Chapter 13
Jaydon
After an unbelievably awesome dinner, Jaydon didn’t want to let her go. He pulled into a nearby space in the crowded Dino’s lot, which was a feat in itself since it was a Sunday night just after the dinner rush. He climbed out of the truck quickly and would have held the door open to assist her down if she’d let him.
But no, his feisty, independent woman had already climbed halfway down to the running boards by the time he got to her. Wait. His woman? Slow down, bro, he reminded himself.
They walked side by side to her car. Gina fumbled for her keys and Jaydon still didn’t feel ready. She’d left an impression on him months ago and seeing her a few times the past couple weeks already had him wanting more.
“I don’t want to say goodnight yet.”
She smiled almost shyly at him before responding. “Me, either, but it’s a work night. I’ve got to put on my happy preschool face by 7am.”
He shook his head and pulled a face. “That is ridiculous. When exactly do you sleep?”
She made an adorable, exaggerated deep-thought expression with her head tilted. “Sometime between midnight and dawn. Give or take an hour.”
He shook his head with a smile.
“Good thing you don’t need any beauty sleep.”
She rolled her eyes and raised a brow at him in her sassy way. Hey, he knew it was a little over the top, but there was something about her he just couldn’t get enough of. He backed off a few steps and raised his hands in surrender.
“Okay, okay, I’ll let you go. But when can I see you again?”
“I have to work tomorrow night. So…Tuesday? I close the SAEC that night so Brynn can go to class, but I’ll be free around 7. And probably starving.”
He grinned. “Good. I like a girl who eats.”
He noticed her eyes flick away at that, but not before he registered a shadow of insecurity.
“Gina?” He waited patiently for her eyes to meet his. Those brown gems pulled him in every single time. “I enjoyed today. I’m really glad you had a craving for Dino’s.”
She grinned brighter than the lights illuminating the lot.
“Me, too, Jaydon.”
He loved the way she said his name. His fingers slid into hers one final time, giving them a squeeze as he backed away, slowly.
A yard was all he got before he spun around, took a long stride back, and held out his hand.
“Give me your phone.”
She raised an eyebrow at him that spoke to her feelings about his demand. He laughed and kissed her on the nose. If she could dole out the sass, he’d dish back an equal amount of guff.
“Give me your phone, woman.”
She narrowed her eyes playfully before pulling it out of her back pocket and unlocking it. She placed it in his upturned palm and watched as he typed his information into her contacts. A few quick taps and his front pocket vibrated.
“There. I’ll call you to make a plan for Tuesday.”
“Good. Just so you know, you don’t have to wait around and do that whole guy thing. The one where you wait a couple days to make contact so you don’t look like a desperate loser?”
Her lips were curved up and the glint in her eyes was equal parts teasing and uncertainty. He hoped that he was interpreting her correctly. At times she seemed so confident of herself and her effect on him. Other times, she seemed less sure. Gina Hernandez would definitely keep him on his toes. But unlike how he used to respond to Kelly’s mood swings and insecurities, he found he actually wanted to reassure Gina.
He searched her gaze a moment more and something settled inside him. God was doing something here. This complex woman he was just barely getting to know was going to be his. A fierce sensation welled up inside him, filling out his chest with puffed up pride. Oh, yeah. He could get used to this crazy rush.
“Gina, I have no worries about looking like a desperate loser.” His lips met hers with a fierce, hard peck. “I’m man enough to admit I’m already crazy about you. And you should probably know that I’m going to pursue you the way you deserve to be pursued. I don’t know what you’re doing to me, but you can bet that this?” He paused to motion between them with his index finger. “This is just the beginning.”
He kissed her again, hard and quick. “Now get in the car, woman.”
Her stunned expression made him laugh. Her eyes were glossy and dazed until she shook her head. Those lovely nut-brown eyes filled with playful indignance and she threw him a sexy smirk before she did exactly as he’d commanded.
