We’d stopped in the middle of nowhere. I’d paid no attention to the direction we took and wherever we were, it wasn’t somewhere I’d been before. When Throttle helped me off his motorcycle, I was stiff from the ride and emotional exhaustion, and when he didn’t drop my hand, I didn’t force it. I was in serious need of comfort. My mind raced through all the facts and no matter how much sass and guts I tried to call up, I had none. I felt broken. I couldn’t shake the fear I felt for Davis. He was mixed up with the Carnals, and that was like walking on quicksand. Declan had played me. He’d been ghosting my life all along and my dad seemed to be a part of that. The older brothers I’d grown up with also knew it, and the shame I’d carried for living a lie and letting them love me when I was responsible for their friend’s death was too much to cope with. I couldn’t rationalize that they were my family, my soul mates, and they’d known along that I didn’t belong with them.
The guilt I’d felt over the years was a constant pressure in my head and heart, and it truly felt at times like I would suffocate from it. I couldn’t understand how they could know the truth and still treat me so well. They’d never asked for an explanation and now I knew why. Even though I’d lied for twenty years, really I was the one who had been truly fooled.
“Just breathe.” Throttle’s voice poked at my senses and I saw he’d walked us a short distance to the edge of an overhanging rock ledge. I didn’t put up a fight when he pulled me to sit down next to him. For a hot minute, I thought about jumping, just sliding off in a bid to end the suffering. The need to stop the shame and guilt was eating me up. More than a little bit worryingly, though, my brain didn’t tell me to man up. It agreed that it was a viable option. My subconscious wasn’t interested in putting up a fight at all.
“I wouldn’t fucking let you.” Throttle put his arm around me and knew the depths to which my thoughts had sunk.
“What?”
“I know you. You’re weighing up hurling yourself over. Know how I know this? Because I’ve been there, Angel.”
“Don’t call me that!” I couldn’t bear to hear that name.
Throttle kept an arm wrapped around me, his thumb rubbing in a circular motion on my shoulder. When I looked at it, I saw a little circle of dirty grease being rubbed in. Things had gone to shit that quickly that he hadn’t even had chance to clean up from working in the shop.
“Don’t hate on the Prez for loving you. We all see that you and Vix are his life.”
“It’s all been a sham, Thrott.”
I avoided his eyes, looking anywhere but at him until he squeezed my shoulder for attention. “Chopper had a bad rep amongst the brothers. He hurt a lot of women—some of them just girls, not even legal. No one was grieving his loss. I reckon, you pushed a couple of the brothers, they’d even admit they were thankful he met his demise before he landed them all in some serious shit.”
“I didn’t kill him, but I caused it.”
“That’s why you’re their angel. You were sent to them when they needed divine guidance from evil.”
“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I would have preferred the honesty of today at my own pace, like a decade or two ago.”
“It doesn’t matter how it happened. It happened. What matters is that you’ve seen the light where that motherfucker is concerned. He’s the real evil.”
I felt a fritz of electricity spark inside me when he referred to Declan. I’d gone from heaven in the field to hell in the house. What we’d done in that field was something else, an out of body experience. It was the most sensual and erotic moment of my life, but it’d all been trashed when I realized I couldn’t trust him. Looking into Dec’s eyes while he took me had changed everything. It wasn’t just some fun. It was like a dream come true. The connection with the Declan of my past was still alive with that same feeling of cherished protection. I felt like we’d both been waiting for that moment when we could be together again and now it felt dirty and tarnished.
I stared off into space again, my mind whirring as it comprehended everything, and I knew I needed space. I couldn’t confront them right now. The thought of it made my gut churn. At least I hoped it was that and not fear over whether I’d ever be able to face them again. If I did go home, I knew we would never be the same people again and the bonds that had held us together were fractured. We all needed some time to heal if we were ever going to find our way back to one another.
“I need some distance from the Sentinels, Thrott.”
