‘I miss you,’ he says, with sudden, strong fervour. ‘You make everything simple. That’s your nicest thing. You make all the complications go away.’ He headbangs his pillow in a fit of mock-frustration. ‘What the hell are you doing in Kalahandi, Bannerjee? Get into this bed with me now!’
She sighs, wistfully. ‘I’d love to! You know I’d love to. But the roof, Kash! I need to cast the roof!’
‘Arrey, balls to the bloody roof!’ he replies, rearing up to sit bolt upright. ‘Why do they need a roof? Let it be an open-air school! The first open-air school in Odisha! You’ll win an award for innovation! You can thank me in your acknowledgement speech, then!’
‘I’ll thank you in my acknowledgement speech, anyway. I’ve got it all worked out. D’you wanna hear what I plan to say?’
‘What?’ Kashi growls, half-sulky, half-mollified.
‘Okay listen carefully.’
He can practically smell the sweet Kuhu scent of her – soap and shampoo and freshly baked bread – as she curls up in her razai again and whispers with shy importance.
‘I
can soar so high,
because you,
are my sky.’
Kashi’s heart turns over in his chest. The happy gas buffets him so hard he feels like he’s floating. Not because of the words – his parents have been milking the whole Sky equals Akash thing in his birthday cards his entire life – but because she is just so damn incredibly adorable.
‘That,’ he says, when he is finally able to speak, ‘is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard in my life, Kuhu Bannerjee.’
‘Fuck you!’ comes the instant response. ‘I’m an architect, not a humanities major, who went to law college and can fling around a bunch of flowery Latin words every time I open my mouth! Just say thank you nicely and clap for me for winning the award!’
‘Oh, I’ll clap for you!’ he promises. ‘I’ll clap so hard I’ll bring the roof down!’
She gurgles triumphantly. ‘But there is no roof, stupid! That’s why I’m winning the award.’
Kashi hits himself on the forehead with his pillow. ‘You think you’re so smart.’
‘Yes,’ she agrees. ‘I am. Now let’s see if you’re smart or not – was this a make-up call or a break-up call?’
‘Uh, I was kind of hoping it was a make-out call …’ he says meaningfully.
‘That,’ she says happily, ‘is cheesiest thing I have heard in my life, Akash Dogra. Good night.’
Bambi Todi is working her way through a ring of steamed veg-momos with complete concentration. There is a little red chilli sauce on the corner of her mouth. A little snot drips from her nose. Sensing Kashi’s gaze, she looks up, and wipes her nose with the back of her hand, eyes slightly glazed with slick satisfaction.
‘Momos are the best.’
‘Agreed.’ He smiles.
They’re sitting on the veranda that looks out at the tennis courts of the DTC, sweaty and flushed from a hectic game of doubles – Kashi and Gen. Mehra, verses Bambi and Brig. Dogra. The older men are still at it, playing a highly competitive game that has just gone into a tiebreaker.
‘I’m a momo snob, I think,’ she says. ‘I judge people for preferring dim sum and dumplings and wontons to momos. Bloody chutiya fakers.’
‘Did Anshul like momos?’
The question is out before he can stop it. His face reddens.
‘I just asked because he was a mountaineer,’ he hastens to clarify. ‘I mean, he must’ve done a lot of the whole Mountain Maggi and Thukpa thing.’
She reaches out and lightly touches his hand. ‘Kashi, it’s been a while. I can talk about it without bawling my eyes out.’
Then she pushes away her plate. ‘But why am I talking to you about momos? I have big news.’
‘What?’
She leans, lowering her voice.
‘Bhatti’s having a cow. Because ACP Bhavani Singh and the Crime Branch are trying to get a search warrant to dig up the’ – she sketches quote marks in the air and adopts an official tone – ‘‘Shrimati Savitri Mehra Udyaan.’
Kashi’s jaw drops. ‘What? The kitchen garden? But why?’
She shakes her head, her eyes huge. ‘He won’t say,’ she whispers, apparently as mystified as him. ‘But I’m guessing it’s because he suspects something’s buried there.’
‘’Cos I know where the bodies are buried,’ Kashi hums in a sinister voice.
Bambi giggles, rather guiltily. ‘Exactly!’
