I reached out and ran my fingers down his bare back. “I’m here for you too.”
He turned over and carefully pulled me into his arms. His tears fell on my shoulder as he cried quietly. “I’m sorry I’m crying again,” he whispered. “I been holding it in all week. I can’t live without you, baby.” Then he started to sob as he held me even closer. “Please don’t ever leave me. Please.”
“I won’t,” I softly promised. “And I’ll never stop loving you.”
Chapter 23
The next morning, I woke up alone in bed. I had woken up again during the night crying. Chad insisted I take a sleeping pill. The grogginess slowly wore off. The blanket was pulled up to my shoulders, and the bedroom door was closed. I wasn’t sure what to do. I knew I was supposed to start to walk, but I wasn’t sure how to get out of bed. What if I fall? Will I break something else?
“Chad! Can you help me up?”
His mom soon opened the bedroom door. “Do you need something, honey?”
“Is Chad home?” I pulled the blanket up a little higher. “I need him.”
She smiled at me. “He’s home, but he’s working. He’s been trying to fix something someone broke or something at work. He’s been on the phone half the morning already.”
I didn’t know what to do. “Um, Ma, can you ask him to come in here when he has time?”
“You don’t have clothes on, do you?” She smirked.
I looked away from her. “No.”
She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “My son can’t keep his hands off you, can he?” She looked around the room. “Where’s the bag from the hospital?”
“I think he put everything away.”
“Where did he put your clothes?”
“I don’t know.” Suddenly my mom came in the room. I pulled the blanket over my head, humiliated. “Can you guys just get Chad?”
My mom laughed. “You’re naked, huh?” She pretended to yank the blanket from me. “What did that boy do?”
I poked my head out. “I’m not telling you, Mother. Stop pulling the blanket.”
“I’m sorry, Pam.” Chad’s mom sighed. “My son seems to have a little problem keeping his clothes on.”
My mom still laughed. “Don’t you remember when you were in your twenties? I’m sure I was just as bad.”
I covered my ears. “I’m not hearing this. Stop, Mom. I don’t want to hear about you and sex, period!”
“OK. We’ll stop, Crystal.” Chad’s mom let out a giggle. “I’ll get you some clothes, and we’ll help you get dressed.”
I pulled the blanket over my head again. I was so embarrassed, it was unbelievable. “I’ll just stay under here till Chad comes. Please go away. I can’t do this now.”
They both laughed. Then their voices faded.
Soon, I heard Chad’s voice. “Why’re you hiding under the blanket?”
I pulled it down. “Our mothers were laughing about me being naked. I’m so humiliated.”
He closed the bedroom door. “We need to do this quick.”
I thought he planned to climb on top of me with that comment, but he didn’t.
After he had washed me and took out clothes, he took my hands in his. “You need to start walking today. I want you to try and stand up before I dress you.” He glanced at the door. “There’s a crutch in the living room you can try when you walk.”
He pulled me up. I lost my balance right away, but he caught me. Then he backed up a step and tugged me to him. I stepped with my broken foot and fell again. Chad changed his strategy. He got behind me, held my waist and walked with me. I was able to take a few steps while I leaned heavily back on him.
“I wanna see what I look like. Come with me to the mirror.”
He exhaled on my neck. “Just a quick look.”
I was glad that he didn’t protest again. That meant I had healed some. Chad and I walked together to the mirror on his closet door. I closed my eyes afraid to look at first.
“Come on, baby. I gotta get back to work,” Chad urged me.
I opened my eyes and was happy to see I was right. The swelling in my face was gone. The cuts on the sides of my face were not as prominent. My hair covered the scar across my forehead. I turned a bit to see my bruises. My hip and side was still purple, but my leg and arm had a lot of yellow.
Chad’s hand cupped my right breast. “This one’s gone. So you’re healing.”
He walked with me back to the bed then helped me get my bra and panties on. “Sit.” He waited until I was steady then went to the closet. He pulled out three black dresses. “I need you to try these on. I got them for you when Rosario was with you. I wasn’t sure you had the right clothes.” He laid them on the bed next to me.
