by Becky Lower
He stood in the doorway of his children’s bedroom long after he’d kissed each one and gave them each a long hug. He was leaving in the morning, and may not have another opportunity to do so. Tears welled as he drank in one last look of their little sleeping forms. He and Margaret used to hover over their children as they slept and marvel that they had created them. Margaret would be pleased at the strong and independent beings they were becoming.
With a trembling sigh, Patterson closed the door. He had one mission left to accomplish tonight, and he couldn’t drag his feet any longer. He made his way to the dining table where Eleanor sat with her last cup of tea for the night. He took a seat across from her and waited for her to lift her gaze.
“You’re leaving tomorrow.” She focused on him, her words a statement rather than a question.
“Aye, at dawn. I’ve put Adam in charge.”
Eleanor made a noise deep in her throat. Patterson was grateful there were no utensils on the table which could be thrown at him.
“I needn’t point out Adam is but a boy.”
“Yet, you did anyway.” Patterson grinned, hoping his words would cause her lips to turn up in a smile. Hope died when she glared at him.
“You may feel you are fighting on behalf of the children, but you are a fool if for one minute you place any stock in that notion.” Eleanor’s voice was barely above a whisper, yet Patterson could feel the weight behind them and winced. “You are fighting to please yourself. To feel good about yourself. To be a part of this uprising. Have you even considered what will become of them if you should die in battle?” Her hands fisted on the tabletop. “You haven’t mentioned it, but I assume both sets of grandparents are dead?”
He nodded, aware of where the conversation headed.
“The only relative of yours is the uncle who sent me here. So, if you die in a battle you supposedly are fighting so your children can grow up in a free society, I will have no choice except to return with them to England and place them in your uncle’s care. They will become British citizens and will probably never see the shores of this America you are fighting for.”
Patterson rubbed a hand over his face before glancing across the table. He bit back the bile in his throat. Eleanor wasn’t telling him anything he hadn’t already thought of. “Then, I’d best not die, eh?”
Eleanor clanked her teacup against its saucer. “Please, sir, don’t make light of the situation. Surely, as a single parent, you can be relieved of your duty and no one will think less of you for it.”
“I am a member of the Continental Army, Eleanor, and I have my orders. I cannot, and will not, ignore them. We all do what we must. Adam will assist you in my absence. You have enough provisions to last you for several months. Make sure you take Adam with you anytime you leave the house. I will be back before you get used to me being gone, hopefully with an American victory so we can end this war soon.”
“Is that even a remote possibility?”
Patterson noted the despair in her voice. It matched his own, yet he couldn’t voice it. The war had gone on much longer than anyone had predicted and he, too, had times when he thought giving up might be the better option. But, if the Americans gave up now, all those lives lost would have been for naught.
“We have to hope so. Any other outcome is not an option.”
Eleanor gazed at him for a long moment before she stood and gathered her cup and saucer. “Then, don’t get killed. I’m counting on you returning home so I may return home as well.”
“You have my word, Eleanor. Good night.”
She washed out her cup and set it beside the basin of water to dry. Then, she toweled her hands and made her way to her bedroom without speaking another word or giving him another glance. Patterson sat at the table for a long time after she retired.
When he’d first sat across from her tonight, Eleanor’s face had paled, aware of what the content of their discussion would be before he joined her. The lightness of her skin made the sprinkling of freckles across her nose stand out in stark relief. As her ire rose, her skin tone returned to normal and the freckles faded. He may not have gotten his point across that they were fighting for freedom from oppression and tyranny, but he was encouraged she would at least stay with his children until he returned. He finally left the table and headed to his own cold bed for a few hours’ sleep before he left.
Upon his return, he would be true to his word and purchase passage for her on the next ship heading to England. She wished for her freedom every bit as much as he wished for his, and since she accepted his need and would do as he asked of her, he would have no choice but to honor hers upon his return.
He would miss seeing those freckles, though, and would miss her apple crumble.
• ♥ •
Eleanor laid in her cold bed in the darkened room, listening as Patterson quietly gathered his possessions in preparation for leaving. If she were a kinder person, she would leave her bed and prepare a hearty breakfast for him. But doing so would signify she was in support of his decision to go off to fight a battle. She was not so kind. He may have given her his word last night, but words were cheap. He was heading into a battle, where shots would be fired at him.
So, she laid still and quiet, her ears attuned to any small noise. His footsteps led him to the room opposite hers, where his five small children lay. He opened the door to their room and stood quietly for several minutes. Was he cementing one last look in his mind in case he didn’t return? He should have considered the ramifications of his choice before now. Eleanor had no sympathy for him.
She held her breath as his footsteps crossed the hallway. He now stood in front of her closed door. The knob rotated and she raised herself onto an elbow. Then, the knob returned to its original position and the footsteps faded from the hallway. The front door of the house opened and closed quietly, and he was gone. For the next several months, she’d be left to navigate a new country and care for his five children on her own. She stood, but then sat back on the bed as her legs gave out. Could she do this? What other choice did she have?
None.
