by Shauna Allen
Tori sniffled. “What?”
I needed to commit. If not to a future, at least to sampling it. “I’ve already put Ry to bed, or I’d come to you. I want to hold you, baby. Please come over here.”
She was silent a long time. “Now?”
“No. Next week when you’re not so sad. Yes, now.”
I waited several long moments for her to make up her mind and she finally agreed.
“And, Tori?” I caught her before she hung up.
“Yeah?”
“For the record, Kristi is nothing to me other than Ryder’s mother. We never had a relationship. We’ll never have a relationship, other than that. You are my girl. You are the one I think about, dream about, fantasize about . . . the one I want in my life.”
“Oh.” The word was a pained whisper.
“Just wanted to make that clear. See you soon.”
Tori
Just when I thought I had a read on Trace, he threw me for another loop. He may be a man in every sense of the word, but he was also sweet and kind and gentle.
He opened his front door before I could knock and swept me inside and into his arms for a long hug. He kissed the crown of my head when I tucked into his chest, rubbing my back and murmuring soothing words.
Later, I somehow ended up naked in his bed, wrapped up in his embrace. He made no move to make love to me. He simply held me tightly, his front pressed to my back, his arm firmly around my waist.
I laced my fingers with his and brought our joined hands between my breasts. “Would this be a bad time to tell you that I’m in love with you?”
His warm breath brushed my shoulder as he pressed a kiss where it met my neck. “No.”
I shifted and faced him. “I do. I love you.”
His eyes were serious and dark, the green masked by the night.
“You don’t have to say anything,” I hurried to add, though I wanted to die of mortification. Had I really said that out loud? What on earth had possessed me when he clearly wasn’t there yet?
His gaze darted to my lips, his hand curling around my hip, apology written all over his face. “It’s not . . . I have feelings for you, too.” He looked up. “Strong feelings. I just can’t focus on that when so much else in my life is messed up.”
“You mean Kristi?” Of course he meant Kristi. Stupid question.
“She’s the main issue, sure. But this thing between us is still so new, plus there’s Ry to consider and now your mom. I just don’t want to jump off a cliff we can’t come back from, know what I mean?”
That’s what my love was to him? A cliff dive? Did that make me dangerous? Deadly? A mistake?
He pulled me closer and kissed the tip of my nose. “Don’t take that the wrong way. There’s no one I want to be with besides you, I just want to take it slow so we don’t ruin it. I’ve never done this before, you know.”
My gaze snapped up at that. “Done what?”
“The steady girl thing. Long term.” He shrugged. “You know . . . feelings.”
Warmth unfurled in my chest. He’d never felt anything special for another girl, but he did for me. That could be enough. For now. “Well, you can bet I’ll make it my mission to make you fall madly in love with me, too, or die trying.”
He grinned. “You will, huh?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Well, I look forward to you trying.”
And I started right then, pulling out every sexy trick I had in my arsenal. If the expression on his face and the sounds coming from his throat were any indication, this battle was going to be over before it even started.
I woke up groggy and sweaty, a dream of someone pounding on a door that I couldn’t answer in the front of my mind.
I tried to roll over and quickly figured out why I was hot. I had about two hundred pounds of sleeping man draped across my body like a blanket. The bedside clock read 2:27 a.m. Holy . . .
Then the pounding started again. Apparently not a dream. “Daddy!”
I sat straight up as all traces of sleep washed away. Trace stretched and rubbed his eyes. “Yeah, Buddy?” His voice was rough as sandpaper.
“I don’t feel good.”
Trace opened his eyes and focused on me. “Go back to bed, Ry. I’ll be right there.”
Tiny feet padded down the hall and I let my panic subside. What if he’d walked in on us?
Trace rubbed my back. “I locked the door,” he said, apparently reading my mind.
“Right.” I swung my legs off the bed. “Sorry I fell asleep on you. I’ll sneak out and go home.”
