by Hope Ford
He licks his lips and nods.
“Chances are you’ll forget this tomorrow, but I have to know...”
“Know what?” he asks, searching my face for answers.
I jut my chin at him. “I need you to kiss me. I need to...” I stop and shake my head. “I’ve been living on memories for so long, I need something real, something I can feel.”
I know my words affect him. I know he’s thinking about his time in the service, about Cole and Jeremy and Jason, but I know Patton, and he’s not going to tell me no. “Yeah, honey.”
He takes his time. He brushes the hair off my face, he runs his finger across my cheek and his thumb across my lower lip. I start to pant in anticipation because I want his lips on mine so badly right now.
He leans in, only hesitating for a second before he seals his lips to mine. I don’t dare move for fear that he’ll stop, but I soon find out there’s no chance when he angles his head and deepens the kiss. I moan because how could I not? I’ve thought of nothing else except for Patton and how he makes me feel, and the real thing is ten times better than the memories. His hands are on each side of my neck, and I move so that I can slide my arms around his waist. He ravages my mouth with his, and all I can do is whimper at his loving touch.
When he does pull away, we’re both breathing heavily, and I rest my forehead on his chest. I want so much more from him, but I know it’s more than he’s ready to give. Reluctantly, I step back from him and move to the front door. I look back at him, and he’s staring after me in a daze. “I’ll see you at work.”
I turn to go, but he stops me.
“Cora.”
With the door open and me half outside, I ask him. “Yeah, Patton?”
“You’re wrong, you know. I’m definitely going to remember that tomorrow.”
I bite my lower lip to keep from smiling. With a nod, I walk out the door and drive back home, reliving that kiss the whole way.
I barely get in the door when my phone dings with a text. “Did you make it home safe?”
I grip my phone and reply to Patton. “Yeah, I’m home.”
His response is quick. “Thanks for coming to get me.”
There are dots on the phone, telling me he’s already typing something else. I wait before I respond. “And thank you for that kiss.”
“You’re welcome,” I send and then send the heart emoji to him. I grip the phone and hold it to my chest. He may not be ready for more, but there’s no way I’m going to give up on him.
PATTON
Ever since the evening Cora picked me up from the bar, she and I have started working closer together. We talk about patients we share, and when it isn’t one we share, she keeps it anonymous when asking me for advice and insight. We talk about everything... except that kiss.
It seems every day I see her at least once, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t completely looking forward to our talks and walks around the facility. I keep reminding myself that Cora is still my best friend’s little sister and to try anything with her would be the biggest betrayal, but I still can’t stop myself from looking at her in the intense way I have. I’m finding the more time I spend with her, the harder it is to fight the attraction I feel for her.
I call to check in with my friend Cole when it becomes clear that my bad mood is because I haven’t seen Cora yet today. I haven’t talked to Cole in a while, and I need something to distract myself.
“What’s up, brother?” he asks as soon as he answers the phone. I can hear the lightness in his voice, and I’m so thankful for the change in him that has only happened in the last few months. Well, since he met Hope, to be exact.
I can’t help commenting on it. “You sound good.”
He laughs. “Yeah, you can say that. Hope is pregnant, so yeah, I’m good. The best!”
“Congratulations, man! That’s awesome. I’m so happy for you. I can’t believe you’re going to be a dad.”
He grunts. “Yeah, this ugly mug will probably scare him to death, but I’m excited. Hope’s happy... I’m happy.”
“You’ll be a great dad!”
“Yeah, thanks, man. What about you? How’s the new job at the hospital? Have you seen Cora?”
I take a deep breath. I called Cole to get my mind off Cora, but there’s no way I can avoid the topic. Cole knows about Cora. He knows she’s the reason I chose to move here, even though I’ve always said it was so I could fulfill my promise to Jason and keep an eye on his little sister. I’ve fed that same line of bull to Jeremy too when he asked. “Yeah, I’ve seen her. She’s good. She reminds me a lot of Jason, doing dangerous shit without thinking about the consequences. She also has every doctor’s tongue wagging.”
“What do you mean dangerous shit? She works at the therapy center, right? How dangerous could it be?”
I shake my head, still trying to forget the immense hit in my chest when I first realized she was under the bridge downtown. “She started a service project that has really taken off, and quite honestly, it’s amazing the difference it’s made. But it involves her working under bridges with the homeless.”
“What the fuck, man?”
“I know. I’ve told her she couldn’t go down there alone anymore.”
He laughs. “Oh yeah, how’d that go?”
I lean against my desk. “About as good as you would expect it to. But she seemed okay with me telling her I’d like to start going with her. At least then I can protect her.”
Cole is quiet, taking in my words. “So... the doctors like her then? She’s dating?”
“Over my fuckin’ dead body!” I say without thinking first. Cole, Jeremy, Jason, and I were the best of friends... more like brothers. I’ve never had to hold back with them, and there was comfort in knowing that, let me spill my exact thoughts on Cora going out with another man. I have no claim on her, and she can do what she wants, but for some reason the very thought of her just going on a date guts me.
