I lower my head, unsure of how to feel and what to say. I don’t know what I expected to feel after hearing his reasoning. Maybe less guilty? Less afraid?
“In the end, my reasons don’t matter much. No matter what I say, or how many times I tell you’re a good person, you won’t believe me. Am I right?”
I shrug and avoid his eyes while hugging myself. “I guess.”
“I don’t know the future, kid, but I know you’ll be fine. You’ll figure out how to turn that guilt into a lesson and not a burden. Truth is, nobody can do that for you. Some people look for society or religion or the government to make sense of their lives, and if that works for them, great. But for people like us—” He coughs again, then clears his throat. “It doesn’t stick. We got something inside, an emptiness in the pit of our stomach that only we can fill. Do you understand what I’m talking about?”
Slowly, I shake my head. I do, but I don’t. Not really. I know the feeling, I know the doubt, but I hoped he would help me with that.
“Well, you’re young now, but in a few years maybe you will. Probably faster than Lily.” He opens a pained smile. “I guess that’s my fault too. I kept her too close. I let her define herself by my standards instead of hers. But she managed to break free, and that’s for the best.”
Still confused, I place a hand on the back of my neck and ask, “So, are you saying that being alone is a good thing?”
His eyelids are half-closed, color drained from his face. “We’re always alone with our consciences, Laurie. No one can get inside our minds and change things for us. Not yet, anyway.”
Having no answer for that, I let the conversation die out and focus on treating his wound. I boil water and soak a towel to clean it. At the lightest touch, Jacob frowns and tenses. One of the stitches pops open from the swelling and the wound itself leaks pus that smells terrible. Red streaks lead away from the stitches, like throbbing veins.
I don’t tell him any of this. He’s probably noticed anyway, but I want to keep the illusion going a little longer. So I make small talk, complain about the cold, all to keep him from thinking about the wound. Positive thinking, right? It’s going to work.
Eventually, Jacob stops responding to my weak attempts at distracting him. He falls asleep, and for the longest time I only watch his chest rise and fall. And then the shivering starts. I place another blanket on top of him with no effect. His chills are violent and his breathing becomes ragged. I try to wake him up by shaking him, but he doesn’t respond.
Sometime between me calling his name and shaking him, he stops breathing. Eyes filling with tears, I beat my fists against his chest between sobs until my arms lose all their strength and I can’t lift them anymore. But it doesn’t work.
He’s gone. His body is cold, unmoving.
I rest my head on his chest and hold his hands. He feels hollow. Empty and small. Nothing like the big, intimidating guy I felt safe with. He’s gone and I’m in the middle of nowhere, alone again.
Sniffing, I get up and grab a shovel.
THE HUNTRESS XVIII
January 27th, Wednesday, 7 am
With my SIG firmly pointed at Irons’s neck, she guides me between the red-bathed hallways, smoke and water forming a wall of mist ahead of us. I keep my eyes open for any movement, alert for any escape attempts from Irons. She agreed to help us too easily and conspired to separate Tigh from me, using Maria to push his buttons. Irons has been playing with us since the second we stepped inside this base, moving us like chess pieces to do her bidding, but she miscalculated one thing: my survival instincts.
“I should have been more patient with you, Lily. I decided to kill you too soon,” she says while glancing back at me. “I don’t like wild cards, you see. The good doctor and the obedient soldier? Easy to control. Even the sheriff was mellow enough to keep. You? You could clearly turn into a problem. A few hours at the base and you were already poking around where you shouldn’t. I decided it was better to act fast than risk exposing our identities before the serum was tested.”
I stay silent and push her forward, determined not to fall for her tactics. She wants to catch me off guard, distract me enough to slip away, and that’s not going to happen.
“I admit I was too hasty. Months alone in this place... it takes its toll. But how did you survive a blizzard alone? I’m curious, truly.”
“I’m not here to satisfy your curiosity. Keep moving.”
