by C.M. Kars
That’s my spot, bitch.
“I know you didn’t just say that to me, Hunter. Shall I call your mother to get this all settled out?”
Hunt snorts, but the sound is ugly. “Yeah, call my mom, Aly, at night. Go complain to her that I’m not following your plans. We’re not getting married, and we’re sure as fuck never sharing the same bed again.”
Married?! Married?! Who the fuck is getting married???!!!
I watch her fish her phone out of her pocket – how skinny is this chick? I watch her pause with it in her hand, wrist cocked out to the side like she’s actually going to start dialling the Duchess’ number. I would kill to hear that conversation.
What on Earth would make anyone call at this hour?!
Miss Duchess, your son isn’t listening to me. Please tell him he has to do as you say. And make sure we have suitable childcare for the boy, I don’t want to see him once we’re married.
Yeah? Well, frak that.
Aly tilts her head to the side, simultaneously being placating and inquisitive.
“How are you going to survive without your mom’s money? How are you going to take care of Jules’ kid, huh? Oh, poor Hunter, don’t try to get a brain now, and start thinking for yourself.”
Fuck no, she did not just call him an idiot. I will cut her. And who the hell is Jules?
Kat keeps going. “You marry me, we have enough money to keep us going for the next fifty years. Aren’t you tired of fighting, of struggling every single day? Aren’t you tired of it all?”
I watch Hunt hang his head, like it’s loose on his neck, chin dipping down to his chest, arms just dead weight hanging off his shoulder sockets at his sides. He is tired, I know that. I know he’s exhausted.
But I can help him, I can help take care of Matty. I want to scream that he doesn’t need Aly, really, he doesn’t need her. I can do it, I can help him; I know I can.
“That’s right, baby. You know you want me over her anyway. My way is the easy way, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” She coaxes him to half-hug her, even though his arms are still those lead weights at his sides. I take comfort in that.
Jesus, she knows exactly what to tell him. He has no chance. We have no chance.
She continues whispering in his ear, words I can’t hear.
“I’m tired,” is all he answers to whatever she’s saying to him. I watch the side of his face that isn’t pressed to hers become broken and desolate again. He looks like the world has stolen so much from him, and instead of giving it the finger and fighting back – he wants to give up.
I start to tear up just looking at him, the way all of him seems less, just less than what he could be, when he’s with me and we’re laughing and kissing. Maybe this is the real him, the part he doesn’t want me to see and I’ve fallen in love with the fake Hunter who makes me smile and laugh.
I don’t deserve to say I love you, because I haven’t fallen for all of him yet. And I want to have the opportunity to love the rest of him, too. If this biatch will just go home and let us be. My knees crack when I try to get into a more comfortable crouching position, and I end up holding my breath, wondering if they heard me.
“You love what we do together, Hunter. We’re good together, you know it, baby. We explode together, and I love your mouth. Here, call that girl you have upstairs, tell her to go home, and we’ll go upstairs to your bed,” she coaxes, putting her phone into his hand.
Ten seconds pass while Hunter stares at the phone. Ten seconds pass while I watch Hunter stare at the phone in his hand. And I watch his strong fingers curl around it, and shove it back at her.
I’m sure my breathing is loud enough for all to hear right now. But they don’t look back at me, or if they know I’m there, they pretend I don’t exist. I don’t know which one is better.
“Hunter, I’m getting tired of this. Call that fat bitch upstairs and tell her to go home. Wait, tell her to take the kid, too, and we’ll be all alone. I’ll do whatever you want, baby, I swear. You know how much you love my mouth on your cock.”
Ick. Way to bargain, Aly. Way to go.
I watch her rub herself against him, lips trailing along his jaw to his cheek...I hold my breath watching, watching for what’s inevitable for what comes next. Fire explodes in my belly, travelling through my veins, pummelling the base of my skull. Fuck, I’m going to kill her, I’m going to kill both of them.