Then he went to his dresser. He came back to me and took off the chain I had given him for Christmas. I watched him take Giovanni’s ring off the chain. He put it on a silver rope chain from his hand then put it around my neck.
“I bought this then too. I thought you should be able to wear his ring as long as you need to.”
I smiled up at him. “Thank you.” A tear came to my eye. Not many guys could give permission to wear someone else’s ring.
He wiped at the tear that ran down my cheek. “I’m sorry. I gotta get back to work. Somebody changed a few files names and now—never mind. I love you.” He put his chain back on, kissed my lips and was gone.
Then both of our moms came in. They helped me try on the dresses, which all fit me. I didn’t know how Chad got the right size. They showed off my bruises though. What did I expect? I had bruises up and down my whole body on one side.
Once I was dressed, I took a few steps, while I held onto my mom. Then I fell. Chad’s mom helped catch me, and they walked with me to the living room, slowly. Then they put me down on the couch. Chad was in the kitchen as he argued with someone on the phone.
My mom handed me a bowl of cereal. I ate it slowly, not really hungry. However, I knew Chad would make me eat otherwise. When I couldn’t eat anymore, I looked at Chad’s mom, who cleaned the living room again. That seemed to relax her somehow.
“Ma, can you get me pen and paper?”
“For what?”
I looked back at Chad for a few seconds then to her again. “I need some things from… from my place.” I gripped the couch cushion tightly. “I don’t leave stuff here anymore.”
“I’ll go get what you need.” My mom called from the kitchen where she prepared what looked like beef stew.
The first thought that came to me was she would see both beds in disarray and know what Giovanni and I had done for hours that last day together. “Um, maybe I should ask Chris to go.”
“Oh, OK.” My mom sounded disappointed. “Honey, if you’re worried about what I’ll find, I won’t judge you. I know you’re an adult.”
“Mom, don’t. Please.” My face heated up.
Chad’s mom came to me. “I’ll go if you feel more comfortable with that. I’ve already seen too much.” She winked at me. “You just tell me where to find everything.”
“Let her go,” Chad called to me. “It’s no big deal.”
I leaned back and relaxed. “OK, but, Ma, please don’t open the nightstand drawers.” I imagined her finding our handcuffs or other toys. It made me shudder.
“I won’t invade your privacy, sweetie.” She caressed my cheek. “I’ll only touch what you want me to.”
Then she took a pencil and an empty envelope out of her purse. It took me a while to remember all the things I had wanted.
With her coat wrapped around her tightly, she opened the front door. “I’ll be back in a few.” Then she turned around and almost crashed into Rosario. “You scared me.” She laughed then hugged him. “How you doing, honey?”
Rosario hugged her back. “I’ll be OK.”
“Come in,” my mom encouraged him. “Stay for lunch. I’m making something special.”
Rosario closed the door behind Chad’s mom. He tossed his jacket on a chair and
came right to the couch. “Hey, how you doing?” He sat next to me before he hugged me gently. “Happy to be home? Um, well I mean—”
“It’s OK.” I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Nothing makes sense to me yet either.”
He rubbed my back. “My mom said to tell you she loves you.” He put an arm around my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “She wanted me to bring you over today, but I told her it was too soon.”
“I can’t really walk.” I looked down.
Rosario lifted my ring. “How come you’re not wearing it?” His tone was filled with annoyance.
“I just…” I pulled my bottom lip in. “I—I—I can’t.” Tears welled up, but I held them back. “If I had to look at it on my finger—”
He interrupted my thoughts when he took me in his arms again. “I didn’t mean to be an ass about it.” His hand ran through my hair. “So much changed.” He sighed and kissed my hair. “Do you like your room?”
“Uh, yeah.”
He let me go and picked up my left hand in both of his. “How was your first night? Probably lonely, huh?”
“It was weird.” I glanced at Chad then back. “I can’t turn over by myself.”
