by Rita Black
Go to the Online Resource Center at www.FromFatToThinThinking.com. There you will find additional resources to augment your Start the Journey process. Head over there now to get started before you begin reading.
Download the “Start the Journey” hypnosis recording that you will listen to at the end of this section. This will also be found in the Online Resource Center.
Tame the Loser
Maybe you’re a little impatient and saying “C’mon, Rita, let’s get to the part where I lose the weight. How do I do that?”
I invite you to thank that impatient part of you for sharing and know that this is the fat-thinking dieter wiring in your mind. It wants a quick fix and to keep doing what it knows how to do best.
Before beginning the weight release part of the process (It’s coming, I assure you!), you need to prepare yourself to be mentally ready for it. Besides, you know where that other diet path leads you. You’ve been there, done that a million times. Try saying “Thank you fat thinking brain, you have worked so hard. Why don’t you take a little nap while I proceed with my Weight Mastery Process? That nap is long overdue!”
Start right now by taking a deep breath and being present. I call this deep breath the “Shift Breath.”
The Shift Breath
Try this:
Breathe in through your nose to the count of five.
Hold for a count of two.
Breathe out through your mouth to the count of six.
Ahhhh. I hope that felt nice. In addition to feeling nice, the Shift Breath literally intercepts whatever old fat thinking neural loops are active in your unconscious mind. The Shift Breath creates a pause, a moment of relaxed suspension outside the mind’s old wiring. This allows you to be present in the moment.
Once present, you can easily access your rational mind. That is where you can engage in powerful thin thinking. This deep breath also creates a complete oxygen exchange that massages your central nervous system. In short, the Shift Breath is very calming!
You can use the Shift Breath to interrupt an old behavior or thinking pattern and shift out of it.
You find yourself mindlessly reaching for a cookie on the counter—PAUSE—SHIFT BREATH—put the cookie back, and continue on your way.
You find yourself speaking negatively to yourself. “You are never going to be thin!”—PAUSE—SHIFT BREATH—Replace it with a new positive belief. “I deserve to be healthy and slim.”
You are about to mindlessly start quickly eating a meal—PAUSE—SHIFT BREATH—take a moment to notice the meal, smell it, appreciate it, and begin eating slowly and mindfully.
You are stressed and tired at your desk, thinking that chocolate is the cure—PAUSE—SHIFT BREATH—tune in to yourself, your emotional state, and take a few more SHIFT BREATHS—feel yourself beginning to relax and also notice that need for chocolate disappearing as you give yourself what you really need—a break!
Try the Shift Breath again. This time, breathe in through the impatient, fat thinking loop that just wants to get to the weight loss tips and go on another diet. Inhale to the count of five. Bring yourself to the you who is present and ready to forge a new path to permanent weight release. Pause to a count of two. Exhale through your mouth to a count of six.
Well done. Now you’re present and in the moment ready to begin thin thinking. Go to Shift 1—FORGIVE YOURSELF.
CHAPTER 15
FORGIVE YOURSELF
Begin With An Open Heart And Mind
“Why would I forgive myself?” is a question I hear from many men and women at the Shift Weight Mastery Process seminars. I know they’re also saying to themselves, if not out loud, “If I were stronger, had more willpower, and wasn’t so weak, I wouldn’t be overweight. I don’t need to be forgiving myself; I need to be tougher on myself. If I forgive myself, then things will get worse and all hell will break loose.”
The reason I begin with forgiveness is that Weight Strugglers live in a relatively constant state of disappointment about themselves and have a fairly high dose of disrespect. They have let themselves down in the weight department so many times that there is little trust left. Like a cheating lover or a lying friend, they learn to close their hearts to themselves as a protection from the pain of their relationship with themselves.
If you’ve been struggling with your weight, my guess is that you look at your past sins broadly, bundling them all together in accusations like these:
I never follow through.
I have no discipline.
I give up too easily.
This distrust also causes stress. And, as you’ve learned in this book, stress keeps your mind stuck in a prison. Researchers have found that when people adopt a compassionate approach to themselves, they are also willing to take responsibility for mistakes. Compassionate acceptance makes a person more likely to learn from the experience, too.
In order to make this journey, you need to learn to create a powerful and connected relationship with yourself, one built on trust and respect.
Case Study: Laura Breaks down the Wall
Laura, a lovely, fair-haired woman in her late forties, had been a Weight Struggler for 30 years. She raised her hand during the Forgive Yourself discussion at the seminar and asked, “Why would I forgive myself? My inability to get a handle on my weight has pretty much ruined my life. I have developed pre-diabetes, I don’t have a social life, because I don’t feel good about the way I look. Yet, despite my unhappiness, I’m not able to put down the fork. If I forgive myself, isn’t it just sending my subconscious a message that my lack of discipline is okay?”
