suck in her breath in alarm, even as the telltale signs of arousal flickered in her belly and chest. “That’s what’s in the box?” She stared over, trying to see through it, heart racing already.
Max nodded. “Once we bind you, we’re not stopping until the punishment is complete. We may decide to take a short break, or a longer one, if necessary to give you time to adjust. And I will give you help, if you need it, in getting back to a state of… acceptance. But we will complete it. Do you understand? Your safeword is mercy, and you’re only going to use it for an emergency.” He smelled like the forest again, a spicy smell of man with undertones of pine and citrus, and she wanted to put her nose to his neck.
“I don’t know if I want to do this.”
“It’s your decision.” Max’s voice was low and he patted her thigh. “You know what’s at stake. If you want to continue on at the club, you need to do this. It’s the way to start over. In more ways than one.” He raised an eyebrow at her and gestured his head at Hunter, who was looking across the room, staring into space.
“I need a minute to think.”
“Take your time.” Max got up and came back with a bottled water. “If you need to stop for water or the bathroom, you let us know.” He sounded like they were planning a road trip, and the ease of his voice made her shiver.
But what made her really uneasy was the moisture growing between her legs. She was here with two men who wanted to bind her and torment her in kinky ways, and she already knew it was going to make her cry. What was wrong with her that part of her wanted this beyond anything else, and not for the forgiveness that was offered? Part of her wanted this on a base, fundamental level.
She shuddered, not understanding where these feelings came from, or how they’d been hidden all her life, and why they were suddenly springing forth. She was willing to accept a spanking from them, even if it hurt, because she wanted to win her way back and show them she was serious about saying she was sorry… and also because it did turn her on, in some ways, to be punished by two hot guys. The only problem was that it seemed like Hunter wasn’t really in sync
with her, or with Max. And that scared her.
“Fine. I’ll do it.” Her voice was as a surprise to her, but she knew it was what she wanted. “I’m ready.”
“Are you sure?” Max took her chin in his and looked into her eyes. “Tell me again.”
“Yes. I’m sure.”
“Tell me what you want.”
“I want you to punish me. You and Hunter.” She felt her jaw tremble, and he stroked her lip with his thumb.
“And you’re here because you want to be.” His voice was mesmerizing and he brushed her lip more slowly, then cupped her face in his hands. “Because you want this.”
She nodded, wordless, her eyes big, and ran her hand across his jaw as she had the first time they’d met, feeling the stubble there, his skin. In the moment, she did want this, very much. She wanted Max to hold her and punish her and then tell her it was all right. They sat that way for a moment, then he leaned in and gave her a brief kiss on the lips. “All right.” He nodded and removed his hand, and his voice was clipped. “Stand up in front of me. Remove your dress.” He leaned his elbows on his knees. “Don’t hesitate when either of us gives you a command, or it will be worse for you.”
She nodded and stood in front of him. Hunter too.
This felt weird. She had enjoyed being naked in front of Hunter when she stayed at his place, and in her imagination, for Max. But tonight she felt more embarrassment than anything. Max’s eyes were warm and appreciative, but Hunter’s were hard. Remembering their night together, their passion, compared to now? It made her feel small and ugly, and she crossed her arms over her chest and suddenly shot a look at the door. It wasn’t too late.
“Hey, Casey, look at me.” Max’s voice was low and sensuous, and when she looked at his face, the desire she saw there made her feel better instantly. “Put your arms down,” he ordered. “Show us your pretty breasts. Yeah, just like that.”
She sucked in her breath at his tone, at the lazy way he let his eyes stray down her body. “You’re gorgeous, Casey. Still going to spank you, but no harm done in letting you know that you’re very fine.” She flushed. His eyes had her caught in a net, he wove a tale with his voice, bringing her back to the place where she wanted to be.
Casey's Choice Page 16