As they stare at each other, half-excited, half-petrified, Kashi feels a thrill of excitement. Goosebumps rise on his arms. Then a thought strikes him and he sits back frowning.
‘Why didn’t the ACP tell me though? I thought I was assisting him in this investigation!’
‘He didn’t tell me either,’ she admits. ‘Though I’ve been helping him too! I only found out ’cos I went across to dig up some beets and it was all cordoned off with yellow tape and PK’s men were guarding it, looking officious AF.’
Kashi crosses his arms. ‘I think I’m a little offended.’
She nods. ‘Me too. Sly Bhavani. Cutting us off from the inside info after using us to get the inside info! Matlab, I’m the only one who came clean about the blackmailing – he should trust me!’
‘That’s true,’ Kashi agrees.
‘Except …’ Her voice trails away. Then she looks up, her eyes resolute. ‘Kashi, I didn’t quite tell him everything.’
His heart gives the oddest little bump. He knows this look well. He groans softly. ‘What now, Bambi Todi?’
She rolls her eyes, looks around the buzzing, noisy veranda, and leans in. ‘Walk me to my car?’
He nods and leaps to his feet quickly. ‘Sure.’
She gets to her feet too and they start to walk towards the exit.
‘Oye! Master Dogra! The waiter still has your card!’
Brig. Dogra, in a red headband and tennis whites, is leaning across the net worriedly.
It is now Kashi’s turn to roll his eyes. ‘I know, Dad,’ he yells back. ‘I’m coming back.’
‘Good!’ the brigadier bellows. ‘Because as soon as I’ve pulverized Mehra, I plan to beat you in straight sets!’
This cocky statement is met by a chorus of cheers from the older gents on the courts.
‘Done!’ Kashi yells back and strides out of the veranda. ‘He’s unbelievable.’
‘He’s just happy to be hanging out with you again,’ Bambi says. ‘This three-week break of yours is like a huge bonus for him!’
Kashi shakes his head. ‘He’s appallingly competitive. He’s having a blast playing with Mehra uncle nowadays because Mehra uncle is so desperate for his vote that he’s letting him win. He’s figured it’s the only way to bribe my dad.’
‘Aww! So cute!’ Bambi replies, a little mechanically.
‘Never mind my dad,’ Kashi says grimly as they emerge onto the driveway. ‘Gimme the tea.’
She nods and exhales, shivering a little in the cold.
‘Okay, so I don’t know if you remember, but back on that last night we spent together, you accused me of being a brainwashed inmate of the Maaru matrimony cult.’
It certainly had been part of the last conversation they’d had, three years ago. Bambi in shorts and a sloppy loose tee, sitting cross-legged on tumbled sheets in her pink bedroom, smelling of his sweat, talking to him earnestly.
‘Kashi, you and I have always been more friends than lovers. That’s our secret superpower – friendship. And it fucking kicks ass. But I need a man in my life who will be more lover, less friend. Anshul is that.’
‘I could be that,’ he had insisted hotly. ‘Your parents have brainwashed you into believing that you can only ever marry a Marwari man or your marriage will fail. It’s like you’re living in some freaking cult. An educated girl like you!
It’s pathetic.’
&nb
sp; Tears had filled her eyes, and rolled down her cheeks. ‘Don’t be mean to me, Kashi. I can’t bear it when you’re mean to me!’
And of course he couldn’t bear it when she cried.
Hugs, kisses, fevered caresses, tears. He had sneaked out of her house in the early hours, feeling absolutely drained.
He pushes away the memory with an effort. ‘I remember,’ he says steadily.
‘Yeah well, thanks to Manju’s kleptomania and Pankaj’s manwhoring—’
‘Don’t call your parents by their first names, Bamb!’ He is actually a little shocked.
‘Manju’s stealing and Pankaj’s sluttiness,’ Bambi maintains determinedly, ‘I am out of the cult! For good!’
Kashi applauds. ‘That’s awesome! Congratulations!’
She grins. ‘I told them I’ll find my own life partner, fuckyouverymuch, and then I started dating again.’
Why didn’t you call me?
The words leap to his lips but die unsaid.
‘Really?’ he remarks, managing to look no more than mildly interested, though blood has started to pump hard against his temples. ‘Uh … anyone I know?’
