Kalum watches Ben leave, not taking his eyes off him until he’s riding away in a car he ordered.
“Did I ruin your night?” His words are clipped. With every angry word that leaves his mouth, I remember how pissed off I am at him.
“Yes. A few times. Care to do it a few more?” I walk past him, punching in my code to let us in the building. If we’re about to have a knock-down, drag-out fight, I’m not going to do it in the middle of the sidewalk.
I don’t even bother with the elevator—needing this flight of stairs to work off some of my anger. It doesn’t help. Every step closer to my apartment makes me feel even angrier toward Kalum, who is following closely on my heels.
As soon as I let us into my apartment, it’s like our first night together at the hotel. Before I can grasp my bearings, Kalum has me pressed against the door, kissing me like his life depends on it. For a moment, I forget how angry I am at him. I forget that just a few hours ago, his words had me on the brink of tears.
Then I remember all of it and pull away.
No. This man doesn’t get to just barge in here like tonight didn’t happen. Fuck that.
So I do the only thing I can think of doing in this moment.
I reach back and slap him with all the power I have in me.
22
Kalum
“You don’t get to kiss me like that. Not after what you said.”
Her words, and her slap, shock the hell out of me. I knew this one was feisty, but I had no idea that words between us could come to this.
“I will kiss you any damn way I please. You had no complaints about it yesterday. Or this morning.”
“Are you freaking kidding me, Kalum? Are you listening to yourself? Just a few hours ago at the bar, you were basically calling me a whore! Or was I supposed to take what you said another way?”
The volume of her voice is at a level I’ve never heard before. She’s angry, I get it, but does she not understand what it was like seeing her with another guy? My anger is seething as I push past her to walk farther into her apartment.
“You know why I said those things, Tori. And considering you weren’t exactly trying to push away whatever-the-fuck-his-name-was, maybe I wasn’t that far off the mark.”
I stop and turn around and am met with another slap.
Okay. I probably deserved that one.
“I want you to leave. Right now. Get the fuck out of my apartment. I thought maybe we could talk like adults, but clearly, we are incapable of that. So, please, leave.”
I look at her, really take a look at her, and I can see why she is kicking me out. She’s about five seconds from breaking down, and I’m guessing she doesn’t want me to see it.
I don’t know how two people can be so . . . explosive . . . around each other. And not just in the bedroom. I’m pretty sure you could put the two of us in a serenity garden and we’d find something to fight about. Or some way to turn each other on.
It’s what we do. It’s why we work.
“I’m not leaving, Tori.”
She takes a huge breath, gathering her resolve.
“Please, Kalum. I’m begging you. Tonight was a lot to handle. And this, right here, whatever we’re doing, I can’t handle it. Not tonight. So I’m asking you, as a friend, as . . . whatever I am to you . . . please just go.”
I take a step closer to her, and she takes a step back, and I hate that this is where we’ve found ourselves. This woman should never feel scared around me—and it breaks my heart to see her retreating. I hate that I’ve made her feel like this. There have been a lot of low points in my life, and this is right up—or I guess down—there.
“I’m sorry, Tori.”
She looks at me, trying to read between the lines of what I’m saying.
“For what, Kalum? For calling me a whore? For acting like an asshole? Or for something I’m sure you did that I can’t think of right now?”
It’s my turn to take a deep breath. What I’m about to say could change us. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. But seeing her tonight with another guy—I couldn’t handle it even though I thought I could.
She’s mine. And she needs to know that.
But I’m also not ready to tell the world about us. I wouldn’t mind about our friends—hell, they’d probably throw us a party because we finally got our heads out of our asses—but I can’t have Big Al and his guys knowing about her. They’re capable of a lot, and I’m not about to get her mixed up in their shit.
Above all else, I need to protect her.
“I’m sorry for what I said. I was angry, and I wasn’t prepared to see you with someone else. You know how I am; I don’t exactly think before I speak.”
“Really? I never realized that about you.”
“Smart-ass. I’m trying here.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. Continue with what is probably the first apology you’ve ever said in your entire life.”
This girl. Even the middle of a fight that could land us on Jerry Springer, she still finds a way to sass me. And I can’t lie, I kind of love it. It’s what makes whatever we have here uniquely us.
“Not my first, but you are one of the select few who have heard one. One day, you can brag to Jaxson and Maverick about the exclusive club you belong to.”
She looks at me with sad eyes, and I don’t know what I said to return that look to her face. I can’t help myself anymore. I grab her by the waist and bring her against my chest as I firmly wrap my arms around her.
“What is it, gorgeous? Please, tell me. I already feel like shit for how I acted tonight, and seeing you about to cry is damn near killing me.”
She shakes her head and almost tries to pull away, which just makes me hold her a little tighter, though I’d let go in an instant if she made it clear she didn’t want to be here.
“You said ‘one day.’ Like maybe one day we can talk about us being . . . this. Or something else? I don’t know. My mind is all over the place. And I know this arrangement was my idea. I just . . . I have . . . I feel . . .”