Therein lay the crux of the problem. She hadn’t been given a choice to come to America and explore the great unknown. The thought of leaving Sussex even for London had terrified her enough, but at least, London was still in her home country. This America, and these Americans, were foolishly fighting a war against one of the finest military forces in the world, hoping to win their freedom. And here she was, smack dab in the middle of it. She cradled her forehead in her hands. Who would have thought it?
She dabbed at her tears with the arm of her night rail and finally stood again. This time, she remained upright. Since she had no choice, she’d best get on with it, and make breakfast for her hungry charges.
“Damn you, Patterson Lovejoy.” She allowed herself to swear, rather enjoying the way the words rolled off her tongue. Even though she was familiar with the words used by men before, she’d never even mouthed them herself. Perhaps swearing would get her through the next few months.
Whatever it took, she’d do it. Because at the end of this trial, once Patterson returned home, she’d be on the first ship to sail out of the harbor for home. And, if he was killed in action, she’d take his children with her, back to England, where they’d become the charges of the dreadful man who’d sent her here in the first place. Fitting punishment, she thought with a wry smile, even though the children would be the ones to suffer, not the man himself.
Soon enough, the scent of sizzling bacon stirred those charges. Adam appeared first, and in imitation of his father, picked a slice of bacon from the pan.
“Oww!” He dropped the hot meat back into the pan, splattering bacon grease on his shirt and placed his scorched fingers into his mouth.
Eleanor grinned. “Your father has had far more practice at pinching bacon. I’m sure by the time he returns, you’ll have figured out the best way to go about it.”
“He’ll be back before you get used to the fact h
e’s gone.” Adam puffed out his chest. “It won’t take long to defeat those filthy Redcoats.”
Eleanor suppressed a sigh. While she hoped what Adam spouted was the truth and the battle would be over quickly, Patterson and his army were going to do battle against her countrymen. Lives undoubtedly would be lost. Eleanor was frightened for both sides.
“Go wake your brothers and your sister. They need to be washed and dressed by the time the oatmeal is ready.” Adam left the kitchen and Eleanor ran a hand over her stomach. The thought of eating anything lost its appeal. Whatever had happened to her quiet, orderly life?
What if Patterson never returned?
Chapter Ten
E leanor attempted to make the day as normal as possible for the Lovejoy children. Their father frequently had left for work before the children had their breakfast, so it would not be until after dinner that they would take notice of his absence. She bit her lower lip to quell her panic as the afternoon shadows lengthened, but she could not sit still.
“Why don’t we go for a stroll before I begin making our dinner? We’ve been cooped up here all day.” Eleanor finally rose from the table where the children had been studying.
Adam shot her a glance. “It’s not safe to be out this time of day.”
“And why not? ‘Tis not yet dark. Surely, a hike around the block won’t cause us any harm.” Eleanor helped Elizabeth down from her chair.
Adam did not back down, despite his brothers’ excited gestures at being released from their schoolwork. He glared at Eleanor. “Papa has cautioned us to never go out after four o’clock. The soldiers who are stationed here are well into their cups by then and it’s not safe for women or children.”
“Well, it’s a silly, arbitrary rule, and your father’s not here to enforce it, so we will take a stroll around the block before I begin supper.” Eleanor took Elizabeth’s hand and headed for the door. “You can either come with me or stay here and sulk.”
Adam brushed back his wheat-colored hair and squared his shoulders. “You need protection, so I’ll accompany you. Papa told me to never let you go out by yourself.”
Eleanor stuck her tongue in her cheek to keep from laughing. Adam was attempting to fulfill his role of the protector his father had charged him with. It would not do to make fun. But this small boy would provide little barrier if someone did mean them harm. She’d been in Groton only a few weeks, but it had been long enough to make her aware she needed to exercise caution when outside the home. So, she’d take her charges out for a quick jaunt, since they’d been very good about their studies all day, and then cook a meal for them. Afterwards, they’d sit by the fire and she’d read from the Bible until it was time for bed. Surely, no harm would come to them, and they’d have a most pleasant evening.
She led the children outside, where they took a moment to inhale the cold, crisp air. “Let’s make a game of it while we’re out. Each of you search for items of color. It should be easy, since we have a dusting of white snow now.”
Caleb spotted green in the pine trees surrounding the town. Ben found some yellow in the snow, where an animal had emptied its bladder. The children all laughed at his discovery, and Eleanor shuddered, hoping it was animal waste and not human.
“I see red.” Adam mumbled.
“Where it is, Adam?” Eleanor glanced around, hoping to see a cardinal who hadn’t yet flown to a warmer climate.
Adam jutted out his chin. “Coming towards us. Redcoats.”
Eleanor placed a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “There’s no cause to panic, Adam. They are my countrymen.”
Eleanor nodded at the two soldiers as they passed and exhaled as they slid on by with just a mild salute. She noted Adam’s shoulders sag slightly.
“Eleanor? Eleanor Chastain, is that you?” A voice called out behind them. Eleanor pivoted toward the men they had just passed and peered at the man who had spoken.