“Done. I know just the place. It’s cut off from civilization and remote. They won’t find you unless we want them to.”
“You’d do that for me? After everything?”
Throttle took my face in his hands and placed a tender kiss on my lips. “Angel, I’d do anything for you.”
We both sat in silence a while longer as the sun changed position in the sky and the scenery altered and became more beautiful because of it. It was proving impossible to shake Declan from my mind and what we’d done had made it that much harder, but Throttle had been in my life a lot longer. He was here for me now. Declan might have tricked his way back into my world and my heart, but Throttle had been the one there when I needed to escape. He was offering me refuge and a place of comfort until I was ready to face the world again, and I definitely needed it.
My stomach rumbled and we both agreed food was the next part of the plan as we climbed back on his motorcycle. Throttle rode for a few more hours before stopping at a gas station to refuel both the motorcycle and us. My mind was slowly unwinding and as the time progressed, I realized I had no idea where we were. I couldn’t even figure out which direction we’d gone in. The traffic flow had thinned out to nearly nonexistent, and the slight drop in temperature and the pressure in my ears told me we’d been slowly climbing. All I could see was a long, open road that kept going until it hit the setting sun. I nearly fell off the back of his motorcycle when he took a sharp right turn, I was that settled into my daydream. The pace then slowed as we hit an uneven road, then slowed even further when it became pitted rubble and hard core, filled with grassy knolls that seemed to be growing out of nowhere. There was a thick forest up ahead and even though I knew we were heading for it, I couldn’t see a path that went through it. The sunlight was bleeding through the trees in odd places and it was like a mixture of something beautiful in nature and terrifying from a fairy story.
As Throttle weaved through a small track in the trees, I began to feel him relax for the first time. He was different, calm, like this solitary place was part of his soul. I’d seen him plenty at home, in the clubhouse and in the workshop, and this was the first time he didn’t feel like an M.C. club prospect to me. His caring nature wasn’t that of the person who took Declan to task earlier today.
Suddenly, like someone had opened a pair of theatre drapes before me, the forest opened up and a tiny one storey cottage made of stone and boulders had been nestled perfectly in the scenery. It was surrounded by trees and beside a small fishing lake.
Throttle pulled his Harley round the back under a makeshift canopy and stopped the engine. The difference to my ears was instant. They’d gone from a windy, ear bashing that vibrated in tune with the engine, to absolutely nothing. Silence.
“What is this place?”
We both climbed off the motorcycle and just breathed.
“Just a place with some family memories.” He looked wistful, afraid and not completely at ease with being here.
“It’s beautiful and certainly off the beaten track.”
“It is.” Throttle took my hand again and lead me to the door, his brief contemplation at finally arriving now gone and the smile on his face was that of the cheeky Throttle I’d always found attractive.
Once inside, the sparse beauty of the place gave me some calming relief. It was clean and dust free, making me wonder just how often he escaped here. “Kitchen there, bathroom there and bedroom there.” He pivoted round and pointed in the direction of various doors. “There�
��s only one bed, so I’ll take the couch until… well, yeah.” He didn’t finish his speech, but his intent was clear. Throttle was going to give me space but only needed the nod to kick things up into a romantic gear.
“God, tell me this place has a shower. And beer. I could do with a beer.” Then the horrifying thought hit me. “I’ve not brought any clothes or my cell.”
“There’s limited electricity and cell signal is patchy at best. There’s probably some old clothes of my sister’s hanging around. I’ll hunt them out. Stove is gas, and the sun warms the hot water tank. You go shower, and I’ll sort out clothes and food.”
“And beer?”
“And beer.”
I smiled my appreciation, feeling strangely at home here. “I could cook for us,” I offered, needing to repay his kindness.
Throttle smirked. “I’ve eaten your food. No thanks. I’ll cook.”
“My knight in shining armor has talents.”
“I do.” He winked.” If you’re lucky you may find out what they are.”