She gives me a smirk before looking forward again. I chew the inside of my cheek, trying to swallow my anger. Nothing she says matters if I find Roger and Danny. They’re all that matters.
As we cross the empty hallways, screams and gunshots ring out far away. I hope that’s not Tigh.
“Do you hear that? That’s your handiwork, Miss Hunter. You see, a fire hazard means the unlocking of all doors with the exception of the quarantined main labs so the staff can flee.”
“And?” I ask with gritted teeth.
“Since we’re running on a backup generator powering only essential equipment, the only way out of here is via the stairs to the bird sanctuary. And standing between us and the exit? All the previous CDC staff.”
“I thought you killed them.”
Her laugh is cold as ice. “And waste perfectly good subjects for Dr. Ade? We infected them and locked them away until we had a working serum.”
I stop walking, a shiver running through my body. “What?”
“You released them all. I sent my soldiers to contain them, but we both know cramped hallways and panicked people are a bad combination.”
After a moment of internal panic, I shake my head and shove her, hastening our pace. It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. With Roger and Danny safe, all we need to do is leave and meet with Tigh and Maria. This is going to end soon.
We finally arrive at where Danny’s being held. Gun at her back, I watch Irons open a thick metal door that leads to a hallway not unlike the dormitories our group shared. I follow Irons to the end of the hallway as she stops in front of a modified, much thicker door.
“Open it,” I order her.
Instead, she turns around to face me, wearing a grim smile. “First, I want to tell you something.”
“You told me plenty already. Open the door. Danny is inside, isn’t he?”
Irons nods slowly. “Yes, but let me warn you, he’s not the same person you knew. In fact, he’s no person at all. He’s still a monster, but we made him far more dangerous.”
I snort and place a finger on the trigger of my gun. “Again with this? I don’t believe you. Maria said he was cured. Now open the door or I shoot you.” I could open it myself, but I don’t want to take my eyes off her for a second.
Determined to annoy the hell of me, the Captain points at her chest. “You missed a lot while you were away, Lily. If you don’t believe me, take my phone and see it for yourself. I made sure to record it for posterity. Spencer’s serum works, just not the way your good doctor anticipated.”
If only to shut her up, I yank her jacket open and take the phone out of one of her inside pockets. Already on the screen is a paused video of security footage. I click play.
After a few seconds of an empty hallway, two guards appear carrying Roger, hands bound as he struggles to get away. The footage cuts to a plain room with only a bed. Danny paces around, shaking his head and hands, stretching his limbs and looking bored. In fact, he looks normal, back to the old Danny. My happiness at this is short-lived.
On the other side of his door, Irons and a man in a lab coat stand in the very same spot I am right now. The guards bring Roger to them and, before opening the door, the scientist takes out what looks like a remote control and presses a series of buttons. Roger is thrown inside Danny’s cell.
I watch, dazed, as Danny transforms back into the infected we hauled from Redwood and lunges for Roger, hands reaching for his best friend’s neck. Roger reacts too late and a fight breaks out, with Roger mostly avoiding Danny and trying to communicate with hi
m. It’s useless. No amount of begging stops Danny. He attacks relentlessly while Roger becomes too tired to fight back. Mouth hanging open, I helplessly witness as Danny shoves Roger down to the floor, using his nails and teeth to bite and scratch every inch of Roger’s face. Eventually, Roger stops moving, but for one final twitch as blood flows freely from his head, a pool forming below his body. His handsome face is gone, a mess of blood, hair, and teeth in its place.
I... I toss the phone against the wall, my chest caving in from a heartbeat so loud and rapid, I can barely breathe. When I notice my hands trembling, I move to hold the SIG with both of them, trying but failing to keep it still. This... This can’t be true.
Irons looks at me with a calm expression, hands now behind her back. She leans forward and opens the door, gesturing me to enter with a sly smile. Frozen on the spot, I stare into the dark room, waiting. I can’t move.