‘Uh, well …’ She looks sheepish. ‘A couple of TVVS guys … Not our batch though! Some randos … I thought I’d found a nice guy for a while, he reminded me a little of you – same socialist agenda – but then he started blackmailing me.’
She stands back, somewhat guiltily, and waits for him to react.
‘Wait … What?’ Kashi looks at her blankly for a moment, and then his jaw drops. ‘Leo!’
She nods embarrassedly. ‘Stupid, wasn’t it?’
Kashi is still just staring at her, computing this brand-new information. ‘You! And Lambodar!’
She looks confused. ‘Who’s Lambodar?’
He shakes his head. ‘Never mind! But he was … what … ten years older than you?’
She nods. ‘That was part of the appeal, I guess. And part of the revolt against the matrimonial madness. He was older, wilder, Christian, working-class, poorish … All qualities designed to drive my parents nuts.’
‘I can see the appeal, I guess,’ Kashi manages to say with a credible attempt at casualness. ‘I’m all for this revolt against the cult – but, wow!’ He shakes his head again. ‘I’m still trying to wrap my mind around this – you and Leo! Fuck, you hide your secrets well!’
She rolls her eyes. ‘I’ve had to learn how to.’
‘So all this talk of an affair between Leo and Urvashi auntie, that’s all just talk, then?’
‘I wouldn’t know.’ She sounds cross. ‘God, what a thing to ask me, Kash!’
‘Sorry, don’t get pissed,’ he apologizes quickly. ‘But Bambi, really – what the fuck?’
She hunches her shoulders. ‘Cut me some slack, okay? My fiancé died, my dad’s a womanizer, my mother’s a klep—’
‘Yeah, yeah, that’s exactly what Kuhu said,’ he says without thinking.
Her eyes widen. ‘You’ve been discussing me with your girlfriend?’
He looks a little caught out. ‘Umm … is that a problem?’
‘Uh … no, I guess not,’ she replies hesitantly.
There is an awkward silence.
Finally he says, ‘Look, could you please just date slightly less complicated people?’
‘Oh yeah?’ She turns to face him, eyeballing him challengingly. ‘Like who?’
The tips of his ears redden. ‘Like … uh, non-blackmailers?’
She stares at him resentfully, a thousand words seeming to tremble on her lips, then looks away with a toss of the head.
‘Anyway, that was the thing I didn’t tell the ACP,’ she says in a more collected voice. ‘That before Leo cottoned onto Mammu’s squalid secret, there was a brief phase where he and I were … dating. I didn’t really think it was relevant.’
They’ve reached her car by now – a bright red Mini Cooper, which probably costs more than what Kashi earns in an entire year. It is covered in fallen neem leaves and looks almost bridal.
‘Whoa, nice car!’
‘Yeah,’ is the unenthusiastic response. ‘It was a happy dead-fiancé anniversary present from my parents last year. To cheer me up. These trees are shedding like crazy.’
Kashi starts to brush them off, then notices a white pamphlet stuck between the windshield and the wiper.
‘What’s this?’ he asks as he pulls it out. ‘Did you get challan-ed or something?’
She shakes her head, as he smooths the paper out against the bonnet of the Mini Cooper. It isn’t a pamphlet. It’s a regular A4 sheet, with words printed on it in thick black ink.
‘It’s some sort of letter.’ Kashi whirls on his heels to look all around the parking lot. ‘Who could’ve left it here?’
‘I don’t know.’ Her voice is curiously subdued.
He looks at her, puzzled, then picks up the paper and reads it.
Bee, be patient.
You and I were made for each other.
Nobody else can take your place in my life, or mine in yours. Mehendi laga ke rakhna, doli saja ke rakhna, and all that jazz.
Wait for me.
The A to your B
‘What the fuck!’ Kashi looks up from the sheet, startled. ‘What’s this?’
‘Damn,’ Bambi mutters. ‘I thought these had stopped.’
‘Matlab?’ Kashi’s voice grows sharp. ‘You’ve got these before?’
She nods awkwardly. ‘For a while now. Every time I go out on a date with anyone.’
‘But you’re not dating anyon—’ he pauses. ‘You mean me?’
She nods, going slightly pink. Kashi goes slightly pink too.