I’m shaking, muscles tensing as I hold them back with a power of will I didn’t know I had. Something tells me to keep watching, to stay where I am. I do. I watch as my heart’s gauged out with Aly’s good intentions as they kiss.
They kiss.
Her head’s working back and forth, but I force myself to watch. I watch, looking at her, pushing herself up on him, arms wrapped around his neck, hips rocking into his.
I’m going to vomit, and after that, I’m going to cut open my chest and tear out my heart. That’ll hurt less, I’m sure of it.
His hands go to her arms, near her shoulders; she’s so tiny, his fingers easily wrap around them. Another tear in the vicinity of my heart. How could I have been so stupid, so fucking stupid? I should’ve known better.
Getting up from my crouch, I allow myself to look one last time, imagine it’s me and him in that embrace, stealing a few moments to ourselves before we have to go upstairs and see Matty.I almost don’t catch it.
Hunter’s hands tighten around her arms, shoving them down to her sides and away from the back of his neck. He tears his mouth away, shiny with her, and tainted the color of her lipstick. His voice is so low, so menacing I almost don’t catch it. “Get the fuck out.”
One hand at her upper back propels her out of the lobby and into the space where the outer doors are, effectively locking her out once Hunter swings the doors shut. I want to scream and cheer and wish I had a pair of pom-poms to go all Bring it On.
Aly screams, bangs against the door with her closed fists, even rapping her nails against the glass, just being an obnoxious asshole.
“You’re throwing everything away, for her?” She points and I’m caught. Too excited to duck back down, I give a lame little wave with Hunt’s keys in my hand. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Hunter?”
I watch Hunter’s body get tight, the muscles in his arm and the ribs tighten up, and bulge under his t-shirt. He looks like he’s going to Hulk-out any second, and the stupid idiot is still yelling at him. Doesn’t she know what’s about to happen?
God, but he’s beautiful, like an avenging angel –deadly and strong, lethal and serene all at the same time. That’s my Hunter, he’s there, in the savagery in the way he holds himself, the way his jaw is set, and the muscle jumps out along it. He’s resplendent. My breath catches, a little hitch, because it hurts to look at him like this, to see the animal part of him, so angry and proud.
“I don’t want you,” he tells her, voice the deepest I’ve ever heard it. His chest heaves up and down as he sucks in air, muscles corded out, sculpted into his skin like valleys and mountains that I want to touch. “I don’t want anything to do with you, ever again. You’re not welcome here anymore.”
“You’re a fucking idiot! You’re not in your right mind to be making these decisions, Hunter!”
His face gets close to the glass, and I watch her take two quick steps back. I only have the side view and my blood is pumping, my brain telling me to run; I can’t imagine what he looks like full-on.
“If you ever come back here again, show your face to either Sera, Matty or me, fuck, Aly, you have no idea what I’ll do.” Rage pulses in those words and I don’t know how she isn’t burned by them. “I’ll destroy your fucking life, like you’ve destroyed mine. Do you understand?”
The question’s rhetorical. Even I know that.
“I did no such thing! We had good times, didn’t we, Hunter? I took care of you, baby, and you took care of me and Jules.” Kat pets the glass, like she can touch him through it. “God, baby, please just let me come upstairs. I c
an make you feel good,” she moans, licking her lips.
I’m disgusted with her, with him for listening. I’m disgusted with myself for coming down here and subjecting myself to this. Sadistic much? Hot shame replaces what little moment of euphoria I had – I’m ruining his life by being with him. He could have all the money in the world, send Matty to the best schools, buy him the best clothes, move out and get a nice, swankier place.
I want to make Hunt feel good, too, but I’m not sure I know how.
Maybe I can take this pressure off of him, though, maybe I should tell him it’s okay to go and be with Aly, to marry her, and get all the money he needs to take care of Matty. I’m not important here, the kid is. And maybe Hunt will let me visit some days, or allow me to take him a few hours on the weekends to read to him, to see how he’s doing.
Squaring my shoulders, I walk towards the pair, lost in my misery to hear his answer to her begging. It doesn’t matter, anyway. I’ve made up my mind.