I raised my eyebrows and laughed, feeling more like my old self, and left to go hunt out the bathroom.
Twenty minutes later, there was a knock on the bathroom door. “I’m leaving a pile of clothes on the side with a towel. Any chance you might leave some hot water for me?”
“Maybe. Although you could probably do with some cold water on that libido of yours,” I shouted. I’d been wrapped up in the dream of escaping. The shower was so rustic, if it had been outside it would have felt right at home. There was a window at head height and the views were magnificent.
“Food is ready in five.”
The pile of clothes he’d left for me were a really great fit. I was expecting something old and raggedy, but whoever his sister was, she had some great taste. I might have been a wannabe mechanic, but I could appreciate pretty clothes and feeling like a lady. The one thing I didn’t have was underwear, so I quickly washed the pair of panties and bra out, and went commando in a pair of linen shorts and a tank top. I felt strangely naked, like I was shedding the mask that Rosie had been wearing so she could live her life as Angel. My hair was wet and hanging down and in the space of a couple of hours, it would be wild and untamable.
“What are we eating?”
“Pasta and hamburger sauce, and wait for it, water. No beer. I’ll do a supply run tomorrow.”
“The food sounds great. I’m so hungry I reckon I could eat you if you stood still for long enough.”
Throttle didn’t miss the sexy cheek in my words and I swear I saw a different kind of hunger flow through his eyes. “As hot as that idea is, food is what you need. Followed by rest. Grab those glasses of water and follow me.”
Outside, he led me to two Adirondack chairs on a makeshift deck, overlooking the lake.
The conversation was sporadic as we both became immersed in the odd form of togetherness we’d slotted into. The food was delicious and I snarfed it down in a very unladylike manner. As the dark began to properly close in around us, my eyes grew heavier and I lay my head back, listening to the birds settling down for the night and the wind in the trees. My mind was calmer, wondering what tomorrow would bring.
Sometime later, I felt soft fabric cover my bare arms and legs, and then felt my body being lifted from the chair. “Ssh.”
I recognized Throttle’s voice as I snuggled deeper into his body. I breathed in deeply, feeling secure, safe and comforted. His scent was different, and I knew he’d showered whilst I slept outside. As he carried me inside, I yawned again. “Stay asleep, Angel. You’ll be in bed in a minute.”
Good to his word, he lowered my body onto a soft mattress before I felt the weight of sheets and blankets covering me. I burrowed down in my newfound sanctuary as I felt warm lips and a freshly shaven face kiss me tenderly.
Just as I was falling back to sleep, I heard the wooden floor planks creak and Throttle whispered, “Forgive me.”
I slept like the dead.
It was surprising really. Considering my life had imploded, I should have tossed and turned. It was probably the peace and quiet, the complete bubble that I’d landed in with Throttle. I found it appealing to be able to switch my brain off and stop life from just being current and relevant.
“I don’t even know your real name,” I told him as we walked around the small lake after fresh coffee.
“Connor.”
“Irish?”
“Something like that.” And like yesterday, the shadow that snuck up and stole his smile was back.
“So, this isn’t your home?”
“No.”
“It just sits empty?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t understand,” I mumbled to myself.
His mood didn’t get any sweeter the more I questioned him. I was trying to distract myself from my own troubles, but I sensed when he’d had enough of me bringing up his own unhappy thoughts.
Throttle wasn’t wearing his cut and hadn’t since we’d arrived. The sun was beating down on both of us and I was over heating in just the smallest of sundresses. Like our minds were attuned, he grabbed a handful of his t-shirt and pulled it up over his shoulders. I was momentarily mesmerized by the sight of him. I’d spent so much time in his company but I’d never seen so much of his skin. He had a few tattoos scattered here and there, which just made him look hotter, but one big one that dominated his skin. “What?” he said, putting his hands on his hips.
