by Simone Evans
“Cherry gets sick in the morning at school, too!” Lily beamed, adding salt to my injury. I didn’t bother looking up but I felt the glares of GramMa and Auntie burning a hole in the sides of my head.
“Does she now?” GramMa asked.
“She does, GramMa,” Branch replied. “We rub her belly and tell her we hope she feels better.”
Those words had me choking on thin air. GramMa and Auntie both helped me get the invisible lodge out of my throat by thumping me on the back. If they kept helping me, I was going to have a few broken bones.
“I heard Sister Mary Agnes say to herself that Cherry needed to take a test!” Lily grumped. “Cherry’s a grownup. She doesn’t need to take a test!”
Heavenly Father! Just take me now!
“Daddy takes tests. He’s a grownup!” Branch interjected. I don’t know if he was helping or hindering my case.
“Dat girl do need to be takin’ a test,” Auntie nodded and whacked me in the back of my head with her hand. “Why you still be sittin’ dare? Get up and get your shoes on.”
“Levan Clarke, you best be gettin’ up out dat seat or you gonna have hell to pay today, boy!” GramMa warned.
They were in the way of scooting my chair back so I debated on throwing myself across the table and making a run for my shoes. However, they must have sensed my skittishness so they stepped away from my chair. They both gestured for me to get my ass moving, which I did without another prompt.
Once I had my shoes and jacket on, GramMa gave me a thermos filled with chicken soup. Branch and Lily insisted on coming with me but settled when GramMa bribed them with making cookies. Ten thousand hugs and kisses later from the twins, five more smacks with the wooden spoon from GramMa, and at least a thousand more You be a damn fool, eediat from Auntie, and I was finally on my way out the door.
I walked out of the corner store with the bag in my hand. My hands had shaken as I placed it on the counter for the cashier to scan it. How could this be? I was right back where I was almost four years ago with the twins’ mother.
Their mother hadn’t been the one to get the pregnancy test. I had been the one to put two and two together and took the initiative to buy the test. And, now with Cherry, I was buying the test; although, I hadn’t been the one to put two and two together.
I wasn’t around much in the mornings lately because of work. And, when we talked in the morning on the phone or via text, Cherry always made things seem like they were okay.
Did she not realize she might be pregnant? Or maybe she knew and was trying to figure out what to do next? Or maybe she didn’t want me in the picture? But then why did she let the twins stay over?
Nothing was adding up. Nothing made sense. And, the closer I got to her apartment, the tighter the knots in my stomach became and the more lightheaded I felt.
My plans of proposing to Cherry next month were now up in the air. I had even bought the ring, picked out the perfect restaurant, and knew exactly how I was going to do it. Everything was going to be perfect for my proposal to the woman I loved.
But if she was pregnant, I couldn’t propose because then she’d most likely think I was doing it because she was pregnant. Which wouldn’t be the reason at all. I wanted to marry her because she meant the world to the twins and me; not because she may or may not be pregnant with my child.
Levan, you royally fucked this one up.
Chapter Twenty-One
Cherry
Once Lola left, I sipped my tea and picked at a muffin while I thought about Norm’s phone call. It really pissed me off that he thought all he needed to do was call me and I’d drop my new life to come running back to him. His parents had not been happy with him when things had gone south, maybe they forced him to drop the other girl and come back to me. But why would he have said what he did when I was hanging up?
‘It wasn’t you, Cheryl. It was me. I’m sterile. I can’t have kids.’
Was he blowing smoke up my skirt? Or was he being truthful? It had always seemed strange how he’d refused to go to the doctor to have fertility tests done. After the first few years, I had brought up testing to see if there were issues and he’d put his foot down. Being the dutiful wife, I had gone along with him. But now that I thought about his reaction, maybe there was something more to it than I’d known.
Picking up the phone, I dialed a number I never thought I would call again. It wasn’t that I had any hard feelings for Norm's parents but when everything had collapsed around me, it was just too painful.
