by Calia Read
“You’re forgetting that she was my patient before you.”
I give him a hard look. “Outside of Fairfax, do you know her family?”
He answers way too quickly. “No!”
“Liar.” This time I say my thoughts out loud.
We look at each other for a moment. I have no intent of backing down. He came into my office. He told me she was leaving. He needs to explain it all to me.
Tim exhales loudly and rubs the bridge of his nose. “Naomi’s parents are… close friends of mine. Her dad expressed concern over Naomi’s behavior. I encouraged him to seek involuntary commitment so she could be admitted here. The plan was for her to stay here for just a few months to give Naomi a chance at getting better.”
I sit back heavily in my chair, feeling like I was just kicked in the stomach.
“So you did a,” I make quotation marks, “favor for them.”
“You could call it that,” he says carefully.
“And her parents were just buying time so they could figure out what they could do with her. Am I right?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you didn’t have to say that. I’m not an idiot, Tim. Her parents never come to visit her. Not once. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to her parents before.”
“Hold your judgment,” Tim says sharply.
“Can you blame me for judging? This is their daughter.” I can’t hide the disdain from my voice. “So you pulled some strings to get her in here. Did you do the same to get her released?”
“Of course not!”
“Of course not,” I repeat slowly. “Never mind the fact that Naomi’s mom signed her into Fairfax, giving us consent to care for her daughter! And then she magically shows up and signs her daughter out because she feels like it!”
“Don’t tell me how this place runs,” he says harshly. “I’ve been practicing much longer than you.”
My palms are splayed on the desk as I lean close and say very slowly, “Then act like it.”
His eyes narrow into thin slits.
I grab my coat from the back of my chair and my purse from the floor. Anger makes my blood boil, and if I’m being honest, there’s a small bit of fear there too. I make my way to the door.
Tim shifts in the chair. “Where are you going?”
I hold the door open with my foot. “To talk to the facility director to put a stop to this.”
Tim takes off his glasses, inspects the lenses and cleans them with his white coat. “Naomi left with her mom an hour ago.”
I gape openly at him. His indifference to this entire situation speaks volumes. I realize that I would rather feel too much for my patients than nothing at all. I never want to turn into Tim Woods.
I look at him with disgust. “She’s not ready to go back in the world. If you were any kind of doctor, you would have pushed aside your relationship with her parents to do what’s right for her.”
I walk out of the room, not caring what he has to say.
“She’s just a patient. That’s it, Genevieve!” Tim yells. “Stop treating this girl like family!”
A nurse and two patients stop in the hall and stare at Tim with shock. I ignore all of them. As I hurry toward the entrance, I dig through my purse, searching for my keys.
“I’m just here to see Naomi,” a deep, male voice says.
I stop short and see Lachlan Halstead standing there.
I forget about my keys and make my way over to him. I interrupt his conversation with the nurse. “Have you talked to Naomi?” I ask impatiently.
I don’t have time to make polite conversation. Time is against me.
His brows furrow. He stands up straight. Those hazel eyes instantly become alert, as though Naomi’s name is a switch for him. Every single powerful memory in Naomi’s life comes from this man.
“No. Why? What’s going on? Where is she?”
I go to answer him when I notice the nurse behind the counter staring at us. I guide him away. “Her mom signed her out today.”
Blood drains from his face. He clenches his jaw, closes his eyes and looks away. There’s a terrifying second where I think he’s going to explode and lash out right in front of me.
“Lachlan, did you hear me?”
He nods and turns back to me.
“Did you—”
I speak up. “It wasn’t me who released her. I would’ve never let that happen. I just found out that her mom picked her up over an hour ago.”
He rubs a hand across his face. “Shit,” he whispers heatedly. “So who did?”
Lachlan has this look in his eye. Blank and void. It’s a look that someone has when they are driven by their anger. They won’t stop until they get to act out their aggression.
“That doesn’t matter,” I say smoothly. “I just need to find Naomi. Right now.”
