“I’m me Luke, I’m always me.”
“No, brother, you were starting to get back to who you really are and then we fucked it up for you with our damn plan. That wasn’t right, we shouldn’t have asked that of you, and trust me, we all regret it.”
“You didn’t make me agree to it.” I interrupted.
“No, but we also didn’t think it through, didn’t realize how deeply you’d already fallen for her. Jake, man, you’re a fucking amazing brother; funny, trustworthy, and loyal to your core. That’s the man she needs to get to know. She had a taste of him, and you know it because that’s when she finally let you in and then she lost him again. From what I know about Lanie, she’s lost a lot in her life and I’d imagine right now she’s protecting herself from losing more.”
I nodded. “You’re right about that.”
Luke lifted his hand and squeezed the back of my neck. “Be yourself Jake. Go home, take care of your boy, and let go of all the guilt you feel for that damn shooting. They were going to get to me one way or another, the only ones to blame are that damn MC and Julie. I’m going to take them all down, that’s not something for you to worry about. That’s for me, a really pissed off police force and an equally pissed DEA, to take care of.”
“She brings out the best in you man, we all saw it at dinner that Sunday.” Ben added.
I agreed with that, she made me want to be better, want to be stronger, a better dad, and better for her too. I slapped my palms down on the bar top and stood up, backing away from the stool. Shoving my hand in my pocket, I grabbed some bills and threw them down on the bar.
“You fuckers better be right.”
They both grinned. “This is gonna be fun to watch.”
I grinned back at Ben because he was right. I was bound to fuck this up, but if they think the real Jake is the way to go, and I might have a chance with her, then watch out Lanie.
I drove home after leaving my brothers, my mind considering everything they’d said. They were right, but so was Lanie and I couldn’t imagine shoving any more of my shit into her life. No one had seen Julie or heard any whispers about her. Cam even approached her girl posse asking questions and they all denied having any contact with her. The only one I’d told him I knew and to keep an eye on was her friend Tracey, who I’d always felt was Julie’s puppet, and would do anything to make the puppet master happy.
I pulled into my driveway, my eyes straying to Lanie’s house; dark, all except a light left on in the kitchen and I would be so fucking happy if she never moved back there. I’ll know I’ll never forget what I saw when I walked through her front door the last time, it scares the hell out of me to think how she’d feel being in there again.
I ran up the front steps of my house and through the door, to see Pike sitting at my kitchen island typing something out on his phone.
“Hey man.” I threw my keys in the bowl I had sitting on the counter, the only way I don’t misplace the damn things.
He glanced up after finishing his text, or what I was assuming was a text, and shoved his phone into his front pocket. “Hey Jake.”
“How is she?”
Pike’s expression said all I needed to know. “I hope just tired, but she seems too quiet, it makes me nervous.”
My forehead furrowed. “Why?”
He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his shaggy dark blond hair. “After I got out of the hospital a few years ago, I was in bad shape, in pain, pissed off, I completely cut off from the world. My entire focus was revenge. I don’t think she’s thinking that way, but I do see some of the same expressions on her face that I knew mine had held.”
That made me nervous too. Pike had been in an explosion and was thought to be dead, but he’d actually survived and dedicated his recovery to taking down the man who’d killed his sister, with the help of Cam, but I’d heard it was a long road for him.
I didn’t want that for Lanie.
“You were alone man.” He nodded his agreement. “I’m going to make sure she never feels alone.”
Pike smiled. “That’s what I was hoping you’d say.”
“Paige still here?”
I was surprised when he shook his head no. “She left when Lanie went to bed.”
“That surprises me, I’d figured she was going to stay, at least tonight.”
“I did too, but she reads Lanie well and when I walked her out, she explained that since they were young, there were times that Lanie needed her space to be able to think and work things out for herself.”
I frowned and he cocked his head to the side. “You don’t agree?”
“No,” I rolled my lips together, thinking of a way to explain what I’ve seen in Lanie. “I think sometimes when she has too much time alone, she gets lost in her head, and I’m not sure that’s a good place for her to be.”
“I get that man, believe me. Her childhood sounds a lot like mine and unfortunately we were conditioned young how to think about ourselves. It’s why I’m convinced my sister turned to drugs, to silence those thoughts.”
I slapped my hand against his shoulder because I knew the loss of his sister was still fresh even though it happened years ago. He described himself as more of a father to her than a brother, her death had to cut deep. “I don’t want her to have those thoughts anymore, those damn doubts about herself. I want to fix that for her.”
“That’s nice brother, and doesn’t surprise me considering your family, but she’s the only one that can change how she thinks. You can’t do it for her, even though I know if you could, you would.”
I threw my hands on my hips. The stubborn gene in our family is strong, Jax and Brody being the worst, but we’ve all been known to plant our feet when something matters to us. “I’m going to spend as much time as it takes to do whatever I can to change how she thinks, and I plan to tell her everyday what she means to me.”
“And what is she to you?”
My answer was abrupt. “Everything.”