“Hello.” The familiar voice froze me and I almost hung up the call. Only my need for information helped me to answer.
“Hello, Jeanne. It’s Cherry.” I plastered a smile on my face in hopes that it would help me sound more at ease than I felt.
“Cheryl!” Jeanne exclaimed. “Norman, it’s Cheryl. Sweetheart, how are you?”
My smile became genuine as I pictured my ex’s parents sitting in their living room. Jeanne would get out of her chair and head to the kitchen while Norman Sr. continued to watch his shows. It had been interesting when his mom started talking to Norman and they would both answer her. Dinners with his folks were some of the few good memories I hung onto.
“Cheryl?” Jeanne’s voice was concerned.
“I’m here,” I replied immediately. “I… uh…” How in the world was I to ask the question in my head?
“Junior called you, didn’t he?” Jeanne’s voice became a bit angry. “Cheryl, I love my boy but it was wrong what he did to you. I told him to leave you be.”
“He did call. Which is why I’m calling… he… uh… said something that I’m not sure about.” I stumbled to find the guts to ask my question.
“About his swimmers?” Jeanne asked with a chuckle.
I laughed and grinned at Jeanne Roberts. She was an amazing woman who never held back.
“Basically,” I sighed and inhaled a deep breath to fortify me. “He wanted me to come back. Then when I was hanging up, he said he’s sterile. Jeanne, he refused to be tested when we were married.”
“Because he didn’t have to have another test done,” Jeanne replied.
“What do you mean another?” I asked.
“Well, you see… he had some issues as a boy and the doctors ran tests on him once he hit puberty and said that he most likely wouldn’t have children. Something like a million in one chance.” Jeanne clarified.
“So, he knew when we got married?” I asked hollowly.
“Yes, dear. I thought you knew or I would have told you. Believe me when I found out about that harlot… I was fit to be tied and I gave Junior a what for. To think he thought that woman’s baby was his. I’m not sure why he even bothered having the paternity test done. There was no way that baby was his.” Jeanne’s words brought tears to my eyes. The one thing I really hated Norm’s cheating ass for was the fact that I lost my connection to his parents.
“Thanks, Jeanne. I’m sorry but I really need to go… I uh… will talk to you soon.”
“Sweetheart, I hope you do but I understand. Just tell me one thing, are you happy?”
“Yes, Jeanne. Very happy,” I replied as thoughts of Levan and the twins filled my mind. “Very.”
“Good. You have our phone number and address, so don’t be afraid to call if you need anything. And I mean anything, Cheryl. You’re the daughter I never had. My dumbass son won’t ever change that.” Jeanne’s voice grew raspy as she spoke. “We love you, sweetheart. Now, make sure you send us a Christmas card this year.”
Jeanne chuckled and the phone went dead before I could reply.
Love for Mr. and Mrs. Roberts filled me as anger filled me at their lying asshole of a son. How such great people could raise such an asshat, I would never know.
Norm had allowed me to think that our lack of children was my fault. He had made me feel like a failure each month that my period arrived.
My hand dropped to my stomach. Levan and I… Fuck. I’m an idiot.
I must have falle
n asleep after my phone call with Jeanne because I woke up to someone pounding on my apartment door.
My sleep had been restless and full of dreams… or maybe they were nightmares. The two phone calls and the realizations that followed had me tied in knots. I’d been staring at my phone waiting on Levan to call or text when I’d fallen to sleep.
“Cherry,” a deep voice called out as the knocking resumed and I rolled off of the couch and staggered to the door.
Out of habit, I looked through the peephole. Levan’s face was creased with worry and I immediately began flipping the locks and removing the chain to let him in.
“Levan, what’s wrong?” I asked as he pushed into the apartment.
Glancing at the clock on the shelf by my TV, I scrunched up my face in confusion.
“Levan, why aren’t you still at your grandma’s?”
“Cherry…” Levan sighed and set a bag on my coffee table as he dropped to the couch.
