His head turned when Belinda spoke.
“So, you’re a pastor?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Belinda, please. Ma’am makes me sound old. I’m barely forty.”
“I apologize. Yes, I’m the youth pastor at Well of Hope.”
“You said that. Been awhile, I admit, but I know what a youth pastor does. I take it you are part of the reason my kids are suddenly talkin’ about Jesus and tryin’ to get me to go to church and clean up my life?”
Huh. Direct, with an air of challenge. He could work with that.
“I suppose that may be part of it. Or maybe, your kids just love you.”
She looked at him with an expression that said, obviously, moron.
“You’re all wastin’ your time. I have no desire to serve a God who kills people who love him, leavin’ a wife and children heartbroken and alone with no way to take care of themselves.”
The bitterness she exuded nearly broke his heart. He knew exactly how she felt. Wasn’t that a little part of why he’d been so broken after Kelly? How could a loving God allow Kelly’s death when she’d just begun to come back to Him? It didn’t take long for him to wake up and realize that God hadn’t taken Kelly, she’d been in an accident, and that God allowing it to happen was probably merciful.
God knew what Kelly was like, and that she’d probably slip away again before long. Maybe her death at that time ensured she’d go into glory at her best. That reasoning was one of the things that had helped him truly start healing. It sounded harsh, but sometimes life is harsh.
“I understand how you feel, Belinda. I really do. I was married once, and my wife was killed as well.” Not that he wanted to tell her the whole story. Once to Gina was more than enough.
But if he could reach this woman and somehow help her to heal, come back into the fold, and straighten her life out for her children, then he’d do just about whatever it took. He’d love to see God fix this broken family. He’d love to fix it himself, if he could.
She looked surprised. “How’d she die?”
“Car accident. Head on with a semi after falling asleep at the wheel.”
She winced and looked away. When her eyes met his once more, they were hard as ice.
“My husband was shot point blank in the head on his way home from church, after openin’ his window to give money to a carjacker passin’ himself off as a panhandler.”
She spit out the words with such venom that his jaw clenched. He wanted to feel compassion for this woman, but the anger that was eating her alive was also crushing her children. Children who should not have to hear those words spoken so bluntly about their father. Children should be protected, not given a violent mental image of their father’s last moments in such a way.
He looked to Javi and Hailee, both bent over and staring at their shoes. Javier’s body was stiff, face pale. He jerked from his chair and escaped to the kitchen. The spoon clanked hard with the empty bowl’s slam into the sink. Jaydon’s gaze flicked back to Hailee and followed the trail of tears down her cheeks. Anger burned in his gut toward Belinda.
Mercy, Lord. Give me the words. Help me show your love and compassion.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” he began. But he was too frustrated to say more just yet. This woman was so hardened toward God, who she blamed for taking her husband. But not just toward God, hardened to everyone else as well. What kind of mother doesn’t even try to soften the blow of her own words while her children are in the room?
Gina once again managed to reach out with her gentleness. The melodic cadence of her voice eased the anger warring within him and helped him to muster the compassion that usually came so readily.
“I can’t even begin to imagine how horrifying that was for you to learn. Can I ask how long ago it happened?” Somehow, she’d managed to scoot closer to Belinda, and as she spoke, gently placed a hand on the woman’s forearm.
“Four years.” The hard edge to Belinda’s voice had softened. Now he could hear her grief break through. The air crackled with tension and emotion. Maybe if they helped this woman face her grief, she could begin the healing process. Maybe God really would fix this situation.
Jaydon cleared his throat. “Hailee mentioned you’d moved here awhile back?”
“Yeah, I had to get out of El Paso. Couldn’t handle all the memories anymore. Neither of us had any family or anything, so there was no reason to stay. I got a job here in Albuquerque and moved us last year.”
Poor kids. He wondered how long she’d been using drugs to escape her pain. If she’d managed to get a job here, maybe it hadn’t been that long? Or, more likely, she was a cyclical user like Eva had been. Get in deep, get clean for the kids, get back in deep, get clean again. Each relapse probably sent her in deeper and took longer for her to climb back out. Would she keep the cycle going until she eventually didn’t climb out anymore?
So many questions. He needed to help fix this. But where to even begin? Just how bad was it? She didn’t look like an addict. He frowned. His experience was severely limited.
Besides, didn’t a lot of mothers these days fall into addiction without even realizing it? He’d read somewhere that a lot of moms were using prescription drugs or even illegal ones to battle depression, societal pressure, and other emotional imbalances. No. He suspected this went deeper.
The look he remembered seeing in Hailee’s eyes that very first night came to mind.
The fear and resignation after her run-in with that punk in the alley.
The worry he often saw in her eyes, and her fierce protectiveness for her brother.
No, this problem with Belinda probably went back further than her husband’s death. He’d venture she’d battled depression or something most of her life. He could see it in the defensive way she held herself and the way she went from syrupy sweet to angry to sorrowful. Like Kelly.
But Jesus was bigger than all of it. He was the God of miracles. Lord, help all of us to reach through to this woman. Help us to shower her with your love. Help her become the mother these kids need and deserve.