He rose, too, and slipped on some sweatpants. “You don’t have to.”
I fumbled in the dark for my clothes. “Yes, I do.” I peered up at him. He stood at the door, his hand on the knob, his sculpted body painted in moonlight. God, I wanted to stay.
He didn’t argue. With a nod, he cracked the door. “Gimme a minute to situate him then it should be all clear.”
“Okay.” I slid on my jeans and long-sleeved tee and shoved my bra and panties in my purse. As I slid on my Chucks, his warm body pressed against mine. I straightened up, surprised, and leaned back into him.
His kiss was hot on my neck. “Bye.”
“Bye.” When I turned around a moment later, he was gone, the room sadly empty without him.
Once the coast was clear, I ducked outside and ran to old Betsy. The night was clear and cold and I was shivering as I cranked her to life. My heater puffed out a few gasps of semi-warm air after idling for five minutes, then I took off for home.
It was a relief to realize I hadn’t obsessed about my mom’s diagnosis the few hours I was cocooned in Trace’s arms. He was my safe place, my home. My love. Could I give him up if he never got over his trust issues?
I’d cross that bridge when I came to it. One traumatic thing at a time. Right now, my mother was foremost on my mind. I was a trained counselor and I’d studied psychology at length, but I still couldn’t wrap my mind around being slapped in the face with my mortality like that. Everyone’s days are numbered, but to have the unknown of your death thrust upon you, so that it wasn’t so unknown anymore, must be horrifying. And yet, my mom seemed to be handling it with grace and humility. She was playing the cards she was dealt, the same as she had her whole life. She was not a complainer.
If only I could be so strong.
I texted Trace as soon as I got home. Thx for the cuddle <3
Anytime. Sorry about Ry . . . tummy ache : (
Don’t apologize. He comes first.
Thx for understanding
Always
I paused a moment. When he didn’t respond, I went for it.
Goodnite . . . I luv u
Like a coward avoiding the possibility of rejection, I powered down my phone before he could answer.
But, I couldn’t avoid it forever. His reply was waiting patiently on my phone when I turned it on in the morning.
I know . . . I’m getting there <3
I was a grinning idiot as I dressed and headed to work.
And, cue the Jaws theme . . . the moment I pulled into the school parking lot, Everett had me cornered. He jetted into the spot next to mine and exited his car at the same time.
“Hello, Tori.”
“Good morning.” I grabbed my briefcase and power-walked my way toward the front of the school.
He caught up with me. “Let me.” He opened the door, his face grim, not a hint of awkward flirting or ogling.
I thanked him and hurried to my office, bypassing the coffee machine until I knew he’d be busy with the announcements. When I finally slunk into the lounge, only Maggie and Mrs. Tanner were in there, whispering over their drinks. I tried not to eavesdrop, but their tittering was ridiculous. I shot Maggie a curious look as I stirred my creamer.
She smiled conspiratorially. “Did you hear?”
“Hear what?”
“Vice Principal Myers got called into the Superintendent’s office the other day. Apparently, he was reprima
nded for sexually harassing the art teacher. His ass is in a sling. They’re saying he’s been asked to resign.”
I sipped, digesting this. Guess that explained why he was on his best behavior this morning. “Huh.”
I left them to their gossip and situated myself back at my desk to call my sister, Kendall. I had more important things to worry about than that imbecile. Good riddance to him.
“Well, hey, Tori. How are you?”
“I’m good. Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“No. I was just cleaning up after breakfast. What’s up?”
“I wanted to touch base about Mom. I feel like some things were left unsaid the other night.”
“Yeah, well . . . it was a bit of a shocker.”
“No joke.”
“I’m sorry you’re there dealing with it all by yourself, sis. Pete and I were talking and I think I’m gonna fly out there whenever she goes to see the specialist.”
“That’d be great.” I realized then how much I’d missed my sister. We led very different lives, but our meager childhood had created an unshakable bond between us.