He nodded in approval, moving past me, slapping his hand on my shoulder as he walked. “I’m gonna to get going. Text me about an hour before you leave for work, I’ll head over.” He stopped at the door, his hand on the knob and turned back. “Oh, one more thing, Ben brought Beasley back a while ago. He’s not left her side since he walked his gigantic ass into this house.”
I chuckled, I’d expected that. “Thanks man.”
He smirked. “Good luck.”
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
LANIE
I’d heard Jake’s bedroom door open and stiffened, wrapping my arm around Beasley’s body, shoving my face into his neck. I knew I was safe here, but even that knowledge didn’t stop my heart from beating faster. Beasley’s low growl vibrated through his body.
“Beasley.” Jake’s deep voice echoed through the quiet room.
Beasley thumped his tail and I exhaled, calming right down, along with my dog. Jake approached the bed and dropped his hand to his head, running it over him soothingly. He moved from the bed and I lifted my head to see him turn on the bathroom light and close the door behind him.
I exhaled, my body relaxing again and rolled back into Beasley’s warm body. It wasn’t more than a few minutes when the door opened again and I felt Jake emerge, I didn’t even have to look. I felt him approach the bed, placing his hand against my hip and leaning towards Beasley.
“Come on boy, get down.”
I frowned when Beasley moved from the bed, flopping loudly on the floor, groaning while he situated himself. Jake threw back the covers, climbing in the bed behind me and laying his hand against my hip gently. “Are you awake?”
“Yeah.” I whispered.
He wrapped his arm around my waist, hand to my belly and pulled me back against his body. I couldn’t deny it felt good and safe, but it also felt temporary and that scared me more than anything else at the moment.
Well, except for maybe going home. That terrified me.
He buried his face into the back of my n
eck, tucking himself in close to my back. “How are you feeling baby?”
“Okay.” I lied.
He squeezed his hand against my stomach. “Tell me the truth.”
“Scared.” I admitted, my voice small.
“I know.” His breath felt warm against my cheek. “I promise you Lanie, you are safe here. I’m not going to let anything happen to you and when I’m at work, Pike’s going to do the same damn thing.”
“I know.”
“Lanie, baby.” He pushed up on his elbow leaning over me, carefully turning my head towards him, careful of the bandage on my head, his eyes flashing with anger before he closed them. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. “let me take care of you.”
I rolled to my back and continued rolling, pushing myself tight up against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face into his neck breathing his natural scent, relaxing almost immediately. He ran his hand up and down my back in a soothing pattern, causing my mind to settle and my body to melt into his. He held me so close I thought if I could only stay here forever, I’d always feel safe and loved. My last thoughts before my heavy eyes closed reminded me that for Jake everything was temporary.
His face flashed before mine while I backed away, but he kept coming, closer and closer, I couldn’t look away. His eyes were dead, no emotion, the crazy smile never leaving his face. I forced my legs to turn so I could run, but everywhere I ran his face stayed in front of me, taunting me, showing me there was no where I could run, nowhere I could hide where I wouldn’t see his face.
Something warm dripped into my eyes and I blinked and blinked, whatever it was burned, so badly I reached my hands up, scrubbing at my eyes. He threw his head back, laughing loudly while I ran, almost blinded from the burning liquid in my eyes. I tripped, falling to my knees, but scrambled up quickly, running towards a beautiful man waving at me from far across the wide expanse.
Jake.
Relief washed over me and I kept running, tripping over my own feet while I ran, but I didn’t seem to be making any progress. He still seemed so far away. I yelled out for him and he waved again, but he was moving farther away. He was leaving me, his form getting smaller. I ran faster, but I couldn’t go fast enough to catch him. I tripped one final time, this time staying down, pressing my hands to my head to calm the throbbing, but it only became more intense. He disappeared over the crest of a hill in front of me and with one last hope, I yelled for him, begging him to come back, to not leave me like everyone always has. He disappeared completely from sight. I closed my eyes, breathing hard, sharp pains slicing through my head. I slowly opened my eyes only to stare into the face consumed by cold, dead eyes.
“Lanie!” I woke with a start, sitting up quickly, breathing hard, my eyes darting around the room. Jake was sitting in front of me, his arm outstretched, holding something against my forehead.
“Jake,” I whispered, wincing when my head throbbed.
“Baby,” he said, his eyes filled with sympathy. “You’re okay, you’re safe.”
He pulled something from my forehead and my eyes shot to his when I saw it was a small towel covered in blood.
“What happened?” I glanced back down at the bloody towel.
Jake reached up and moved a lock of my hair off my forehead, tucking it behind my ear. “You were moving around a lot, kept covering your face and head, and ended up ripping one of your stitches.”
“Something warm was dripping in my eye.” I whispered, lost in the memory of my dream. “I kept wiping my eyes to clear them, it was burning.”
He wiped another wet piece of hair off my forehead. “You’re drenched in sweat Lanie that was probably what was burning your eyes.” He put his palm to my cheek. “I had trouble waking you, baby, I’m so sorry. I wanted to get you out of your head, but you wouldn’t wake up.”