The silence on the phone is deafening and I start to stutter. “I mean...”
“No, I think you said exactly what you mean, Patton. We all know how you feel about Cora... even Jason knew. You moved to her hometown. We’re not stupid, man. Go for it.”
In a rush, I ask, “What do you mean even Jason knew?”
He laughs like he’s got some kind of secret, and it takes everything in me not to push him to answer me. I hold my breath until I hear his mumbled reply. “He knew you liked his sister.”
“He never said anything. If he knew, he would have said something. He was protective of her; he wouldn’t have let it just go and not say anything.”
“He knew how you felt. Fuck man, we all did. I wish I could have recorded your face when she sent you those fuckin’ care packages. Everyone saw what that meant to you. And the way you worked your way into getting leave for her graduation. Fuck, man, you had to have had pulled all kinds of strings to do that.”
“That doesn’t mean that Jason knew.”
“He knew. Why do you think he made you promise to keep an eye on her? Jeremy and I were with him when the shit went down. He could have told either of us. He didn’t. He knew how you felt about her, and he knew you would take care of her. He wanted you with her. I believe that.”
“He wouldn’t...”
“Jason would want you to be happy. Stop looking for reasons to cheat yourself out of a good life. It wasn’t your fault. You deserve happiness. Go after her, man,” Cole tells me.
I end the call shortly after I make Cole promise to call me soon. I definitely won’t want to miss when Cole Jr is born. I appreciate the encouragement he gave me about Cora, but I don’t think I have a chance in hell of that working out. Still, I think about what Cole said as I continue to miss Cora, wondering if I’ll get to see her today.
My whole day brightens when I look up and she’s standing at my office door, watching me. “Hey, you,” I say. “How long have you been standing there?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “You were righ
t, you know, about Mr. Nelson. Having his wife join in on therapy has made all the difference. She pushes him more than anyone else has been able to.”
I nod. “I figured. The way he talks about her, I don’t think there’s anything he wouldn’t do for her.”
She pecks on the door. “Well, I’m heading home. I just wanted to drop in and let you know.”
I laugh. “You can drop in anytime... especially if you’re going to tell me I’m right about something.”
“Har, har. Funny.”
I get up from my desk and watch Cora as her eyes move up and down my body. We may have not talked about that kiss, but I swear both of us are still feeling the remnants of it. Cora is smart and passionate about what she does, and it’s getting harder and harder to fight my feelings for her.
Being such a beautiful woman, I worry about her working with the veterans in her office, let alone out in the street, but she’s managed to keep it very professional and yet somehow very caring all at once. I find myself using some of the same phrases I’ve heard her use with patients and can’t deny that I’m learning from her. “C’mon, I’ll walk you to your car.”
She looks at me hesitantly and then smiles up at me. I wait for her to disagree, but instead she just nods and walks next to me. Our arms are hanging to the side, and I want to reach out to her and wrap my hand around hers. I want everyone in this hospital to know she’s mine and off limits. But I know I can’t because I don’t have the right. There are so many things I want to say to her, but I don’t. Maybe when we’re alone and outside of the hospital, I’ll tell her everything then.
We get on the elevator, and I stand as close to her side as I can. My hand is itching to reach for her, but I don’t. The elevator makes another stop on our descent, and another doctor gets on. His whole face lights up when he sees Cora. “Cora, how was your day today? I was looking for you earlier.”
Cora smiles, and my fists clench at my sides. “Oh yeah, I’m sorry. I was in and out with patients today. Did you need something?”
The young doctor looks at me, and the scowl on my face doesn’t deter him. He clears his throat before looking back at Cora. “Actually, I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner sometime?”
I cross my arms over my chest and stare the asshole down. It makes me want to shove the doctor right out of the elevator, but it isn’t Dr. Jones or Underwood, nor is it my right. It’s taking everything I have not to reach out and grab Cora, drag her to my side, and tell the young doctor to go straight to hell. I want to claim her as my own.
Cora isn’t mine. I have no claim on her but fuck I want her to be mine.
8
Cora
I’m surprised the young doctor had the guts to ask me out in front of other people, but then again, he did have the advantage of me being stuck in the elevator. I look up at Patton, who is standing next to me. He’s staring at Dr. Young with a clenched jaw. I wait for him to look at me, and I can tell he doesn’t like the fact that I’ve been asked out, but he’s not going to stop me.
I almost says yes, just to see if he gets jealous but decide to be honest.
I tell Dr. Young, “You seem like a nice guy. But I’m in love with someone else, and even though he doesn’t feel the same, I just don’t think I’m ready to date right now.” My intention to be honest kind of got away from me. I was very, very honest.
I don’t look at Patton again. The elevator doors open, and I walk away briskly.
I realize that Patton isn’t following me and know that it has to be because he really does feel differently. I’m just someone he promised to look out for. That’s it. My heart hurts so much I can’t help crying as I walk down the hall because I feel like I just lost everything.
He doesn’t want me. The sooner I realize it, the better off I’ll be.
I get in my car and look around for Patton, but he’s nowhere to be found. I definitely said way more than I should have. Everything was going so easy, I should have left well enough alone.