“We’ll figure it out,” she said, knowing exactly what I was feeling without me having to say it.
“I know.” I really didn’t know, but it seemed the thing to say. I mean, what if our mother really was out of hope? Even for all of our differences, I could not fathom a world without her in it.
We hung up on a somber note, and I promised to let her know as soon as I had details of Mom’s appointment. I had a feeling it would be a long few days until I got to hug my sister again.
Trace
Kids were something else. After sleeping it off with one dose of Pepto, Ry was as good as new in the morning. No fever. No nausea. Bouncing off the damn walls. I managed to get him off to school no worse for wear.
As I collected my wallet and keys to head to work, I inhaled. Tori’s scent was still strong in my bedroom. Last night was a blur, but it felt so right to hold her in my arms. She was a perfect fit for me in so many ways. But could I let myself go and trust her love? Could I trust myself? As much as I was trying to embrace Kristi’s miraculous turnaround, there was just something that didn’t sit quite right. But what could I do? She was my son’s mother, and as far as I knew, she had the right to see him. At least until we got legal paperwork stating otherwise. My appointment with Rachel couldn’t come fast enough.
I grabbed a to-go coffee and some breakfast burritos on my way to the shop. Micah’s Jeep was the only other car in the lot. As I pocketed my keys and headed inside, Tori’s words hit me again.
She loved me.
She’d said the words.
I knew I loved her, too, or was at least as close as I’d ever been in my life, but I’d swallowed the words I could never take back. Once I said that to a woman, I knew it would be forever, and while my heart was tugging me firmly in that direction with Tori, my brain was not there yet.
“Hey, dude.” I plopped the breakfast bag on Blake’s desk.
Micah glanced up from whatever he was doing on the computer. “Hey.”
“I brought food,” I said needlessly as I grabbed a cold bottle of water from the office fridge.
Micah dug through the bag and chose a burrito. Veggie and cheese, of course. “Thanks.”
I grabbed my own and sat across from him, propping my feet up on the desk. “Whatcha working on?”
He cringed. “The gym wants me to work up a flyer or some shit for my class.”
I bit my burrito and stifled a smile. As much as Micah was happy to help folks out, he was not what anyone would call a “people person.”
“I’m starting to wish I’d never said I’d do it,” he mumbled between bites.
“Why? You’re helping women learn to protect themselves, and there’s definitely a need for that with that asshole running loose. Plus, I did mention women, right?” I wiggled my brows at him.
“I guess you’re right. I just hate this computer shit.”
I swallowed another bite as an idea struck me. “I could help you.”
His black eyes flashed up. “You could?”
“Sure.” I shrugged, knowing I’d be desperate for something to keep my mind busy that night. “Kristi’s taking Ry to football practice tonight. I’ve got some time to kill.”
“Kristi’s taking him?” His voice clearly showed his disbelief. “Alone?”
I chugged my water and wadded up my empty wrapper. “They’ve been spending some time together pretty much every day. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Plus, there’s tons of other parents at practice. What harm can she do there?”
Micah studied me in that eerie, soul-searching way of his. “You okay with that?”
“No,” I said honestly. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay with it, but she is his mom. Even if what she did was wrong, he has a right to know her. Doesn’t he?”
“I guess so.”
Blake and Jesse came rattling into the shop a minute later and descended on the burritos like starving wolves.
“What’s up?” Blake asked, obviously sensing something was going on.
I grabbed a second burrito and filled the guys in. They were cool and didn’t say anything. There was no clear cut answer on this, but Jesse assured me Rachel would help however she could.
“I know, dude. Thanks.”
“How is Rachel feeling, anyway?” Blake asked. “Dee had morning sickness something fierce with Molly.”
Jesse shrugged. “She’s been tired and sick, but she says it’s all good. I feel bad though.”