Lachlan stares at me a second longer before he gestures to the parking lot. “Just follow me.”
I give him a grateful smile. My heart calms down and for a second I think everything will be okay. Lachlan and I are almost out the door. Just a few more steps. Then I hear Dr. Woods’ voice. So does Lachlan. He stops walking and whips his body around. I also turn. Dr. Woods walks into the reception area, laughing with the nurse next to him. He looks at the front doors, his gaze flitting away before he does a double take. His eyes widen, not at the sight of me, but at Lachlan. I realize these two know each other outside of Fairfax.
Lachlan advances. He doesn’t stop until he corners Dr. Woods, completely towering over him.
“Do you know what you just did?” Lachlan roars.
Dr. Woods turns pale. The nurse behind the front desk stands up. A few patients stop their activities and stare.
I run over to Lachlan and grab his arm, trying to push him back. Not for Dr. Woods’ interest, but for Naomi’s, because the quicker we get out of here with everyone scratch free, the better.
“You’ve turned a blind eye to everything. Fuckin’ makes me sick!” Lachlan’s voice is starting to turn hoarse.
I’ve got him a few steps away. A few more tugs and he would be out the door. But then Dr. Woods speaks.
“Lachlan, I did what was right. Her parents were concerned about her—”
“You’re a mother fucker!” Lachlan continues. “Do you hear me?”
“Now wait a minute, I—”
I pivot around and glare at Dr. Woods. “Just shut up,” I hiss.
My back has been turned no more than a few seconds, but by the time I turn around, Lachlan’s already peeling out of the parking lot.
I swear underneath my breath and run back to the front desk. The nurse is sitting there with a shocked look on her face.
“Give me Naomi Carradine’s address!” I say to her.
Her eyes widen. “Dr. Rutledge, I don’t think that’s the best idea.”
“Just give it to me!” I snap.
She quickly looks up Naomi’s file and rattles off the address. I write it down, my hand shaking the entire time.
Dr. Woods steps into my way, holding his hands out. “Genevieve, calm down. You and Lachlan are clearly upset and—”
“Do you know Lachlan outside of Fairfax?”
He stares at me, saying nothing, before he nods. “I know his parents.”
I mutter a curse and walk around him.
“Think about what you’re doing!” Dr. Woods calls out behind me.
I whirl around, walking backwards, and pointing my finger directly at him. “I’m doing this because of what you allowed to happen this morning. Whatever happens is on you!”
I turn back around and run to my car. I can feel everyone’s eyes on my back. It occurs to me that my job is more than on the line. I can just about kiss my career good-bye. Even with that depressing thought looming above my head, I still slam my car door and follow after Lachlan. I finally realize that I probably am too close to Naomi and her story. I pushed myself into her world, where the truth was hidden by lies. The option to step
back and do nothing has disappeared.
My mistake, but my choice.
Freedom is a heady thing.
When it’s been absent from your life for so long you become obsessed with it. You think of all the things you’ll do when you get it back. Maybe stand outside and breathe in all the fresh air you can. Or maybe you’ll lie in the grass, watch as the sky above and the white, puffy clouds slowly drift by, knowing that you have nowhere to go. The more time that passes, the more you envision what you would do. And then, when you are handed your freedom, so easily and so quickly, you almost don’t know what to do with yourself.
That’s exactly how I felt when Mary came into my room and told me I was going home. She had my suitcase in hand and a solemn expression on her face as she packed up my stuff. It was so unexpected, and completely out of the blue, that I could only stare with shock. I quietly got dressed, looking over at her every few minutes.
Before we left my room she handed me back my shoelaces, a bag of makeup. A nail file. One pen. And my cell phone. I had stared down at the items with shock. Was this really happening? I kept thinking. Or was this some kind of elaborate prank at my expense?
When we walked down the hallway, I braced myself for Mary to pull back and tell me that this was just a practice run for when I really was released and that I had to go back to my cold, lonely room.