“Hunt, let’s go upstairs.” My voice is sure and strong when everything inside of me is shrivelling up and dying. I found my slice of happiness, and it’s been exhausted, used up, and that’s okay. I got a chance at something I thought I would never have, and I have Hunter MacLaine to thank for that.
When his blue eyes hit mine, I almost crumple, the light in them, the intensity is almost my undoing. Some raw pain slices through his features. I get a glimpse of true pain, pain I can’t even imagine how to deal with. I’m not strong enough for that, I know I’m not, but maybe Aly can take care of him.
He lumbers over to me, completely ignoring Red, gait unsure and coming in jolts instead of smooth. His sugar, probably, or Aly unearthed so much emotional garbage he can’t control his body right.
I want to scream as he gets closer to me, holding his hands out, almost begging me to bring him in closer. He’s a hurt wolf, past the crazed point of pain, wanting a soothing touch one last time.
Hunter sighs when his hands meet at the small of my back, and his big body bows over my smaller frame, effectively blocking out any threats, and using his body as a shield. He’s so beautiful, so fraking beautiful I want to cry. I feel his chin resting at the top of my head, and his breathing evens out as he holds me.
I beckon him with small movements, with a calm voice to come closer to the elevator, and once I hit the button he wait for it to come down. He shakes in my arms, not the kind of shakes of low blood sugar, but the kind of tremors a body has when it holds onto the pain and guilt right before they can rip a body apart.
I somehow don’t cry, even though my eyes sting and burn. I can’t speak for the life of me, my throat hurts, and that painful lump just sits there, refusing to go away.
I usher us into the elevator, giving him my back so I won’t have to look at him. His hands stay locked on me, so when I turn, they’re sitting at my lower belly, his cheek resting now against my ear, closer than he was before. As the doors close, we ignore Aly’s screaming, her outraged howls echoing in the space between the outer and inner doors as she calls me every variation of the word fat ever created.
Whatever.
We’re quiet the whole ride up.
I unlock his door and settle him on the couch. He makes a noise when I unwind his arms from around me and maneuver him to sit, but he just lets me do what I want. I check on Matty, relieved to find he’s okay, then I move into the kitchen and grab Hunt a cold bottle of water from the fridge.
I hold it out to him, but instead he grabs me and settles me on his lap. I would normally protest this and say that I’m too heavy to be on him like this, but I let myself have the feeling of his touch. To remember it. To memorize it.
Only when Hunter leans in to kiss me do I find my voice.
“Wipe her off of you,” I say, voice cracking. Hunter’s neck locks and he stops moving, his eyes roving over my face in the semi-darkness. My stomach twists and turns, and I’m starting to shake like you do before vomiting, and my heart is just a throbbing mass of pain.
Hunter does what I say, using a bit of water in his hand from the bottle to swipe at his lips. He then uses his shirt to wipe the liquid off.
“You said you wouldn’t give up on me, Sera.” His arms wind tighter around my hips, and I know it’s going to be a struggle to try to get out of his grip. Especially when I still want to be here, so so badly.
The tears come. I just let them fall; I want him to see my pain. A sledgehammer to my chest would hurt less than this.
“I’m not giving up on you, Hunt. I’m giving up on us,” I whisper, like my body’s physically unable to push the words out.
Hunter shakes his head in the dim lighting, staring down at his feet while I stand over him. It would hurt less if his voice was gruff, or even pinched with hurt. He sounds the same, strong and perfect, like I’m not hurting him at all with the truth. He’s invincible in the face of it while I crumble to pieces.
How could he ever want me?
“My body gave up on me, why wouldn’t you?”
My visions goes blurry with tears, and my hearts feels like it’s being sliced to pieces, slowly, oh so slowly. I choke on a sob, crossing my arms over my chest to hold it in, to keep the pain where it’s meant to be.
“That’s... That’s not it, and you ... you know it,” I hiccup, sniffing loudly.