Gina coughed, but it sounded forced. Jaydon looked to her questioningly and realized they’d carried half a conversation on without him. He’d been too busy observing Belinda’s body language, trying to discern as much as possible. Maybe the kids would be fine as long as someone came along to check in on them now and then.
What about that gangbanger, huh? He could have really hurt Hailee. He threatened to take payment from her…and you know he didn’t mean the monetary kind.
He and Gina would definitely have a lot to talk and pray about when they left.
“Mind if I check on Javi?”
Belinda shook her head. “Good luck. He doesn’t talk to me anymore.”
Jaydon rose and collected everyone’s empty dishes and carried them into the kitchen. Javi had managed to disappear, but no one had left the apartment, so he had to be close by.
A few steps across to the hall and he found him, feet on the floor, laying back on the foot of his bed staring at the ceiling. The bedclothes were rumpled and tossed in different directions, a few articles of clothing peeking out in places. He had earbuds in and Jaydon could hear the strains of a metal band.
Jaydon sat down on the edge of the bed next to Javi, who glanced his way expressionlessly. The boy could try to look like he didn’t care, but Jaydon wasn’t stupid. Guys had plenty of feelings, they were just conditioned not to show them. Yeah, they weren’t always clued in on why they felt them. Didn’t mean the feelings weren’t there or that they didn’t run deep.
“You okay?”
“Yup.” Javi rolled to one side, giving Jaydon his back.
“That had to hurt, hearing your mom talk about your dad like that.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
And yet, the music stopped.
“So, don’t.”
Javi rolled back and gave Jaydon an incredulous eyebrow before turning away again.
�
��Look, Javi, I’m not going to make you get all in touch with your feelings and share the depths of your soul or whatever. If you want to talk, let’s talk. If not, that’s okay too. I’m here either way.”
Jaydon stood and walked around the bed to look Javi in the eye.
“Look, I know Gina mentioned meeting with you guys to talk about God and learn more about the Bible and stuff. I think that’s cool. But you can also hang with me if you want. Girls are awesome and all, but sometimes you just need to hang out with other guys. Basketball, video games, whatever.”
“I’ve got friends and I don’t need a dad.”
“I respect that. I don’t want to try and be your dad. He’s gone and you’ll always miss him. It’s okay to miss him. And friends are cool, but maybe I could be like, I don’t know, a big brother or something. Like a cool uncle. Someone you can just do stuff with or ask questions.”
“Whatever.”
Okay. Not exactly encouraging but it seemed like he might be a little open to the idea.
Either way, Jaydon knew the boy was hurting and would need someone to talk to whenever he was ready. It would have to be on Javi’s terms, though. All he could do was be there, ready.
“I’ll leave you to your music. Sounded like good stuff.”
“Yeah. New band.”
“Cool. Anyone I’ve heard of?”
“Probably not. It’s a new indie metal band my friends told me about.”
They talked music for a few minutes, and Javi seemed to lose a bit of his edge. Jaydon left the room after leaving his card on the dresser.
“You call me if you ever need me, okay, Javi?”
“Yeah, okay, whatever.” The boy tried to sound aloof, but his tone was lighter. That was good enough for now.
Chapter 25
Gina
“I think I left a little bit of my heart back there.” Gina breathed out a long sigh.
Jaydon reached across his truck’s bench seat and clasped her fingers, giving them a gentle squeeze. “Me, too.”
“How’d it go with Javi?”
He shared with her what had transpired when he’d disappeared, having left her alone on the couch to listen to Belinda Miller-Garcia waffle between her anger at God, grief over her husband, frustrations over being a single mother, and lighthearted babbling about her job…or jobs. Seems she’d had a couple of them already since the move.
“I’m glad. I feel better having seen where they live, but I still feel like there’s more there than meets the eye.”
Jaydon nodded. “Agreed. On the surface, everything looks good. Maybe too good. Hailee looks so tired. I wonder how much she’s doing to keep up appearances.”
Gina frowned. Memories of Tonya, frazzled and in her waitress uniform, rushing through the apartment cleaning up dirty dishes and cast-off laundry. Arguments between her fifteen-year-old self and twenty-year-old Tonya over the division of chores and keeping their rent-assisted apartment looking vaguely habitable.
Nights spent hiding, alone, when her mother was God only knew where and Tonya was on the diner’s night shift or at her boyfriend’s, having eventually given up sheltering her little sister at the expense of having a life. Tonya moving out, refusing to take Regina with her and telling her it was time to grow up—no more tagging along.
And then memories of events so frequent and similar they ran together. One dealer or another sniffing around, trying to collect her mom’s debts and insinuating the favors they’d take for an extension. Creditors calling to harass anyone stupid enough to answer the phone, until it got disconnected. Eviction notices again and again.
Gina, resorting to staying gone as much as possible, picking up shifts anywhere she could find work as a teenager. Having to learn to keep up appearances, pay bills, create budgets, and still make good enough grades to graduate so she could make an escape and fulfill all those promises and resolutions she’d made to herself to get out and have control over her own life.