He shut her door and motioned for her to lock it, waited for the click to confirm she was safe, and then strode around to climb into his truck. He followed her out of the lot and gave her one last grin when he caught her looking at him in her rearview mirror.
He laughed out loud at the shake of her head and he knew she’d seen the waggling of his eyebrows. Oh, man. She was fun. This thing between them was going to be awesome.
Chapter 14
Gina
Good heavens that man is hot.
Gina shivered at the anticipation that had filled her with Jaydon’s promise. She could still feel the low rumble of his voice as he proclaimed, “I’m going to pursue you the way you deserved to be pursued.”
Was he for real? The whole drive home, she’d alternated between glee, anticipation, and terror. That teddy bear wrapped in a grizzly exterior had the potential to destroy the Fort Knox she’d placed around her heart for so long.
And what the heck did he see in her, anyway?
Seriously. That was some crazy chemistry, she couldn’t deny it. But what on earth would make a pastor—a pastor!—want a girl like her? Weren’t they supposed to be hyper conservative, buttoned up types? Weren’t they supposed to want sweet, demure women with gentle voices who could play an instrument or sing and lead Bible studies in their modest, flowery dresses? She most definitely would not fit that mold.
Then again, whispered a gentle voice in the recesses of her heart, Jaydon doesn’t much fit the mold, either.
She meandered down the dark hallway toward her bedroom, shedding the day’s ensemble and getting ready for bed. A glance at the clock told her it was going to be a long day tomorrow if she didn’t get to sleep soon. She spent a few minutes on her bedtime routine and flipped back the thick comforter still in place on her bed from winter.
The coolness and soft texture of her jersey knit sheets welcomed her and she felt every muscle begin to relax. She didn’t realize just how tense she’d been until the endorphin release washed over her as she settled in and allowed her body to loosen and calm itself.
A smile crept to her lips and she closed her eyes, picturing Jaydon’s teasing grin. His deep blue eyes, shining like cobalt glass. And that ridiculously scruffy beard that made him look like some hot mountain man. She was glad he didn’t wear flannel. All he’d need is a giant axe and he’d pull off Paul Bunyan. The image made her giggle.
Wait. Giggle? Gina Hernandez didn’t giggle. Giggling was for little girls and fluffy blonde Barbie doll airheads.
But it was. It was a freaking giggle. She rolled her eyes at herself. Gah! Really, Gina?!
She didn’t care, though, not really. Being with Jaydon today had made her happy. Happier than she’d felt in what seemed like forever. Even when unveiling her past and her concerns about Hailee, she’d felt a peace in his presence. Joy. And a hope that it could actually go somewhere. Somewhere good, for once.
She’d more than half expected him to text her tonight. It would be a lie if she said she didn’t look forward to the telltale chime of her phone. It’s not a big deal, Gina. He said he’d call. He’ll call.
Won’t he?
Anxiety began its slow, snaking trek up from the bottom of her gut, filling her middle with jittery warmth as it trailed up to her chest. The familiar tingling and tightness stole her ability to rest and breathe freely. The loathing she experienced all too often began to settle into her spirit, and she felt ill equi
pped to fight it. She actually felt ill, period.
That stupid elephant was back, pressurizing her chest until she thought her ribs would crack. The lack of free oxygen caused her arms to tingle further, even her tongue was like she’d downed a bag of popping candy. The bile was rising and causing her stomach to burn like lava. Desperate to get away from the sensations, her fingers clawed at her pajamas and legs kicked at the tangled bedclothes. Her mind was unable to form a single, rational thought. Where had all that happiness from a moment ago gone?
Like the whispers of parseltongue in Harry Potter, she could hear the negative murmurs slithering their way from the back of her mind to the forefront. They grew louder and louder, telling her all of the reasons why she would never be good enough.