He rubbed the back of my hand. “Give it time.” Then he sighed. “You know, it’s like a dream. I keep expecting him to just show up.” He squeezed my fingers. “I had to sleep on the couch for the last week. Just too hard to go in that room.”
I exhaled loudly and leaned my head on him. His mom had kept their shared bedroom the same as if they still lived in her house. The first memory I had of that room came to me. It was just after graduation and our first night doing promotion for the band. We had to stop at the house so Giovanni could get his phone charger.
I sat on Rosario’s bed as Giovanni looked around for it. I watched him, dying to get up the nerve to make a move on him. Before we left, we stood and stared into each other’s eyes, silently. Then he suddenly kissed my forehead and said, “Let’s go.”
“Whatcha thinking about?” Rosario startled me with. “You have such a big smile on your face.”
Quickly, my expression changed. “Sorry, just remembering something.”
“That’s been happening to me a lot too.”
“She needs to walk!” Chad shouted. “The doctor said so.”
Rosario’s eyebrows went up. “I thought you couldn’t.”
“Well, not on my own yet.”
My mom came into the room. “She needs to use her knee. Can you help her? I’m in the middle of something.”
“Sure.” Rosario stood up and slowly pulled me up.
I grabbed him when I got to my feet, scared I would fall. For a brief few seconds, I let him hold me, and he didn’t cop a feel. From our encounter months ago in the bathroom, I expected him to take advantage. Maybe the situation lulled his libido.
When I pointed to the crutch, he grabbed it and adjusted it for me. “This good?”
I winced when I leaned on it. “Um, kinda weird.” He let me go, and I instantly tipped over.
“Shit!” He caught me around the waist. “I got ya.” He exhaled over my neck. “Maybe we should try it without the crutch. How about we walk around the couch, so you can hold on?”
I smiled and nodded. That was a good idea. I backed up a few steps, as I still held onto his arms. Then I let go and took one on my own. Again, my feet went out from under me.
Rosario caught me quickly. “OK… How about I hold you steady by your waist?”
“Sure.” I slowly turned around in his arms. Then I held onto the couch arm and stood straight. “Don’t let go.”
“I won’t.”
We very slowly walked around it at least four times, before the fear faded. He had to catch me a few times. After about ten rounds, I couldn’t stand it anymore. He held me against his body tightly and waited for me to gain my strength. I smirked, because he had a hard-on. I knew he hadn’t changed completely.
“Sorry about the boner, but I remember how you look naked,” he whispered. “And this position would be perfect.” He was behind me, with his arms just under my breasts. I was slightly bent over but couldn’t move. He leaned on me more and breathed into my ear. “We could finish what we started in the bathroom that time.”
I clung to the back of the couch. “Stop.” He growled but didn’t say anything more about it. I tried to catch my breath and hoped my legs would move again. “I give up,” I finally uttered. “I’m too tired.”
Rosario lifted me into his arms. “Do you wanna take a nap? I can put you in bed.”
My eyes opened wide. The last thing we needed was him to find out about me and Chad. “Uh, no. Just sit with me again.”
He put me down and turned on the television. “You wanna lay on me? I promise to keep my hands to myself.”
I smiled at him then glanced down. He had sweatpants on, so his erection stuck out enough to be obvious. “Maybe not.” I giggled.
“Fuck.” He softly groaned then put a throw pillow over his crotch. “Your mom’ll deck me if she sees this.” He put an arm out. “Just come put your head on my shoulder. Promise. No funny business.”
I could sense he hurt, emotionally. So I did as he wanted. With a hand on his chest, I looked up. “You OK?”
“I don’t know.” He leaned his head back. “The memories hurt and help at the same time. I feel so outta control. I don’t like this.”
I jumped when a hand touched my back.
“Honey, I’m sorry.” My mom was behind the couch. “Rosario, it’s gonna take time.” She put her other hand on his head. “There’s a lot of ups and downs with grief. Just take it one day at a time. Relax today and try to enjoy your friends.”
“Thanks.” He took a deep breath then pulled me closer to him. “I’m glad I came over.”