“Thinking that would make rational sense, Laura,” I answered. “But when we are upset with ourselves, it’s hard to want to be on our own team. Try this. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Think of a loved one or friend with whom you have been angry. Allow yourself to feel that anger. Notice how that anger creates a wall of resentment between you and the other person. Now, imagine him or her asking you for a favor. How do you feel about their request?” I asked.
Keeping her eyes closed and staying with the exercise, she said, “I am thinking, ‘Why would I want to do this person a favor?’”
“Exactly, you don’t want to cooperate.” I continued, “It is exactly what happens when you hold anger at yourself for your weight struggle.”
“Take another breath and imagine forgiving that person, not for any reason other than to forgive her because it makes you feel better. Breathe into that feeling and imagine that wall of resentment between you and the person melting. Do you feel more connected to that person? Let that warmth and peace well up within you. Are you there?”
Laura nodded. I kept going. “Now imagine this person asking you to do her a favor. Notice your willingness to help that person. Take a deep breath and open your eyes. How do you feel?”
Laura smiled. “I am so much more willing to help someone with whom I feel connected.” Tears welled up in her eyes as she said, “I have been so mad at myself. It’s like I have had no room for myself in my heart. I have put a part of me in a dungeon, because it is so dysfunctional and bad.”
“Do you see how you could break down that dungeon wall with some compassion? You need 100 percent of Laura to go on the journey of weight mastery. Can you forgive and accept all of yourself and trust that you can be successful?”
Laura could and did! By the time she completed the Shift Weight Mastery Process, Laura had released ten pounds. Over the following year, she released another 38 pounds.
“I understand that my success is not about me being good but of having a profound, accepting relationship of myself, the strengths and weaknesses. The more I accept myself, the more I can lovingly work with my weaknesses and make them stronger. I have a big space in my heart for myself that I never had before, and this space is what makes my thin thinking stronger.” Laura D. (Released 48 po
unds, maintaining for five years).
Forgive Yourself Exercise
This exercise melts the barrier of ill will and distrust that you’re holding within. Replacing those criticisms with self-love and acceptance permits you to move forward on your journey to weight mastery.
Use your journal and pen for this exercise. Please make sure you do this, and don’t cheat yourself of this valuable experience.
MY ANGER AND RESENTMENT WITH MYSELF AND MY WEIGHT STRUGGLEMake an Anger and Resentment List of the ways that you feel you have failed or let yourself down with regards to your weight. Write down in your journal whatever pops into your mind and don’t self-edit. Let the answers surface from your unconscious. (You can use the Anger and Resentment Prompts I have listed below if you need guidance.)
NOTE: Leave a blank line below each Anger and Resentment listing in your journal—you will be writing something else there in a moment.
***
ANGER AND RESENTMENT PROMPTS
Physical Are there any physical or medical issues that you have as a result of your weight struggle? Are you upset with yourself for having that issue? (This may be an obvious lifestyle-related, medical issue, such as type 2 diabetes, arthritis, high cholesterol, or kidney stones. Or it may be an issue that’s a result of your weight-loss attempts, such as bariatric surgery or liposuction.)For example: I am mad at myself for having bad knees as a result of my weight.
Emotional What emotional challenges have you experienced as a result of your weight struggle? Has your struggle caused you shame or depression or made you to feel like a social outcast?For example: My weight has caused an intimacy issue between me and my husband.
Quality of Life In what ways has your weight struggle kept you from living the life of your dreams? Have you put off pursuing a life-fulfilling goal because you want to wait to be thin before giving yourself permission to do it? Do you lack confidence because of your weight struggle?For example: I have put off going back to school until I lose 30 pounds.
MY FORGIVENESS OF MYSELF AND MY WEIGHT STRUGGLETake each item that you listed in your Anger and Resentment List and write a Forgiveness Statement below it. After writing each Forgiveness Statement, use a Shift Breath to bring the forgiveness in and let the resentment out.
For example:
Anger and Resentment List Item: I have back pain due to my struggle with weight.
Forgiveness Statement: I forgive myself for having back pain due to my struggle with weight. (Shift Breath—inhale in forgiveness—exhale out resentment)
***
NOTE: You may not feel like you have fully forgiven yourself in the writing or breathing exercises. That is okay! I assure you that change is happening. There will be an opportunity for you to do this on a deeper level in the upcoming Start the Journey Hypnosis Session.
It may feel a bit strange to forgive yourself, but I assure you it’s addictive, especially when you begin to experience peace in your mind and heart along with the health and slimness that comes with it.
Weight Forgiveness And Acceptance
Now that we are on a forgiveness roll, I invite you to do one last courageous bit of forgiving. Write down whatever you weigh today, and forgive yourself for your weight. Accept that this is where you are right now, and it is okay.
Our shame about weight is often enormous—perhaps more weighty than the weight itself. That’s why this process is designed to help you learn to use your weight in a way that removes the emotion, guilt, and pressure.