Jaydon could never truly love her for her. She’d never be able to help Hailee. She was doomed to fall short, never enough. Not Christian enough, not sweet or gentle enough, not strong enough. And yet too much; too loud, too big, too opinionated, too damaged. Unworthy. Unlovable.
A guttural cry erupted from deep within as she forced the thoughts back.
“No!” she shouted, audibly, to the negative thoughts and whispers. The lies.
She began praying in earnest against the slurs straight from the pit of hell. She prayed familiar words, countering the lies with truths she’d had to remind herself of often. Gina whipped back the top sheet and rose out of bed, pacing her room and relishing the feel of the lush carpet under her feet as she moved, measuring every breath.
“Say to those who have an anxious heart, ‘Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God…. He will come and save you.’” She resolutely spoke aloud the verse from Isaiah that reassured her frequently when the ugly feelings came on. Most of the time these days they weren’t full blown attacks, but the overwhelming anxiety was just as frustrating. And the nausea that resulted? The worst.
Lord, you’ve got to help me get past this. I’m trying to trust you! It’s been such a long time since I’ve had an attack. Why now?
Gina thought back the past few weeks. Today had been such a good day. She needed answers. She was far too smart and independent to get jittery because of a guy, so that wasn’t it.
Okay. Deep breath. First, there was running into Ariana Castillo-Whatever and basically reliving some of her pivotal high school memories. The thought of her ten-year reunion alone made her more than a little queasy.
Add to that her best friend getting married. She was happy for Brynn and relished her role as Maid of Honor, but it was one more thing simmering under the surface.
Then there were things with her mom. Even though it was great news, it left her unsettled. However terrible it sounded, she’d grown used to her mom being an unbalanced mess. But a whole, healed, Christian mom? How could she predict or analyze her feelings about that?
Gina remembered learning in counseling that good stress was still stress.
Then, she figured in things with Hailee. She’d only met her once—was it really just this morning?—but knowing about the girl’s home life, not to mention the connection to her mother, that was another stressor. Something in that sweet, broken girl called out to Gina from the get-go and she felt a deep need to connect to her.
Factor in her magnetic attraction to Jaydon, it was a recipe for meltdown. No wonder she was having an epic freak out.
She breathed in long and slow. In, two, three. Out, two three. Repeat. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Identifying the roots to an attack often helped dispel it.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” She repeated that verse over and over. They used to sing it years ago when she’d gone to youth group for a while as a teen. She couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, but the melody still played in her head.
A spirit of power. God, you are the King of Kings with authority over all creation. As your daughter, you have given me authority over the voice of the enemy and it has to quiet in Jesus’ name.
The oppressive iron corset encasing her chest became more like compression bands.
A spirit of love. Your Word says “God is Love.” If you are Love, and you live in me, then love lives in me. Your word also says, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear.”
The compression bands released their stranglehold a smidge. Still, too tight.
A sound mind—I stand firm in the knowledge that I am a child of God; a strong, capable woman. I have thought logically through the causes of this anxiety and I will not let it defeat me. Thank you, Lord, for a clear head. Help me be mindful of the tools I’ve learned and not let this anxiety beat me.
She spent several minutes on a grounding technique Marla had taught her. She dug her toes into the carpet to feel the sensation of the ground beneath her feet. She ran her hand down her soft fuzzy robe. She smelled the fabric softener in her clean pajamas. Crickets chirped right outside her window, their song rhythmic and soothing.
With a final release, like a dam being burst, the tension gave way to a rushing flow of peace. She continued her deep breathing as she climbed back under the covers and settled into the comfort and softness that surrounded her, focusing on her senses. In minutes, her breathing became even and sleep finally came.
Early the next morning, an unresponsive screen revealed she’d forgotten to charge her cell phone. No wonder I didn’t hear from Jaydon!
Burrowing into her plush robe after a long, hot shower, Gina raised the phone as high as the cord allowed to check if it had charged long enough to turn back on. The name on her notification screen immediately sent her pulse spiking.