We sat and watched television for an hour or so. Then just as I started to drift off, his phone rang. He carefully pulled it out and answered quietly, “Hey, Jon. What’s up?” He shifted me just a bit. “I’m at Chad’s. Why don’t you come over here?” He caressed my hair. “She’s OK, just resting.” He paused, and I heard a muffled voice. “See you in a bit.”
“He’s coming over?” I asked with a yawn.
Rosario stroked my hair. “Yeah, he’s helping Chris pack. I think they’re both coming.” He kissed my head. “Close your eyes. You look exhausted.”
Chapter 24
“Give it to your mom then.”
I jumped at the sound of another voice in the room.
“Hey, it’s OK,” Rosario whispered while he rubbed my back. “Go back to sleep.”
I opened my eyes. Jon and Chris stood next to the couch. “What’d I miss?” Obviously I had fallen asleep.
“Nothing, Crystal. They just got here.”
Then there was a hand on my back. “Baby, you wanna go lay down?”
I slowly turned to Chad behind me. “I’m OK.” I blinked my eyes a few times to try to shake the disorientation. Then I looked back at Jon, who held a piece of paper out to Rosario.
“Take it. You need it.” Jon had a serious look on his face.
Rosario took a deep breath and shook his head. “We’ll find another way. I don’t want you paying for it.”
Jon exhaled loudly. “Look. Don’t tell me you guys got the money. I know your mom’s been struggling. It’s not charity. It’s Dean’s money. This shit’s all his fault, and he’s gonna pay for it.”
I whimpered as Rosario hugged me tightly.
“Sorry, Crystal.” He loosened his grip and sighed. “How d’ ya have his money?”
Jon folded his arms over his chest. “After his last trip to rehab, I made him give me control of his accounts, so he wouldn’t blow it all again. Your mom needs help, and the funeral’s gonna be expensive. Just let me do this. Please.”
“Rosario, take it,” my mom urged him from behind us. “Don’t let your pride get in the way. Aren’t you guys like family now? You all act like it. Family helps each other. Your mom would be gratefu
l that she doesn’t have to worry anymore. I know she’s scared of the bill. She told me.”
“Fine. Thanks.” Rosario begrudgingly took the check. “But you gotta let me do something for you one day then.”
Jon laughed. “You’re in the military, and you wanna pay me back? What the fuck, man? I should be thanking you for doing what I never did. If it weren’t for guys like you, we’d all be lost.”
That made Rosario smile. He knew we were all proud of him. “OK, I get it. Thanks, man.”
“Anytime you need something, I’m just a phone call away.” Jon turned to Chris. “Did you find which room is yours yet?”
Chris looked toward Chad. “No. Which one’s free?”
No one said anything for a minute. It seemed everyone assumed I had my own room, and I didn’t want to tell the truth.
“I’ll show you,” Chad finally uttered. Then he and Chris disappeared down the hall.
While they were gone, Jon sat with us. “You look good.” He touched my shoulder. “Glad to be home I bet.”
I closed my eyes and grabbed Rosario’s shirt. Home? Well, my new home. “I guess.” Can this ever be home?
“That was a stupid thing to say.” Jon sighed. “We’re all still adjusting.”
I was glad he cut off my thoughts. I probably would have started to cry if they continued. I let Rosario go and reached back to Jon.
He carefully pulled me into his arms. “I’m so glad you’re OK.” He shuddered.
“I am.”
Then he whispered, “Lately, I been feeling a bit guilty about fucking you for some reason.” He exhaled on my neck. “I keep dreaming he’s haunting me and pissed about it.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. That month was difficult for me. All that time without Giovanni hurt so badly. How in the world was I supposed to do it for the rest of my life? Suddenly, I burst into tears.
“Oh, damn, I’m sorry,” Jon softly said as he ran a hand over my back. “I didn’t mean to remind you.”
Then I felt what seemed to be Rosario’s hand on my back. “Everything’s the wrong thing to say, Jon. Just hold her till she calms down.”
“What happened?” Chris asked from somewhere.
Dual Desires (Triple Threat Book 3) Page 21