Slowly, carefully, a figure emerges from the cell. Danny steps into the hallway, shielding his eyes from the bright red light. He blinks, confused at first, then our eyes meet. And he smiles.
“Lily?” Danny takes a step forward. His facial features are disfigured and marked by scars left by the tumors. He’s almost completely bald, but he’s still Danny. If nothing else, his bright green eyes are exactly as I remember them.
My hands act before I can stop them. I point the gun at him, taking a short breath and gulping hard.
“Lily... What’s...?” He betrays nothing but utter confusion. Yet the image of him attacking Roger plays inside my head over and over and over again. His teeth are exposed in a disfigured smile, the corner of his lips dripping with thick saliva and blood. No. He’s not Danny anymore.
“You... You killed Roger, Danny. Y-you murdered him. I saw it. I don’t... I don’t understand what’s happening to you.” I feel tears fill my eyes. “But I made him a promise. I-I’m going to keep my word now.”
“Lily, what the hell you’re talking about? I didn’t kill...”
He hesitates. Doubt crosses his scarred and damaged face. He slumps his shoulders, eyes growing wide. It’s true. He did it and now we both know for sure. Can I blame him for what happened when the ones responsible for transforming him into a monster are Roger and me? At the same time, can I leave him alive knowing what he’s capable of, knowing the cure is a farce?
I shake my head. I made a promise to Roger.
Barely containing a violent sob, I raise the gun and aim at his forehead. We face each other and time freezes. Hatred builds up from the pit of my stomach to my throat, yet Irons’s smile draws my attention back to her. Irons raises a small device similar to the one in the video and puts her finger on the largest button, waking me up to the reality. I understand now. This is how she controls Danny.
Not anymore.
I shoot her straight in the brain, blood dripping from a perfect hole between her eyes before she has a chance to press the button. Her body bends backward and slides from the wall to the floor, her empty stare fixed on me.
“Lily...” Danny’s voice is low and weak.
“Don’t,” I snap at him, still facing Irons’s body. “Stay away from me.”
I feel Danny’s gaze on me, but I don’t have the strength to face him. I can’t look at him without remembering the video. It’s too painful. I won’t kill him, but I can’t be near him anymore.
Without even a glance back, I flee. I run away like a coward. Vision blurred and pain pressing my chest, my insides burn and I vomit in the middle of the hallway, mouth dry. I haven’t eaten anything in hours.
Eyes closed, I press a hand over my mouth, not to prevent another round of retching, but to try to control the turmoil inside me.
Father still needs me. I can’t wait for Tigh and Maria, but I can look for supplies to help him. I race to the infirmary and ransack every drawer and cabinet until I find antibiotics and a blood bag inside a mini-refrigerator. With all this tucked inside my backpack, I somehow find my way to the surface, escaping the flames that consume what’s left of the building. Roger’s gone. Everything went to shit and I’m so tired... but I keep going, crossing the ice sea toward the little dock where my father is waiting for me to come back alive.
At least for that, I can’t be too late. Please don’t let me be too late.
Laurie waits for me by the cabin door. Her boots and gloves are covered in snow and she holds a shovel. She doesn’t need to say anything. Her downcast eyes are enough.
I fall to the ground, ignoring the cold spreading all over my body. I don’t know how long I stay down on my knees, looking at nothing. I have nothing left. Nothing. I’m hollow. I’m done. I won’t move an inch. Let the winter dry me to the bone, I don’t care.
“Lily... I’m sorry.”
She hugs me, her wet cheek touching my neck. As I cry openly, sobs racking my entire body, she just holds me tight.
THE TRAVELER IV
Summer
The town of Cedar Ridge has a wall. And not just any wall, but a ten-foot concrete wall of pure intimidation complete with a wooden watchtower from which a sniper watches my every move. I smile at the sight.
“State your business,” the voice from above yells at me. Light reflects off the guy’s scope. “And do it quick.”