I felt tears well in my eyes, but I swallowed them back down, dropping my eyes to the bracelet on my wrist, and ran my fingertip over it. I refused to take it off in the hospital, it being the only thing in my life that had always stayed with me.
“You were yelling my name.” He moved his hand to cup my chin, tilting it up until he could see my eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I couldn’t get to you.” I whispered. “You waved, but you kept getting farther and farther away. Then you just left, you disappeared and left me with that monster.”
He wrapped his arms around me tightly, pushing my face against his chest. I rolled my head to the side without stitches, wincing when they brushed against his bare chest. “I’m right here Lanie. I’m right here, I haven’t left you, I haven’t disappeared and I never will.”
His chest felt warm against my cheek, the rumbling in his chest comforting when he was speaking. He pulled back and stood up, gently taking my forearm, and pulled me up to stand in front of him. I followed him when he led me into the bathroom, stopping in front of the shower. He reached in and turned on the water. I watched the steam form while he removed the bandages from my hands.
“Lift your arms baby.” My attention snapped back to him and I raised my arms so he could pull off my tank top. He bent and pulled my pajama pants from my legs, my panties following close behind. He quickly pulled his black boxer briefs from his body and took me into the shower with him, closing the glass door behind us.
The water was warm and soothing as he gently moved my head under the shower head, rinsing my hair. His hands felt so good when he massaged shampoo into my hair and scalp, rinsing it slowly, even putting in some conditioner for me. He grabbed my loofah that had been sitting on the counter with my other things, but somehow was now in the shower, and squirted some soap on it. He ran it slowly over my body, but nothing about it felt sexual, it felt comforting and if I was still lost in my old dreams of Jake, I’d even say it felt loving.
He finished washing me and I waited while he quickly showered himself, watching the water run over his hard, fit body. He reached around behind me and turned off the water, grabbed a towel from the counter outside the shower, and wrapped it around my body. I toweled myself dry while he did the same before disappearing back into the bedroom. I dried my hair with the towel, and watched him walk back in wearing a new pair of boxer briefs, this pair gray and carrying a pair of my panties and one of his t-shirts.
He helped me into the t-shirt, careful of my stitches and my hands. I pulled on my panties while he found the cream for my stitches and my hands, coating them both liberally. He put his hands on my waist after he laid the cream back on the bathroom counter and before I realized what he was doing, he’d lifted me onto the counter, parting my legs once I was sitting and moving to stand between my thighs.
He went to work, his expression serious while he put a fresh bandage over my stitches and wrapped my hands.
“Thank you, Jake.” I whispered, staring at the top of his head still bent over finishing the wrap on my left hand.
He put a final strip of tape on to hold the ends together, set the wrap and tape down beside my leg and then lifted his head, his face close to mine. “I am going to work every day to prove to you that I’m not going anywhere Lanie. I fucked up. No matter what it takes, no matter how long it takes, I’m going to show you who I really am.”
He wrapped his large hands back around my waist and lifted me down from the counter, setting my feet on the floor. His fingers looped loosely around my wrist and he pulled me along with him, encouraging me to crawl into bed ahead of him. I had barely layed back down when he climbed in behind me and wrapped his body around mine.
I turned, burying my face into his neck, like I had before. Shoving my leg in between his, I pushed in tight and sighed when his arms tightened.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
LANIE
A week had gone by, and as hard as I tried to stay detached, to keep my armor in place against his charms, I was weakening. He’d not been exaggerating when he said he would be with me as often as he could. He’d wake me in the morning after sleeping b
eside me all night, get in the shower with me after a nightmare in the middle of the night, which seemed to relax my body enough to go back to sleep, always positioning himself tight against me and I never fought him. I wanted him beside me in his bed even knowing when it ends it will be that much harder to go back to sleeping alone.
He’d wrap my hands every day until yesterday morning when I finally told him they felt good enough to leave the wraps off. He’d taken me to the hospital the morning after my first nightmare and they’d fixed the damage I’d done to my stitches, which now seemed to be healing really well. The nightmares weren’t as bad as they had been only a few days ago and I’d felt good enough to start working on a few projects I’d put on hold. I was spending my days with Braydon, my nights with Jake and unfortunately I knew I needed to move on soon. I already loved them both, everyday loving them more, loving being in this house with them, but I knew I was living in the dream world I’d created.
I’d seen a new side of Jake this past week, making it harder to keep any emotional distance. He was funny, really funny, always playing with Bray after work and joking around with Luke. I found myself laughing more each day, enjoying my time spent with the whole family, including Pike.
Today was Sunday and I was still lying in bed even though Jake had gotten up a while ago. I needed some time to myself, something I hadn’t really had in a while to come to terms with the decision I’d made to move out. I wasn’t ready to go back to my house, but I was considering moving in with Paige for a little while until I felt I could stay in my house alone again. I knew Jake would fight me, but the truth was I needed to go for my own good and I was sure Pike could spend time with me there as easily as he had here.
From where I still lay with my head propped on the pillow, I saw the bedroom door open slightly and then the sound of little feet running across the hardwood floors in Jake’s room.
“Wanie.” Bray whispered loudly. “I sweep wif you?”
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