J: Hey, gorgeous. Today was awesome. Get some sleep, woman.
He did text last night!
She had to laugh. Normally if some guy tried to call her woman, she’d be tied between an eye roll, a brow raise, or the temptation to lift a certain finger in defiance, however inappropriate the gesture. But the way Jaydon said it in his teasing way, like he knew she’d let him get away with it, did funny things to her insides.
G: Mornin’, Jack.
His reply was immediate and she laughed. Jack?! Who’s Jack?
G: Jealous?
J: Should I be?
G: Nope. You’re Jack. As in Lumberjack. She added a tongue-out winky face.
J: Lumberjack, huh?
G: It’s the beard. Plus, that whole Paul Bunyan thing you’re rocking. Minus the flannel, thank God.
J: Not a fan of flannel?
G: Um, no. I do dig the snug tee shirts, though. That hint of tattoo peeking out yesterday? Hot.
J: I’ll have to keep that in mind. I’m rather fond of you in dark blue.
Huh? She searched her memories for what she’d worn when they’d run into each other in the past month. No dark blue. That was weird.
The bouncing dots on her screen gave her time to contemplate her reply.
J: You wore dark blue the night of Josh and Brynn’s party when we first met. I remember because it made your eyes shine like new pennies. You looked amazing.
He remembered all the way that far back? That was months ago, for two minutes! Had she really made such an impression on him even then?
Gina took a few hesitant steps over to the full-length mirror she usually avoided, except for a cursory glance at her finished look right before heading out the door most days.
She couldn’t bring herself to reply just yet. She needed to see something—to know what Jaydon saw each time he called her beautiful or gorgeous.
She so rarely allowed herself to step on the scale or check herself out, she just couldn’t know for sure how successful she’d been this year. There had been no motivation for her to look too hard at herself in the mirror, and what pudgy girl wants to see herself naked?
If she had let herself become a slave to the mirror or scale as she made the commitment to eating healthier and exercising more last year, then the most likely outcome would have been frustration at slow progress and ultimately, giving up. That’s how
it had gone in the past, anyway.
Maybe her logic was twisted, but it seemed like the only way to ensure she stuck with it this time and ended the yo-yo once and for all.
Not to mention that her unstable childhood made it difficult for her to get rid of perfectly good things, including clothes. Instead of buying clothes while she was trying to lose weight, she’d just rummaged through drawers and bins in her stockpile for something to wear when things became too loose or didn’t feel right. Who knew what size she was wearing these days?
Gina turned her face side to side, lifting and lowering her head at different angles. Her face did look slimmer. Huh. She stared at her robed body, brow furrowing almost painfully as she gave herself a critical once over. It was simply too hard to tell what she looked like with the bulky robe. Was it possible her body had changed more than she’d realized?
Only one way to know for sure.
Her heart started pounding. Those familiar quivers sent spasms throughout her middle. Knock it off! She refused to give in to the anxiety again. Last night had been miserable.
Girl, you are not one to avoid things and stick your head in the sand. You deal with things. You push through. Quit hiding and be bold!
Gina slipped open the thick luxe robe and let it fall to the floor. Standing there in her most comfortable cotton briefs and her faithful flesh tone bra, her jaw nearly fell to the floor.
No. Way.
No. Freaking. Way.
She had a waist. Like, a real, dip-in-at-the-sides waist. Not several inches of jiggly muffin top spilling over her panties. Okay, she admitted, not flat, and yes, it was soft, but still! Curves from boobs to waist to hip, like she hadn’t seen in ages!
And…were those muscles in her calves and the backs of her thighs? The despised jogs were doing their job! A long way from trim, pretty stick legs, but they were strong and shapely. Gina turned quickly to the side to get a better look behind her.
Holy cow! She didn’t have that much back fat squishing out above and below her bra anymore, either!
Whatever Comes Our Way (Everyday Love Book 2) Page 11