Please write down your current weight in the space below. If you don’t know it because you have thrown away your scale, then take a guess. As you dive deeper into this process, I will ask you to weigh yourself. It will help your mind stay in thin thinking and lessen any fear or dread about knowing your weight (There will be more on this later.). For now, take a deep Shift Breath and write down your weight or your honest guess.
My current weight is:_______
During the Shift Weight Mastery Process, you are going to do what I describe as “love yourself down the scale.” This is one of my favorite sayings. Weight Strugglers often are trying to lose weight so they can love and accept themselves when they achieve their ideal size or weight. This disconnects Weight Strugglers from loving themselves as they are right now in the current moment. What a crime!
You deserve your love and respect today—not sometime in the future. By giving yourself love, you create an acceptance of who you are. This opens up your fat thinking mind for deep change. Therefore, the last step in this exercise is designed to help you accept yourself today.
Love Yourself Down the Scale Exercise
Repeat each of the following statements out loud to yourself. When you finish the statement, take a Shift Breath, bringing the energy of the statement inside your mind and heart. If powerful feelings come up, repeat the Shift Breath a few times. Please let any emotions surface in your awareness. Notice any resistance to an emotion and stretch through it. You are creating new thin thinking wiring!
I forgive my current weight and accept it. It is where I am today. (Shift Breath)
I deserve to love myself no matter what I weigh. (Shift Breath)
I forgive myself for struggling with weight. (Shift Breath)
I accept that I am ready to move forward with myself on my journey of weight mastery. (Shift Breath)
Congratulations. You are now ready to move on to Shift 2—MAKE YOUR DECISION.
CHAPTER 16
MAKE YOUR DECISION
Take Back Your Power
Where would you like to spend the rest of your life?
A. Living in a Weight Struggle Prison? Stuck in the perpetual confines of the Weight Struggle Cycle, day after day, year after year.
B. Living in a Weight Mastery Home? Living a comfortable, slim life of weight mastery with confidence, health, freedom, and wisdom.
If you would rather live in a Weight Mastery Home, you must make the decision to leave your Weight Struggle Prison and begin building your new home of weight mastery.
Why is making the decision to be a Weight Master so important? It allows your mind to commit to a different path and move forward on that path. I want you to be certain about your decision and have complete ownership of it, so let’s weigh your options (no pun intended).
The Weight Struggler Victim Filter
You learned that when you are stuck in fat thinking, you view weight through a Weight Struggler’s belief filter.
Weight loss is hard.
I don’t have time to be healthy.
Other people get to eat yummy things and be thin—why can’t I?
Why bother?
The Weight Struggler filter of life chips away at the struggler’s faith in their ability to be successful. The Weight Struggler is always looking outside of themselves for a solution, giving power over to other people, diets, fasts, and cleanses.
If you’re locked into the Weight Struggle Cycle of “going on,” “falling off,” “being good,” or “being bad,” you’ve become a victim of your own fat thinking.
I have no willpower!
I am lazy.
I will always struggle.
I shouldn’t even try!
How exhausting and painful the Weight Struggler filter is!
The Weight Mastery Filter
According to Mark Lewis, professor of developmental psychology and author of Memoirs of the Addicted Brain, new neural pathways form at the expense of others that are no longer needed. So when you begin to forge thin thinking beliefs and habits and reinforce them over time, they become dominant and the fat thinking beliefs and habits weaken.
When you decide to commit to the path of weight mastery, you refocus your mind’s attention on a different empowered way of seeing yourself, your body, food, and exercise. You are no longer a victim of your weight.
I decided to make my weight and health a priority. I am in charge
.
I create the time to exercise and get healthy.
I am designing a way of eating that I enjoy and that helps me become and stay slim.
My health, confidence, and peace of mind are worth it!
The Mind of the Apprentice
Now I know you may be thinking how can I be a master at weight? Fear not, your mastery journey doesn’t require that you start as a master. All masters at one point began as an apprentice.
Guess what? When you decide to become an apprentice of thin thinking and weight mastery, there is no starting over because you were “bad” or went off your diet. Can you imagine a medical student getting a D on an exam and saying “I blew it! I am going back to day one of medical school and starting over!” No, they look at what didn’t work, make corrections, and move on so that next time they will know how to avoid mistakes.
As an apprentice of weight mastery, you choose to see the world and your experiences as chances to learn, improve, and try things out. If something doesn’t work, you can try something else. As an apprentice, you can become confident in your ability to sustain your weight release and maintenance long-term, because releasing weight isn’t something you are doing on the outside. It is something you are becoming from the inside.
Case Study: Mike’s Decision
“What if there are some upsides to my weight struggle?” Mike, a 38-year-old, high school history teacher asked during a Shift Weight Mastery Process seminar. He had experienced a health scare and wanted to shed eighty pounds.
“I obviously want to master my weight, but this relationship with the struggle has been going on forever. I admit sometimes it’s easier to hide out behind the weight.”