“You’re really scaring me, Levan.” I hurried to lock the door so I could go sit beside him.
My eyes moved to the bag on the table but I flicked them back to Levan when he groaned. He was rubbing his face with both hands and really looked stressed about something. What could have happened? I wondered. When they left my house, they were only going to church and then to his grandma’s…
“Did something happen to one of the twins?” I asked as fear tightened in my gut.
“What?” Levan lifted his head and dropped his hands to his lap. “No. They’re fine, they’re with GramMa and Auntie.”
“Then talk to me,” I pleaded.
“I was...” he sighed and turned to face me. “I was just worried about you. I shouldn’t have left you here alone when you’re not feeling well. GramMa yelled at me and sent you soup.” He grinned weakly and reached to the floor to bring a thermos up to hand to me.
“Oh… I’m okay,” I muttered as nerves filled me. What would Levan’s reaction be to the news I thought I had to tell him?
Levan had talked only minimally about the twins’ mother, but I knew the twins hadn’t been planned and that they were the best thing to come from the relationship. Would he react poorly? And, if I am…
Shaking my head, I focused back on Levan and accepted the thermos.
“Thank your grandma for me. I’ve only had a bit of a muffin today.” I looked at the partially eaten muffin still sitting on the coffee table.
“Cherry, you have to take care of… yourself.” Levan began twisting his goatee furiously enough that he winced. “Look, I need you to be honest with me, sweetheart. This weekend… it… made a lot of things clear for me and I was going to ask you something but now I’m not sure I should. I had plans for next month because I didn’t want to rush but when you know, you know. Right?”
Laughter burst from me as I struggled to keep up with Levan.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I laughed. “But this weekend was the best one I’ve had in over five years,” I admitted easily.
Levan shifted on his cushion and moved even closer into my space. I smiled up at him. When his hand came up and cupped the side of my face, I leaned into the touch. For the first time since he left that morning, I felt my muscles relax and I let out a contented sigh.
“Cherry Jones, I love you,” Levan murmured as he pressed a soft kiss to my lips.
A smile spread across my face and my heart felt overly full.
“I love you, too, Levan Clarke. You and your adorable twins. The three of you have given me so much.” I sighed and leaned further into his touch.
“In that case, will you marry me?” Levan whispered.
“What?” Shock filled me and my eyes snapped open. I gaped at Levan as my heart raced and my chest tightened. Gasping for air, I gripped onto his arm.
My vision became spotty as the panic attack took hold.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Levan
Cherry’s reaction to my words filled me with panic and regret. She gasped for air and clutched at her chest. Her eyes were wide. Her skin flushed and she looked like she was on the verge of passing out.
How could I have been so stupid and propose to her? The thought of marrying me caused her body to respond like this. The thought of marrying me horrified her.
“Cherry, breathe,” I said softly. Despite how I felt on the inside, I ensured that Cherry didn’t hear a hint of those emotions in my voice as I tried to calm her. “Everything will be okay.”
Once I leave, you’ll be able to breathe again.
The corners of my eyes filled with tears. My chest squeezed as though an elephant was sitting on me. My heart felt like it was being ripped to pieces. My world shattered around me, but still, I worried about Cherry.
“Cherry, please, you have to breathe,” I kissed the side of her head and rubbed her back. “Just focus on my voice. Everything will be okay.”
Cherry continued to take short, sporadic breaths. The kind of breaths that would eventually lead to hyperventilation and her passing out. Even if she didn’t want me, I still wanted the best for her.
I knelt down on the floor between her legs and faced her. Her face was buried in her hands. I brought down her hands and cupped the sides of her face with my hands.
“In…” I inhaled a deep breath. “Out…” I let out a deep breath. “Just do as I do,” I whispered and continued pacing my breathing for her to copy. She attempted to copy my breathing pattern, but she was still in panic mode.
