“Smoko. Take it early.”
“I’m busy. I don’t have time for messing around.”
“I need to figure out where these security cameras will be situated inside this massive behemoth of a house.”
“You can do that on your own.”
He felt his cousin close in behind him, his height and breadth more than his own. Aaron’s voice was low so only Jason could hear him. “Whatever bug you’ve got up your arse, you need to sort it out now.”
Annoyed more than ever, Jason swung around. “I don’t have a bug up my arse!”
Aaron just looked at him. The bloody bloke exuded calmness, Zen, whatever the hell it was called. It both provoked Jason and eased him. Very aware of the way Frankie and Rocky were watching, he glared at them.
Hurriedly, they turned back to their jobs.
“About these cameras,” Aaron drawled.
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Jason stalked from the house.
They passed the chippie and several labourers, as well as Aaron’s assistant who didn’t bat an eyelid. Guess working for someone like Aaron would call for a level head and Zen shit.
Crossing to the ute, Jason reached inside and grabbed his flask, pouring a cup of hot coffee into the mug. Leaning back against the tray of the ute, he looked narrowly at Aaron. “Going to pull the bug out of my arse now?”
Aaron smiled faintly. “I didn’t bring gloves, a hard hat, a torch or lube.”
“Nice to know you plan ahead for bug-pulling time.” Jason took a mouthful of coffee.
Placing the iPad in the tray of the ute, Aaron leaned beside him, stretched his long legs out, crossed his big boots, and folded his arms across his wide chest. Then he just waited.
Staring out at the grounds, Jason saw Luke not too far away with his employee walking around with a pad and pencil noting where the gardens would go, marking off boundaries with a can of spray paint, and checking it all against the plan the owner of the mansion had given him.
The sound of traffic was distant, the mansion being built back in the clearing of the forest. Nice place, but a bitch if fires came tearing through the area. Then again, Uncle Harris had discussed fire breaks, water tanks, a bore and a sprinkler system with the owner already, so if a fire did happen to go through in the hot summer months when lightning strikes and bloody fire-bugs hit, the mansion should fare well.
Away from the workers, the sound of distant traffic, several birds in a nearby tree, and the drone of machinery and men’s voices in the background, Jason was very conscious of his cousin waiting so quietly and patiently beside him. It wasn’t something alien, in the early days when he’d first arrived as a troubled young man at his Uncle’s house Aaron had been his buffer, helping him by simply listening when things got too much, not judging his actions, advising him in the same calm, assuring manner that Jason himself had picked up.
Or thought he had. Last night proved him wrong, and that worried him. Worried him a hell of a lot. Worried him so much that his inner fears had reared their ugly heads to knock on his conscious and keep him awake all night taunting him with ‘what ifs’.
He’d taken that worry to work and it had come out of him in ill temper and curtness to his fellow workers. Sure, he’d never been an angel, but it had been a long time since he’d taken his bad temper out on other people. Christ, it had been there all along, hadn’t it? Shit. He took another slug of hot coffee, his fingers tightening on the silver mug.
Knowing that Aaron would wait until the cows came home for him to talk, Jason glanced sideways. Hell yeah, he needed to talk about this, it was driving him crazy. He needed to know what to do, how to fix something that he feared couldn’t really be fixed.
Returning his gaze to the trees, he mumbled, “I stuffed up.”
“Uh huh,” Aaron murmured, like he had all the time in the world and wasn’t on a schedule.
Morosely, Jason kicked the heel of his boot into the ground in short, sharp little digs. “Christ, Aaron, what if I am just like my Dad?”
“You’re not.”
“How can you be so damned sure?”
“Because you’re worried about it, he never was.”
“Last night…”
“Tell me about last night.”
Jason could feel heat stealing into his cheeks. Self-loathing kicked in next. It wasn’t a good mix. “I forced myself on Izzy.”
Aaron didn’t even pause. “Your neighbour?”
“Yeah.”
“And by forced you mean…?”
