Version 1F
ISBN: 978 1983208195
Copyright © A. S. Roberts
All Rights Reserved Worldwide
Any unauthorised reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the express permission of the author.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organisations and places or events are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locations is entirely coincidental.
I am an English author and I write in British English. Except if a character is American, then I may use American slang.
Image copyright©2017
Edited by Karen J.
Proofreading by The Fireball Fillies.
Beta read by The Fireball Fillies.
Cover art by J M Walker @justwrite.creations
Photograph by Eric Battershell @ericbattershellphotography
Cover model Johnny Kane
Formatting by Just write. Creations and Services
All songs, song titles mentioned in this novel are the property of the respective song writers and copyright holders.
PLAYLIST
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty- Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Epilogue
Other books by this author
The Fated series
Fated
Inevitable
Irrevocable
Undeniable
Coming soon
Default Distraction series
Brody
Rafferty
Cade
Luke
In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the words we didn’t say, the relationships that seemed too intense to take a risk with, and the decisions we waited far too long to make.
In the end, make sure you have no regrets.
~ Brody Daniels
This, as always, is dedicated to my husband. Thank you, for putting up with the weekends I lock myself away to write. Thank you, for understanding when I listen to the voices in my head, more than I listen to you. Thank you, for being you and loving me unconditionally.
I love all love stories, but ours is my favourite.
I love you.
To my nan, Vera. Thank you for teaching me how to love.
It’s also dedicated to the strong women behind me. Thank you for having my back. To Sarah, Debi, Kirsty, Crystal, Tammi and Cassandra. This book would never have been written without you. It means so much to have friends like you.
Thank you!
Twenty-six years ago
Music blared out from the kitchen. I knew that Mom had turned it up again. I opened one eye and looked at the houses on either side of us. Any minute now they would start to close some of their windows, as they always did when Mom played her music loudly.
I loved music, I loved that it made her happy, it meant Sissy and I could be happy as well.
I didn’t care that no one liked my mom, not really, anyway. She was my mom and I loved her, especially on days like today. When she was singing and dancing, it made me happy. I felt all warm inside and my tummy felt full up.
I heard a window slam, like I knew it would, and I closed one of my eyes to go back to my cloud watching. I put my curled fists together, one on top of the other, to make a telescope shape and I looked up again. Together with my sister we blanked out the shouts being aimed at our garden and went back to our make-believe world.
It was safe there.
‘Look, Brody. That one there looks like a white, fluffy princess.’ I felt her small elbow hit my ribs as she nudged me. I rubbed at my side and followed my sister’s pointing finger. I couldn’t see anything but cars, Superman’s cape, and one that looked like a very hairy dog.
‘It does, Sissy,’ I agreed, to keep her smiling.
I turned my head to look at her next to me and grinned. She looked really pleased with herself and smiled back at me. I watched her as she poked her tongue through the small gap where she had lost her baby tooth, worrying with the hole it had left behind.
I felt sad that the tooth fairy hadn’t come for her. She’d lost it at school after her tooth had come out in an apple she’d bitten into. The tooth fairy had never come for me either, but I didn’t care. The kids at school had laughed at her when she hadn’t been left any money under her pillow. I’d called them names and had got a bruise on my face when Harry had hit me. But his eye looked worse after I hit him back. I’d made sure that I placed a dime under her pillow that night, after she’d cried herself to sleep.
The adults at school didn’t like my mom and most days the children there didn’t like me, but they weren’t going to be cruel to my sister. I was big for my age, big enough to take care of us both and I would.
I had pinky swore I would.
I lay back into the cushion of the long, uncut grass in our back yard and sighed as I lowered another peanut butter and jelly sandwich into my mouth. I pushed the jelly that was escaping and running down my chin back onto my tongue with one finger. As my finger left my mouth I made it pop and my little sister giggled beside me at the noise.
Dad would be back sometime today and I was looking forward to seeing him. I had said my prayers every day he’d been away. I knew it would be better this time. My worried tummy turned over, and I placed my hand over it, feeling my skin. My school shirt was too small and didn’t touch the top of my grey school shorts. Another thing that the kids in school made fun of, at least they used to, until I hit them and then they’d stopped.
I knew that when my dad came home, it was going to be better.
I had prayed every night that it was going to be different this time.
‘Brody, come here and help me.’ Mom’s voice travelled over to me and I stopped daydreaming.
My head shot up from its soft, green pillow and I looked at my mom standing in the doorway. I knew that look and it frightened me. I watched as one of her feet suddenly stepped forward to stop herself from swaying and I wanted to be sick. I felt Sissy’s small hand as she grabbed mine. I knew she was scared, watching Mom. I was too, but I couldn’t show it. Dad said I was the man of the house when he wasn’t here and I always looked after her.