Her stomach pitched as the man strode toward her. She recognized him. William Buford. Billy the Bully, as he was referred to back home. “Yes, it’s me, William. How odd is it we are both in the colonies at the same time?”
He gave her an assessing glance. “I dinna expect you’d ever leave Lewes, much less Sussex. What a surprise to find you here.”
“I’m in the colonies at the behest of the earl. These are his great-niece and nephews. They lost their mother a while back.” Eleanor waved her hand through the air.
William took a step closer to her and latched onto her arm. “I recognized you right away. No one else has hair as wild as yours.” He wrapped one of her russet curls arounds his finger and drew her closer. She could smell the ale on his breath. “We Sussex folks should stick together. America can be a lonely place.”
Adam stepped forward and Eleanor was jolted into action. She did not wish to draw attention to the children. She stepped out of William’s grasp, her stomach roiling as it had back home whenever he had cornered and grabbed her hair. She had been so relieved when he joined the military and left Sussex. He’d bothered her all through school but left her alone once she was under the protection of the earl. No one dared cross him back home.
“I must be getting my charges home and get dinner ready. It was nice to see you again, Billy.”
She hustled the children towards home, but the hair on the nape of her neck rose as she scurried away from the boy, now a man, who had tormented her all her life.
The earl wasn’t here, now. He could not protect her against this bully. The only protection she had was from a small boy who could not even lift a rifle. Yet, he’d been the one to point out how unsafe the streets were. She wished now she’d paid better attention to him.
• ♥ •
As the days crept by, Eleanor breathed a bit easier. Billy the Bully had not followed her home, and she’d had no reason to venture forth to be spotted again. She continued to cook, clean and teach the children. Right now, she was staring at a long coil of meat, uncertain how to prepare it.
“What animal did this meat come from, Adam?” She stared at the coil, certain at any moment it would turn into a snake and slither away.
“It’s deer meat. The best part. It’s called the inner loin.”
“How is it prepared?” She finally touched the meat with one finger where it was hanging in the root cellar.
“You cut it into pieces, roll it in flour and fry it in butter.” He shook his head as he glared at her. “Did you not eat deer in England?”
“Of course, we did. The earl lives on a vast estate and deer roam freely. But I never cooked it before. That was done by the staff.” She pried the meat from its hook and carried it to the kitchen.
“Well, you’re the ‘staff’ here.” Adam smirked. “I’m going out for a bit.”
“Not by yourself, young man.” Eleanor slapped the meat on the counter and focused on Adam.
He drew in a breath and shrugged. “Yes, alone. You and the little ones only slow me down and being on the streets puts them in harm’s way. And you drew attention to yourself last time we were out by catching the eye of that soldier. I’m only going to the market for a bit. I’ll be fine.”
Eleanor nodded. The boy did have a point. “All right. Be careful. And hurry back. I’ll figure out the meat and have dinner in less than an hour.”
She hated to admit it, but she welcomed his absence. Adam had a way of measuring her abilities and finding her lacking at every step. He compared her to his mother, she was positive of it, and had determined Eleanor was woefully inadequate. Not that she disagreed with his assessment. She now realized she had been coddled in her position as governess to the earl’s children. Never a part of the family, but not part of the house staff, either. She never had to worry about how to clean her clothes or how to prepare a meal. It had all been done for her, and she gave it not an ounce of thought. Her responsibility consisted only of teaching the children how to read and write, and to memorize English history and peerage. It was a lifetime ago, and she desperately wished for the
simplicity of that life again.
Shaking her head, she returned to the root cellar and grabbed some potatoes and carrots. There was no one else to cook a meal for her, so she’d best get on with it. From now until March, she’d be the ’staff’ all by herself, and be the only thing keeping these children from starvation. She squared her shoulders.
Two-and-a-half months yet to go before Patterson returned.
And when she returned to England in the spring, she’d have a much greater appreciation for the servants who worked daily to keep the house, grounds, clothing and all the rest in fine shape, and who kept the household fed. She vowed to do whatever she could to make their lives easier. Blinking back her tears, she put a pot of water on the stove to heat up for the potatoes, and another for the carrots. She’d use some of the brown sugar to create a glaze for the carrots and make them a bit more palatable. She may never become the fine cook Adam’s mother had been, but she could at least attempt to make things a bit tastier.
True to his word, Adam returned within the hour, carrying a bag full of apples. He laid it on the kitchen counter and grinned. “I hoped the apple cart would be full today, since it’s Saturday, and the farmers come to town with their goods. Can you make your apple crumble again?”
Eleanor put her hand to her heart. At least Adam approved of one thing she did.
“Yes, of course. I’ll make it tomorrow. Thank you for fetching us apples.”
The boy nodded and left her alone to finish the meal preparations. She shouldn’t take such childish pleasure in the fact he liked her pitiful version of apple pie, since it was only crumble because she couldn’t master making a pie shell. But she’d take his praise any way she could get it. Not for one moment did she assume they’d ever get close, in the same way she was becoming with Elizabeth and Daniel, but if they could at least be civil to one another, Eleanor would consider it a huge step in the right direction. The next few months would be so much easier to navigate if they worked together.