“I mean I grabbed her and kissed her.” It had been a hell of a kiss, he could still taste her, so sweet and fresh. Still feel her, so curvy in his arms, so soft against his harder frame.
“She struggled?”
“No. In fact,” he screwed his eyes shut, opened them again, “she froze.”
“Did she kiss back?”
That was the horrifying part. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
Anyone else would have stared at him, but his Zen-thing cousin simply gave a ‘go on’ gesture with his finger before refolding his arms.
“I shoved her away.” God, it sounded so bad. “I realised that I was taking from her that which she hadn’t offered, I’d just grabbed her. Then I realised what I’d done and shoved her away.” It just kept getting worse and worse with the retelling. “Shit, Aaron. What if I’m like Dad after all? I know what he did to Mum…” He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. “I don’t want to be like Dad, but I grabbed Izzy.” He downed the rest of the hot coffee, draining the mug, trying to swallow that damned lump along with the hot liquid.
Didn’t really work that well.
“Tell me what led up to this,” Aaron said evenly.
“This isn’t bad enough?”
Aaron didn’t look at him, didn’t reply, just kept gazing serenely out at the scenery. Typical Aaron response. His calmness helped settle Jason’s tense nerves a little. Not a little, just a smidgen.
Jason took a deep breath. “Luke and I went over to invite her to the barbie on Saturday. It was clear to see she’d been crying but she denied everything. Her friend, Mikki, mentioned a letter and I saw Izzy grab and pocket it. But she kept denying it. I knew better, I could sense she wasn’t happy, you know?”
Aaron nodded.
“I could see Mikki giving her these odd looks. Luke and I left, but I hung around after Luke drove off because I just knew there was something wrong. A bloke came around that morning to see Izzy, she was angry, and when she left he came across to me, started asking some questions about her. I asked him who he was and he said he was a relation.” Jason’s jaw tightened. “Man was a mongrel, it was plain to see. I told him that if Izzy wanted him to know anything about her, she’d tell him herself, but seeing as how she wasn’t that happy to see him it would be a better plan to stay the hell away from her.”
Glancing sideways to see how his cousin was taking that, Jason noted Aaron’s lips quirk slightly at the corners. Good sign.
“He left. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together. The letter and photo, this bloke, Izzy upset. Plus another time recently I saw her tense up when I went over to discuss that cat of hers. She braced herself. Braced herself, Aaron, just like I’d seen Mum do when Dad started getting angry. Bracing themselves against what would come.” His hand tightened on the mug as bad memories and anger slid through him. “She denied ever being hit, thought I was going to ream her out.” His nostrils flared as he breathed out hard. “No woman should have to brace themselves, Aaron. Never.”
His stance against the side of the ute still relaxed, Aaron nodded in agreement.
“I gave her my card that time,” Jason continued. “Told her to ring me if she needed me. She didn’t ring me for help like I told her to. I knew she was hiding something so I waited for Mikki to leave. I overheard what they discussed and yep, Izzy was in trouble. Mikki left and Izzy was talking to that big-eared fur bag, admitting out loud that she was in trouble, that she felt like she was drowni
ng. I swear, Aaron, those were her exact words. She felt like she was drowning.” Anger still burned low in the pit of Jason’s stomach. “So I fronted her up, she tried to deny it, I put my hand in her pocket and grabbed the photo and letter. And that right there was the crunch.”
Another sidelong glance showed Aaron arching his eyebrow but he said not a word. Great trick of his, remaining silent so long whoever he was getting information from would just spill their guts. It would just fall out - splat - and there it was, out for Aaron to see and analyse. Sneaky bastard. Jason loved him to death.
“I touched her. We were close together, she smelling so sweet, so soft and warm, and…” Embarrassed, he cleared his throat. “Anyway, I just grabbed her and kissed her, then I realised what I’d done and shoved her away, ordered her inside. Then I left.” Morosely, he stared at the ground between his boots. “Didn’t even apologise.”