I didn’t answer him. I was too busy staring. There was a dagger covering an entire pectoral muscle, winding down over his heart and rib cage, ending just in line with his belly button. It had the words ‘Destroy what destroyed you,” scribed in it.
“Hello, earth to Angel, come in, Angel.”
“Yeah, sorry. You’ve got some deep art work there.”
“You were saying you didn’t understand something?”
Throttle had walked to the lakeside, near a short sandy shore. I watched as he bent down and began to search for something. Picking up a few rocks, he stood up and sent one skimming across the water.
“No one has come looking for me. Has anyone called you? Why wouldn’t Declan tell me before now? And what the hell is Davis doing in the mix?”
I didn’t miss how he shook his head in despair at the mention of Declan. Like me, Throttle was hoping for out of sight and out of mind. As he bent to scoop up more pebbles, I moved to join him.
“No one’s looking for you because they know you’re safe with me.” I watched as he hurled a stone out over the water and his muscles flexed with power. “Besides, they won’t find you because they don’t know where to look. I’ve never brought anyone else out here.”
I nodded and put way too much effort into shucking a pebble that plopped and sunk.
“I reckon there are people looking for Davis, trying to get to him before the Carnals do. Otherwise, there won’t be much left to find.”
“Don’t,” I warned.
“Don’t what? Constantly remind you of what the Carnals are capable of. They’re not like the Sentinels, Angel, and you’d do well to remember that.” His anger had grown and he put more effort into skimming the stones.
“They’re not all like that.”
“Wake the fuck up! That’s exactly what he’s like. I don’t want us to talk about this. I brought you here to escape and now you’re letting him infect what could be.”
“What could be?”
“Don’t be dumb, Angel. You know.” This time he looked at me, really looked into my eyes so his were boring into me, willing me to see deep inside his soul. “Come on, let’s lighten up and take a swim.”
“What? No. It’ll be freezing.”
“Yeah, it will be.” I could hear the challenge in his voice. This was the Throttle I knew. This was my friend, pushing my boundaries and finding my triggers. I watched as he kicked off his clothes and boots, leaving only his boxers on, so I got a good eyeful of his tight ass. With his clothes in a pile, I expected him to take a ju
mp off the side and go for it, but he didn’t. He turned to me and smirked as he lowered his boxers to his ankles and casually revealed his nakedness.
His challenge was out there, bold as brass. So, as a sassy, red blooded female, I grabbed hold of it firmly. Throttle took a step towards the side of the water, cupped his junk and bombed into the water.
Part of me wanted to rush as I undressed while he was wiping the water from his eyes, but I didn’t. I waited until he’d swum out a bit and began to tread water, fully focused on me. Feeling devilish and slightly nervous, I kicked off my borrowed sneakers, lost my clothing and faked courage. When my breasts hit the air, I saw his eyes widen like saucers and could only imagine what was going on underneath the water.
Feeling graceful, I wanted to swan dive under the water without causing a ripple but decided that I could bomb into it with the best of them. I pulled my pink wrist bandage off, deciding it was time to get some strength back into it, and stepped out of my panties. I jumped, tucked my knees into my arms and braced for the water to hit me.
“Holy fucking hell that’s cold!” I wailed as soon as I broke the surface again.
“Yeah. I’m staying under the water. I feel emasculated.” I laughed out loud and splashed water at him. “That’s a dangerous game you’re playing, Angel.”
“What’s the matter, big man? Afraid of a little water?” Throttle whipped his hand across the water swiftly and a tidal wave of the cold stuff drenched me again. When I’d finished wiping it from my eyes, I could see his smile was beaming. I slowly swam in his direction and lulled him into a false sense of security before repeatedly slapping the water around him. Quickly, I was squealing and giggling as he retaliated. After a few minutes of water fighting, Throttle grabbed me and on natural instinct, I wrapped my legs around his waist. All of a sudden, the moment got serious.
Angel Page 11