There’s my opening.
“I feel it too, Tori.”
She looks up at me and tears are welling in her eyes, though I’m pretty sure they’re happy tears this time. I don’t know when this girl captured my heart, but I’d be fucking lying to myself if I didn’t admit that she has me. All of me.
“But there are some things I need to take care of first before we can tell everyone.” I place a kiss on her forehead, needing her to feel that I’m being as honest with her as I can be. “I’m not hiding you. I don’t want to have another night like we had tonight at the bar. I never want to hide how I feel about you in front of our friends again. But I also never want to see you with some douchebag again.”
She looks up at me with a softness I rarely see from her. It reminds me of our first night together at the reunion during our one and only dance. The tenderness, the vulnerability, it’s all there for me to see. This is what she’s sharing with me. The least I can do is return the favor.
“What are you saying, Kalum?”
I lean in for one more kiss, giving me another second to make sure I say this exactly how I need to.
“This, what’s between you and me, is more than fuck buddies. You aren’t to even look at another guy, because God knows I haven’t even glanced at another woman for weeks. You are mine, Tori. And soon, hopefully sooner rather than later, we can tell everyone we know that you have performed some sort of voodoo magic on me.”
This earns me a laugh and I feel the tension leave my body as she leans deeper into my embrace.
We’re okay. We might still be figuring things out, but for tonight, everything is fine.
Now I just need to figure out everything else in my life.
23
Tori
“We haven’t done this in so long,” Annabelle says as she grabs glasses for the bottle of wine she brought over.
“Agreed,” Scarlett adds, placing the
paper plates for the pizza on her small coffee table. “Thanks for coming over to my place. Not having to get a last-minute sitter for Grant is always a blessing considering I thought he was going to be with his dad tonight.”
“The sperm donor is back in town? Interesting. Doesn’t he at least want to spend time with his son?”
It’s no secret I hate the man my sister was with when she got pregnant with Grant. He’s been in and out of his life—and hers—since my nephew was conceived. He never helps with child support. Hence the “sperm donor” nickname.
“He is. We actually went to the park the other day. It was . . . nice. Like a real family.”
I grab a slice of pizza and fill my wine glass past the appropriate level.
“Scarlett, I know he needs to be involved in Grant’s life. It’s always good when a father is involved. But please be careful. You know how he is, and I don’t want to see either of you get hurt.”
Annabelle takes her hand and gives it a squeeze. “Tori is right, sweetheart. We just don’t want you to get hurt again.”
“You’re both right. I just need to remind myself that he’ll be gone again soon. He always is.”
I feel so bad for my sister. I know she holds out hope that one day he’ll want to be a family, and every time he comes into town, I can see how she hopes this time will be different. She might say she’s being cautious, and I believe she thinks she is, but I know that if tomorrow he said he wanted them to move in together, she’d have her bags packed before a lease was signed.
This right here is why I don’t do relationships. I can’t imagine being Scarlett—always holding out hope that today will be the day he’ll come around and want to be with her.
Oh hell, who am I kidding? I am that girl right now.
Waiting.
Vulnerable.
Open to heartbreak.
I was shocked the other night when Kalum told me he actually wanted something more than friends with benefits. I wanted a relationship too, but no way was I ever going to bring it up first. I was the one who suggested the arrangement in the first place, so hell if I was going to be the one to say I wanted something more.
But being with Ben made me realize I did. And I’m so glad Kalum does too.
I know I have to wait. I have no clue what he meant when he said he had to take care of things, but I trust him.
So I’ll wait. Something I never thought I’d do for a man.
“So, Tori, we haven’t had a chance to ask you: how was your night out with Ben? When do we get to see him again?”
I put down my wine glass, knowing I’m about to get the third degree.
“It was nice. We had a nice night.”
Annabelle’s face falls, knowing that when I use the word “nice,” it usually means anything but.
“Nice? Tori, are you going to let this one get away? Why? He’s perfect!”
I hate crushing Annabelle and Scarlett’s hopes, but I have to put an end to the Ben narrative and make sure they’re very clear that they aren’t to set me up on any more blind dates.
“He’s great. We had a good time together. And yes, he’s attractive, but we agreed that it wasn’t going to work. We want different things. And while I appreciate what you two did for me in trying to fix me up, can we not do that again?”
“You know we were just trying to help,” Scarlett says in between taking huge bites from her slice. “He seemed really into you.”
“And he has a good job, and he felt so different from the guys you normally go out with,” Annabelle follows. “You know we just want you to be happy.”
He is completely different from the guys I normally go for—including the man who occupies my mind 90 percent of the day.
“I know you both do. And I thank you. But I’m going to take a dating break. I think I need to figure some things out, and I don’t want anyone getting in the way of that.”
It’s not a complete lie. I do need to figure some things out. Like how I’m going to continue seeing Kalum undercover. And if a future with him is what I really want.