‘But that’s … insane,’ he says. ‘The A to my B? Made for each other? Are these supposed to be from … Anshul?’
She shrugs uncomfortably.
‘Haven’t you told your folks? Or the cops?’
‘What?’ She laughs uncertainly. ‘Don’t be silly, Kashi. It’s probably the Ghia-Lauki gang. It’s the kind of thing they think is funny.’ She stops, then adds reluctantly, ‘At least that’s what I thought till a little while ago.’
‘Till Leo died, you mean,’ he says.
‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘Till Leo died.’
They stare at the paper.
‘You don’t think’ – the words seem torn from her – ‘that he’s alive, do you?’
The hope in her voice smites his heart. His voice is gentle when he replies. ‘Bamb, Anshul’s dead. His bus tumbled into an abyss on the Manali–Leh Road three years ago. His dad identified the body. There was a cremation. We all saw the ashes, remember?’
A stubborn expression settles on her face. She juts out her chin a little. ‘Then who’s sending me these?’
Kashi spreads out his hands.
‘I don’t know. It makes absolutely no sense. Maybe you’ve picked up some psycho stalker.’
She shivers.
His lips tighten. He yanks opens the car door for her. ‘Get in and go straight home. In fact, let me get in with you. I’ll walk back here from your place.’
She’s too cowed to argue. As they drive towards the main gate, she says, ‘Kash, should I tell Bhavani about this?’
‘Yes!’ The word bursts out of him like he’s talking to a moron. ‘Please do! About you dating Leo, and the letters too! You should have told him all this right at the start, Bambi!’
‘But supposing …’ She trails off, then shrugs forlornly.
‘Oh my God!’ Kashi’s expression grows concerned. ‘You really believe it’s Anshul?’
‘I don’t know what to believe!’ Her voice has a hysterical edge. ‘Suppose it really is him? Out there, alive, perhaps scarred or crippled and too insecure to meet me? I don’t want to get him into trouble!’
He leans in, and there is raw emotion on his face.
‘Bambi – no,’
he says forcefully. ‘Don’t go there. You’re opening yourself up to so much pain and disappointment if you start thinking it’s Anshul! You’ve clearly picked up some sadistic stalker – or as you said, it’s the Ghia-Lauki gang!’
She stares down at the letter, then crumples it up with a savage little laugh. ‘It would so serve those cows right if I gave this to Bhavani and the cops came and arrested them …’
‘Never mind all that,’ Kashi says grimly. ‘Focus on what’s important. Give Bhavani the complete low-down before something even more fucked up happens.’
The neem trees lining Aurangzeb Road are alive with fluttering gauraiyas and starry white neem flowers are twirling to the ground like confetti when Ganga Kumar drives her zippy little Maruti Suzuki Alto through the monogrammed gates of the DTC, happy Bollywood music playing on its speakers.
The sun is out today. Feeling very fresh and feminine in her floral kota sari, she exits the car and trots down to the little Daily Needs store. Her cleaning lady has already opened the place and dusted the shelves. All Ganga has to do it set a match to the diya under Saraswati ji ki murti, and wait for customers to arrive. Not that anybody will show up before
9 a.m., but Ganga loves the quiet time in the empty store before the rush begins.
‘Good weekend, didi?’ her cleaning lady asks.
Ganga smiles back at her cheerfully, a slightly secretive twinkle in her large, brown eyes.
‘Yes! And yours?’
‘Terrible,’ reports the cleaning lady’s little son happily before she can speak. ‘I got cuff!’
‘Cough,’ says Ganga automatically, as she frowns down at him. ‘That’s a nasty cough, Chhotu. There’s balgam rattling around in your throat.’
He nods proudly. Snot dribbles from his nose. He wipes it off on his sweater sleeve and smiles at her. ‘Didi, let’s make lemim tea?’
‘Ooookay!’ Ganga laughs as she sets the match to the brass lamp below the Saraswati idol, and places a handful of jasmine flowers in the lapis lazuli bowl. ‘Actually, today we’ll make honey-tulsi tea! Specially for your cold.’
He hunches. ‘I don’t like tusli.’
‘Nonsense,’ she tells him firmly. ‘C’mon, let’s get some! We’ll get some carrots too, hmm?’
Club You to Death Page 19