I finally saw my mom by the front doors, standing next to Dr. Woods. I quickly realized that this wasn’t a joke. I was actually leaving. So where was my excitement? Why couldn’t it walk on up to my fear and kick it aside and fill me up with hope? It was there when Lachlan picked me up and that freedom was only temporary.
My mom turned around when she heard our approaching footsteps. She walked over to me. I instantly got a whiff of her perfume.
“Ah, there she is.” She hugged me.
“Mom?” I frowned over her shoulder as she patted my back. “What’s going on?”
She pulled me back, holding me at arm’s length. Perfectly straight, white teeth appeared when she smiled. “You’re going home.”
“I know that… but why?” Nothing was making sense.
“You need to be home, that’s why.”
That was probably the only explanation I would get.
“Are you ready to go?” she asked.
It didn’t feel right. Just yesterday, I had left Dr. Rutledge’s office feeling worn down. She had told me I wasn’t ready to go home yet, and now here my mom was, right out of the blue? My gut twisted tightly. I swallowed down the lump in my throat and nodded.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
I reached for my bag. Mary was still holding it, both hands tightly gripping the strap. I didn’t want to look her in the eye. I don’t know why. I just knew that if I did, tears would ensue. Mary was always so stern and stoic but I was used to her. She had become a consistent part of my life and I didn’t know what I would do without her.
She reached out and hugged me. Her grip was tight. I had to pull away first.
“Take care of yourself,” she said into my ear and smoothed my hair. The whole time she had a smile on her face and tears brimming in her eyes.
“I will,” I said.
A few minutes later, my mom and I were walking out the front doors. Before I got into the car, I spotted that naked tree next to the rec room window. That frozen icicle was melting. Water slowly dripped down onto the soggy ground.
It felt like an omen—the ending of my time here.
I spent the entire drive home trying to figure out if that was a good or bad thing.
When my mom parked in front of the house, neither one of us made any attempt to get out of the car. She grabbed her purse and exhaled loudly. I just sat there, completely frozen over.
“You’re home,” she said slowly, staring at the steering wheel. “It’s time to move past your stay at Fairfax.” She looked over at me. “We need to be a family again.”
No welcome home! Or hugs. Just the cold, hard facts.
Instead of relaxing when I got home, I dropped my bags off in my room, and walked right back out the door with just my keys in hand.
An hour later I’m still driving.
I have no idea where I’m going and I don’t care. I follow the twists and turns of the road, trying to ignore the restless feeling taking root in my gut. It makes my fingers tap anxiously against the steering wheel. A few minutes later I park the car and get out. The air rushes into me, making me shiver. I cross my arms and turn in a circle, staring at the barren earth.
When I left Fairfax, I didn’t look at my discharge papers. I was just happy to be leaving. I assumed that it was deemed safe for me enter the world again. Right?
Everything seems harmless enough. The sky’s a cloudless gray. The temperature is warm, considering the bitter, cold weather that’s been happening. The ground is soggy. Potholes filled with water pepper the road.
That icicle runs past my memory. I bend down, my back resting against the car door, and drop my head into my waiting palms. I picture the water dripping onto the ground.
Drip, drip, drip.
I bet it’s gone. I bet there’s nothing left of the frozen water drop. Why does that fill me with so much despair? Because it meant more to me. It represented my life and everything I was fighting for. It’s gone, and I still haven’t figured out a damn thing. If anything, I am even more lost. Even more broken.
When I was in Fairfax I had one singular goal: to get out and get answers. That goal would keep me going, even when it felt like I was running on empty. To get out and still have no answers makes me feel hopeless. Tears of frustration slip down my cheeks and onto the black asphalt. I wipe my face, stand up and take a deep breath. No matter what I feel, I know one thing is for sure. Lana is out there somewhere. I know it sounds impossible and crazy, but I feel her heartbeat echo in my ears.
Not my own.