‘I’m just coming, Mom.’ I jumped up quick, ran over to her and held her arm. Then I helped her out onto the grass where we were sitt
ing and made her sit down. I ran back inside to bring out the last of our picnic and to turn down the music. Before I went back outside I looked around the kitchen, and there it was. The bottle was brown and looked harmless but to me it meant arguing, being hungry and dirty. I grabbed it and poured the contents into the sink. Then I turned on the faucet and watched the tablets disappear down the drain. I opened the overflowing garbage bin and pulled out some stuff to hide the bottle underneath, hoping that it wouldn’t be found by anybody.
‘Fucking God!’ I swore quietly. I was angry, but was nervous of saying a word that I knew I’d get a smack for saying.
The prayers I’d said since dad had been away seemed to have worked. Mom had been happier. Our clothes had been washed regularly and she’d cooked most nights. The day he was coming back my mom had taken her tablets. Praying was no use. No one was listening to me. I’d tried so hard to be a good boy.
Couldn’t God see how me and Sissy were hurting?
There wasn’t a fucking God, just like there wasn’t a tooth fairy.
I looked back out to the garden. Mom was lying down on the grass, singing along with the song she had playing on the radio and Sissy was sat beside her looking small and scared. I picked up all the food I could carry in my arms and took it outside. I needed to get her to eat before Dad came home. I knew it would help, maybe I could make her better before he got back?
‘Mom, what do you want to eat?’ I asked her as I dropped the food down on the grass.
She didn’t reply, the only words coming from her mouth were the words she was singing.
‘Please, Mom. Please eat,’ I begged as I lifted her heavy head up off the grass.
Up and down our small road of military houses, we could hear doors slamming and excited voices.
‘Brody,’ my sister whispered. I looked at her as she began to shiver, even though the sun was out in our yard. We both knew what was coming next.
I heard our front door slam and my eyes shot up to my sister as she scurried closer towards me. I let go of my mom and cuddled Sissy.
‘I’m home,’ came my dad’s cheerful voice.
He didn’t hurt us. Dad was a big man, but he wasn’t violent. But him and my mom together, they shouted and screamed at each other, and she hit him until he held her arms behind her back.
When she had taken her tablets, it was always this way. We knew they loved us, but deep down inside they were hurting us. I was okay, I was the man of the house when my dad was away, so I was fine. But I hated watching them fight and being mean to each other. What really hurt me was watching Sissy struggle. She had no friends at school and stuttered her words when she wasn’t talking to me.
Living like this hurt so much and it never seemed to stop.
Sometimes, I had to go under my bed to drown out the sounds of them shouting and then of them kissing. I’d heard a neighbour down the road talking about my mom and dad and she’d said, “It’s like they can’t live with each other, but they can’t live without each other.” I had poked my tongue out at her and run off.
‘There you all are.’ His voice sounded happy, but I couldn’t turn my head to look at him, instead I hung it down. I was ashamed I hadn’t been good enough to make it better this time.
Mom had stopped singing and was now asleep in our yard.
I pulled Sissy closer to me and hugged her. I moved my mouth closer to her ear and whispered, ‘It’s okay, we’ll be okay. I’ll look after you. Pinky swear.’ I wrapped my little finger around hers.
Together we looked at our linked hands and went back to our make-believe world.
Twenty-three years ago
‘Pick up your bag.’ I could hear by the sound of my mum’s voice that she wasn’t happy with me. I didn’t understand why. I’d been quiet for nearly the whole car ride. I hadn’t asked her any silly questions. I’d been sitting like a lady sits too, as I’d deliberately tucked my hands underneath my legs so I didn’t fidget. I had kept my knees together and crossed my feet at my ankles. My legs had begun to ache ages ago, but I didn’t want to make her angry with me, so I had kept them still and ignored the pain, even though they begged to dance to the music that was playing on the radio.
I looked down to the floor of the taxi at the small pink rucksack by my feet. I made the material wrinkle a little with the side of my pink and white trainer. All my favourite pens, my reading book from school, and my CD player had been shoved inside, as my mum had hastily run around our house in London, packing for the surprise she had promised me.
I grabbed the handle at the top of it, not wanting to upset her anymore, and with the sudden fear of losing all my special things.
I took a quick look out of the window to see where the taxi had brought us to. It was funny, the houses on the street were small and very close together, whereas our house was big and tall. There weren’t any paths here and there wasn’t anyone driving down the small road. I grasped my small bag to my chest and jumped down to the ground through the open car door.