I might be a serial dater, but the word “future” has always freaked me out. It feels so . . . permanent. I don’t even know what I’m going to wear to work tomorrow, let alone who I want to spend years of my life with. And it should be noted that I rotate through five outfits for work.
And what happens if I wait for Kalum to do whatever he needs to do, and it turns out he doesn’t want me anymore? Or he wants something different? Or what if us becoming something more doesn’t work out?
There are so many things that could happen, and it scares the absolute shit out of me.
“I’m all for you figuring out what you want,” Annabelle says, snapping me out of my Kalum-filled thoughts. “You just let us know what you need, and we are there for you. No questions asked.”
I need to know what to do about Kalum!
I need to know if I’m stupid for doing what I’m doing!
But I can’t ask advice from the two women who mean the most to me in this world, because it’s a secret. So my thoughts must stay in my head, festering away.
“I will. Thanks. Right now, I need a refill and another slice of pizza.”
“That I can do.” Scarlett leans over to grab the bottle as a little voice breaks through.
“Mama? Can I have water?”
I look at my little nephew, who is the cutest kid in the world, and then to his mom, my sister, who is doing her absolute best to give this guy his best life.
“I got you, buddy. Let’s go get you some water.”
I scoop Grant up in my arms and love the way his head nestles into my shoulder.
This. Right here. This is what I need in my life.
My nephew. My sister. My best friend.
And maybe a man who is taking a piece of my heart more and more each day.
24
Kalum
Tori: What should I wear?
Me: What do I want you to wear or what should you wear? Two different questions, gorgeous.
Tori: I could answer that if you told me where you’re taking me.
Me: Nope. This is a surprise. Nothing fancy. Be comfortable. But maybe a dress. I like the idea of easy access. *wink emoji*
Did I just use a fucking wink emoji? Who the fuck am I?
I’ll tell you who I am: a guy who is tired of fighting his feelings and wants to be fucking happy. And every day I realize more and more I want to be happy with Tori.
She makes me smile, and because I’m a surly bastard, I don’t smile all that much. But I can’t help it when I’m with her. Or when I’m talking to her. Or when I’m thinking about her.
And I think about her a lot.
It scared me at first. Each day it scares me less and less.
I have a meeting next week that will hopefully put an end to my association with Big Al and The Kings. But I didn’t want to wait until then to start this new chapter with Tori.
Luckily, she doesn’t live around any of our friends, so it’s no problem for me to pick her up. It’s also why all of our nights spent together have happened at her place. Maverick and I live only a block from each other. I couldn’t risk him seeing her coming or going.
But soon I’ll have Tori in my bed. I can’t fucking wait.
Before I can get out of my truck to get her—because my mother would kill me if I didn’t greet my date at her door—she comes out and I have to make sure my jaw hasn’t fallen off.
It’s not the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen her wear. That award goes to the red dress from the reunion.
It’s not the most provocative. I’ve seen her in some low-cut shirts more than a few times at the bar.
But seeing her coming toward me in a flowing, long dress, her black hair wavy and falling perfectly on her shoulders, and a smile on her face that could light a sky, I’m speechless.
She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.
I hurry up to at least open the door for her, because
I swear if I don’t, somehow my mom would know.
“What a gentleman,” she says before placing a kiss on my cheek.
I grab her waist before she can slide in, needing more than that quick little kiss. I bring my lips to hers, contemplating if I really want to take her out when I could very easily take her upstairs.
She must realize what’s going through my mind as I take her ass in my hands, so she pushes me away.
“Nope. Not happening. I put on a dress for you. Wherever you’re taking me, we are going right now.”
“Maybe it was just a trick to see you in a dress again,” I say with a smirk, giving her ass a slap as she climbs into my truck.
“So, where are we going?”
“Patience, woman. But I promise, it will be something we both enjoy.”
Ax throwing.
My first date with my kind-of girlfriend is ax throwing.
And she fucking loves it.
I gave my girl beer and an ax and made a competition out of it. She’s in heaven. I’m basically already the best boyfriend ever.
Now, I’m not a complete idiot in terms of dating. I took her to a nice dinner first. We talked about everything and nothing. We talked about the garage and the coffee shop, then she gushed about Grant for a solid 10 minutes.
When we got here, I didn’t know if she was going to hug me or hit me. But the smile on her face said it all. Then the kiss she gave me confirmed it.
“I can’t believe you took me ax throwing. And I can’t believe how much I love it.”
I knew she would. The guy who owns this place brings his car into the shop. He might or might not have hooked me up with a private lane for our first official date.
“You’re a natural. I’m half-scared, half-turned on by the way you throw that thing.” I bring her in for a kiss, because it’s been a few minutes since I felt her lips on mine.
Again, I have no idea who I am.
“I have an idea,” she says, a sparkle in her eye that I recognize from before.
Broken: South Side Boys-Book 2 Page 9