“Explain it to me then, because I don’t fucking understand,” he growls, grabbing my hands and pulling my arms away from my chest. He sets me down next to him, letting go of my hands to palm my face so I can’t look away.
I close my eyes like the coward I am.
“I’m not what you need, Hunter. God, you’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” I hiss, tugging at my face, hands going to his wrists, trying to pull him off me. The traitors just sit there on his wrists, thumbs stroking along the skin, like they remember what do from the last time we were in this position. Fuck.
“Say it, Sera. Say it so you can hear how fucked up it is.”
“Aly, she-she,” I hiccup again, try to pull in enough breath to calm myself down. Opening my eyes, I continue. “She can give you what you need – money. Money makes life easier, Hunt, you know that. You know you can build a better life for Matty with her as your wife, or whatever she is. You can buy a bigger place to live in, quit your job so you’re not so exhausted anymore. She can give you that; I can’t.” I close my eyes to look away from him.
His thumbs swipe away my tears, but there’re just more to take their place.
“Baby, look at me. Please.”
The ‘please’ does it, my eyes shoot open and I stare.
“I’m sorry she kissed me, that she touched me. I’m sorry that I let her. I know I don’t deserve you, Sera, not now, not like I am. I didn’t expect you to come into my life, I didn’t expect to be given this beautiful woman who makes me want to be better. I didn’t expect to find you in nerdy shirts and Justice League Converse, putting a smile on my face in the mornings when I would pass you by to go to my shitty job, into my shitty life. I didn’t expect you to make my days better, to make me as happy as you do with your geek-speak. I didn’t expect for you to get so emotional over the people from your books and movies. I didn’t expect for you to let me into your life.”
“I didn’t expect you to let me kiss you and touch you. I didn’t expect for you to break your tiny hand because of what one asshole said. Fuck, I didn’t expect you to love Matty, to let him into your life, and you into his to make him the boy he’s meant to be. And baby, the way I see it, I want you around to make sure he grows up to be a better man than me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing,” I manage to whisper. His words, God, his words.
“I’d have money with Aly, sure. She hates Matty, and every single day being with her, it’s going to remind me of my shitty past. You make me forget all that, Sera. No amount of money is worth that. Money’s just money. I’ll get a second job if I need to.”
I want to tell him that people change their mind
s, that people want different things once they get older, that they want somebody else.
“Shut up, just... shut up.” Hunter shuts up. My body ignites with need, all centered at the throbbing ache between my legs. “Did she put her tongue in your mouth?”
A twitch of his lips as he shakes his head. “Not for lack of trying.”
My hands drop from his wrists, go to the hem of his shirt. I lift without taking a peek of his abs, and swipe the material across his mouth once, twice, three times making sure whatever trace of Aly remained behind is now long gone.
I want to make him feel good. And I want to be better at it than her, I want to erase her from his memory.
“Take off the shirt, Hunt.” With a fist going between his shoulder blades, the offensive shirt is quickly discarded and tossed to the floor. I squeeze my thighs together, trying to make the ache go away. This isn’t for me, this is for him. “Now, stand up.” I rearrange myself so I’m lying down the length of the couch. “Come lie down on top of me,” I tell him, watching as his body becomes enshadowed with the dim light at his back.
His weight settles on me, and I spread my legs to accommodate him, gasping at the feel of him pressed so tight against me.
“Is this okay?” he asks, looking down at me. I scoot up along the couch, moving away from his cock and what I so desperately need inside me.
“More than okay. But I want you to settle more on top of me. I can take it. Go ahead.” He goes down to his forearms on either side of me, shifting so most of his weight is on one leg outside of one of mine. His thigh between my legs lightly settles against my sex, hard and hot even through my sweats and the denim.
I move my arms outside the cage of his to stroke up his shoulders, shaping his muscles with my hands, admiring his strength as I settle my hands at either side of his neck. With Hunter above me, our abs pressed together, his lips hovering above mine, I’ve never known a need like this before.
How does any sixteen-year-old handle this? This overwhelming hyperawareness that seeps into every single pore of my skin?