But I take a deep breath as I pull out of the parking lot and head home. It’s crazy, but no matter how well it was going, I know I wanted more and couldn’t settle for less. I can’t just be friends with him.
I can’t seem to stop crying. I cried all the way home, and once I got home I melted into my couch, clutching a pillow as I continued to cry. Granted, it did slow enough that it was no longer a snotty, ugly cry.
The flow of tears, however, seems to be endless, and I clutch the pillow as though it were a lifeline.
It takes me a few moments to realize that someone is knocking at my door and a few more before I’ve wiped my face and eyes with tissues and go to open it.
Patton is standing there, and he comes inside as soon as I open the door. “We need to talk.”
He walks past me into the house and starts to pace next to the couch. He’s not looking at me, which is actually good.
I brace myself the best I can knowing he’s come to tell me he’s sorry he led me on or maybe he’ll tell me again how I am too young. Whatever he’s come to say in the way of rejection, I do my best to steel myself before allowing myself to respond. “Okay, so… talk.”
Patton peels off his suit jacket and wipes at his sweaty brow, making me wonder if he’s nervous or if he ran to my house from the hospital. “We need to be clear. What you said in the elevator. You said that….”
I fist the tissues in my hand as I watch him struggle to finish the sentence. I decide I’m not going to help him since he’s the one who’s come to reject me. And then he looks at me.
His mouth drops, and he rushes toward me. “Cora, you’ve been crying.”
I sniffle. “I’m fine.”
He grabs on to my shoulders, and then tilts my head by touching his finger to my chin and pulling me up. He looks straight into my eyes. “You said that you’re in love with someone and have been for years. I need to know who that is, Cora.” Patton is looking at me so intensely that I’m sure he’s not kidding.
Does he really not know?
I have nothing to lose. All I can do is trust he’s not going to break my heart again. “I’m in love with you, Patton. It’s… it’s always been you.”
Patton looks at me like he can’t believe what I said, so I start to say it again, but I’m cut off when he pulls me into his arms and kisses me so deeply and so well that I’m dizzy when he pulls back.
“Cora, I’ve been in love with you since I first met you, and since that time, there’s been no one else. For me, there is no one else but you.”
PATTON
Once the words are out of my mouth, I wait for the guilt to come and crush me for daring to love Jason’s little sister the way I do but instead, I feel a burning warmth in my chest. And any lingering guilt I held on to evaporates as Cora runs her hands over my chest before pulling me down for another kiss. We fit together like we were made for each other. Regardless of our age difference or anything else, I’m going to love this woman until my dying day.
She breaks away, pulling at my shirt and unbuttoning it all at once. “I need you, Patton.”
I slide my hands down her back, cupping her bottom and lifting her off her feet as her legs go around my waist. “You have me, Cora. I’m yours.”
She clutches the hair at my nape and holds me there. “Promise me, Patton. Promise you’re not going to regret this or feel guilty about it.”
“I promise. There’s no way I could, baby.”
And those words are enough because after that, there’s no stopping either of us. I walk heavy-footed down the hall, our lips meshed together. I pull away only long enough to grunt, “Bedroom?”
She doesn’t want to break the kiss. She throws her hand out to hit the right side of the hall and grunts when we come to an almost closed door. I push it open and take her straight to the bed.
She pulls me down on top of her, and I try to rest my weight on my forearms. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
She slides her hands down my chest to the b
utton on my pants. “You won’t. You couldn’t.”
“I did,” I tell her, and she freezes her hands as her eyes snap up to mine. “I did, Cora. I know I hurt you by avoiding your calls and not calling you back. Six months after Jason died, I left the Army and came straight here. I hadn’t been able to get you out of my mind since I met you on your eighteenth birthday. And then for four years, I saw you in videos with your brother, and you sent me packages all the time. I used to imagine that you were my girlfriend. The kiss we shared right after your college graduation, I know I pushed you away and hurt you then. Fuck, baby, I’ve hurt you so many times, but each time, it was because I thought I shouldn’t feel the way I did or I wasn’t what you needed.”
She runs her fingers through my beard, stroking my chin. “You are, though. You’re all that I need, Patton.”
I rest my forehead on hers. “And you’re all I need. I won’t ever hurt you again, baby. I promise you that.”
She lifts her face to me, and I kiss her. She deepens the kiss as she slides her hand down the front of my pants. As soon as her hand wraps around my girth, I’m a goner. “Slow down, baby. I won’t last.”
“We’ve tried slow, Patton. I don’t want to wait any longer. I need you,” she says with a whimper.
I can’t tell her no. I make quick work of undressing both of us and then hover over top of her. I slide my hand between her legs and discover she’s already soaked and ready for me. “You’re so wet, Cora.”
She tosses her head back into the bed and lifts her thighs to meet my hand. “I always am when I think of you or if you’re near.”
I bring my fingers to my lips and taste her honey flavor. I groan as her sweetness coats my tongue. She shimmies on the bed, positioning me between her legs, and lines me up at her center. “I need you,” she begs, looking into my eyes.