“Cherry, you have to relax,” I looked her in her eyes. “Please. Come back to me. I need you to be healthy. Just breathe. Okay?”
She nodded frantically and then attempted to copy my breathing. The first few breaths she took were uneven and choppy; however, her breathing soon matched my pace. The color in her skin was coming back, and her body relaxed.
“That’s my girl,” I smiled.
I know I shouldn’t have called her my girl, but I couldn’t help it. Cherry would always be my girl. She was the only woman for me. Cherry was the woman who completed me. She was the missing piece in my life.
And you threw it all away by proposing, I groaned to myself.
Once Cherry was breathing normally on her own, I stroked the side of her face, kissed the tip of her nose and stood.
“Let’s get you in bed, and then I’ll leave,” I said, lifting her up onto her feet.
“What?” she shirked, making me wince. “You’re leaving me? Oh. God. You hate me.” She broke out into hysterical tears. “I swear, I didn’t think I could get pregnant. I’m so sorry, Levan.”
Her legs gave out from under her, and I quickly scooped her into my arms and carried her into the bedroom. I tried to lay her down, but she wrapped her arms around my neck and held onto me. Instead of trying again to lay her down, I simply sat on the bed with my back against the headboard.
“Talk to me, Cherry,” I whispered. “What’s going on?”
By this point, I was confused. I thought she had freaked out because I proposed to her. However, she seemed to freak out just the same, when she thought I was leaving. Did she want me in her life? Or out of her life?
“Levan,” she sobbed into my jacket. “What if I am? Are you going to hate me?”
“Cherry,” I rubbed her back. “I could never hate you. Never in a million years could I hate you.”
She sat up and sniffled. I wiped the tears from her eyes.
“Really?” she sniffled again.
“Really,” I smiled and kissed her gently. “I meant it when I said I love you, Cherry.”
“But, what if…” Her words faded as her hand came to her stomach. Her eyes focused down on her hand. “I swear on everything, Levan, I didn’t think I could get preg…”
The word was just as hard for her to say as it was for me.
“Cherry, we’re adults. We both knew what could happen if we didn’t use protection,” I paused briefly. “Yes, we had talked about your past, but there was nothing in stone about you not being able
to… so why would I be mad at you?” I asked, lifting her chin so I could see her face.
“Still, I don’t want you to hate me for ruining your life!” she cried into my jacket. Her shoulders rose and lowered heavily with each sob. I held her, hoping she could feel my love for her.
“Cherry, I will never hate you,” I assured her again.
“Even if I’m pregnant?” she asked in a tiny voice between sobs.
“Cherry,” I chuckled. “I love you unconditionally.”
“I love you, too,” she sniffled. “I’m so–”
“Don’t apologize. Please,” I begged. “You’re breaking my heart. I don’t like seeing you sad or hurt. We’ll get through this together. I promise.”
Minutes ticked by in silence while I held Cherry. She no longer sobbed. Her body was relaxed, but I knew she still needed time to digest everything. Hell. We both did.
Cherry’s hand was still on her stomach. My eyes were locked on her hand almost the entire time during our silence. What if she was pregnant with my child?
“Why are you smiling?” Cherry asked weakly. I looked up from her hand to find her staring at me.
“I didn’t even realize I was smiling,” I laughed.
“But what has you smiling?”
“Just thinking of the what-ifs.” My voice was faint and insecure. She had just stopped crying. I didn’t want to get her worked up by telling her the thought of her being pregnant with my child was making me smile.
“What if…” she prompted.
“Just things,” I shrugged. She gave me her famous Cherry frown, making me laugh. “Your face is going to get stuck like that one day,” I continued laughing as she stuck her tongue out at me.
“You’re a brat,” she huffed playfully. I kissed her without warning, and then pulled away slowly.
“But am I still your brat?” I asked, hoping that things were going to work out between us.
“Always,” she giggled then snuggled against my chest.
“Good, because you’re my only brat...” I sighed. “Besides Branch. And Lily.”