Just hers.
I get back in my car, do a U-turn and try to find a road that looks familiar. A few minutes later I finally do. The houses rushing past me are ones that I’ve seen for years. But I ignore them. I only focus on one thing: the heartbeat echoing in my ears. In fact, the closer I get to Lana’s house, the more prominent her heartbeat becomes. I press my hand against my heart. My heartbeat is calm and steady and very quiet up against Lana’s, which is loud, with a short, staccato beat.
Dr. Rutledge once told me that Lana is safe and that her dad could no longer hurt her. So why, when I get to her house, does the echo burst from my ears? Why do I feel her all around me?
I run toward the front door, knowing with a sickening gut that Lana is here. Maybe Dr. Rutledge thought Lana is safe but she’s wrong. She’s been wrong the entire time. That thought alone is powerful enough to make my legs buckle.
I make it to the front door and burst into the house. I’m panting, looking frantically around. There’s a candle burning somewhere, the scent meets my nose. I can hear the sound of the grandfather clock clicking in the dining room.
I just want to find Lana. Instead I find Max. I freeze in my tracks. He’s pounding on Lana’s dad’s office door.
“Michael!” he screams. “Open up!”
His hands are frantically beating against the hard oak. A crash sounds from behind the closed doors. Fear shoots down my spine.
I walk down the hall, closer to Max.
“No, no, no,” I whisper faintly.
Max doesn’t see me come closer. He takes a step back and kicks the door down. The wood splinters and the door hangs from the hinges.
He runs into the room. But I can’t. I’m too afraid to go forward. I already know what I’m going to see and I don’t want to see it. Once is enough.
The only reason I step forward is because of Lana. I can hear her voice. I can hear her crying and moaning. I walk into the room and the blinds are closed, shutting the world off. Only the light on her dad’s desk is on. And on the floor, right across from her dad’s desk, is Lana, being held down by her dad.
; I think I scream, but no one notices.
Lana’s dad holds her hands above her head with one hand and covers her mouth with the other. His pants are down and so are her jeans.
Her eyes are wide and frantic. They find mine and she looks at me with alarm.
“No,” I whisper.
“I own you,” her dad pants. “Your life is mine.”
“No,” I groan.
Her dad turns and looks at Max. He yells something. I can’t make it out. The volume has been turned down. All I can hear is the sound of Lana’s heavy breathing.
Max’s mouth moves rapidly. Lana’s dad lets go of Lana, leans back on his knees. He’s getting up.
That’s when I notice Max reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a gun.
“Stop!” I scream.
Max keeps walking and his index finger wraps around the trigger. He’s pointing it directly at Lana’s dad.
I run up behind him. “Don’t!” I yell.
Lana stares at Max, trying to warn him with her eyes to stop. Her dad lets go of her hands. She covers her face; her cries are muffled against her hand. Her dad pivots his body and goes to stand up.
Max pulls the trigger.
Everything happens so slowly, as if time is resisting, trying to stay in place, yet our actions are moving it forward.
The bullet releases from the chamber. It circles out into the air slowly. The aim is perfect, going directly to Lana’s dad’s head. It hits him. “Go,” Lana mouths to me. Her eyes are wide open, pleading and begging for me to leave the room.
The black pinpricks of her pupils draw me in and I’m pulled into a vortex so powerful, there’s no getting out. Everything changes in that second. Lana’s brown irises that made her always look so vulnerable and quiet. The irises that hid so much are now dark, cobalt blue.
The exact shade of my eyes.
I drop to the ground and moan. It feels like someone’s reaching into my chest and ripping the very life out of me. My breath comes out in shallow gasps as pain starts to radiate throughout me.
My body is leaden. Walking seems like too much effort. Yet, somehow, I’m moving. I stare down at my body as it’s pushed across the room by some unseen force. I hover right above Lana and her dad. Her eyes, that are now identical to mine, meet my gaze. The pain throughout me starts to double.