Aaron looked upwards, squinted into the bright blue sky. Silence descended as Jason waited. Maybe he should go to counselling or something, sort himself out before he really did hurt someone. But he’d thought he had himself under control, thought he had his life under control. He rarely drank alcohol and then it was mostly light beer. He avoided trouble spots, kept to himself mostly, kept to his family. Led a quiet life, worked for Uncle Harris, helped Luke and Aaron out if needed, saw his Mum. Tried to be the exact opposite of his violent, abusive bastard of an old man.
And then he’d simply grabbed Izzy and forced his kiss on her. Jesus. Shaking his head, Jason’s shoulders slumped.
“You’re not like your old man.” It was as if Aaron could read his thoughts.
It wouldn’t have surprised Jason if his older cousin could read his thoughts. He’d always been eerily clued into the moods of almost everyone around him.
“What I get from all this is that you were concerned about Izzy, who’s a nice girl. You wanted to help, you’ve developed protective feelings for her, got annoyed because she’s in trouble of some kind and won’t go to you for help. Last night while trying to make her confess you got close enough to realize that your protective feelings are part of something more.”
Jason looked at him.
“Attraction, dickhead,” Aaron said calmly. “You’re attracted to her and you reacted to being so close to her. Yeah, you kissed her on the spur of the moment, but you didn’t force yourself on her, you let her go.”
“A real man doesn’t force a kiss-”
“Then, without giving her a chance to respond, you shoved her away and ran.”
Couldn’t argue that, but… “I forced that kiss on her, remember?”
“Did she slap you? Struggle? Scream for help? Push you away?”
“No. But she was too shocked to do anything.”
“Did she tell you that when you pushed her away?”
“No.” No, because he hadn’t given her a chance. Because he’d realised he’d grabbed her, kissed her, and freaked out over his loss of control.
Freaked out because he’d wanted so much more from her. Freaked out because he’d wanted to back her up against the house wall and slide his hand under her jumper, slide it up along all that warm skin to explore those heavy breasts. Freaked out because he’d wanted her with a flush of almost violent hedonism, wanted to - He shuddered, trying to ignore the heat curling heavily in his groin.
With jerky motions he screwed the mug back onto the flask, tossed it into the tray without even a flinch as it thudded onto the thick rubber mat and rolled to clang against the tray’s side. “Goddamn it, Aaron, I thought I was better than that.”
“It’s not a bug up your arse,” Aaron replied mildly. “It’s your head.”
“Huh?”
“And that’s going to be painful to yank out.”
“Shit.” Hands on hips, Jason dropped his head forward. “If I lose control-”
“You won’t.”
“I did-”
“You kissed her, Jason. You didn’t rape her, force her, or hold her down. You panicked before you could even tell if she was miffed or pleasantly surprised. I’m not saying its okay what you did-”
“Well, that helps me a whole freakin’ lot, Aaron. If it’s not okay, it’s wrong.”
Nothing disturbed that Zen zone. “What I am saying is that, from my point of view, you did only one thing wrong.”
“Apologize?”
“You didn’t talk to her.”
“Talk to her?”
“Yeah, you know, open your mouth and let words come out.”
“Talk? Izzy isn’t going to want to talk to me after this!”
“This is one of your problems, Jason. You perceive to know what she wants, how she’s reacting, what she’s thinking. The fact is you don’t know.”
About to argue, Jason’s mouth opened only to clamp shut when he realized that his cousin was right. He really didn’t know, but- “She looked shocked.” Hell yeah, she had. Those big green eyes had been wide, those lush lips parted, that pretty face startled. And she certainly hadn’t pulled him back.
Not that he’d actually given her time. He cringed inwardly at the memory.
“Of course she was shocked,” Aaron said. “You grabbed her, kissed her, shoved her away and ran. If someone did that to me, I’d be a little nonplussed, too.”
The words sank into Jason, and suddenly he wasn’t so certain. Perhaps Aaron had a point. “Maybe I should apologize to her.”
“And ask her out.”
Jason’s gaze snapped to his cousin’s face, but his expression was still that Zen one. “Ask her out?”