“Just rub her feet at night and get her whatever she wants to eat.” This sage advice from Blake. Hell, at least he’d been there while his wife was pregnant. I’d had no idea about Ryder. I wonder what I would’ve done if Kristi had told me she was pregnant from the beginning. Would I have married her? Tried to love her for the sake of my kid?
Probably.
I guess it was a small miracle she’d chosen to be selfish. In the end, it saved me from a huge mistake.
Micah stood and stretched. “Thanks for the food, man. I’m gonna get crackin’ on that tranny.”
“Sure.”
He paused at the door. “Wanna come to the apartment after work and look at that computer shit? I’ll buy pizza.”
I nodded. “I’ll be there as soon as Ry’s gone to practice.”
The morning drug by, with only a couple of oil changes and a brake job. Micah stayed busy on his transmission rebuild then paperwork, and the others huddled over their latest restoration project.
“I’m going to lunch,” I called to no one in particular, then dove into my Chevy and hauled ass to the fried chicken place.
I ordered two meals and drinks then headed to the elementary school. I needed my Tori fix something fierce.
The older woman at the front desk greeted me sweetly. Guess she’d seen me enough that she knew who I was. “She’s stepped out of her office. Go ahead and wait, she shouldn’t be too long.”
“Thanks.” I rounded the desk and moved to Tori’s back office.
I opened the lunch sack and spread out the food, the scents of chicken and biscuits making my mouth water. I stabbed straws into our drinks and sipped my Coke.
Without her there, her office felt so empty. Bland. She had hardly anything in the way of personal items decorating the space. Only her college diplomas and certificates, several books, one small family photo on her desk, and her purse slung over her leather chair. Her honey sweet perfume still scented the air faintly, making me hungry for her even more than the food.
Behind me, the door whooshed open and I spun in my chair, a smile on my face for my girl. I froze, my smile sliding right off. “Oh. Hey.”
Waldo stared at me in surprise, but quickly schooled his face to casual disgust. “Good afternoon, Mr . . . ?”
“Trace Berringer.”
“Right. I came by to chat with Tori for a few minutes, but it looks like she—” His gaze flashed to his right. “
Oh, here she is!” His smile was so fake, I wanted to gag. He moved to let her in, casually brushing the small of her back with his hand as she passed. “I came by to talk to you about the ARD for Michael. We need to get with his parents before Dad ships overseas.”
Tori’s eyes darted to mine then back. “Right. I’ll call them today and set something up.”
By now, I was standing, my hand clenched around the back of my chair. I gave them their space to talk shop, but if he even thought about putting his hands on her again, I was ready to intervene.
Waldo barely gave me a sideways glance before he walked away. “Come by my office later once you have a firm date,” he called over his shoulder.
“Sure.” Tori clicked the door shut and placed a hand to the wood as she exhaled a long breath.
“He’s a fucking asshole, you know that, right?” My words were pinched.
“Yes, I know.” She slowly pivoted and faced me. “Word around here is that he’s been busted for sexual harassment and may be resigning.”
“Good.”
Her eyes darted down to my white-knuckled hand, then to the food spread out on her desk. “You brought me lunch?”
My shoulders relaxed a tad. “I did.”
She walked over and peeked at the layout. “Wow.” Her dark eyes caught mine, a soft smile on her lips. “Thank you.”
I kissed her. “You’re very welcome.”
We sat and ate, and I told her how things were going with Kristi.
She frowned over her drumstick. “You trust her to take him alone like that?”
“Yes and no.” I wiped my mouth and dropped my half-eaten breast back in the container. “Every cell in my body fights giving her an inch, but she’s done everything I’ve asked and hasn’t given me a reason to doubt her sincerity. Maybe she really has changed.”
“Maybe.” She didn’t sound convinced, but she let it drop.
“How’s your mom?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I can’t tell if she’s in denial or just super strong.”
“She seems pretty strong to me.”
“She is.” Her downcast face filled with pain. “It’s just not fair. She’s worked and worked her whole life. How could something like this happen before she’s had a chance to enjoy it?”