‘Come on, Amy. Pay attention, you silly little girl. It’s your own fault that I get so cross with you.’ My mum had stopped in a shop doorway and I heard her take a deep breath as she grabbed hold of the door handle. I looked upwards at the sign above the shop. It was so pretty, painted in lilacs and purples with gold writing. The sign read “A stitch in time.” I wondered what it meant.
But most of all, I wondered why we were here.
I pulled my eyes away from the sign to look at my mum again as she pushed the door further open. She was carrying a suitcase with all my clothes in it, but I knew her case was still in the taxi, the same taxi that had its engine still running. I looked back at the white car and the driver that sat in it, ignoring us.
‘And tidy yourself up… Do you want to meet your nanny looking like that?’
My nanny? I remembered hearing my nanny mentioned a long time ago. I’d thought I hadn’t got any other family apart from my mum, but I’d decided it didn’t matter as I had my childminder Jessica’s family. I spent a lot of time with them. I wondered if she knew we had gone away.
I looked down at my clothes and smoothed down my denim skirt with my hands. I couldn’t see anything wrong with it, but I did it out of habit anyway. I looked further down and checked my long white socks were still pulled up to my knees and that the patterns on them were straight. I hated my mum being cross and disappointed with me and I didn’t want to be told off again.
I heard the bell ding its welcome as she pushed the door open wide and stepped inside. Hesitantly I followed, looking behind me to take one more look at the taxi.
‘Hello… Vera?’ I heard my mum calling to someone.
I turned around quickly to see a friendly looking lady rise from behind the counter. Her hand came up to her mouth as she gasped in surprise.
‘Oh, my goodness… Sandra? What a surprise to see you. Is that Amy?’ The smiling, older lady squeezed herself through the small gap between the two counters into the middle of the shop, wiping her hands on her apron. She put her hand into the apron pocket and pulled out a bright white, lace-trimmed hanky, which she dabbed hurriedly to her eyes and then put back again. Once she reached us she bent down in front of me and took my hand in hers. The skin on her hand was worn and so soft. I immediately knew I wanted to feel more of her warm hands, so I dropped my bag on the floor to reach out to touch the soft, freckled skin with my other hand.
I looked at her kind face, to find she had smiley blue eyes.
I liked her immediately, but I could sense that my mum didn’t.
‘Hello, Amy.’ She smiled back at me. ‘My, you’ve grown up into a pretty young lady. Now let me think, you’re ten now, aren’t you?’ I nodded back at her. ‘You won’t remember me, but I’m your nanny. I’m so pleased to…’
My mum, tutting her impatience, stopped my nanny talking to me.
‘Yes, yes, yes… Look, I hate to break up the family reunion, but the taxi meter is running outside. So, let’s cut to the chase…
I’ve brought Amy to stay with you for a while.’
I watched as my nanny looked at my mum. Her eyes widened with surprise. I looked between the two of them, confused at my mum’s words.
‘You know I’m more than happy to see Amy. But she doesn’t know me anymore, Sandra. You haven’t brought her by in what six… nearly seven years. How does she feel about staying here?’ My nanny stood up to address her concerns to my mum.
‘She’s fine. Look, I must run. I’ll be in contact soon. I’ve had a job offered to me in New York and I’ve accepted it. Children aren’t part of the contract and you always said to bring her around whenever I could. So, here we are… Do as you are told, Amy. I will be very disappointed to hear otherwise.’ She glanced at me quickly and looked away. ‘I’ll see you both soon, I promise! Have fun. Ciao’
No, Mum. Please don’t go…
I’ll be good…
I’ll try to be better.
I promise… please don’t leave me.
My silent pleas went around and around in my head, but my lips never dared to release them into the shop I stood in.
My mum turned quickly on her very tall stiletto heels and walked out of the door. She didn’t kiss me or hug me, she just left. Although that wasn’t unusual, as I was used to her not making a scene in public, I felt the pain deep inside my heart as she left me. My tummy felt funny, and as the butterflies flew around it, I felt sick. But I knew not to call her back, she would be really cross with me if I did. Tears began to make their way down my face and my nose began to run. I lifted my arm to wipe away the snot and stared at the white sleeve my arm presented. I faltered, knowing how much my mum would shout if she saw what I was about to do. My nanny’s warm hand gripped mine slightly tighter as if she could feel my pain. Once again, she reached down into her pocket to pass me her pretty lace hanky that I had seen her dab her eyes with earlier.
The bell above the door shook with the finality of my mum leaving as the door closed behind her. I watched in disbelief as she got into the waiting taxi and it pulled away. She never even turned her head to wave goodbye.
Brody (Default Distraction Book 1) Page 1