“You’re still attracted to her.” It wasn’t a question.
Hell yeah, he was. As much as he’d mentally bashed himself around for what he’d done, he’d still had some pretty intense dreams during the night that involved Izzy and had him waking with an impressive stiffy he had to relieve himself. It’d been a long time since a woman had aroused him that much. And that was the problem, he’d been aroused after what he’d done to her and-
“You’re thinking too hard.” Aaron shook his head. “You’re twisting what happened into something so much worse.”
“Of course I am,” Jason snapped. “What if I lose control again? I can’t promise anyone that I won’t, I can’t promise anyone-”
“It’s not anyone, it’s Izzy, a woman you care about in a remarkably small amount of time. You’d go ape-shit if anyone hurt her, you’re already boiling mad that someone is harassing her and she didn’t come to you for help. You’re worried sick that you forced her, you freaked out at the thought. You, Jason, are no coward, I know you better than you think I do. But you’re letting your fears rule your head and heart.”
Jason glared at him. “Becoming an abusive bastard like my father? Hell yeah, that frightens me and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”
Aaron regarded him calmly. “You’re not your father. You don’t think like him, you don’t act like him. You know what he is, you know what you aren’t. Are you going to lose a chance with the first girl who’s spiked your interest because of your fear? Your father ruled you in Gully’s Fall until you pulled yourself and your mother out from under his heavy, abusive hand. You drove your mother all those miles with busted ribs, you swallowed your pride when you walked into my Dad’s house, you were prepared to leave her in safety and go away if he wasn’t going to help her because of you. You really think your Dad would have done that?”
“No,” Jason said. “No, he wouldn’t. But what if-”
“What if you hadn’t left, what if you had stayed in that town, what if? That what if didn’t happen. What you have is now. You’ve grown up, you’ve taken your own realization and determination and made something of yourself. You, Jason,” Aaron prodded him in the chest with a surprisingly strong finger that hurt just a little, “don’t give yourself any credit for what you’ve accomplished. This is a new chapter in your life, embrace it, know what you’re doing, be sure Izzy knows what you want, and make sure you know what she wants. That’s it.
”
“You think it’s that easy?” Jason demanded. “To just go ahead without a qualm?”
“No. No, I don’t. Going after what you want isn’t always easy, it takes work. It just depends if you’re interested enough in Izzy to try and make it work. Now, you’re not your father, you never will be with your conscious and expectations of yourself. You have a pretty woman you’re interested in and you need to decide if you care enough about her to do something more than just kiss her and run.”
Not totally convinced, Jason shoved his hands into his pockets.
“Unless you’re okay with another man chasing her and you’re happy to step back and let her go.”
Jason’s gaze narrowed. Another man? That thought hadn’t even entered his head. It certainly wasn’t a welcome one.
“I’m going back to the house.” Aaron pushed away from the ute. “Have a breather before you come back in.”
Thoughts in turmoil, wishing he could be just as confident, Jason watched his cousin stride away before turning to lean his forearms on the tray of the ute and look unseeingly out over it to the various tradesmen and labourers.
Shit, the thought of another man taking Izzy out, kissing those lush lips, cradling that curvy, warm body close - man, that did not sit well. But regardless of what Aaron assured him, part of him still feared he might have inherited that violent side of his father. The same blood coursed through his veins, coursed through his brother’s, and look how Brand had turned out - just like their father. Same blood.
And through your veins also courses your mother’s side, and that’s decent blood.
It was a long time before he went back inside the house.
Chapter 5
Pulling up in the driveway, Izzy deliberately didn’t look at the big old house next door. If she saw Jason she’d die of embarrassment and shame, though she’d scolded herself so many times already.
She had nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be embarrassed about. So she wasn’t perfect, so she wasn’t slim and beautiful, so what? She held her own in the world, she was independent, confident…well, kind of confident. Now and again something would happen that made her stand on confidence waver, but she’d always managed to scramble back up, brace her legs apart, put her hands on her hips and lift her chin in renewed determination.
Promises Page 11