Breathe in. Out. Slower. In. Out.
She felt the truck bounce and shift oddly and then heard the gearshift slide home as they came to a stop. Gina’s eyes flew open and she blinked. When had she squeezed them shut?
“You okay, babe?” Jaydon’s low, gentle rumble was comforting.
“Yeah. Just a lot of memories.”
“I thought as much. Come here.” He reached over and she felt the belt release before he pulled her into his arms. He smelled so good. Felt even better.
He didn’t try to fill the cabin with noise. She was thankful for the comfort his arms gave, his lips pressing into her hair. A man like Jaydon was a rare treasure. She felt unworthy of the care he so freely lavished. The way he was so in tune with her feelings and gave her the space to simply feel them. Safe.
She’d always scoffed at the sound bites that claimed a woman’s deepest need was for security. She knew it was true to a degree, but the thought of finding that in another person had always been laughable. So many had let her down, left her alone, or wanted something from her that she’d never thought it possible to find someone who made her feel safe and cared for. A man who hadn’t used the words yet, but expressed his love in every open conversation, every touch, every shared look.
“Thank you, Jaydon.”
“What for?”
“Being you.”
He chuckled softly and pressed another kiss into her hair. A sigh escaped, but a happy one.
She probably should hold back until a more appropriate time, but she couldn’t stop the words that begged for release. Safely enfolded in his embrace, head against his chest in that perfect crook that felt made for her, she let them go.
“I love you, Jaydon.”
He tensed, and for a moment she was terrified she’d ruined everything. She should have known better. With his history after Kelly, he wasn’t ready and—
A calloused hand lifted her chin, and those muscled, thick arms turned her slowly until their faces were inches apart. Those freakishly blue eyes probed hers with a ferocious intensity.
And then he smiled, so big and warm that the temperature in the truck cabin had to have shot up ten degrees. Her heart flip-flopped—or was that her stomach? That look, though!
“Gina?” he practically whispered, his breath a sugary, lemony caress. “I love you, too. So much.”
His lips reached hers, and she was so hungry for his kiss that she didn’t even register the scrape of his beard or the tickle of the curls across his upper lip. His hand slid into her hair and her hands answered with a trek up his chest and around his neck. Her heart was pounding. His tongue lightly swept past her full lips and tangled with hers in an intoxicating give and take.
She turned her body just enough that she could get closer without actually climbing into his lap. But his arms—gah! Those arms!—pulled her right on top of him. A hand skimmed her waist, just brushing the skin along her hip, leaving tingles of sensation in their wake. The kisses grew hotter, tongues more demanding, breaths shallow. His hands were making a path across her back and sides and still, they weren’t in the right spot. She moved to straddle him but slammed into the steering column.
The pain that shot up her leg and the surprised cry she emitted jerked them both out of their make-out induced haze. They stared at one another in near disbelief from the intensity. She quickly realized where she’d been headed, as did he. Jaydon’s hands went to his face and dragged down his beard the way they always did.
Carefully readjusting her clothes, they sat in silence a moment, regaining their composure.
A gleeful grin crept to her lips. They definitely needed to lay down some ground rules, but she couldn’t bring herself to feel too badly. She loved Jaydon’s nearly-losing-control kisses.
Was it too much to hope that someday, she’d have the right to see him lose that control?
Gina took in his profile out the corner of her eye and the smile bubbled even bigger.
Jaydon was looking at her from the corner of his eye, too, and when their e
yes met, they both burst out laughing.
“Good heavens, woman!” He was shaking his head, trying to look annoyed at her but failing miserably. And there went another face scrub with one big ol’ hand. “I can see we’re going to have to set ourselves some limits.”
“Ya think?!” Ugh, did she really just snort at that?
His dark blue eyes still shone with adoration, but the rest of his expression turned serious.
“Both of us have past experience. In some ways, that makes waiting even more difficult because we both know how good the rest of it can be. Or as I suspect with our chemistry, how it might be even better than the past.”
He tucked both her hands into his before going on. “I love you. I want you. I’m a man of God, but, I am a man. And God most definitely knows you tempt me like I’ve never been tempted,” he shook his head with a wry smile and her heart soared with his confession, “but if we want this to last…”
“…we have to make God-honoring choices and avoid temptation,” she finished for him.
He leaned back in his chair and blew out a breath.
“Yes. Thank you. I’m glad you get it.”
“Well, duh! You make me feel the same way, you crazy, sexy, hairy giant!”
His grin reflected hers. “So, uh, ground rules?”
She laughed. “I don’t do so well with rules, Jaydon. If anything, they make me want to push the line until it breaks. How about we commit to one another not to put ourselves in a position that leaves us open to compromise? We make sure we’re no longer alone in each other’s homes. We keep the making out in the car to a minimum…and definitely avoid me being anywhere near your lap.”
His chuckle was accompanied by that look she so cherished. How was it possible this man loved her this much, already?
Whatever Comes Our Way (Everyday Love Book 2) Page 20