I raise my hands in the air. “I’m looking for Lily Hunter. You can tell her we know each other from Redwood.”
He calls for someone over the radio and I wait, holding my breath for the answer. Finally, two men appear as the gates open. Very much armed, they approach me and tell me to follow them inside.
Cute little houses, families strolling around with their kids, and armed guards everywhere. Lily picked a nice place to live, much better than Redwood ever was. I’m a little jealous, gotta confess. If the rumors are true, she’s also the de facto leader of the most secured town left in the region. At least now I know my idea wasn’t completely stupid and it is possible to create a nice community, even after the Zombie Apocalypse.
The guards take me to an improvised outdoor shooting range with targets made of hay and wood. A group of teens surrounds Lily as she explains how to dismantle and clean a pistol. She looks good. Her hair is shorter and falls just above her shoulders. She’s wearing a tank top and shorts, a small smile playing on her lips. My chest tightens when our eyes meet and I lower my hoodie to reveal myself. Her smile disappears fast.
Here we go. This is it.
Lily dismisses the kids, who go to a nearby table to practice her lesson. As she approaches, the two guards make themselves scarce. Perhaps they have firsthand experience with an angry Hunter and don’t want to be near the clusterfuck. I don’t blame them.
We stare at each other. She’s so near, it would only take one step to close the distance for a hug. I could, but I won’t, because I need to stay alive a little while yet.
“Hey, Lily.”
“What do you want?” She crosses her arms, lips pressed together. “You have five seconds before I kill you.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what happened—”
Before I have time to react, she shoves me, then grabs my jacket collar. “You killed Roger. That’s what happened. Being sorry won’t change that. Tell me what you want or else.”
“Five seconds is not enough, not nearly enough for all of what I want to say. So, please, can’t you give me ten minutes to explain? I promise by the end of it, you can feel free to kill me, cut my body into tiny pieces, whatever you want.”
After a few seconds of nostrils flaring, she releases me, keeping her eyes narrowed. “Fine.”
I take a deep breath and clear my throat. My hands are shaking. “After what happened—” She snorts. “After I... I killed Roger and you left, I stayed at the base for a few days, hoping, well... hoping either the cold or the other zombies would kill me. Turns out they didn’t care about me. I was invisible to them and the cold didn’t bother me. So, I... I left. Headed south, looking for a bear or a mountain lion to do the job instead.”
“Why are you
telling me this? Do you think I care? That I’m going to pity you, Danny?” She sweeps her arms around. “Because I don’t!”
“Of course not! I don’t deserve any of that. I screwed up, Lily. From the very start. With my mother, with Redwood, everything. But at the base, with Roger... I didn’t mean to. I couldn’t control it. I could never have hurt Roger. He was my best friend. I wasn’t myself. It wasn’t me.”
“It was you. I saw you do it. Roger just stood there, asking you to stop but... you didn’t! You ripped his face off with your teeth and—”
“Stop! Stop it!” I gasp for air, heart beating fast and hard. I shut my eyes tight. “Please. Don’t say it. I’m begging you.”
“So was he,” she yells, hugging herself. “He begged you to stop. He didn’t even try to defend himself. He felt so guilty for what happened to you, he couldn’t fight back.”
We look—really look—at each other. She has tears in her eyes and I know I have them too. We’re both too fucked up. Damaged goods.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I wish ten thousand times every day that I was dead and he was alive, but we can’t change the past, Lily.”
She sniffs, gaze downward. “Maybe not, but the pain doesn’t go away either. So, what do you want, Danny? Get to the point.”
Her expression has so much pain, I fight the urge to hug her. We can’t do that anymore. We can’t be friends.
“I traveled a lot, drifting from place to place without really caring if I lived or died, until I heard about D.C. working on the cure. A real one this time.”
“I heard that too, but it’s just rumors.”
“Well, I think this is the real deal, because some rumors mention a Sergeant Nelson Tigh.”
Those Who Remain (Book 3) Page 26
